The Accidental Witch (18 page)

“If I burn all this, will they leave me alone?” I asked.

He must have heard the panic in my voice. He must have heard my fear because he stood up and put his arm around my shoulders. I collapsed. I never collapse, but I collapsed. Maybe it was the stress or the exhaustion or maybe it was just the demons in the backyard, but I just fell over. I fell into his arms and sobbed like I was seven again. I felt ridiculous, but I couldn’t stop. I felt like one of my patients. I wanted the demon gone. I wanted it all gone. I wanted all the magic and madness to end.

“What happened?” he whispered.

“There was a demon,” I sobbed.

He put his hand on the back of my head. “Which demon?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I sobbed. “It was in my house. It was in my house. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Fred held me for a while and then he sat down with me on the bed. He lifted up my face and wiped the tears away with a practiced hand. You could tell he spent a lot of time dealing with these situations. He was calm and level-headed.

“It’ll be okay,” he said.

“What if my father was right? What if I’m damned? What if we’re both damned for what we’re doing? What if that demon tonight was coming for my soul? Can we burn this? I just want this to end.”

“It’ll never end,” he said. “It never ended for your father and it won’t end for you.”

“What?”

“You were born what you are. It wasn’t a choice. You aren’t some New Age priestess mumbling spells at a commune. You were a born witch and even if you never cast a spell again, you will always be a witch. You will die a witch.”

“I want to stop. Help me burn this,” I said.

“Do you know the story of the first spellcaster?” he asked.

“Please,” I said. “Help me stop this.”

“The first spellcaster was King Solomon. Do you know him?” he asked.

“I was raised by a man who fed me the Bible for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I know who King Solomon is and I don’t care about the story. I just want to stop. I don’t want to understand.”

“You have to understand, because you can never stop.”

I wiped the tears off my face and looked at Fred. There was an intensity in his eyes that told me what he had to say was important. I pulled myself together.

“It is normal to be afraid. Demons are terrifying. They have power most humans will never comprehend that they bring with them from the Netherworld. You should be afraid. They are terrifying beings.”

“I’m all right now,” I said.

“King Solomon was one of the most powerful kings of his time. There have always been oracles and necromancers. They were the shamans of peoples throughout the world. They could see to the next world, but there were no spellcasters until Solomon. He ruled over all of Israel and during his reign, the kingdom of Israel gained its highest wealth and power. He was a great and magnificent king who was famed for his wisdom. During this time, there were many demons and spirits on Earth who were worshipped as gods. They fed off the power of their followers and were fat with power and greed. God decided that this was bad and he asked Solomon for help, because he was a wise and godly king. God gave Solomon power over the demons and spirits. He granted him the ability to control and enslave them to make them do as he commanded and he gave Solomon a great spell book with the words he needed to enslave the demons and sprits.”

“Solomon used the book as he was ordered to by God. He drove the demons and spirits out of the Middle East. He was a good king. Of course, such power is a temptation for any man and Solomon did abuse some of the power. He was punished for the abuse of his power and his son divided his kingdom. His kingdom was shattered because of his foolishness.

“Solomon had 500 wives and 300 concubines and so many children you could have peopled the world with his offspring and his power passed on to all of his children. These were the first spellcasters. These children of Solomon had all his power. For a long time, there were many powerful spellcasters and they bred amongst themselves to maintain their power, because they quickly learned that the power faded a little with each passing generation, unless they bred with another spellcaster, and then the power grew.”

“History has been cruel to those that hunted witches in the Dark Ages, but there is a truth that history will never accept. The truth is, by the high Middle Ages, there were too many spellcasters and these spellcasters had incredible power. We call it the burning times. Mostly female witches were burned and men were recruited into the Church to act as exorcists and to help the Church sniff out and kill witches. By the mid-eighteenth century, there were almost none of us left. The few of us left went into a hiding so deep that the knowledge necessary for spellcasting was almost lost.”

