The Accidental Life of Jessie Jefferson (3 page)

‘Thanks for dinner,’ I say graciously.

‘You’re welcome,’ he replies, giving me a wary look.

‘Stu . . .’

‘You’re not going out.’

‘Stu, please,’ I say, muting the TV.

‘No, Jessie,’ he says firmly.

‘Why not?’ I try to remain calm. He’ll be less likely to agree if I go off on one.

‘Because you’ve been burning the candle at both ends for far too long. You could do with a night in. Natalie and that new crowd you’re hanging out with are a bad influence.’

‘No, they’re not,’ I scoff.

‘I’m
worried
about you,’ he adds.

‘You don’t need to be worrie—’

‘Don’t I?’ he interrupts with a hard look.

‘No. You don’t.’ I look down at my hands, studying my chipped nail polish.

‘You’re only fifteen, Jessie.’ He points out the obvious. ‘I’m responsible for you, and you might not like it, but I need to make sure you’re safe.’

‘I
will
be safe!’

‘What, by going out drinking and smoking and doing God knows what else?’

‘It’s only a party at my friend’s house.’ I’m trying so hard not to raise my voice. It won’t get me anywhere. ‘I know I’ve been difficult lately, but it’s hardly surprising . . .’ A lump forms in my throat, which is handy because I don’t have to act. ‘I could do with some cheering up.’

‘So we’ll watch a movie, eat some ice cream.’

‘Oh, for God’s sake, Stu! I’m not a child!’ I say crossly.

His brow furrows.

‘I’ll be careful. I won’t drink.’ Much, I add silently. ‘You can even give me a lift there and back.’

‘Oh, well, thank you very much,’ he says sarcastically. ‘Lucky me, spending my evening being your taxi driver.’

‘
Please
.’ One more try to get him onside and then I’m giving up and going out anyway.

He takes the remote from me, unmutes the TV and glares at the screen.

‘Please,’ I say again.

He doesn’t reply, so I’m taking that as a yes. ‘Thank you,’ I breathe, getting up and planting a so-rare-it-should-be-in-a-museum kiss on his cheek. I run upstairs to get ready and thankfully, he doesn’t stop me.

Chapter 3

‘Remember, no smoking and no drinking,’ Stu says firmly from the driver’s seat. We’re at Natalie’s house, but I’ve asked him to pull up a little way down the road.

‘I promise,’ I reply and reach for the door handle.

‘Call me. I’ll come get you by eleven-thirty, latest. I’m trusting you, Jessie. Please don’t let me down.’

Bugger, now he’s only gone and put a guilt trip on me.

‘OK, OK,’ I say with a roll of my eyes as I step out on to the pavement. I turn back to look at him. ‘Thanks for the lift.’ I force a smile, but can’t ignore the doubtful look on his face as I shut the door.

I set off quickly before he can change his mind, the heels of my ankle boots clicking on the pavement as I go. I’m wearing my caramel-coloured shorts that make my legs look really brown and a cream top with lace detail on the long sleeves. My blonde hair is down and blow-dryed messy. I’m wearing dark eye make-up and pale pink lipstick. Tom had better appreciate the efforts I’ve gone to.

The party has already started from the sound of the bass vibrating through the walls as I walk up the footpath to Natalie’s house. I hope the neighbours are away. Her parents are pretty laid-back, which is partly why I like her. They don’t hang around like a bad smell and try to mother you and make you feel like everything is going to be alright. Unlike Libby’s parents. It wouldn’t surprise me if they’d actually given permission to have this party, even though the neighbours have been known to complain in the past about the noise levels. Spoilsports.

I ring the doorbell and a minute later Natalie opens the door, a fag in one hand, a can of cider in the other. I’m relieved Stu drove off in the other direction.

‘Jessie!’ she squeals, dragging me inside and slamming the door shut behind me. She’s twisted her hair up into a messy bun with a few strands falling loose around her face. She’s wearing a sheer black top and black shorts with wedges.

‘Snap!’ she says, noticing my shorts. ‘You look amazing!’ she shouts over the music.

‘You too,’ I shout back.

‘I thought you were grounded!’

‘Stu changed his mind. But I would have come anyway. He can’t stop me doing what I want.’

