The American Princess - Best Love Story Ever (37 page)

"Destroying America? Killing me will only
reduce the number of Americans by one."

"You are wrong. Have you heard of
Nostradamus?"

"Didn't he make predictions about the
future?"

"With a little help from Zeus. Back in the
sixteenth century, Zeus was feeling sorry for the earth mortals, as
they struggled with ongoing wars and economic depression. So to
help them out, he passed along a few visions to Michel de
Notredame, otherwise known as Nostradamus. He, in turn, revealed
Zeus' prescience in his writing."

"So did Nostradamus' prophesies come to
pass?"

"Those prophesies included the advent of the
French Revolution, the coming of Napoleon, the rise to power of
Hitler, the Camelot period of the three Kennedy brothers—including
the untimely deaths of two of them—the destruction of Paris when
the Russians and the Arabs join forces, and the rise to military
and economic might of Empire China, in the twenty-first century. As
you know, the first four of those prophecies have come to
pass."

"Will the last two prophecies also be
fulfilled?"

"As far as I know the destruction of Paris is
assured. I'm only guessing, but it appears that Iraq, Iran, or some
other terrorist sympathizer is going to get hold of some of the
Russian plutonium that is floating around on the black market. The
combination of Russian plutonium and bomb making expertise from the
Internet will result in a mushroom shaped cloud over Paris."

"But why Paris? Everybody loves Paris."

"I do not know," the gray ghost said." Maybe
the bomb makers will be into extortion. But there may be an even
more sinister reason. Is it a coincidence that Paris will be
destroyed, and that the mortal Goritch hates most was also named
Paris?"

A shiver ran rampant through Betty-Jo. "Venus
would destroy the City of Lights for revenge? I don't believe it.
Even Hitler spared Paris."

"Given Goritch's lust for revenge, who knows
to what depths she might sink. But if you make it out of Flushing
Meadow alive, I suggest that you stay away from the French Open at
Roland Garros. Stade Roland Garros is just down the street from the
Eiffel Tower."

"Lord Worthington, could you give me a
minute? I want to call the Psychic Hotline for a second
opinion."

"Now I know why so many Chinese are killing
their newborn females."

"So what does nuking Paris have to do with
me?

"Nothing. Unless you happen to be there when
the bomb is detonated. If Goritch fails to eliminate you at
Flushing Meadow, I suspect that she will do her best to toast you
in Paris."

"Will she ever give up?"

"No. Because you have the power to stop
Empire China's quest for world domination. As you live, or as you
die, so too do the democracies of the free world."

"Tell me you're kidding."

"I am not kidding. It is foretold in
Nostradamus' writings that Empire China's quest for world
domination can only be thwarted by one man—the son you have yet to
conceive."

"My son can thwart Empire China?"

"A very powerful Empire China. The
destruction of the Statue of Liberty replica at Tiananmen Square,
in 1989, was just a warm-up for the main event—Empire China's soon
to arrive leader, Emperor Kahn."

"Emperor Kahn?"

"Emperor Kahn is a barbarian the likes of
which the word has never known. He will have a massive nuclear
strike capability, and the support of the Chinese masses, who,
tragically, are endowed with the great flaw."

"What great flaw?" Betty-Jo asked.

"A willingness to blindly follow those in
authority."

"Tiananmen Square wasn't the result of blind
following."

"Emperor Kahn will fear freedom, or as he
will label it, spiritual pollution. In his relentless search for
enemies, all western nations will be regarded as imperialist
foreign devils, who are denying Empire China her rightful place at
the zenith of the world order."

"That paranoid Kahn would be well advised to
recall what J. F. K. said about Americans. He said, we Americans
are 'willing to pay any price, bear any burden, meet any
hardship...to assure the survival and the success of liberty.' If
Kahn understood that he'd think twice before he tangled with
us."

"Betty-Jo, you must understand that Emperor
Kahn is humankind's most malignant adversary. Let me give you just
one example. There were always women available after his conquests
in Hades, so he didn't carry provisions for his troops."

"His soldiers ate the women?"

"If they were not eaten, they bred."

