The Accidental Empress (74 page)

Franz thrummed the arm of his chair as he continued. “Elisabeth . . . I
would
love to see you, once in a while.” It was a request, and not an order. “And to know”—he pointed at her belly—“my child.”

Sisi nodded. “Of course I will allow you to see your child, Franz. And I will bring her back myself, when I come.”

“You really think it’s a girl?”

She nodded.

“How can you be so sure?”

Because I have waited long enough
, she thought. “I can’t be sure. But I can hope.”

He nodded, a slow movement. “You really want to stay here?” Franz looked down at her, his eyes bright and blue in an otherwise ashen face.

“I do.” Sisi wiped the tear that ran down her cheek.

“So far from home?”

“Franz.” Sisi put a hand on top of Franz’s. “Surely you must know that Vienna has never much felt like home for me. This place . . . Hungary . . . feels more like home than Vienna, than the court, ever did.”

Franz sighed, thinking about this. “So I suppose this is it, Elisa?”

Sisi blinked away the tears as she continued to look into his eyes.

Franz straightened up, rapping his hands against the armrests of his chair. “I suppose our marriage changed years ago. But I suppose now we both understand one another. It will be different for us.”

She looked at him through glassy eyes. “You have been happy for years, Franz. Have you not?”

“Happy?” He cocked his head. “I don’t know that happiness has ever been my prerogative. I don’t suppose it was ever presented as an option for me.” He crossed his arms. “Satisfied, yes, I suppose I have been satisfied. At peace, knowing that I have done my duty.”

She took his hand in hers, leaning toward him. “You are a good emperor, Franz.”

He nodded, lowering his eyes. For someone who heard flattery all day, this remark appeared difficult for him to accept.

“And I will always love you, Franz. But I want you to understand what I am able to give you, and what I’m no longer able to give you. I need your permission.”

He knew what she was asking of him. She was asking him to release her, just as she, years ago, had released him.

“Are
you
happy, Elisa?”

“Not yet,” she said. “But I think I can be. Here. Away from it all.”

Franz looked sad, sighing as he spoke. “I hope you will know, Elisa, that I only ever wanted for you to be happy. Even if I didn’t always make that clear. I suppose, once I learned how deeply I had failed to make you happy, I stopped trying. I gave up. But now, I have the chance to give you your happiness back, and I will not deny you. You have my blessing.”

“Franz.” Sisi kissed his hands. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” They were both crying now. It was the end of something, and they both knew it. But it was the start of something else, too, and that filled Sisi’s heart with hope.

Marie had told Sisi which door to look for. The countess had also been discreet enough not to ask why the empress needed the information. Slipping out a back doorway from her bedchamber, Sisi had walked, cloaked and undetected, through the dark hallways.

She moved at a brisk pace, quickly growing short of breath. But she was far from tired. She turned down the hallway, her footsteps echoing off the stones. She raced down the passageway. She felt awake and alive. At last she reached the spot Marie had described. Mercifully it was well past the middle of the night, and the servants and noblemen alike were retired to their chambers.

She knocked quietly, in case a guard patrolled a nearby hall.

He came to the door, shirt unbuttoned, hair disheveled. His features betrayed surprise at the disturbance, at the face he spotted staring back at him. “Sisi?”

“Andrássy.” She pressed on the door, opening it wider and stepping in past him.

“Do you have any idea what time it is?” His breath smelled of wine and his room was in chaos. He had clearly been writing, or working, or pacing. Something Sisi’s restless mind understood.

“Is this wise?” Andrássy looked from her to the door as she now shut it.

She walked toward him and leaned her head on his chest, breathing in a moment before she looked up into his face. He appeared wild, more handsome than she had ever seen him.

“Andrássy, I love you. I’ve loved you for years.”

He put his finger to her lips, his eyes sad. “Sisi, we have discussed this. Our hearts are not free to give away.”

She edged his finger to the side. “But that’s just it, Andrássy. My heart
is
mine, once more, after all of these years. Mine, to do with it as I choose.”

He stood silent, taking her cheeks in his hands, her skin burning at his touch. When he spoke, his voice husky, he confessed, “Mine has been yours, Sisi, for years. Possibly since the first time I laid eyes on you. And certainly since the night, years ago in Vienna, when you grabbed my hands in your own. Do you remember? I was astounded at how easily I fell in love with you that night.”

And with that, she leaned forward and kissed him, her lips meeting his in the embrace she had craved for so many years. He kissed her back, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her body into his.

“I love you, Andrássy. I have loved you for so long,” she whispered, pressing her lips back into his. And then she began to laugh, and she repeated the words that came to her mind:
“I laugh at my heart, and yet, do its will.”

“Sisi. My beloved, darling Sisi.” Andrássy scooped her up into his arms and carried her across the room to the bed, where he lay her down with a movement so tender she barely felt the pillows beneath her. He kept his arms wrapped around her. The way he looked at her, his eyes inches from hers, brought tears to her eyes.