‘Sorry, I should know you better than that.’ She laughs and leads me through to the kitchen. I glance into the living room as I pass, and can see a few bodies lounging on the sofas while a guy wearing headphones hangs over the DJ decks set up in the corner. I wave at Natalie’s brother Mike and he lazily waves back. No sign of Tom.

‘Are many people here yet?’ I ask.

‘No, but it’s only eight o’clock,’ she replies.

I’m instantly on edge. What if he doesn’t come?

‘What do you want to drink?’ she asks.

I could really do with something to chill me out. Cider or vodka usually does the trick, but then an image of Stu’s face pops into my mind. I did promise . . .

‘Cider?’ she tempts me.

‘I’ll just have a Coke,’ I say decisively.

She laughs and passes me a can of cider from the fridge.

‘I’m serious,’ I tell her with a grin, handing the can back to her. ‘My liver needs a night off.’

She gives me a weird look and glugs some Coke into a glass. Then she reaches for a bottle of vodka and jokily tilts it over my drink.

‘Maybe later.’ I nab my glass before she can spike it.

‘Let’s go outside,’ she says, putting the bottle down on the worktop and steering me towards the French doors to the garden. ‘I’ve been telling everyone they can’t smoke inside, yet here I am.’ She steps over the threshold and flicks her ash at a shrub.

Dougie and Em are sitting at the table, their faces lit by the candles in multi-coloured glass holders in the centre. We exchange hellos and I sit down next to them.

It still surprises me how relaxed I feel in the company of this lot, considering they’re that much older than me. I used to see them around school – Dougie and Em, too, before they went to sixth form college – but didn’t speak to any of them. Libby was always a bit scared of them, but they didn’t frighten me.

In a weird way, the reason that we started hanging out at all was kind of
because
of Libby. About a year ago, Libby’s mum took her out of school for a dentist’s appointment and she told me she saw Natalie and Aaron bunking off and smoking. She said Natalie gave her evils. I thought she was probably overreacting until the next day at school, when Natalie slammed into Libby’s shoulder in the corridor. Then she’d spun around and pointed two fingers at her eyes and then at Libby, as if to say, ‘I’m watching you.’ The look on Libby’s face – she was terrified. I was so furious on her behalf that I stormed after Natalie.

‘What the hell are you playing at? If she was going to tell on you, she already would have!’

Then Mrs Rakeman came out into the corridor and we all broke away from each other.

That weekend, we’d gone to a party for one of our friend’s birthdays – the whole year group was invited. His parents were pretty wealthy so they put on a big do at the rugby club, and loads of people from the year above came as well. Libby wasn’t that fussed about going – she wanted to stay in and have a girl’s night at home instead – but I convinced her to go. Looking back, we had already started to want different things. I just couldn’t see it at the time. I thought she’d grow up, too, follow in the same direction as me. But she never did.

Anyway, Natalie and the others were at this party, and Libby was freaking out when she saw them, thinking Natalie was going to start on her. I said I’d have her back and told her not to worry, but later, when we went to the bathroom together, Natalie was coming out of a cubicle. She was still there in front of the mirror doing her make-up when I re-emerged from the toilet myself. I ignored her and applied some lipstick and then I felt her eyes on me in the mirror.

‘What?’ I snapped, glaring at her.

‘I like that colour on you,’ she said, to my surprise.

‘Have some if you want.’ I offered up the lipstick begrudgingly.

‘Thanks.’ She took it from me, applied some and handed it back as Libby came out of her cubicle looking stupidly pale-faced and worried. But Natalie didn’t give her another glance as she walked out.

Later, I saw her at the bar. ‘Have you got any fags?’ she asked me.

‘Nah, I don’t smoke.’

‘Try it. You might like it,’ she said with a cheeky grin.

I just shrugged.

After that, she was friendlier to me at school, smirking at me sometimes if we passed each other in the corridor. Then one day I saw her handing out what looked like little leaflets, and as I passed, she gave one to me. It was an invite to a Halloween party at her house. Word got around that Natalie’s parents were out of town and Libby didn’t want to go, but I dragged her along.

She was miserable that night. The people there were in the year or two above us, and a lot of them were smoking and drinking. Libby just wanted to go home, but I was having a good time. It was different from the norm. These guys were cool, the music was good, and I was proud of the fact that we – well,
I
– had been invited.

Libby needed the loo and didn’t want to walk through the house looking for it on her own, so I went with her, even though I thought she was being ridiculous. I saw Natalie and asked her where it was.

