The Alpha's Desire 2 (2 page)

I gave the moon a glance to confirm what I’d said. A half orb with wispy gray clouds moving over it hung in the sky, sending a silver sheen over the small bushes on the other side of the parking lot, still in view from this end of the alley. My hands finally stopped and fisted beside me. I felt the bite of my nails in my palms. Consciously relaxing each finger one by one, I let them fall back to rest on the cool brick wall at my back. The extra support felt good as my body swayed a bit still from time to time.

“I was changed by a spell decades ago. I can’t explain exactly the magic that let that happen, but I do know that the change – it isn’t so much physical, like bones cracking and flesh falling away like you see on TV. It doesn’t hurt. It is simply a tingling of power that takes over my body, and I transform from wolf to man or man to wolf. It’s all about a spell created centuries ago by a sorcerer. He protected those he loved by using his powers to grant them eternal life and animal strength when needed. Does that make any sense?

“It’s more a power thing, some magic that lives inside me, than a physical thing at all.  Though, when I’m a wolf, I’m one hundred percent wolf physically. And, when I’m a man, well, I’m all man,” he stated, motioning his hands to frame his body before quickly returning them to cover himself. “The difference is, when I’m a wolf, I still have all the same thoughts and memories. I can pull from knowledge. I’m moved by emotions. I know I didn’t let you answer, but does any of that make sense?”

“In fiction, yes. If I’d read it in a book, I would totally get it. But, standing by, in front of you, with no clothes on for heaven’s sake, it’s hard to reconcile all you just said to reality.”

“I know. I get that. It took some time for me to adjust even after I’d been spelled and learned to change. I don’t need a moon. I only need the magic that possesses me,” he offered with a shrug, as if he spoke of nothing more than the everyday habits of a man.

“You mentioned emotions?” I hedged.

“Yes, I can feel your emotions just as you feel mine. It is part of our connection, what you referred to before as your wolf spirit guide. I’m more an assigned protector, but out bond enables a sort of empathetic gift. Your emotions are my call, the way I know when you need me.”

His hands uncovered himself and went to my upper arms. I shrunk in on myself even as I relished in the heat that shot through my body, to my core. I buzzed, sort of vibrated in all my womanly places from between my thighs to my breasts. I tightened my thigh muscles as my nipples pebbled. I looked back and forth at his large hands on me, and he let them drop.

“Alright, so magic and wolfy-ness and all. Let’s say I buy it,” I got out before taking a deep breath for courage to continue. “Why are you here with me? You’re the wolf I’ve known since childhood in my dreams? The same one that I’ve gotten glimpses of time and again? Are you my only wolf spirit or protector as you called it? Or, are there numerous wolves around me? Was it you the other night that I saw from my deck when I called for you through an attempt at a spell of sorts of my own? I never really believed in magic, but I was desperate, so I admit I attempted the ritual.”

“Okay, wait, let me answer a few questions before you turn blue. Take a breath, Christina,” he said, then waited.

I sucked in air, my lungs depleted after my rant of questions. I lowered my shoulders, felt the tight muscles protest. I laid back more against the wall, let my body go a bit slack even as it protested my efforts.

“Take another breath,” he instructed. “Now let it out, for heaven’s sake. Breathing is an instinct.”

“So is fight or flight,” I bickered.

“You’re scared of me?”

“You tell me? Wouldn’t you feel that?” I challenged.

“That’s not what I mean, and you know it. You don’t fear for your safety, you fear the situation, your confusion?” he asked.

“No, I’m not exactly scared, oddly enough. I don’t think you would hurt me. If you wanted to, you’ve had a million opportunities over my lifetime to tear me to shreds as a wolf, if you’d wanted to. But, I’m a bit addled, dazed, mystified, befuddled, you pick a word. So, I feel on edge as my whole view of the world is suddenly changing. Change, how it brings about the unknown, causes fear... every horror writer knows that.”

“Sure,” he stated matter-of-factly with a roll of his eyes. “Breathe, remember?”

I obeyed, though the whole natural process seemed exhausting. My entire body, still a trap of tight muscles, made my stomach roll even more with each intake of oxygen.