“But that was probably for the best. Spellcasters are deadly. They ruin nations and change religions. Anne Boleyn is one of the most famous spellcasters. She bewitched Henry VIII and much of his court. She slept with her own brother. She slept with him because he was a spellcaster too and she knew that their child would have the power to conquer and rule all of Europe. When Henry found out what she was, he waited far too long to kill her. He was still under her spell. While she was in the tower, she cursed him and all of his offspring but Elizabeth. She was the reason he lost all his wives and she was the reason none could bare him a son and the one son that was born to him died. She was the reason Queen Mary died and burned non-believers. She cursed all the Tudors. She cursed anyone Henry would touch in life. She cast a spell so that the Tudor line would end with Elizabeth. She wiped his seed from the Earth. Very few people know this, but she even cursed all of his bastards. She changed the face of history forever.”

“I always saw her as the tragic victim of a tyrant,” I said.

“Everyone does, because they don’t know the truth. Anne wasn’t even the most destructive witch in history, just the most famous. Another lesser known witch was recruited by Hitler. She helped him in secret for years, but these witches forget the basic rule behind all magic.”

“What’s that?” I asked.

“Whatever you send out will come back on you times three. So if you send out good, goodness will come back to you threefold. If you send out evil, your life will end like Anne Boleyn’s.”

“How do you know all this?” I asked.

“I studied in Rome and with The Guild. I am telling you this so you understand. Don’t fear the power you have. It is not the power you should fear or even the demons. You should fear only yourself. You make what you do, good or evil. God gave us this power over the demons and spirits. It is up to us to decide what to do with it.”

I nodded. “So why is there so much fear of witches and magic in history?”

“Because some of Solomon’s offspring were monstrous and had to be stoned or burned. Some of the early witches made people believe all witches were devils. Like I said, it is yourself you should fear. There have been horrible witches and warlocks. They have done things that have justified humanity’s fear of us. The Guild tries to stop these things now, so we live in safer times, but you can still do damage.”

“I’m sorry. This isn’t like me. I shouldn’t have burst in here like this. I should have waited until morning. I never act like this, really.”

“You don’t strike me as someone who would act like this normally,” Fred said.

“So, I shouldn’t burn these magical items?”

“There is only one thing I would recommend burning.”

“What’s that?”

“The wax you have to hold the love spell,” he said.

I grabbed the wax without thinking. I pushed it against my heart.

“Why?” I asked.

“Love spells are tricky and the one you cast is very powerful. You bound his heart to yours and yours to his. As long as that wax exists, you will never know if anything you or he feels for each other is real. It is entirely possible that you two would hate each other if that wax weren’t tied between you.”

“No,” I said. “I felt for him long before the spell.”

“Did you actually know him or simply admire him?”

I looked at the wax. I hadn’t known him before the spell. He hadn’t known me.

“Try to think,” he said. “What characteristics would you like in a lover?”

“I’d like to have common interests and I’d like him to have a sense of humor. I would like him to love the things I love and vice versa. If I were being honest, I want someone like John, my first husband. I loved him so much, it hurt. He was wicked and funny and every day with him was an adventure. There was nothing common or ordinary about him. I thought I saw John in Aaron. They looked alike and they were both doctors, but Aaron isn’t anything like John. It’s too bad John turned out to be such a piece of shit. If he hadn’t been an asshole, he would have been perfect.”

“So you really haven’t found what you wanted and expected in Aaron? He isn’t the kinder copy of your ex you expected him to be? You have nothing in common?”

“We have nothing in common,” I said.

“Burn the wax. If you still love him and he still loves you, in the morning, you will know it is real.”

I shook my head. I didn’t want to let go. I had been so happy. Aaron had made me happy. He was a good man and he had been kind to me. Would he have been kind to me if I hadn’t cast the spell? That was a question that would haunt me. Suddenly, I knew I had to know if he really cared for me. I couldn’t live with the lie.

“Okay,” I said.

We went downstairs and he built a fire. I watched Fred stack the wood in the old fireplace. He placed his hand on the wood and it turned red. The log smoldered beneath his hand and when he removed it, the log burst into flame. I would have to learn how to do that one, too. The fire crackled in the fireplace. I handed Fred the wax, but he shook his head.

