The Alexandra Series (11 page)

I stood in awe, unable to move, until Reggie finally shocked me back to the present. “Come with me,” he said, pulling me away from my amazement.

The living room was furnished with expensive leather, dark woods, more glass and steel. Textured pillows, artful baskets and expensive art with a few splashes of color softening the masculine look – though it remained unmistakably a man’s domain. Reggie sat in a comfy-looking leather club chair, motioning me to the chair opposite – an upholstered, armless chair that was obviously designed for style not comfort. I sat up straight, almost primly, which made me feel even more awkward in his imposing domain.

“So, tell me why you’re here, Alex,” Reggie began.

“Will asked me to come see you,” I replied.

“No,” he immediately contradicted. “You chose to come, so why are you here?”

I was flustered by his abruptness. “Will thought you could help me.”

Still he wasn’t pleased. “You chose to be here, Alex, because you desire something from me.”

“Yes, I guess so.”

“There’s no guessing here. You’re no victim. You came because you wanted to. Because you wanted what I could do for you. You’re a strong woman and you’ve created this moment. If you insist on blaming your presence here on Will, you can leave now.”

Whoa!
I almost gasped for air. No one had ever spoken to me like that before.

“Well yes, I’ve chosen to be here, but even so I’m scared.”

“Be fearful, it will excite you more.” His piercing eyes looked into me as if he could see my soul. I was fascinated by the power he had over me, over my body, my thoughts, my emotions. We had just met and he wielded such amazing authority.

“Since you can’t seem to answer my questions, let’s start with your fantasies.” His gaze remained fixed, his eyes unwavering.

“My fantasies?”

“Yes. What do you think about when you masturbate?”

My god, I wondered if I could do this. “You…you want me to tell you…” I could barely speak. “I’m…I’m not sure if I can.”

“Alex!” The sharpness in his voice further electrified the moment. “You know exactly what I want you to tell me. Now begin.”

I squirmed in the chair, feeling so exposed and vulnerable. He might as well have asked me to remove my clothes. He continued to stare at me until I began, and then as I started he turned to gaze through the windows toward the pool, allowing me to ramble through my disjointed tale without having to look him in the eye.

“My first fantasies began in a bar…I’d be dancing…lewdly. Attracting men and when they joined me, they’d play…intimately, running their hands over my body…of course it led to sex – if I got that far.” I took a deep breath, hoping he’d stop me and when he didn’t, I continued. “Sometimes, I’d do a striptease in front of a crowd of men, wet t-shirt contest,” I admitted with some chagrin, “there was a biker bar, too, and big, burly, brutal men…stuff like that.”

Reggie turned to me. “Stuff like what?”

“Like…having sex, getting used by them.”

“In public?”

I grimaced. “Sometimes.”

“And these things actually happened?”

“Not exactly. But something similar. The bars were the same, the people, the men, the dancing, but I wasn’t ready…” My voice was nearly inaudible. “I got scared and ran.”

He stared out the window again, then back at me. “And there’s more. Go on.”

“But Will’s already told you…” I started to protest.

Again he looked at me, eyes boring through my body, “I want
you
to tell me, in
your
words.”

I gulped back my mounting emotion and took a deep breath. “When I met Will, the fantasies changed. They were stranger and very dark. I became submissive to masterful men. I was bound and spanked and made to serve them…like a slave.”

“How did you find this master in your fantasies?”

“My lover took me to him.”

“And what did this master have you do?”

He stared directly into my eyes now and I looked away. I was afraid I was writing my own script, afraid to tell him the whole truth, but even more afraid to lie. He would know somehow and I would regret that lie. I breathed deeply again, gathering up my courage—at the moment I would have rather taken on a roomful of men than confess to this one man.
You can get through this, Alex,
I kept telling myself, then suddenly drawing on courage I didn’t know I had I looked at him, not flinching this time and spilled the truth. “The master gives me opportunities to express my darkest desires. He tells me how to dress. He gives me to his friends…for sex. He makes me dance for them, then auctions me off.” I continued, laying out every detail I could remember from those long agitated nights. “The scenes evolve…never quite the same each night, but perhaps the most extreme…he takes me to a special room where he binds me and uses a strap on my ass, and that beating arouses me to orgasm.” As I tell my tale, I can feel the excitement in me rise.

“And how does it end?” he asked.

End? What did he mean?
I was nervous, sweating, trembling from a deep place inside me, and yet, before I could consider his question for long, the truth spilled unexpectedly from my lips, driven by the growing desire generated by this remarkable man.

“The master made love to me and I made love to him.” I spoke in whispers, but the power of them gave life to my intention. I finished with that final confession. What more could I say? It seemed like a long while before either of us moved. When Reggie finally did, he drew a cigarette from a pack on the table, lit it with a gold lighter and after taking a drag, he handed it to me.

“No, thank you.”

He raised his brows, a signal of authority to match the gaze that pierced me. I immediately understood. Taking the cigarette, I put it to my lips and inhaled. Like a child’s first attempt, I choked. Reggie snickered and swiped the cigarette from my hand.

“You hide well, Alex.” He rose from his chair and proceeded to retrieve an ashtray from another table, then returned and sat down. Leaning back in his chair he took another puff. “As long as you’re here under my direction, I expect a woman of choice, not a poor little girl. You give me a woman or you don’t belong here.”

His dominating words sent a chill through me. But suddenly I had more to say and I couldn’t stop myself from explaining.

