The Anniversary (4 page)

like a child. And yet, Callie was well aware of the crossroads just 28

ahead. There on the wall by Anna’s bed was a poster of Britney 29

Spears. Balloonlike breasts. Slick, wet lips. A pale froth of hair.

30

An ominous intimation of the years that lay ahead.

31

Callie looked at her daughter. “So what’s with the sign?” she 32

asked.

33

“What sign?” Anna said. She kept watching the cartoon. A 34

green squirrel scampered to the edge of a tree limb, not watching S 35

his step. The branch ended, but he kept going until he glanced R 36

1 7

2nd PASS PAGES

13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 18

A M Y G U T M A N

1

down. Then, in sudden panic, he found he was suspended in 2

space. The knowledge seemed to trigger the force of gravity, hith-3

erto suspended. A whistling, whooshing noise as the squirrel plum-4

meted to earth.

5

Anna laughed loudly.

6

Callie, knowing her daughter, could tell the sound was forced.

7

“The sign on your
door,
” she said, refusing to be put off.

8

Still not looking at her mother, Anna shrugged her shoulders.

9

Callie waited for something more, but Anna didn’t go on. Af-10

ter another few seconds of silence, Callie tried again. “What’s up 11

with you and Rick? You used to like him fine. Remember how you 12

went sledding last winter, you, Henry, and Rick?”

13

Still no response.

14

An explosion on the TV screen sent the green squirrel hurtling 15

through outer space, through the stars, past the moon, past the 16

rings of Saturn.

17

“Anna, turn off the television.”

18

“But Mom —”

19

“Turn it off.”

20

With a sigh, Anna clicked the remote, but she still didn’t 21

look up.

22

In the sudden silence, Callie had an impulse just to let it go.

23

But they had to talk about this sometime, and it might as well be 24

now.

25

“Come on, Anna. Tell me.”

26

Anna shrugged again, more elaborately this time. Her eyes 27

shifted from Callie’s face to someplace beyond her shoulder. As if 28

she were seeking an escape route to somewhere her mother was 29

not.

30

“He’s okay,” she finally said. “I just don’t see why he has to
be
31

here all the time.”

32

“He’s here because he cares. He cares about both of us.” Callie 33

studied her daughter. “I think there’s something else. Something 34

you’re not telling me.”

35 S

“I don’t have to tell you
everything.
” Anna stared at her lap, 36 R

hair shielding her face.

1 8

2nd PASS PAGES

13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 19

T H E A N N I V E R S A R Y

“No. Of course not,” Callie said gently. “But you might feel 1

better if you talked about it.”

2

Anna shifted her position, and as her hair fell away, Callie 3

glimpsed her trembling mouth. She looked both defiant and mis-4

erable, and Callie yearned to touch her. To do something — any-5

thing — to soothe her daughter’s pain. But she knew from past 6

experience that this would just make things worse. When Anna 7

was in this sort of mood, she had to wait it out.

8

“He’s not my father.”

9

Anna said the words so softly that Callie almost missed them.

10

She looked at her daughter in astonishment, wondering if she’d 11

heard right.

12

“He’s not!” Anna’s voice was stronger now. Her eyes squarely 13

met her mother’s.

14

Callie took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. “No,” she 15

said. “You’re right.”

16

Her mind was flying now, trying to frame a response, trying to 17

come up with an answer that Anna would find reassuring. At the 18

same time, she was casting around for a clue as to where this had 19

come from. She couldn’t remember the last time that Anna had 20

mentioned Kevin.

21

“You’ve been thinking about your dad?”

22

“No!” Anna said. And then, “A little.” She’d dropped her 23

head, and once again her face was veiled behind a swath of hair.

24

“So . . . what do you think about?”

25

“Just some stuff we did. Like that place where we got pumpkins 26

for Halloween. And at that park, where he pushed me on the 27

swing.”

28

She’d been so young, only three. Callie was amazed she re-29

membered. When she herself thought of Kevin Thayer, almost 30

nothing remained. Just the monotony of trying to pretend that 31

she’d been right to marry him. Even his face was a blur now: 32

plump cheeks beneath the thinning hair, small pug nose. When 33

she tried to picture her ex-husband, she thought of a smooth, 34

round egg. Yet he hadn’t been a bad man. Just not the man for S 35

her.

R 36

1 9

2nd PASS PAGES

13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 20

A M Y G U T M A N

1

“You liked doing those things.”

2

“Yeah.”

3

Callie moved a hand to Anna’s back, but Anna wriggled away.

4

After a moment, though, she looked at Callie, her gaze shrewd, 5

assessing. The look of a seasoned gambler weighing the odds of 6

a bet.

7

“Are you going to marry Rick?”

8

The question caught Callie off guard. “I . . . I don’t know, 9

honey,” she hedged. “We haven’t talked about it.”

10

“But you
might
marry him.”

11

“Look, sweetie, I’m not going to marry anyone unless . . . un-12

less we both agree. Unless you and I both decide that it would be 13

a good idea.”

14

“Really?” Anna’s face lit up. This time when Callie touched 15

her, she didn’t squirm away.

16

Reaching beneath her daughter’s shirt, Callie tickled her lightly, 17

trailing her fingers down the narrow back in the way that Anna 18

loved.

19

“You know, if you want to talk about your dad, you can tell me.”

20

“Okay.” Anna’s voice was muffled, her face pressed against a 21

pillow.

22

“Do you . . . miss him?” It was painful to ask the question.