“Only you can break the spell,” he said.

I looked at the wax. It had all started with that spell. All the magic had begun with it. I cast the wax into the flames and watched as it blackened and burned into ashes. Fred leaned over towards the fire and blew, and the flames went out as quickly as they came.

“I’m so stupid,” I said. “It was absurd of me to cast a love spell in the first place.”

“Almost every witch or warlock is tempted by love spells. Who hasn’t known thwarted love?”

“Still,” I said. A wave of fatigue passed over me and I realized how late it was.

“We should go to bed,” I said.

Fred nodded and saw me into my room. I fell asleep quickly and I had no dreams. It was a good night’s sleep.

* * *

I woke up early the next morning and showered and got dressed for work. Fred was downstairs already, reading and sipping tea. He handed me a cup of tea and continued his work. I drank it. It was a slightly sweet green tea with a tiger’s eye in the bottom of it. I finished my tea and Fred handed me a bowl of oatmeal, which I ate without question.

“I have to go to work,” I said. “I don’t see anyone after four. I’ll be home early.”

Fred nodded and smiled and turned the page. He was still in his flannel pajama pants and he had a T-shirt on that had a picture of
Doctor Who
on it. Where did he get these shirts? I grabbed my bag and headed out the door.

Fall was finally in the air that morning. It was cool. It couldn’t have been more than 70, and there was a crispness in the breeze that signaled the change of seasons.

It never took long for me to get to work. My first client was already waiting in the shop. She was looking at a display of candles labeled aromatherapy. I smiled at her and told her I would be right with her.

“Are you feeling better?” Ellie asked. I nodded and gave her a hug. I went up to my office and straightened up and shuffled charts. It was an uncommonly long day. Everyone came in describing a general malaise. They couldn’t enjoy life. Food had lost its flavor and children had lost their playfulness. The light in their houses had dimmed and everything had seemed to break at once. I didn’t make the usual promises that day. I didn’t promise miracles. I wasn’t sure I could produce them. I ate lunch by myself. Aaron texted me and asked me to meet him for an early dinner. I agreed.

It was different. I could tell without even seeing Aaron it was different. I wasn’t as excited to see him as I’d been before I burned the love knot. I couldn’t think of what we would talk about and I was more eager to get home and tackle the damn demon issue. The truth was I felt nothing at all for Aaron. I had felt lust. I could still get excited thinking about him with his shirt off, but that was all I felt. Worse than my feeling nothing, was my disappointment. I had enjoyed loving him, wanting him, needing him. It had been a welcome release from my usual lonely self-loathing and self-deprecation.

I met Aaron at Ruby Tuesday. He was in the back of the restaurant and he looked tired. I sat down across from him and forced a smile. His smile was forced, too. Shit. I could have killed Fred. I wanted it back. I wanted that breathless desire and longing back. I wanted him to look at me like I was a goddess and I wanted to look at him like he was a god. What fun was there in honesty when the lies were so much better?

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey,” he said.

“How was your day?” I asked pleasantly.

“Good and yours?” he asked.

The waiter came and we ordered. For a while, we just sat there looking uncomfortable. I had no idea what to say and neither did he. We’d never spent much time talking, but he had always been happy with the silence. But that was gone and the silence became almost unbearable. Finally, I decided to start talking. The relationship was dead, so I might as well put the last nail in the coffin.

“I’m a witch,” I said. “My mother was a witch and I can’t stop what I am. I was born a witch. I practice magic.”

My confession was answered with silence.

“I cast a love spell on you,” I said. I felt my face flush red as the words came out of my mouth. I felt ridiculous.

“A love spell?” he asked

I nodded.

Aaron shook his head and looked down into his drink. “I can’t tell if you really believe this or not. I know people have been saying you’re a witch, but the people in this town also believe in aliens and ghosts, so I tried to convince myself it was just talk. If you’re serious, I think you need help, Phae.”