The Aristocrat's Lady (Love Inspired Historical) (12 page)

“You have the right of it, Beth.” Nicole sighed. “But
we
can
control our response to it. There can be no more than friendship between us.”

Lady Hampton seemed to accept the futility of further discussion at the present and let go of the subject. “Very well, that is enough about Lord Devlin. Why do you not tell me about yourself?”

They spent a lovely afternoon sharing stories of their childhoods, and Nicole knew she had found a true friend. She realized she must put that faith to the test, and trust Beth with the story of her accident. She waited patiently for an opening.

“What I cannot understand,” Lady Beth said at one point, “is how you got to be three and twenty and still remain unwed. If the men of Cheltenham are so immune to
your
charms, I am glad
I
did not grow up there! The men in London, however, are not so immune, it would seem.”

Nicole took a deep breath and said a silent prayer in preparation for what was to follow. She had dreaded its arrival, but now she felt a freedom in complete honesty. “I
was
engaged once,” Nicole began. “He is a doctor on our estate. We fell in love and prepared for what I thought was God’s plan for us to serve others. I was happy with Michael, but happier still that I would continue to be close enough to our home to help my mother. It seemed quite perfect at the time but…we called it off.”

“Nicole!” Beth gasped. “I am so sorry. I did not know. You do not have to talk of this if you do not wish to. We will have plenty of time to get to know each other’s skeletons.”

“No,” Nicole said with downcast eyes, “I think I do finally wish to talk about it. You are the one person I feel I
can
talk to about it. You see, in truth,
he
broke it off.” At Beth’s distressed groan, she added, “You must not blame him. Indeed, I do not. It was after the accident and…” she paused, not believing the truth was finally to come out “…I do not think he could have handled it. You see, Beth, in the accident, I…”

Suddenly the veranda doors pushed open, and Lords Hampton and Devlin walked through them. “Beth, my darling wife, you will never guess who I found! Poor Dev was wandering the streets alone and dejected, so I invited him to luncheon.”

Both women hurriedly lowered their feet to the floor and reddened, one in embarrassment, one in anger. As he saw Nicole, Lord Hampton apologized profusely. Nicole was shaking from the disastrous timing of it all and from Lord Devlin’s appearance. Why did his presence always seem to affect her so? She gathered her poise enough to say, “Lord Hampton, this
is
your house! You are certainly allowed to come in it any time you please without apology.”

Lord Devlin froze into inaction. The drive home from the opera the night before had been a disaster, and he could see that Peter had intruded on a matter of import between Beth and Nicole. There was nothing for it, however, it was too late to go back now. “Good afternoon, ladies,” he said as he kissed each one’s hand. He noticed Nicole kept her eyes bent on the ground beneath her feet. All he got from her was a murmured “My lord.”

“Beth, I have been trying to tell this husband of yours that I was going to have luncheon at my club. He would not take no for an answer. I apologize for intruding like this.”

Both women realized that they could not get the moment back, even had the two men left on the instant. “Of course, Peter did right, Dev. We would be delighted if you would join us. I was about to ask Lady Nicole to join us, as well. Perhaps you may both help me persuade her.”

Nicole finally jerked her head up. “No!” she ejected, and then apologized for her outburst. “I really cannot remain, Beth. I have already been away longer than I planned, and I am promised to Mama for this afternoon. Thank you so much for the tea and visit. If you would just ring for Toby, I will leave the three of you to enjoy your luncheon.”

The two women chatted quietly of the opera the night before, Nicole feeling an eternity pass waiting for Toby to arrive. The butler finally announced that her servant was waiting for her in the hall.

Beth took her waist and walked her into the house as Nicole bid the gentlemen good day.

“Nicole, I am ever so sorry,” Beth whispered. “Peter was supposed to be gone all day, I promise you. I would never have put you in such a situation had I known he was to be home.”

Nicole turned in the foyer and hugged Beth closely. “I know that, dear friend. I truly do thank you for inviting me today and for the special bond we have formed
through our faith. Perhaps you can visit me soon and we could enjoy another happy afternoon like this one.”

Toby then led her out into the waiting carriage, and the ride home was unusually quiet. She had almost gotten the truth out, and while she wanted
Beth
to know, she knew in her heart she was not ready for Lord Devlin to know. That was not the way she wanted him to find out.

Maybe she was not meant to tell Beth that day. That was how she must look at it. But God had given her a new friend, and one she thought she could count on for life.

Nicole thought about that afternoon long into the evening. Her thoughts were actually centered more on Lord Devlin. Beth had been honest and expressed herself confidently; in her opinion Devlin was either in love with her or on his way to being so. That was what concerned her now.

She viewed him so differently since she had heard his speech. The attraction had been subtle when he’d flirted before, and she had appreciated his humor as she had seen in no other. But his feelings
that
day had been real and important to him. They had never shared anything of significant import before then. And since he had just come from giving his speech, it would be likely they would talk about it, not because he had developed a tendre for her, but because they both felt so strongly about the issue. They were aware that their relationship as friends would take a little time to get used to.

The problem now was that she knew this
was
a man
she could love. She did not want to. There were too many differences, too many obstacles, especially since the accident. She also admitted to herself that this did not fit into God’s plan for her life. She had taken so long to come to grips with His purpose; she could not allow this test to weaken her resolve.

