The Alaskan Rescue (11 page)

“Okay. Let’s try something else.” She could hear Dr. Samuelson
moving chairs around. When she looked up, she saw two chairs facing each
other.

“What are you doing?”

“I want you to take a seat in one of the chairs.”

Self-consciously Sashi got up and, leaning on the walker, moved
to the chair closest to herself. She sat. “What do I do now?”

“I want you to look at that empty chair and pretend Kendra’s
sitting there. I want you to tell her how you feel. Then I want you to go to the
other chair and respond as if you were Kendra. Okay?”

Horrified, Sashi looked at Cole and then at the doctor. “This
is even worse.”

“Go on, Sashi,” the doctor pushed. “Tell Kendra how you feel. I
think it will make you feel better.” Cole nodded in agreement.

She shuddered and took a deep breath. “Kendra? I’m sorry.” A
sob came out. Sashi grabbed her tissue and dabbed her eyes. “I’m so sorry I
didn’t stop you from walking out the door of the cabin. I blame myself for you
leaving. I had no idea you were pregnant. I should have known or figured it
out.

“I don’t know how, but I should have come up with some way to
stall you or talk reason into you. I should have kept you from leaving the cabin
after you and Freddy fought. Instead I just blindly followed you out that
door.

“Why I didn’t use the receiver Joe gave me sooner, I don’t
know. I was delirious with pain. But I regret every moment of every day since
you’ve been gone that
you’re
gone and
I’m
here. It’s not fair. You’ve always been the most
unselfish, kind person I’ve ever known. Plus...you were pregnant.” Sashi
completely broke down.

“Now, Sashi,” Dr. Samuelson said, “I want you to switch places.
I want you to be Kendra and answer Sashi. Do you think she would be angry you
lived instead of her? Do you think she would want you to walk around with all
those feelings?”

Sashi looked at Dr. Samuelson, then Cole. “This is going to be
so hard.”

“Therapy is never easy, Sashi. But in time I promise it will
get easier. So, go to the other chair.”

Sashi was angry. She grabbed her walker and placed it in front
of her. If that ass wanted her to do it, then she would. She put her hands on
both handles and began to lift herself up, but she found herself physically
drained after sharing her feelings with “Kendra.” She fell back in the chair.
“Damn.”

“Let me help her,” Cole said.

“No. She has to do this alone.”

Sashi reached deep within and summoned the energy. She grabbed
onto those handles and lifted herself. Then she worked across the small space to
the other chair. Such a space shouldn’t seem like such a far distance, but today
it felt like an eighteen-hour practice session. She collapsed into the second
chair.

She was panting but felt proud of herself for crossing the gap
to Kendra. For that was exactly what it had been. A mental gap in her mind she
hadn’t wanted to breach. But the doctor had made her do it.

“All right, Sashi. What would Kendra say to you?”

Sashi looked at the empty chair and saw an empty person. Her
voice wobbled when she spoke. “Sashi, babe...what’s happened to you, sweetie?
Where is my friend? I...I don’t see her anywhere. I heard what you said, but you
know it’s all crap, right? I’ve always been taller and stronger than you. When
have you ever stopped me from doing anything?

“Why would you blame yourself for what happened? I don’t blame
you. I wouldn’t blame you for anything. I love you, babe. Always have, always
will.” Sashi’s body began to shake as tears poured from her eyes.

“Sweetie, I’m glad you lived,” Kendra/Sashi went on. “You get a
second chance at life. Live it. Go after your dreams. You’ve always dreamed
bigger than anyone I’ve ever known and I’ve always been proud of you.” Sashi
wiped away tears and looked at Dr. Samuelson, then at Cole, whose eyes were full
of tears.

“Did you hear yourself, Sashi?” Dr. Samuelson asked her. “Did
you hear your friend Kendra give you permission to forgive yourself?”

“Yes, I heard her. I know she would want me to move on, but
it’s hard. I miss her so much. I feel like part of my heart has been ripped out.
She was like a sister to me.”

“You’ll always miss her, and it’s okay to feel sad. But it’s
not okay to feel guilty for her death. The same goes for you, Cole. This is a
mantra I want both of you to take with you today. It’s okay to miss them, but
not to feel guilty that they’re gone.”