"My God!"

"Emperor Kahn thrives on terror. He will
ruthlessly subjugate his own people, and then he will enslave the
peoples of the free-world nations. With his nuclear might and the
use of eugenics, he will bully the free world into accepting his
paranoia as the new reality. Do you know what eugenics is?"

She grinned. "How much is this for?"

"Maybe it is just as well that you have a
sense of humor, because if you live, you are going to need it.
Eugenics is the science that deals with producing good offspring in
humans. That can be done in two ways: prevent unfit humans from
breeding, or breed humans with desirable genetic traits. China has
already implemented a eugenics program which uses both approaches.
Even now, China has laws which prohibit the mentally ill, and other
undesirables, from marrying, and the Chinese leadership has
recently begun to upgrade the quality of their citizens by
selectively breeding them."

"Unbelievable!"

"And with Emperor Kahn's arrival, Empire
China will dramatically increase its selective breeding programs,
and move heavily into genetic engineering and cloning. Empire China
will become a nation of supermen and superwomen."

"It sounds as if Emperor Kahn was born
fubared."

"Fubared?"

"Fucked up beyond all repair."

"Now you know why Emperor Kahn is called the
King of Terror. If you are wondering how he will pull off world
domination, you should understand that China's weapons capability
is increasing rapidly, thanks to the efforts of thousands of
unemployed Russian scientists. And, no doubt, you are aware that a
vast amount of manufacturing capacity has already been relocated
from America to China. Before long, most of your military weapons
will also be manufactured in China—cost reduction reasons."

"Why are we being so stupid?"

"That is a good question, because when
Emperor Kahn seizes power, he will nationalize everything. You
Americans will face an empire of supermen who are physically and
intellectually superior to you, an empire with five times your
population, an empire with most of the world's weapon production
capability, and an empire with an arsenal of weapons that is much
larger, and more technologically advanced than yours. One nuclear
warhead on New York will be message enough for you."

"You make it sound as if we're done for, that
nothing can be done to stop this Emperor Kahn barbarian."

"Your son, if given the opportunity, is the
only person who can stop Emperor Kahn. But first he must be
conceived, and then, he must become the American President. In
order for that to happen, you must live. And your survival has a
very low expectancy, given that Venus has sworn to see you
dead."

"Why does it have to be my son who bells the
barbarian?"

"He will bring a number of necessary
character traits to the Presidency: honesty, integrity, commitment,
love of America, and a damn the torpedoes determination when he
believes he is right. He will take Emperor Kahn back to hades, from
whence he came."

"That is too much."

"The future of the free world is in your
hands, or should I say, in your womb. Flee Betty-Jo, flee!" Lord
Worthington's ghost wavered, and then faded away.

Betty-Jo pinched herself to make sure she was
really awake. Then she woke Brad and told him Lord Worthington's
incredible tale.

"Let's check out this gray ghost of yours on
the Internet," Brad said. Then he booted up his laptop.... "Your
gray ghost is real alright. Damn it! From the first moment I saw
you, I was afraid that chancing upon Betty-Jo Chance was something
other than a miracle."

"For me it will always be a miracle, even if
it was part of a vengeful goddess' wicked scheme."

"I've been sifting through a few history
books lately. Lord Worthington's right. That Mercury guy has been
feeding me a heap of bull about a penitent Venus. I'm furious that
I allowed myself to be taken in by that sinister pair."

"You're being too hard on yourself my
gullible fiancé. Even Superman fouled up on occasion."

"At least now, thanks to Lord Worthington, we
know who our foes are, and we know what's at stake."

Betty-Jo pulled her lover against her. "I'm
frightened. I feel as if I've fallen down a rabbit hole, but
instead of ending up in Wonderland, I've ended up in a horror
story."

Brad wrapped his arms around her. "Don't be
frightened, our love is the immortal, can't die variety. We know it
began with Helen and Paris, and then transcended time to bond us
together forever."