“I’m the same wolf,” he explained. “I’ve been with you since the day you were born. I was chosen, turned in fact, to become a protector to the bloodline of a royal werewolf sorceress. Long ago, the sorcerer who turned his children, he had one daughter. She fell in love, despite her father’s protests, with a human. The bloodline, the royal one, it has trickled down ever since, through humans now. The werewolf magic, if you will, it has diminished, but still, humans are assigned wolves to protect the line. No longer can the sorcerer’s daughter do so herself. The line has become too numerous. The sorcerer’s sons turned their humans before they mated with them. The daughter, well, she just couldn’t find it in herself to do so, to turn the man she loved.”

“What does all that have to do with me?” I questioned, my voice booming out of my chest. “I really didn’t follow that whole story exactly, but werewolf, mating, sorceress, what could all that possibly have to do with me?”

He looked both ways down the alley, and seemed to sniff at the air before he continued, “You are part of that bloodline, through your father. I was created, well, made into a werewolf through some elaborate spell, to protect you, to ensure you a long life, as your blood, and thus your life, is considered sacred.”

“Me? I have some sacred sorceress, werewolf blood in me? I have no tendencies to turn. I have no magic. The only wolfy or witchy thing I have is my connection to you. And what about my father? If he was to be protected, why did he die so young?”

“The bloodline comes from your father,” he continued in a quiet voice as if he were sharing a secret with me in a crowded room. He even leaned in, a smidge too close for comfort. “I’m sorry that you lost him. He had his own wolf, but that wolf couldn’t protect him from wanting to die. He loved you, but without your mother, he lost the will to live. His wolf couldn’t take the bottle from his hand or make him care enough to come back to life. Again, I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that!” I grunted.

My jaw clenched as my teeth began to ache from my gritting them together. The pads of my fingers pressed into the wall until the burn went numb. Anger boiled up within me. The loss of both of my parents still a punch in the gut. To hear that someone couldn’t save him brought the loss all back to the forefront of my mind, gripped my heart like a vice. I saw him shiver then.

“You must be freezing out here,” I said, grateful for the distraction.

“I run warmer than most. Don’t worry about me. Where is your mind at? That’s most important right now.”

“I don’t know. I’m still at our connection. You came to me the other night when I called to you, as a wolf. Why not as a man? Why in the hell did you run out on me that night, after we’d shared so much? I get protecting me and all that, but why that minute, that intimate moment? I’d never, ever, given myself to a man the way I did to you. Of course, now I guess I have an explanation as to why you felt so familiar that I bared my damned soul to you,” I spat, looking at his chest only to avoid the pain I’d seen darken his eyes as my body flooded with my loss. “I bared my body, too, lost my inhibitions, everything. In every way, I was different with you. Our time meant something to me. Why did you allow it and then take it away?”

“I knew better than to get that close to you. I did. It is forbidden for me to interact with you as a man. But when I saw you watching me sing in that bar that night, it felt like a sign or something. I couldn’t help but to come talk to you, man to woman. I lost my head in your beauty, then once we talked, I lost my head in just knowing you. I’ve watched you for so long, but never really gotten to know you outside of observed habits and feelings. While a lot, it became not enough. So, that night, you in the bar I played in, after one taste of being near you, I just lost all ability to think rationally. One second turned into one minute. Then I needed one minute more, then a multitude of minutes,” he said, his head shaking.

I could feel his own self-loathing wash through my bitter pain. The burn inside my heart squeezed, choked out until the wave of compassion, a soothing balm, started its miracle work.

“So, you all the sudden came to your senses and bailed on me? Then you watched me, and you had to feel me want to so desperately see you again? I mean, you didn’t come around the first few days after, not as a wolf or a man, but then you did as a wolf. I had to hunt your ass down as a man. How could you do that to me if you can feel my emotions?” I accused.

“My wolf, your wolf, was there, even if I kept my distance so that you couldn’t feel me. I’m always there. It’s my job. Trust me, I wanted so desperately to see you again as a man. But, I knew the mistake I had made, no matter how wonderful our time together had been. It was made perfectly clear to me, an irrefutable sign, when you spoke of the savage wolf who had saved you from that mugger. When you put that together finally, that your wolf spirit and what you saw as a monster that night you were attacked were one and the same, I saw in vivid color the mistake I’d made in getting so close to you as a man.

