The Apartment: The Complete Affair (48 page)

* * *

They made polite conversation the entire way to Bettendorf, each of them sneaking longing looks at the other when they had the chance. When they pulled up in front of the restaurant she was surprised that it looked like such a simple place from the outside. She’d assumed that Ethan would hunt down the most lavish place available in an attempt to wow her, but The Red Crow Grille just looked like a basic restaurant at the end of a strip of businesses.

Until they went inside.

It was the fanciest place she’d ever been taken by far. The waiters wore long aprons and described the menu items at length. They had food she’d never heard of, paired with wines she’d never tasted. To say that she was out of her element was putting it mildly.

“I hope you don’t think it’s too much,” Ethan whispered as they were led to their table. He had reserved one of the special oversized red booths by the pianist. “It was one of the nicest places in town, and I really just wanted to make this evening special.”

“No, not at all… I think it’s charming, actually. I’ve never… oh, never mind.”

“Please,” he said as they were seated. “What were you saying? You’ve never?”

“Well… I’ve never had anyone put so much thought into anything like this for me. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need to be wined and dined to be impressed, but this?” She gestured around the room. “This is impressive.”

Ethan smiled and reached over the table, taking her hand in his. He stroked his thumb across the backs of her knuckles in small circles as he looked deeply into her eyes. “I’m happy you’re enjoying yourself.”

He didn’t add that there was no reason she should be so moved by a simple restaurant when there were places he’d taken Rachel that cost more than most people’s car payments. She hadn’t even batted an eye at the cost, either, taking it all in as her due. That was one of the things he was beginning to treasure about Lily: she actually appreciated things. Hell, just thinking of how she’d teared up when he made her a fucking sandwich was enough to make him want to shower her with diamonds and sapphires. And then shower with her.

They talked and laughed as they ate, feeling more comfortable with each other by the minute. Lily updated him on all of the new changes in her life, including the fact that she was saving up for a trip to New Zealand and hopefully Australia as well if she could swing it. She had no idea how long it would take her to save enough, but even if it was still a few years away, she didn’t care. She was just happy to finally be doing something for herself.

After a while, Ethan took the conversation in a more serious direction, needing to finally be up front with her about why he left. He explained his fears and hesitations, and how he had truly thought he was doing right by her. He filled her in briefly on what she still needed to know about him and Rachel and their rocky past full of addictions. He apologized again for leaving the way he did, and then shared the story of how Eric had found him and literally knocked some sense into him.

“When I asked you last night if that was why you were coming to see me, you said ‘yes and no.’ What did you mean by that?” Lily asked, handling the subject matter much better than Ethan had anticipated.

“I guess I just meant that technically, yes, his punching me out was what finally got me motivated to get off my brooding ass and come back here to fight for you. But no, it wasn’t what made me want to do it.” He reached over and took her hand again, fighting to ignore the instant jolt he felt at the contact. “You’ve got to believe me, Lily. I thought of nothing else for months… I just honestly figured you had gotten married and it was too late. I let myself get sucked into some sort of downward pity spiral, convinced that I was too damaged and not good enough for anybody, even my own family. I should have given them more credit than that… and I should have had faith in you.”

Lily wiped her eyes quickly and patted the back of his hand with her own. “I should have ended things with my ex so much sooner and told you how I was starting to feel about you—your little privacy rules be damned. I guess I was too scared that you would reject me.”

He swallowed uncomfortably. “Man, I guess I didn’t help that perception by running away like a thief in the night, did I? I have to be honest and say that I think I also panicked because things went from playful to serious way faster than I expected. It was all such a romantic notion, having this unattainable secret lover… it made me want you for myself even more. And then when I found out that not only were you actually leaving him, but you were also friends with my entire family and they loved you? I just started freaking out, trying to convince myself that nothing could be so perfect. I was so wrong… because to me, you
are
perfect.”