Andrássy’s hands rested on her cheek for a moment before moving from her face to her neck, and his lips followed. She trembled in delight as he placed a soft, delicate kiss on her neck. And then his hands were unfastening her gown, unpeeling layers of clothing. She aided him, lifting his shirt so that soon it was just their skin that touched. There was no discussion of what they were doing—the time for discussing had passed. They both knew the crime that they had agreed to, and their bodies led them willingly into their beautiful treason.

As Sisi welcomed Andrássy’s touch, she could not help but laugh in rapturous delight. She, who had accepted the fact that her bloom had faded, that her years of passion were a thing of the past, was now loving a man with an appetite and ardor that she had never known she possessed. Her body seemed to be awakening as if from some frostbitten slumber. And this awakening drove both her and Andrássy mad, her desire only increasing under the tender and sure ministrations of Andrássy’s affection. They had just begun, but already she was certain that the night would not be long enough. Her lifetime might not be long enough.

She realized in Andrássy’s arms what she had been missing all those years—that moment of rapturous delight in which the body and the soul tasted a glimpse of eternity. Franz had never brought her to that moment, though he himself had always appeared to achieve it during their lovemaking. Wasn’t that the perfect way to understand her failed marriage? Longing, yearning, desiring, but never tasting the joy. How he’d vowed to give himself to her, but had somehow kept himself out of reach.

This night opened Sisi’s eyes to a world she had scarcely known existed. Andrássy loved her in a way that made it plain that her pleasure was more important than his own. And when she refused to let him go, pulling him back toward her, he did not look at her with disapproval, but with boyish delight, as if he were thrilled with how badly she longed for him.

In the quiet, still hours before dawn, Sisi lay in Andrássy’s arms. She sighed as he kissed the soft dip where her neck met the collarbone. The first hint of predawn light had begun to filter in through the window. Sisi shut her eyes, willing it to disappear, beseeching the world to remain shrouded in the dark veil that enabled and protected this perfect moment.

Just then, a thunderous peal erupted from outside the windows, shaking the glass panes in their frame. Thunder, on a day that promised to be so clear and sunny?

“It’s beginning,” Andrássy said.

“What?”

“A twenty-one-gun salute. Up on St. Gerhard’s Mount. Your coronation day has officially begun.”

Sisi groaned, burrowing into the crook of his neck. “Why must daylight come?”

“Daylight. Terrible daylight.” His fingers grazed the bare skin of her back. “I hate myself for having put you in danger.”

She looked up at him, her cheeks rosy. “Oh, but wasn’t it worth it?”

“But now you are stuck in my bedchamber, Sisi, and it is getting light out.” Her hair fanned wildly over the pillow, and he ran his fingers through it.

“If I’m stuck here, I might as well enjoy myself, hadn’t I?” She shifted her body so that she might kiss him.

“Empress, I am shocked at your energy.” Andrássy laughed in mock indignation. “This poor count needs to sleep.”

Sisi’s hands slid under the sheets as she reached for him. “You are not allowed to sleep just yet.”

“Really, Sisi.” Andrássy took her face in his hands. “Hadn’t you better go? It will soon be lighter and lighter.”

“Then you had better stop wasting time on these arguments. That’s an order.”

Andrássy stood nearby in a robe, watching as she dressed herself in the murky light of early morning. The closer they came to the moment of her departure, the more anxious he seemed to be.

“Are you certain that you don’t wish for me to walk you back?”

“If you’re going to do that, we might as well announce it to the entire court at today’s coronation,” she said. “What if someone saw us together?”

“But I hate to think of you being alone, making this walk.”

“I’ve always
scurried
about alone. It drove Sophie crazy. I will scurry back quickly.”

“It’s not right. I should have come to your chamber.”

Sisi laughed, adjusting the sleeves of her gown. “I hardly think that an empress can have her lover waltz past her guards and into her suite.”

“Is that what I am? Your lover?” He pulled her toward him and placed a long kiss on her lips.

“You are my lover, and I am yours.” She smiled up at him.

“I like the way that sounds.” He kissed her again. “I don’t, however, like the fact that I might have put you in danger.”

“Andrássy, please.” Sisi lifted her curls and fastened them in a loose bun on the back of her neck.

“I mean it.”

“Do you regret last night?”

“Not in the slightest. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve put you at risk. I’ve never wanted to be the cause of unhappiness for you.”

She leaned into his body, her cheek resting on his chest as she breathed in his scent. “Don’t you see that I did not know happiness until I came to you last night?”

“What if I’ve just ruined your life, Sisi?”

Still resting her head on his chest, she sighed. “Andrássy, I lost my children. I lost my parents and my first home. I never really had my husband to begin with. You wonder if you’ve ruined my life? No. I’ve only just decided to
live
.”

Andrássy stared at her and they stood in silence for several moments before he placed a kiss on the top of her head. He held her close. “We won’t have to worry any more once you relocate here.”