Betty-Jo bit at her lip, and combed her hair
with her fingers. "Bad Brad, I don't want to run. I don't want to
withdraw from the U.S. Open because of a goddess that may not even
exist. I don't want to miss out on playing at Stade Roland Garros
because of a Nostradamus prediction, and I don't want to spend my
life looking under the bed for boogie-men. Once we run, it will
never end."

He hugged her. "Now I remember why you're my
favorite princess," he said. "And don't worry, everyone knows that
'love conquers all'. But just in case everyone's wrong, we'd better
sow the seeds for victory."

"Sow the seeds for victory?"

"'For whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he
also reap'. Comes straight from the Bible."

"What about a woman?"

"'It is a woman's business to get married as
soon as possible.'"

"You are full of it!"

He grinned at her. "Not me, Shaw."

"But George, my grinning friend, is your kind
of guy."

"And you, my scrumptious cat, are my kind of
princess."

"Do you really think I'm a real
princess?"

"I'm sure of it. And I even know how we can
prove it."

"How?"

"We put a pea under your mattress. If you're
a real princess, you'll feel it, because real princesses have more
sensitive skin than persons of low degree."

That made her laugh. "Persons like
yourself?"

"We commoners wouldn't feel a thing. But a
real princess will feel the pea immediately, and be very
uncomfortable."

"How do you know the pea thing will
work?"

"Because that's the test that has always been
used to test for real princesses, and it's never been known to
fail."

Brad got a frozen Green Giant pea out of the
freezer, put it under the mattress, and told her to lie down.

"I don't feel a thing," she said, trying hard
not to let Brad see how disappointed she was.

"That's because you still have your clothes
on." He undressed her, but she still couldn't feel the pea.
Strangely, Brad didn't seem to be concerned. "I know what the
problem is," he said. "You have to bounce around a little." But
after a whole lot of bouncing and love making, she still couldn't
feel the darned pea.

"I think every woman dreams of being a
princess," Betty-Jo said. "Now, after thinking I was one, I'm
saddened that I'm not. I'm an unhappy unprincess."

"Don't be unhappy," replied a grinning Brad.
"The pea test proves that you really are a princess. You knew right
away that there wasn't a pea under the mattress. That's because the
pea is still in my pants pocket. I figured that with you bouncing
around trying to feel the pea, our love making would be awesome.
And I was right!"

Brad wasn't maimed, or worse, because he was
lying on top of Betty-Jo, and he had a firm grip on her wrists.
"Easy there, Tawny Princess. You wouldn't want to injure your
prince, would you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"If I really am Paris' direct descendent,
then guess what? That makes me a real prince."

* * *

Later that morning, Betty-Jo learned that her
father was dead. Victor had died saving Eddie, when a hurricane
blew in from out of nowhere, and made landfall at Myrtle Beach.

As she flew south to be with Eddie, she clung
to Brad and wept. "The Gray Ghost's warning has cost my father his
life," she said. "If Lord Worthington hadn't warned me about Venus,
he could have warned me about the hurricane."

* * *

Venus watched in disgust as Eurus' hurricane
headed toward South Carolina's northern coastline. Eurus has to be
the dullest tool in the shed, she thought, or he's listening to
that dimwit Mercury. What's he doing? He knows he's only on earth
for backup in case Plan-A fails to eliminate Princess Betty-Jo.
"Damn you, Eurus! Zeus isn't a complete fool. It doesn't matter how
busy he is shagging Europa; he's still going to notice a hurricane.
Eurus would have a better chance of sneaking the dawn past a
rooster!"

It wasn't until Eurus' hurricane killed
Victor Chance, that the goddess of love moved her hand under her
skirt, and began to cheer up.

"Hairball," she said, "maybe the hurricane
wasn't such a bad idea after all. Victor's death might be the good
omen I've been waiting for, and if nothing else, it's created more
misery for Betty-Jo."

Grand
Slam Sex Appeal

It was noon, Thursday, August the
seventeenth, and Betty-Jo was playing in the second round of the
two week U.S. Open. Her first round opponent had withdrawn due to
injury. The match was being played on Stadium Court, and she was
focused on playing well in tribute to her father. "Daddy would have
wanted me to be tough like Ben-Gal," she told Brad.