‘Upstairs,’ she replied. ‘Hey, I like your horns,’ she said, pulling me back with a grin. I was wearing sparkly red devil horns and a black dress.

Libby went on up the stairs, glancing nervously over her shoulder at me.

‘I’ll catch you up,’ I called after her, turning back to Natalie. ‘I like your tattoo,’ I said, nodding at her arm. It was a fake one of a spider. ‘Did it hurt?’ I kept a straight face.

‘It’s not real,’ she scoffed.

‘No shit, Sherlock,’ I replied with a grin.

She laughed. ‘You got me. I do want to get one, though,’ she said flippantly. ‘My parents are laid-back, but they’re not
that
laid-back . . . Hey, come and meet some people,’ she said suddenly.

I felt bad about deserting Libby, but she was being so clingy that night and Natalie seemed alright. She took me outside and introduced me to Em and Dougie, then she lit up a cigarette.

‘You want one?’

I shrugged and said sure, but it made me cough and that made them laugh.

‘Have a drink,’ Natalie said, passing me a glass of what I thought was Coke. Coke and vodka, as it turned out. It made me feel a little bit giddy. Libby came outside soon afterwards and looked shocked to see me sitting at the table, laughing and joking with them all.

‘My mum is on her way,’ she said tersely.

‘Did you call her?’ I asked with disbelief, rolling my eyes with disgust when she nodded her assent. ‘For God’s sake, Libby!’

Things were on edge between us for a while after that, but we eventually seemed to get over it. And then Mum died and everything went to shit.

It still surprises me how quickly my anger dominated my sadness. At first I retreated into myself. No one could comfort me – I was an orphan and I’d never felt more alone. And then I hit out. I had already missed a lot of school after Mum’s death, but I started to skip classes, even though Stu had decided I was ready to go back. One day, I came across Natalie and Aaron in the park and my feet just sort of took me over to them. It was amazingly easy to fall into step with them. They didn’t ask questions about Mum. They didn’t want to do heart-to-hearts and pat themselves on the back for being there for poor little Jessie. Not like Libby. All she ever wanted to do was ask me how I was, give me hugs and make me cry. I didn’t want her sympathy all the time. She kept bringing me down, reminding me of everything that I’d lost and taken for granted.

But Natalie and the others didn’t. They were fun, easy, light-hearted. They were shiny and new, and they took me away from myself and my pain for a while. They’re
still
taking me away from it.

The doorbell goes, jogging me from my thoughts. Natalie resignedly hands me her fag.

‘Hold this for me, Jess.’

She’ll be back and forth answering the door all night. Mike is not the getting-up-from-the-sofa type. She heads back inside and I glance down at her cigarette and impulsively take a quick suck. It immediately makes me wish I was drinking. Bugger it, I’ll just have a couple. Stu will get over it. Besides, I’ve broken one promise now, what’s the point in keeping the other? I go back into the kitchen and grab the vodka. I’m pouring some into my glass when Natalie returns.

‘I
knew
you’d cave!’ she exclaims.

I look past her to see Tom and Chris in the hallway. It must have been them at the door.

‘Hey, Jessie,’ Tom says, our eyes locking.

‘Hi.’ I hand Natalie back her fag and take a sip of my drink. The warmth that flows through my body may well be alcohol-induced, but I have a feeling Tom’s presence is majorly contributing.

Two hours later I am having
such
a good time. We’re in the living room, the music has been turned right up and loads of us are dancing. I think Tom’s gone outside, but I’ve resisted following him like an eager-eyed puppy dog. We haven’t spoken much. There must be fifty or sixty people in the house – some are next door in the TV room where Natalie is setting up
SingStar
on Mike’s PlayStation. I’ve drunk enough to just about allow myself to be dragged in there to ‘perform’, which is good because that’s exactly what Natalie chooses to make me do minutes later.

‘Come on, you are
singing
!’ she yells, pulling me out of the room and into the next.

‘Are you taking me on?’ I ask with a grin.

‘Hell, no. I’m not that stupid. Who wants to compete with Jessie?’ she shouts to the room packed full of people, holding my hand aloft as though I’m some sort of champion. A couple of guys shout drunken, ‘yeahs!’ so she pulls the boy closest to her to his feet, a dishevelled sixth-former from school who I think is going out with one of Natalie’s friends.