She wiped another tear from the corner of her eye, blinking rapidly until she could see him clearly again. “Maybe you should wait ’til you get to know me better. I’m far from perfect, Ethan.”

“But that’s another thing that makes you perfect for
me
.”

After they had lingered at their table for over two hours, sharing dessert as they talked, Ethan signaled for the check. As they walked to the car he asked her if he could take her out for a drink before they headed back.

“Of course, but they had a full bar at the restaurant,” she said, confused.

“I know, but there’s a place I’ve been meaning to check out just across the river in Rock Island, over in The District. They have live music.”

“That sounds great,” Lily smiled.

He drove them to The Rock Island Brewing Company, RIBCO for short, and although it was obvious they were way overdressed, Lily found the place charming. She had heard about it before from friends at work but had never been to a show there.

They grabbed a small table in the back and listened to an adorable girl on tour from San Francisco called Uni & Her Ukelele who sang the most quirky, beautiful songs about unicorns and rainbows and love and heartache, all while playing a mean ukulele. They sat with their heads together for almost an hour, whispering questions and answers during the song breaks about their favorite music and artists. Lily leaned her head on his shoulder at one point and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her even closer to him in silence, both of them touched by how right it felt.

When the set was over, Ethan bought two CDs from the singer (intentionally overpaying for them), and thanked her for a great show. When Lily asked why he bought two, he explained that this way they could each have one as a souvenir of their first date together.

She knew without even listening that it was already her favorite CD she’d ever owned.

The drive back to Aledo was fairly quiet, both of their minds preoccupied with arousal and self-restraint. When they arrived back at her building Ethan walked her upstairs, both of them stopping to face each other in the hallway when she opened the door.

“Lily… thank you so much for joining me tonight,” he said quietly. “I had a great time and I hope you did too.”

“I had an excellent time! Thank you.”

The silence was deafening as they stared openly at each other’s lips. As if pulled together by magnets, their bodies drifted toward each other almost unconsciously. When they were only mere inches apart, Ethan raised his hand slowly and cupped her cheek, as if he were holding the most priceless, fragile treasure in existence.

“Lily,” he gasped, and she could feel his hand shaking.

“What’s wrong?” she whispered, almost against his lips. She could tell he was holding back even the simplest of kisses.

“I just can’t believe that you’re really in my arms again. Dreams aren’t supposed to come true twice… I don’t want to fuck this up.”

“Ethan,” she whimpered, “please kiss me!”

Unable to resist her plea, he finally closed the distance, covering her mouth with his own. He had intended for it to be soft and gentle, only a small taste of a still-forbidden fruit, but when she cried out and shoved her hands into his hair, he went a little mad. A loud groan tore from his throat as he drove the tip of his tongue between her succulent lips, instantly tangling it with hers. The silky texture he felt brought so many memories flooding back to him that he feared he might cry, both out of frustration and the joy of being able to experience them again.

His arms wrapped around her waist tightly as he shoved her against the doorframe, grunting into her mouth when he felt his erection brush against her stomach. Lily moaned and rubbed herself against him more firmly, causing starbursts to explode behind his eyes.

“Ethan,” she panted as she came up for air. “Do you want to come inside?” She knew if she hadn’t spoken, things probably would have continued on seamlessly, but she also wanted it to be his conscious choice after the way he’d acted the night before.

She could see the very moment that awareness of his surroundings entered his heated gaze, and suddenly it was his turn to whimper. Dropping his forehead to her shoulder, he took a few deep breaths before slowly pulling away.

“It’s not a question of
want
,” he choked out, squeezing his eyes shut tightly and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Of course I
want
to, but I promised myself that I wouldn’t. Not yet.”

“What is it that you’re waiting for?” she asked softly, trying to hide the rejection she felt.

“I need to make you truly believe how important you are to me first. I don’t think I’ve done that yet.”

“Ethan, I’m not looking for penance.”