“In fact, the reason you didn’t have the same experiences as many do with their wolf guides is because I’ve kept my distance, watched from afar, ever since you became a woman. I knew by then, without a shadow of a doubt, that I’d fallen in love with you. It’s forbidden, but I couldn’t help myself. You are so beautiful, inside and out. Please forgive me,” he muttered, then looked away from me for the first time since he’d become Lex.

“For what? For keeping your distance as my wolf? For talking to me as a human? For making love to me? Or for falling in love with me?” I ranted, practically spit the questions at him as my blood rose to boiling again.

The mood swings left me dizzy. I stopped, the weight of my words crashing down on me. I slid down the wall until I sat on the cold pavement. Looking around, this stupid alley gave me nothing to look at, nothing to distract me for even a second to find some calm, save for a few large trash cans, some litter, and weathered doors.

Love?
He’d said he loved me. Tears, warm and heavy, filled my eyes. My breaths became rapid as my tears started to roll down my cheeks. I didn’t stop them this time, didn’t have an ounce of energy to work with even in the name of dignity and pride, vanity and composure. I’d long prided myself on my ability to stay calm, to find serenity even in the worst of situations. If you’d met me in the last few weeks, well, you’d not believe that about me in a million years. Since the mugging, but more since I’d spent that one infamous night with Lex, I’d not been myself. I wept for the loss of myself as much as I cried tears of joy from his admission of love.

“Please don’t cry,” he growled, a deep burden that had risen from his chest.

“Please don’t cry over my failings anymore. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry that I fell in love with you. No, I take that back. I’m not. The feeling is amazing. While I’ve held back, just enough so you rarely saw or felt me, I’ve been there, fiercely protecting you still. I’d do that night all over again, take out that man, that worthless thief, to keep you safe. I know I was too rough with your attacker, but seeing a man hurt you, cause you even a second of fear or pain, it was more than I could bear. Animal instincts don’t even come close to explaining it. But, I’m sorry you had to witness that side of me.” He continued.

“I love you, and I’ve existed, lived every second of my life just thankful to be in your presence, to do whatever I could to offer you comfort and protection during your life. You’ve had such a hard life. And, I’ve wished so many times that I could do more,” he finished with a soft tone, his last words falling off into the thick darkness, and then fell silent as his head bowed.

He remained kneeling in front of me. Not touching any part of my body, he still stayed close. His hands perched in fists on his thick thighs. My tears stopped with the sight of his cock resting between them.

Chapter Two

My breathing accelerated for another reason entirely now. My body remembered with a painful vengeance what it had been like to be entered by him and to be stretched until I’d shattered around him.

A wolf and a man, he’d been a gentle lover. He’d caressed me as if I were of royal blood, in fact. And, when I’d given him permission with my reactions, he’d turned up the heat, given me just what I craved even if I hadn’t known I’d craved it myself. The memories of being pressed up against him, skin again skin, swarmed through my mind, and blocked out all of the confusion that had resided there for however long we had been standing in this dank alley.

I dared to let my still trembling hand touch the cheek of his down-turned face. His hand reaching to cover it, we seemed to shake in unison. In fact, at this point, I wondered if I could ever stop the flourish of tremors, shivers, and quakes that wrecked my body, and had even become second nature. My every nerve on edge, my skin crawled, not in disgust but with want, pure and undeniable need.

Once he lifted his head, I saw his own eyes misted with tears. His lips pursed together, it took everything in me not to kiss them into relaxation. My mind blessedly blank a second, save for thoughts of tackling him right here in the alley, I just stared. His eyes searched mine.

“Love,” came out of my mouth just as the word popped into my mind. The sound of my frail voice floated between us as if the word with all the meaning it had attached to it hung between us, heavy and laden with the legion of conditions it bore.

“Yes,” he muttered.

My hand still trapped under his, my arm moved with the small nod of his head.

“So, you wanted me then, the other night?”

His eyes closed tight as he said, “Yes.”

“You want me now?” I dared, then swallowed hard.

My heart beat in short, hard bursts. It could explode in my chest, and I’d die a happy woman just knowing that he loved me, wanted me, as I did him. And, I’d known him so long that it no longer felt insane to feel like that.

“Don’t,” he grumbled, shutting his eyes tighter until the skin wrinkled at the corners, matching his furrowed brow.

“Is someone watching us?” I asked, my eyes wide as if I could will this person into the open with just a glance.

“No,” he said with a shake of his head as his eyes opened back up.