“Okay,” Sashi whispered.

Cole looked at the doctor. “Does this mean I quote it to myself
daily?” he asked.

“You quote it whenever you feel guilty about losing Luke. Today
went very well, Sashi. Let’s look at a meeting next Wednesday. Does that
work?”

“Yes,” she said. “My day’s are pretty well planned out.”

“That should be fine,” Cole said. “I’ll clear it with the E.R.
desk. Thanks, Daniel.”

* * *

S
ASHI
THUMPED
INTO
PHYSICAL
therapy and checked in at the desk. “Hi, Debra, how are you
today?”

“Good,” Debra replied. “Sashi, you’re handling those crutches
really well. Take a seat and Mary will be right with you.”

Sashi gazed into the room she’d come to think of as a studio
until she could begin dancing again. A lot of stationary bikes. Minitrampolines,
bars and beds for patients to lie on were among the other kinds of
equipment.

She saw Mary walking toward her. She thought, not for the first
time, how beautiful Mary was with coffee-colored skin and long hair plaited
tightly, showing off the lovely angles of her face.

“My favorite patient!” Mary declared. “My father is jealous of
the time I spend with you. Good chance he’ll show up here sometime.”

Sashi smiled. She’d enjoyed many meals with Joe, Mary, Eric and
Abigail—the very nature of Cole’s job kept him at work late or overnight and he
wasn’t around for supper. At times Sashi feared she was an imposition to Joe’s
family, but then she could see it hurt them when she turned them down. “Tell Joe
he can come anytime.”

Mary smiled, then sobered. “Today, Sashi, we’re going to work
on your balance. I want you to stand on this low trampoline and bounce this ball
back and forth against the wall.” She handed Sashi the ball.

Sashi looked at the trampoline and vowed she would master the
task. Half an hour later Sashi was performing the assignment well, if not with
the perfection she wanted. She knew that to others, her recovery was going very
well. But she was a ballerina. Would she ever regain all her balance?

She took her frustration out on the ball, imagining every time
she threw it at the wall that it was Freddy’s head. Once she was strong enough
to go home, she was going to give him a piece of her mind. She realized there
was no legal action she could take, but she had to face the coward. He had to be
made to know that he was a big part of the reason Kendra died, and so
horribly.

“Sashi, you amaze me,” Mary said at last. “Your drive and
persistence are going to have you dancing before you know it. Let’s go and get
you on the stationary bike for a while.”

With a new ease, Sashi grabbed her crutches and headed to the
bike. It made her miss traditional road biking, but she tried to count it as a
great blessing that she was moving at all. On the stationary bike, she pedaled
away the pain, frustration and confusion over what to think about Cole. What
was
going on between them?

* * *

C
OLE
ARRIVED
EARLY
AT
the group therapy session. There were a few things he needed to go over before
Sashi came in. He’d taken a quick shower, pulled on some jeans and a button-down
shirt. It had been over twenty-fours since he’d seen Sashi and he wanted to look
his best.

Daniel leaned back in his chair. “What did you want to talk to
me about, Cole?”

Cole came right out with it. “I’m falling in love with Sashi. I
know she’s healing emotionally, and physically, but when do you think I can
finally tell her how I feel? Or will it ruin the healing experience? Daniel, I’m
losing sleep. For the first time in my life I’m at a loss over a woman.”

“Have you talked with Sashi and explored how she feels about
you? This could be one-sided. It’s up to you to find out how she’s feeling after
all this turmoil. This place—” he gestured at the room—“is a great forum to do
it. Of course you can also do it privately.”

Cole looked up at the ceiling, then breathed deeply. “I
should’ve known I’d get no answers from you.”

“This is your life, Cole. I’m not here to tell you how to live
it.”

“All right. I’ll talk to her tonight.”

* * *

A
S
S
ASHI
OPENED
THE
DOOR
to the room for group therapy, she hoped Cole would
be present. He’d been busy and had missed a few sessions. Therapy was always
better when he was there, of course. Her feelings were mixed, but having the
connection to another person who’d been through a similar trauma was
important.

