The Actor (14 page)

“Are you
kicking me out? Come on, man, with all the shit I have on you?”

“That’s an
empty threat, and you know it. She knows more about me than
I
do.”

It was true;
they must have held hundreds of phone conversations he couldn’t remember.

“You don’t look
good. You should go home, get some sleep and some food. Come back in the
morning.”

Joel clenched
his jaw but got out of the chair, and Marc followed him to the door. He caught
a glance of Laura in the kitchen. She bit her lip and looked at the floor.

I can’t
blame her for worrying. It was close in there. If I had been alone in the house
it might not have worked out so well.

Once Joel was
out and the door locked behind him, Marc returned to the office, sinking down
in his chair.

He needed to go
talk to Laura.

Rising to his
feet seemed a superhuman effort.

It’s there,
it’s right there, all you have to do is pull the drawer out and…

Laura stood in
the doorway, watching him. Saved by the bell.

“Come over
here, babe.”

She hesitated,
and he fought down a wave of unreasonable anger. It wasn’t her fault. Who
wouldn’t be cautious?

“It’s okay. I’m
not drunk, I’m not high, just… Come over here, will you.”

The words came
out in a quiet voice, not much more than a whisper.

This time she
obeyed, leaning against the edge of the desk just like he did earlier. He brushed
his hair out of his eyes
.

“Did I ever
look that bad?”

She didn’t need
to answer; he could see the truth on her face.

“I see.”

He reached out
to pull her closer and was relieved when she let him. Feeling her weight on his
lap soothed him. Her face was still serious, but she wrapped an arm around his
neck and kissed his cheek.

“I love you.”

“I love you
too.”

But I want a
drink. I want to be so high I don’t remember my name.

Burying his
face in Laura’s hair, he struggled to think about sane, everyday things. She
smelled good, and she was real.

“I need help
with something.”

*****

Marc rarely
asked for help, and it sent a chill down Laura’s spine.

“What do you
need, handsome?”

“I need to get
out of this room. Come on.”

He exploded with
energy, pushed her off his lap, grabbed her hand, and pulled her towards the
kitchen. Once there, he tugged on her until they stood side by side, looking
out the large window. He seemed sober, but acted strange.

“That’s a little
better… Want to go outside?”

“Not really.”

“You’re right.
Joel might still be out there.”

Not exactly
what I’m worried about, but a good point.

Marc grabbed her
hand and pulled her close. His arms around her felt so good, making it
impossible to worry.

“I have…
something… from before you came here. I need you to get rid of it for me.”

There it was
again; worry.

“What… How?”

He nuzzled his
face even closer to hers and sounded amused.

“Flush it down
the toilet. That’s what most people do.”

“Oh.”

I must be
incredibly naïve.

“Look in all my
drawers, pull them out, and look behind and under them. I don’t think there’s
anything there, but I don’t know for sure. And under the sink.”

Like, right
now? I guess right now…

She moseyed back
to his study and pulled out a drawer.

“What? Were you
a pharmacist in a previous life?”

She didn’t
expect an answer, but Marc’s voice came from the door.

“I don’t know. I
am jumping off a cliff in a scene tomorrow, and it will probably go better
without all… that.”

What is all
this crap? What does it do?

“Babe.”

She nodded, but
couldn’t tear her eyes off the drawer.

“Look at me.”

His voice was
close now, and his hand on her shoulder ripped her out of the paralysis.

“For the love of
God, don’t try anything. Don’t breathe it in, try not to even get it on your
hands, okay?”

I’m afraid of
the drawer and you think I might try something? After seeing what it does to
you?

The anguish on
his face was real. It was a time for reassurance, not sarcasm.

“Of course not.”

He kissed her
and fled. Normally, she barely entered the room. It was his domain and going
through all the drawers and all his things seemed an invasion of privacy.

She lifted a
trophy in the bookshelf and found a bag with white powder taped to the back of
the golden statue.

Okay, better
look under everything…

Over an hour
later, she found Marc in the kitchen, leaning against a wall, looking out at
the snowy yard.

“Is it gone?”

“Yes. I think I
got it all.”

Taking a couple
of tentative steps into the kitchen, she saw an untouched glass with ice and
whiskey on the counter.

Not a bad
idea. Maybe I should take up drinking.

Marc glanced
back over his shoulder with a wry smile when she snatched it and took a gulp.

Say
something.

“Finders
keepers, this is mine now.”

He turned around
and ran his hands over her arms.

“All yours.” He
paused, and added, “Thank you.”

Laura feared
that Joel would return, but he didn’t.

Maybe he
crawled off and died somewhere. Good riddance.

She scolded
herself for thinking such mean thoughts, but was unable to suppress them.

On New Year’s
Eve, Marc said, “This is the first time for… I don’t know, a decade, when I
know where I am and who I’m with. It’s weird, but nice.”