“Then why?”

His eyes misted over. I licked my lips for what good it did my dry mouth, and then leaned in to kiss him. That animalistic noise that had scared me once only served to spur me on now. Though both of his hands now rested on my cheeks, he frailly tried to push my away. Grasping at his face with both of my hands, I met him inch for inch, kept my lips against his despite his efforts. I knew he wanted me even if he wouldn’t say it out loud. I let my tongue slip through my lips to urge his open.

He relented for a second, his tongue seeking to tangle with mine. The taste of him sent a ripple of energy over my skin that originated where my hands touched him and moved through me with a warped speed that zoomed down to my toes. They wiggled in my high heeled shoes as I kissed him with all I had in me, moving my head from side to side, pressing my lips against his hard and then pulling back to touch him in another way, another spot.

Between kisses, I murmured, “Take me home.”

“I can’t,” he stated in a low, light growl, breaking the moment.

His face inches from mine, he interjected in a sexy, deep voice, “That’s the problem. I can’t be with you. Not because anyone is watching us, but because I was created to serve a purpose, to protect you at all costs. But I am to do only that. My job comes with rules and regulations that I have to follow, though they’ve never been an issue before. I’m not to engage you as a man. I’ve had charges before, your father’s mother in fact, among others, but I’ve never felt for them outside of duty. Then you came along, and I lost my heart, my purely human one.”

“Why? I don’t understand. Why can you not interact with me as a man?”

“Because, feelings could compromise my duties, cloud my judgment. The night you were attacked is a prime example. I have to live with what I did to that slime bag. I’m not a violent man or beast, but I let my feelings for you turn my duty to protect into an uncontrollable rage. I could have merely scared him away, or bumped him to the side as a wolf, and that would have been enough to save you, but I let my feelings for you cloud my judgment, rule my actions. The way you looked at me that night, so briefly, but with such fear, it was all the punishment I needed because it lives in my mind, haunts me every time I think of you.”

“I didn’t know all of who you were then,” I countered, possessed to ease his guilt as it twisted my insides. “At that point in time, you were just the largest wild animal I’d ever seen. I didn’t think your actions had anything to do with protecting me. I just thought you’d wandered too far from home and had stumbled upon your next meal. Only reason you went after him first was because he’d attacked me, was on top of me. I thought I would be your next snack when you finished with him. You looked beastly enough to eat two humans.”

I grinned then, letting him know I teased, that I’d given it my best pathetic attempt at lightening the mood that hung like fog around us, so heavy one could choke on it.

“If I had known then what I know now, then I wouldn’t have looked at you that way. I could have instead thanked you for saving me,” I let the words rush from my mouth, hoping all I felt, both love and gratitude, would get through to him.

“You saved me still that night,” I continued. “And, the only way you can save me now is to make love to me again, because I love you, too.”

His lips moved against mine again, hard and fierce. He lifted me then, again as if I weighed nothing, moving me up to a standing position even as he rose to stand himself. My panties already gone from our first encounter of the night backstage, when he lifted me up now so that I could wrap my legs around his waist, my wetness met his rock hard flesh, let his erection move into my folds. With one rock, he moved me to where his cock could slide right inside my body. Suspended, I used my feet on his ass in conjunction with my thighs to pull myself toward him. So ready, so wanting, I slid around him, took him inside of me, with ease.

As I stretched around him, an unhuman sound ripped from my throat. Luckily, he silenced it with another searing kiss. He slid in and out fast, his arms steadying me against the wall easily. My body welcomed the rush. I felt my inner walls contract around him, tearing a sound of longing from his own chest.

My back protected by the clothing I still wore against the rough brick of the wall, he held me steady as he thrust in and out of me. The sounds of our flesh hitting against each other’s created a perfect rhythm that increased at a fast and furious pace. I put everything I had into holding onto him, with my hands and with my inner walls. My muscles squeezed and released, edging him on, I hoped.

His pace quickened still, until I had to dig my fingers into his back just to hold on. I’d never been taken like this, not even backstage before his show tonight. We’d rushed then, but he’d been gentle about it. That moment had been more a reunion, thirst we’d had to quench. This moment seemed more primal, more about mating, if you will. Passion overwhelming each sense, each nerve ending, we bonded as our bodies collided together again and again and again. The edge of desperation, though, the force within him that he needed to reconcile with, it accelerated his hips, tightened his hold on me.