23

Maybe because she wanted so much to believe that she could 24

make Anna happy.

25

“I’m okay, Mom,” Anna said.

26

Callie didn’t say anything. For an instant, she had a strange 27

sensation that Anna was protecting her.

28

Then, leaning forward, she kissed Anna’s flowery hair. “C’mon, 29

honey, let’s go downstairs. It’s pizza night,” she said.

30

31

“So you’ll be back on Tuesday?”

32

“That’s the plan.”

33

It was a little before eight. They were sitting at the kitchen 34

table. Rick flipped through the
Merritt Gazette,
while Callie 35 S

scanned the mail — applications for credit cards, catalogues, a 36 R

sweepstakes entry.

2 0

2nd PASS PAGES

13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 21

T H E A N N I V E R S A R Y

“I’ll miss you,” Callie said to him. And was surprised to realize 1

it was true.

2

Rick looked over and smiled at her, faint lines deepening around 3

his eyes. He looked both older and younger, smiling at her like 4

that. In fact, he was thirty-two, three years younger than she was.

5

They’d met late last summer at a neighborhood barbecue. Rick 6

didn’t live in the neighborhood, but his pal Tod Carver did. Tod 7

was Rick’s best friend at the Merritt Police Department. He had 8

curly hair, a rueful expression, and Callie was fond of him. He re-9

minded her a bit of a guy she’d dated back in high school.

10

Like Callie, Rick was a Merritt transplant, having moved up 11

from New York. At the barbecue, they’d traded stories over paper 12

plates of food. “Burnout,” he’d said simply, when she asked him 13

why he’d moved. For her part, she’d told him how she’d come 14

here for school, then fallen for the town.

15

He was so appealing, so easy to talk to, she’d liked him right 16

away. Still, when he’d asked her out for dinner, she’d found her-17

self hesitating. She’d been on her own for so long now. It seemed 18

safer that way. There was no one to tell her what to do, no one to 19

report to. No one to ask her difficult questions, to dredge up the 20

painful past. Her life was simple, streamlined. For the most part, 21

it worked. And yet there was something about Rick that had 22

caused her to reconsider.
I’ll go out with him once,
she’d told her-23

self. And that was how it started.

24

A rustle as Rick turned the page, and a flyer fell to the floor.

25

Pushing aside the mail, Callie reached down to get it. A two-for-26

one sale on Easter candy, worth remembering. Once again, it was 27

almost time for the neighborhood’s Easter egg hunt. When was 28

Easter anyway? Two weeks? Or was it sooner?

29

She reached into her purse for her Filofax, meaning to check 30

the date. But as she pulled out the date book, she saw that some-31

thing was caught between its pages. The envelope she’d picked 32

up earlier, the one stuck in the door. She’d totally forgotten about 33

it. Now she pulled it out. Edging a fingernail beneath its flap, she 34

neatly ripped it open. Inside was a single sheet of paper. Two S 35

short sentences, typed.

R 36

2 1

2nd PASS PAGES

13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 22

A M Y G U T M A N

1

Happy Anniversary, Rosamund. I haven’t forgotten you.

2

The shock was so intense that at first she didn’t feel a thing.

3

Like plunging into ice-cold water, unable to catch your breath, 4

hurtling down and down and down, not knowing when you’ll 5

stop. She clutched the note tight in her hand. Everything had 6

changed.

7

“Callie? What is it?”

8

She started at the sound of Rick’s voice, pulled back from the 9

precipice.

10

“Just a note from Anna’s teacher,” she lied. “I’ve got to talk to 11

her.”

12

With thick, unwieldy fingers, she quickly refolded the page.

13

Stuck the note in its envelope back in her Filofax. She was about 14

to close the leather cover when her eyes caught today’s date. The 15

large block letters in the small square box said Wednesday, April 5.

16

She stared at the date, hardly able to believe it.

17

April 5.

18

Today was April 5.

19

How could she have forgotten?

20

21

22

23

24

25

26

27

28

29

30

31

32

33

34

35 S

36 R

2 2

2nd PASS PAGES

13713_01_i-vi_001-344_r4jn.qxd 4/21/03 8:03 AM Page 23

Thursday, April 6

Da n c i n g close.

1

Her head rests on a man’s shoulder, her small hand encased in his
2

larger one. Her dress is long and white, soft against her skin. She’s a
3

beautiful girl in a beautiful dress, dancing with her new husband. His
4

leg moves forward as hers slides back. He turns, and she turns with
5

him.

6

One, two, three. One two three.

7

A waltz.

8

Another turn and then another. She’s starting to feel dizzy. But
9

when she looks up to tell him, she can’t seem to speak. He smiles at
10

her, then, firmly, presses her head back down. As if he can’t bear to
11

look at her. She wants to ask him why. But when she tries to move her
12

head, his hand holds it in place.

13

One, two, three. One two three.

14

It seems as if the room is growing darker, as if it’s going to rain. But
15

then she sees that they’re not in a room and everyone else is gone.

16

They’re dancing outside, in a parking lot, surrounded by a high fence.

17

In the background, she hears music.
I’m in the mood, I’m in the 18

mood, I’m in the mood, I’m in the mood, I’m in the —

19

One, two, three.

20

One two three.

21

She almost starts to giggle as they waltz to country rock.

22

Again, she tries to look up at him, and this time he doesn’t stop her.

23

But his gaze is focused on some distant point, beyond the steel mesh
24

fence.