When she walked in, she smelled the tangy aftershave Cole wore,
and her body relaxed immediately. Cole looked up and gave her a smile that
melted problems away, at least for the moment. He had a remarkable ability to
lift her spirits and make her heart flutter at the same time.

Sashi took her seat next to Cole, then looked to Dr. Samuelson
for the session to start. Then she remembered that one of them—Cole or her—had
to start talking. That was the rule. Might as well be her.

“I’m ready to tell my story today,” she said. And she did. The
recounting of her harrowing story brought out a lot of pain, anger and
sadness.

“Dr. Samuelson?” she said when she was done. “Will you pull up
the picture I sent you via email last night?”

On the doctor’s screen were two girls in waders: a tall
brunette and a short redhead. It was the last day Kendra was alive. “I love this
picture,” Sashi said. “It was taken right after we landed at Red Bay. Kendra was
having the giggles since the waders came up to my chin. We both knew I looked
ridiculous and it was—” Sashi’s eyes began to fill “—the last time I heard her
laugh.”

“How do you feel now, Sashi? Now that you’ve shared your story
with us.”

She thought for a moment. “I feel anger and extreme guilt.”

“Why guilt? You didn’t make your friend run into the forest.
Let me put it this way. Has either one of you seen the movie
Speed?
”

The two answered yes.

“There’s a great scene in the movie that discusses survivors
guilt. Start thinking about when the woman on the bus is blown up by the villain
of the show. Sandra Bullock feels guilty because she’s driving the bus. It takes
Keanu Reeves’s character to explain to her that it’s okay not to feel guilty
that it wasn’t her.

“I want both of you to realize there is no fairness in the
world. You can choose to feel guilty, but what’s the point? You’ll either be a
victim or you’ll suffer from guilt. You eventually have to learn to accept that
some people do well in life and some don’t. It’s just the luck of the draw. No
reason for them to deserve it.”

“That’s a lot to think about, Dr. Samuelson,” Sashi said. “I
think I’m going to watch that movie on my computer tonight.”

“Why don’t you let me watch it with you?” Cole gave her a smile
that made her shiver.

“Sounds like a plan.”

“I’ll see you two soon,” said the doctor.

* * *

C
OLE
PULLED
THE
R
ANGE
R
OVER
into the hospital’s pickup bay. In a long-sleeve black tunic
top with gray leggings, her hair swaying in the wind, Sashi looked stunning as
she waited for him. He jumped out of the car to help her climb inside.

“Would you like to eat out tonight? I haven’t been able to show
you around Ketchikan the way I would have liked. Are you up for going to
dinner?”

He knew on the outside he seemed cool, but deep down he was
nervous. What was she going to say? He’d never been nervous with a woman before,
yet now he was worried about how she’d respond. It shouldn’t bother him so much
when ultimately she would go back to Virginia and open a dance studio.

Sashi had a dreamy look on her face as she answered. “I’d love
to.”

* * *

U
PON
RETURNING
TO
HIS
HOUSE
, Sashi hurried to her room where she pulled out a new outfit she
and Mary had picked up in town. She’d purchased it with the cash she’d saved for
the trip with Kendra and the flight home. Tonight Sashi was thrilled she’d
bought the blouse and skirt, even if the purchase was a little extravagant. The
white silky blouse tied around her waist, and the red skirt hugged her hips,
then flared at her knees.

After completing her makeup and curling her hair, Sashi felt
like her old self. She exited the little apartment and was met at the door by
Cole, who looked quite dashing in dark jeans and light gray sweater.

As Cole’s eyes slowly took in every inch of her, she found
herself breathless.

His voice was deep when he spoke, almost like a caress. “You
look way too beautiful for a night out in Ketchikan. I wish I was taking you to
some ritzy restaurant in a big city, and then to the ballet or symphony.”

“I would say the same thing about you. Except you have this way
of looking comfortable in any situation. One of the many traits I find
fascinating about you.”

Cole flashed her a crooked smile before taking her by the arm
to help her out to the car.

They pulled up to a restaurant near the ocean called Luigi’s.
An Italian restaurant was the last place she’d thought he’d take her. “I didn’t
know they had a restaurant like this in Ketchikan.”