The next
morning Laura slept in. She didn’t mean to, but her body didn’t want to wake
up. When she opened one eye, Marc sat next to her on top of the bed, wearing
those reading glasses he didn’t want people to know he needed, leafing through
a thick script.

“What time is
it?”

He flashed a
million dollar smile, charm turned up way beyond max.

“Good morning
sleeping beauty. It’s a New Year, that’s what time it is.”

Lifting her
head so she could see the clock revealed early afternoon.

“I slept all
day?”

“I’m making
lasagna. You totally want some, right?”

Not the
first thing on my mind, but sure…

The workweek
returned all too quickly. Marc went back to filming, and Laura started school.
Days ticked by, turning into weeks, and for the time being she forgot all about
his problems, children, and former wife.

One Sunday
afternoon, someone banged on the door.

Oh shit,
don’t let it be Joel again.

“I’ll get it.”

Outside stood
Anne, next to a sulking teenage girl carrying a large bag.

“She thinks
life would be awesome with her dad. Well, let’s give it a try and see how fun
it is.” She patted the girl’s shoulder. “Behave.”

Well, this
is unusual.

Anne trotted
towards the car, and Laura opened the door wider. “C’mon in.”

“I hate
grown-ups.”

“That’s
normal.”

Alannah sent
her a sideways glance. “You are so weird.”

“Thank you. I
aim to be.”

Marc stepped
into the living room when they passed.

“Hey,
sweetheart. What are you doing here?”

The girl gave
him the finger.

“I hate you. I
hate mom, I hate everyone.”

“Alannah…”

She headed for
her old room and slammed the door. Marc rubbed his forehead, looking weary.

“Well, that went
well. I guess I should go talk to her.”

Laura frowned.
“You know what? I’ll try first, and when I fail miserably maybe she’ll be
happier to talk to you.”

She kissed his
cheek. “It’ll be alright, she just needs some time.”

Another five
or ten years, or so. Maybe fifteen…

“Is it always
like this? Is this normal?”

“Teenagers?
Probably.”

He cupped her
face in his hands.

“Thank you.”

Marc’s eyes
burned on her back when she walked towards the room and knocked on the door.

No pressure…

“Alannah?”

“Go away.”

Yeah, that’s
not happening.

She pushed the
door open and stepped in, half expecting having to duck for flying objects.

“Didn’t you hear
me? Go away.”

“How old are
you?”

Fourteen?
Fifteen?

“That’s none of
your fucking business.”

“Okay, let’s
settle for something-teen. That means that you’re old enough to want people to
treat you like an adult. If you want to
be
an adult you also need to
learn to listen a little bit.”

Because you
have such good role models when it comes to that. Poor kid.

The girl looked
confused, but it disappeared after a second.

“What did you do
to my room?”

Laura closed the
door behind her and took a seat.

“There was
nothing here, just a lamp and a notebook. I saved them for you, and I haven’t
opened the notebook.”

“Why? People are
always snooping around in my life.”

“To be honest,
I’m not all that interested in your life. Besides, it would be an invasion of
your privacy and that’s not how I roll.”

“How you
roll
?”

“I know I’m old
and foreign. I can’t talk like people do up here.”

“Where are you
from?”

“Florida. It’s a
long way from home. Hey, we made you a new room.”

“I don’t care. I
wanted
my
room.”

“Alannah, when
your mother left this house there wasn’t anything here but a… gaping hole.”

I want to
take your hand, but that would be counterproductive, wouldn’t it?

Every instinct
told her to lean closer, so she leaned back.

“Your dad knew
he failed as a husband, and he failed you and your brother. Seeing these big
empty rooms drove him crazy. He almost killed himself.”

“He almost
killed himself while we were still here.”

“I know. He was
very unhappy. Do you have a boyfriend?”

“None of your
business.”

“Fair enough,
but if you do I bet you sometimes fight. Relationships don’t become any easier
just because you grow older. I’d say they grow harder because you get so many
new problems. Your dad and your mom just didn’t work out. It might have been
his fault, and he probably tried to pretend it wasn’t a big deal, but it was.
He thought you and your brother hated him. He talked about you all the time.”

Please listen
to me. You can stay here as long as you want, and it would mean the world to
him.

“Well, I hate
him. Aidan hates him too.”

Anne,
Alannah, and Aidan. Way to go with the names... Was I like this when I was your
age?

“I’m sorry to
hear that, because he loves you very much. I bet he never told you, but he
loves you more than his own life. He thought he lost you and he didn’t know how
to live without you. He was very lonely.”

“Bullshit, he’s
never alone. There’s always some woman and a gang of drinking guys.”

Laura laughed.

“We’re all
surrounded by people all the time, that doesn’t mean you want to make all of
them your best friend. I bet you have thirty people in your class at school,
and there are hundreds or thousands of people in the school. You don’t want to
tell all of them your deepest secrets. Maybe you trust
one
.”

“Why are you
still here? Get out.”

Oh, spot on,
was it?

“It doesn’t work
like that anymore.”

“Get out!”