“I’m giving you the best that I can give you. Am I expected to find this easy?” The tone of my voice, even my choice of words surprised me, but I went on. “I don’t really know who I am, or what I want, but I’ve given up my past to be here and find out. I’ll do what you ask but I can’t guarantee I’ll walk into this without a glimpse of the woman I once was. She’s not that distant a memory. You’ll have to live with that fact, or I can’t be here.”

While I sat back bewildered by my sudden candor, Reggie smiled, apparently amused by my outburst.

“You’ve no need to fear me. Nor do you need to defend yourself to me. I know where you come from and where you’re heading; probably far better you know yourself.” He finished his cigarette and snuffed it in the ashtray. “But I want that spirit from you that you just displayed; without it, Alex, I wouldn’t be interested in you. I expect total honesty, complete compliance, your unwavering submission. There will be times when that will be difficult. Regardless, you will comply. I’m not a master. I’m a guide. I’ll take you no further than you need to go. But make no mistake about it, I have high expectations of you. I may push, I may shove and you may not like that, but I do know what I am doing. I know how to take you where your fantasies lead and give what you most desire.” He paused a moment, allowing me to digest the strong message. “You have any questions?”

“No.” That was a lie, but I didn’t know exactly what to ask.

“Then we’re finished for now. Find Will, I believe he’s by the pool.” We both stood, but before we moved on, he drilled me with his eyes again and carefully raised my chin to meet his gaze. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. A small kiss. A sensuous kiss that lingered for a moment. Our energies merged and my desire fully flowered. Regardless of what he’d said, he’d become my master, and I was bound to him as surely as if he’d bound me with rope and led me on a leash.

He was already at the door on the far side of the room when I finally found my voice again. “Am I to stay?” I asked. He turned and looked back at me, distracted.

“No. I’ll call you when you’re ready.”

I don’t recall the pool or the others around it, only Will talking to a swimsuit clad woman reclining on a chaise lounge. There were no introductions, no further conversations.

As we left, I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or curse.

“Well?” Will spoke first.

“I thought I was going to stay.”

“You will.”

We rode in silence for some time, with Will content to let me stew in the jumble of feelings that the interview had roused in me.

“How well do you know Reggie?” I finally asked.

“I’ve been to his parties, a house guest four or five times. I’ve known him twenty years, since college.”

We continued again in silence.

“You knew he’d take me?”

“No, I didn’t. He doesn’t do this with many women, maybe five that I’m aware of. I wasn’t certain about this at all.” We left the winding road and found ourselves on the freeway, fast returning to the city. We were nearly home before we spoke again, and it was Will breaking the silence. “Alex, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, it was all so intense.” And I could hardly tell him how much I desired Reggie. “Are we going to your apartment?” I wanted to make love to him. I was desperate for his arms around me, his body, his kisses, the release that would follow. I felt as if a dam was about to burst inside me, spilling out all the bottled-up energy of the morning.

“No, I think you should have some time alone to consider this,” he answered.

That stung. I stared out of the window so he wouldn’t see the pool of tears forming in my eyes.

“Alex, I know what you want. I’d like to make love, too, but I also know that what you have chosen, at least what I think you’ve chosen makes it impossible for us to be together. Until your relationship with Reggie is over, you’re his. In fact, you’re his now. That’s if you intend to go through with this.”

“I will.”

“Then the drama has begun.”

I finally turned to him. “So, what if I stop now, what would you do?”

“I’d think you’d given up on yourself. How would you feel?”

“I’d feel like shit.”

He eyed me with a gentle look. “You know, you’ll feel better if you back up your decision with a little enthusiasm. After all, this is one of your creations. You might as well enjoy it. No one’s making you do anything.”

He’d stopped the car in front of the apartment house. Leaning over, he kissed me, reminding me of what we’d shared. I knew he loved me. I loved him, too.

In bed that night, I realized how right Will was. Reggie was in my sex, my emotions, in charge of all my fantasies. He wouldn’t leave until he’d explored every inch of me. Just before I fell asleep, it occurred to me that perhaps I was just as much inside Reggie as he was in me. Perhaps he needed me and our drama as much as I needed him. It was a challenging, daring thought. Then again, it might just be another foolish fantasy. I shouldn’t try to romanticize the man. I very much doubt he’d approve.

Chapter Twelve

My new obsession drove me day and night, the waiting, the imagining, the wild fantasies. This was my choice, he’d made that clear and I didn’t feel the least bit forced. But I was compelled. Compelled by desire to be consumed by him. And compelled by a desire to consume him. I saw a fierce passionate battle between us – why that, I don’t know. Maybe that was what I wanted.

When the thin blue envelope came in the mail on the sixth day after our meeting, my entire body rushed with excitement. The envelope was engraved with his address, my own scrawled boldly across the front.

“Alexandra.”

How did he know my full name? I’d never even mentioned it to Will.

I pulled out the note. Reginald Harold was engraved across the top, and in his bold cursive the message appeared below:

Thursday morning, ten o’clock promptly.

Reggie.

My heart beat rapidly, my body fired. I raced downstairs to find Will. Six o’clock, certainly he’d be home. Please!

He answered the door with a hammer in his hand.

“Hi, what’s up?”

“A note from Reggie,” I replied. He smiled. “You know?” I said.

“He told me.”

“Are you going with me?”

“I’ll take you but I won’t stay.”

My heart was beating so fast, I felt out of control.

“Hey, calm down,” he said, leading me into his kitchen where we sat across from each other just as we had months before when we first met.

“I’m scared.”

“You’re living your life, living out your dreams, experiencing your deepest desires. That’s exciting.”

“I’m still scared. I’m scared that I’ll back away as I’ve done with you.”