“I know… but there is something that I’m arranging, something that I hope to do very soon. If we can manage to wait until then, I think you will finally see.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” she huffed. “It’s not like there’s some magical event that will erase everything that’s happened between us. We have an awkward history that we have to get past together. How is some grand gesture going to change that?”

“This isn’t just about waiting for a grand gesture, Lily.”

“Then will you try to explain this to me so that I can understand it better? Because the way I see it, we’re consenting adults and can have sex if we want to.” When he opened his mouth to protest she held up a hand to signal that she wasn’t finished yet. “Now, I’m willing to hear you out and you don’t have to spill the big surprise, but I need you to
stop
leaving me out of decisions that affect both of us.” She crossed her arms in front of her and looked up at him expectantly.

“
Shit
!” Ethan sighed loudly and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “I’m fucking doing it again, aren’t I? I’m totally deciding what’s best for you.”

“He finally gets it,” Lily said with a smirk.

“I’m sorry,” he groaned in embarrassment. “I have no idea how to do this. I
told
you I’ve never dated before.”

“I understand that this is new for you.” Her voice lost its irritated edge when she realized that he genuinely felt bad. “Listen, I’ll understand a lot more when you decide to
communicate
with me.”

“I’ll try,” Ethan whispered, leaning in to kiss her on the forehead sweetly. He was immediately hit with a wave of her intoxicating perfume. “Christ, you smell good!” He leaned down by her neck to inhale her deeply, which sent a shockwave of arousal through his body that caused him to shudder against her. It took him a few moments to collect himself and think clearly before he spoke again. “I promise to try my best if you promise to be patient with me.”

“Deal.” Lily smiled brightly, happy that he seemed willing to compromise, even happier that he was clearly still as affected by their proximity as she was. “Now tell me why you think we should wait.”

He took a deep breath, choosing his words carefully. “I guess I’m worried that if we start getting physical right away that’s all it’ll ever be. I get near you and all I can think about is having you again. Feeling your body moving underneath mine—”

“
Not
helping!” Lily interrupted, her breathing suddenly shallow. If Ethan kept talking like that she wouldn’t be responsible for what she did to him right there in the hallway.

“Sorry. See? I can’t even give you an explanation without it turning sexual.” He watched the rapid rise and fall of her breasts as she tried to gain her composure, forcing himself to look her in the eye when he spoke again. “This is what I’m talking about. I love that we have so much chemistry together, but I don’t want that to be all we are. I want the whole experience with you.”

“Whole experience?”

“The dating experience. I want to court you, as lame as that may sound. I want to woo you. I want to take you out to a movie. I want to cuddle with you in front of the TV and watch old reruns. I want to talk to you for hours and get to know you more than anybody else ever has.”

“You mean my ‘true soul that I hide away from the rest of the world?’” Lily asked with a shy smile, using the same phrase he’d used when they first started their affair. The beauty of those words had always stuck with her.

He looked at her then, deep into her eyes, and there was no mistaking the heat that was radiating from his gaze. “I meant that then, but it’s even more true today. I want to learn everything I can about you, not just certain parts that conveniently fit into my life.”

Lily couldn’t help herself after that—she simply had to kiss him. Her arms went around his neck and pulled him to her roughly, causing their bodies to crash together at the same time as their lips. She led the kiss, probing the spicy depths of his mouth with her tongue and conjuring a loud moan from him for her efforts.

Ethan allowed himself to enjoy the surprising embrace for a few moments longer before slowly forcing his traitorous body to back away from her. He could feel every muscle scream in protest as he did so but he knew that he couldn’t let his resolve weaken so quickly.

“Lily,” he whimpered when he saw the blazing desire in her eyes. “Please tell me you understand.” He took an extra step back from her as he waited for her reply, not trusting himself to remain so close.

“Are you saying that we can’t even make out?” She sounded out of breath and slightly panicked. “Because most couples make out, you know.”