“Don’t you want
to see your room? I mean, stay here all you want, but it’s gonna be pretty damn
uncomfortable to sleep on the floor.”

“Fine.”

The girl got to
her feet, seemingly carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders.

I hope she
likes it, well I hope she doesn’t hate it. I think it’s so cool, but I’m not
fourteen...

She led the way
down the hall, and Alannah dragged her oversized bag behind her.

“I hate my mom
too.”

“Why?”

“For dumping me
here. I said I wanted to go, that doesn’t mean I
wanted
to go. What the
fuck.”

At least
she’s honest.

Laura shrugged.

“I celebrated
when my parents divorced. I hated my dad. He didn’t drink or cheat or do drugs,
but he beat us and locked us up.”

“Am I supposed
to feel sorry for you?”

“Not at all. I’m
just making conversation. Here. Your brother’s is next door, in case he ever
shows up.”

The door opened
to a large, bright, and modern room. Alannah’s face filled with a reluctant
smile.

“Wow. You did this
for me?”

“Yes. If you
still want your old room you can have it, but I think this one turned out kinda
nice.”

Should I
leave? Give her some space?

Alannah dumped
her bag on the floor and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“You know my dad
is a hypocrite?”

Laura lifted an
eyebrow.

“He won’t let me
do anything fun. He can stagger around all high and drunk all fucking day, but
if I do something it’s the end of the world.”

Oh you poor
girl. Poor family.

Laura wanted to
pinch the bridge of her nose, but this wasn’t a time to show weakness.

“First of all,
there’s a new rule in this house. No drugs of any kind. It goes for your dad,
for you, and for everyone else who enters.”

The girl looked
interested.

You’re not
used to having rules, are you?

“Besides, you’ve
seen what it does to him.
He
knows what it does to him. Why would he
wish that on anyone he loves?”

“Do you have
rules for fucking?”

Laura shrugged.
“Use a condom.”

“Aren’t you
gonna yell at me for swearing?”

“Why? You’re not
five. If you want to be vulgar, that’s up to you. Look... You don’t have to
like me, you have every right to hate me, but while you’re here it would be
helpful if you could at least pretend to tolerate your father. It would mean a
lot to him.” She turned to leave.

“Wait.”

Laura paused and
lifted an eyebrow. The girl’s eyes darted over to her.

“Why did you do
this for me?”

“I love your
dad. I mean, I
really
love your dad. You’re everything to him, he’s been
dreaming of seeing you again. If you’re that important to him, you’re important
to me too.”

“But you don’t
know me, and I hate you.”

It didn’t sound
convincing.

“That’s fine.
You can hate me all you want.”

She turned to
leave again and Alannah bounced to her feet.

“Where are you
going?”

“I was gonna
have a cup of coffee. You can come if you want.”

When they passed
the living room, Laura glanced into Marc’s study. He sat by his desk, resting
his forehead in his palm.

She whispered,
“You could ask him to come.”

Something
shifted over Alannah’s face.

Is that fear?

“What if he’s
drunk? Or high?”

Kids know if
you lie. Be honest.

“That scares me
too, but I don’t think he is.”

“How do you put
up with it?”

“Everyone has a
weakness. When life fell apart around your dad, he faced problems bigger than
him, and he didn’t know how to cope. He’s happier now. He still falls
sometimes, but he can’t help that. I’m not perfect ether. No one is.”

“Come with me.”

Laura nodded and
followed the girl to the open door.

“Dad?”

Marc glanced up.
He looked tired, but smiled.

“What is it, sweetie?”

“We were
gonna... have some coffee. Wanna come?”

“I’d like that
very much.”

Sitting around
the kitchen table seemed almost normal.

We might be a
weird family, but I think we’re actually turning into a family.

Alannah turned
her mug around and around.

I don’t think
she likes coffee.

“Dad…”

Marc nodded and
Laura tried to blend in with the background. How long since they’d talked? They
might need time without her around, but if she rose up she might break the
spell making the girl speak.

I hope she’s
not really afraid of him. That would be so sad.

“I… I’m sorry I
said I hate you.”

“It’s okay.”

“Would you guys
mind if I stay here for a while?”

She’s
including me in the decision? That’s so sweet.

“Of course you
can. This is your home too.”

Oh crap, Imma
have to drive her to school and stuff, aren’t I?

Alannah fixed
her eyes on Laura and attempted to smile.

She has
Marc’s eyes. Maybe I can learn to love her.

“I don’t really
hate you either.”

Her eyes darted
between them.

“I wish you
could have straightened up for mom, but I’m happy to see you happy… and if it
has to be someone, she’s not too bad.”

She’s happy
to see him, happy, and I’m not too bad. Not too shabby for a Sunday afternoon.

Late at night,
Laura rested in Marc’s arms.

“Thank you for
letting her stay here. Is it okay?”

What do you
mean? She’s your daughter and it’s your house.

“Of course it’s
okay. She’s a part of you. We’ll figure it out.”

I guess we’re
three now.