“I need to be inside you like I need to breathe. I need to be with you just to keep my heart beating. But, I can’t fail you. I can’t shirk my obligations to you,” he whispered in a rush of words in my ear. “How could I ever live without touching you now even though I must stop this?”

His hot breath sent shivers down my spine. He’d punctuated each word with quick, steady thrusts. I only met him move for move as I held on for dear life, burying my face in his neck.

“Don’t.”

My single word came out but a croak as contractions ripped through my core. He seemed to fall apart just as I did. The feeling of his hot cum hitting just that right spot sent me over the edge like I’d never been before. The world blurred into only hot passion, glorious orgasm, and desperate need. If asked later, I’d claim we’d truly become one.

“I think you need to re-evaluate your obligations. I need you this way. I need you as a man as much as I need you as a wolf. I can’t live with only one side of you anymore,” I said despite my heavy breathing.  “Is my safety so much more important than my happiness? They couldn’t save my father, so wouldn’t they want to save me?”

Tears came then. I sobbed softly on his shoulder even as small contractions continued to ripple through my body. He folded me into his arms, one hand flat across my back for support as the other hand cradled my neck and head. He rocked me even as he remained inside me. The warmth of his naked body against me engulfed me, a mix of heat and power and electricity. It not only tingled over my skin, but it surged through me, giving me an inner strength I’d never known.

I sat up then, looked right at him. Calm, whole if that makes sense, I stated with the pure tone of authority, “I’m a better person with you as a man and wolf. I’m whole, confident, and alive, which would mean alert. I may be grasping at straws here, but wouldn’t that also make me safer, live longer?”

“Please don’t cry,” he said in a low, mournful growl. “I’ve screwed up again.”

“No!” I grumbled. “This is what I need from you.  No more guilt or apologies. These were happy tears.”  I swiped at my face, clearing them away.

“Okay. But, I doubt your argument would hold anyway. My biggest fear is asking them permission and being denied the right to protect you, being assigned then to another wolf, and losing you. I mean, I always knew I would someday. You humans have such short lives, but you are still so young, and I plan on keeping you safe, so it’s not that great a concern yet. Regardless, I can’t risk getting permission.”

“Then don’t. If they aren’t watching you, how will they know?”

“I don’t know. I can’t risk it. I have to be your protector, to be near you even if that is the only way I can. I have to learn to live with my fate,” he stated, resignation, defeat, filling his strong voice.

“Well, I can’t. You can’t just be my wolf any longer. You can’t leave me again. I mean, you can’t deny me you as a man.” I wiped furiously again at the remnants of drops on my face, making way for the new ones that I felt threaten.

“I need to get you home,” he answered.

“But,” I protested.

“No. I need to get you out of this alley. We can talk more there. I promise. I’ll turn back into my wolf, and lurk in the shadows to make sure you get to your car okay. Oh, could you grab my clothes one door down on your way? Then, I’ll meet you at your apartment a dressed man. I promise,” he urged as he let my body slide from his.

I nodded as he released me. A shiver that turned into a tremor made me grab for the wall. He hadn’t noticed as his body, one of a man, seemed to melt but grow into that of a large wolf right before my eyes, the blurring of flesh clearing into fur. Before I knew it, the hot breath of my wolf bathed my body. He nudged me with his large, wet nose, so I’d move from the wall.

A tad dizzy, I used the solid brick for support as I walked to the parking lot. He nudged me again once I walked out into the open. Though no one was around, he disappeared into the shadows. Yet, I could feel him with me. I straightened myself as I walked, flattening my skirt over my thighs, ironing it with my hands. I’d deal with the mess between my legs in a moment.

Thankful again that I wasn’t at a point in that womanly cycle to get pregnant, my hands went to my stomach. The thought of having a family with him brought a smile to my face. Just as quickly as it had appeared, it faded. The weight of all he’d told me, still so unbelievable, yet so undeniable, hit me. My future with him was so unknown, I could barely hold back the sobs as I reached the doorway with his clothes. Grabbing them, I brought them to my face to take in his smell. While this calmed me some, at least held back the audible sobs, my breath shuttered as I breathed in. Though it seemed an endless walk, even walking at the best speed I could manage in heels, I finally reached my car.