Devlin could be effective and help people by his involvement with the government, but she would be a hindrance to him here in London. She knew she was really only useful at home where she could help her own people. It was, of course, on a much smaller scale, but it was all her world would allow.

Even if he did have the same affections for her that she had begun to feel for him, she could not bear the pain if he rejected her once he knew all about her. And she was sure, unlike Beth, that he
would
reject her as too much of a burden. Look at his feelings on marriage! If he dreaded being married, how would he feel being married to her? She would be a ball and chain that he would have to drag around his world. Tears sprang to her eyes even at the thought. His friends would only gape and wonder at his strange blind wife.

How she wished her father were alive. He was so wise; she had always felt that she could talk to him about anything. Even this, she knew, would have caused her no qualms to discuss with him. His compassion for others extended first and foremost to his family, and no problem was too big or too personal to discuss and pray over.

She surmised what he would wish her to do in this instance. He would tell her to stop pretending, to be
herself—open and honest with everyone. Honesty prevented words and actions from coming back to haunt you. And she had lived her life that way, until her mother had insisted upon coming to London. She had feared facing Society openly, so had concealed the details of her disability despite her ethics. And the hypocrisy haunted her each time she complained of the superficial populace around her. She suspected her father would have understood, but she knew that he would never condone her actions.

She would go through the rest of their time in London avoiding Lord Devlin. Beginning on the morrow, she and Chelsea would visit all the sights in London. They should exploit this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity at all events, should they not? Then she would go back home to her real life.

Nicole kept her promise to Chelsea. The two of them, and Toby, of course, filled the following week with sightseeing. Each landmark excited Chelsea and everything seemed more wonderful sharing it through the heart of a child.

When she returned home each day there were often flowers from Devlin, always roses, and twice he had called while she was out. Her mother was getting impatient with her for avoiding his calls and using exhaustion as an excuse to cry off evening engagements. And though she missed Devlin terribly, even more than she could have imagined, she must adhere to her plan not to see him any longer.

There had also been a note from Beth, apologizing
yet again. She responded immediately, bidding her not to worry in the least. Nicole explained she was occupied with her little sister, but hoped they would meet again soon.

If her nights were lonely and sad, she vowed no one would know it in the light of day.

“N
icky, I am fully aware you never wished to come to London, and I have truly appreciated
most
of the effort you have made to please me. However, I desire your attendance this last week.” Lady Beaumont confronted her daughter with severity. “I wish you to go to Lady Freemont’s musicale, to the alfresco luncheon dear Albinia is hosting and, most importantly, to Mrs. Stouffer’s ball with me tonight. Mrs. Stouffer has been a friend of mine since we were young girls. I want to go to her daughter’s betrothal ball, and I wish you to accompany me. Our meeting with the doctor is nearly upon us, and then we will go back home. Will you do this for me?”

Conscience tugged at Nicole’s heart. “Yes, Mama, of course I will. I
have
been avoiding some entertainments lately, but I have grown so bored with them. Chelsea was a good excuse at first, but we have truly had a splendid time each day. I am a sad trial to you, Mama,” Nicole said, trying to tease her mother back into good humor. But it seemed real anger fueled her
mother’s words. She imagined her mother was aware that Lord Devlin was somehow involved. Fortunately, she was not using him in her entreaties to get Nicole to attend tonight. “I will be ready, Mama.”

Balls were of little interest to Nicole any longer. Before her accident they had been one of her greatest pleasures, but attending them now only seemed frustrating and futile. She had always believed her love of dancing was a natural extension of her passion for music. But one could not dance when one was blind.

Before coming to Town, she had invented a ruse which proved quite successful and allowed her to suffer through balls with little anguish. Her mother had begrudgingly agreed to grant Nicole the advantage of appearing early, to avoid the crowded receiving lines. Upon their arrival Nicole would accompany her mother to where the dowagers congregated. She would then choose a seat as isolated as possible, where she would remain unobtrusive but could enjoy the festivities through the gossip of the supreme matrons. Many rooms had potted ferns that provided a most ideal hiding place!

Nicole’s mother abhorred her tactics, but as it was one of Nicole’s stipulations for attending at all, she had given in. She had not given up, however, and often brought young gentlemen over, trying to outwit her contrary daughter.

Upon seeing her, most men wandered over to her, and they never failed to ask her to dance but she had determined long ago to say she did not dance and thank
them prettily. Some asked if they could sit out the dance with her, but all she had to do was begin expressing her opinion on the shocking state of London’s orphanages or the mistreatment of underage chimney sweeps and they soon took themselves off, looking for more interesting game. So she would sit quietly, enjoy the music and get through an evening with little fuss.

The only time she had deviated from that plan had been at the Swathmore ball. Only see what a simple walk on the terrace had done! She had met the man who
was
interested in her conversation and who shared many of her opinions. But he had turned her world upside down in the process. No, her original plan would be perfect tonight, and she intended to stand firm.

She heard the musicians tuning up for a country reel and smiled at the lively tune, always having enjoyed the invigorating steps. She even began to hum along when
his
voice interrupted.

“Lady Beaumont, what a pleasure to see you here tonight. I have been sorry to miss you when I called.”

“Lord Devlin,” Nicole’s mother said as she bowed her head. “How delightful it is to see you.” Her mother preened just a little among the dowagers. “I so enjoyed the opera, and Nicky has done nothing but hum the strains of several arias all week.”

Nicole did not raise her face and knew an impulse to pretend she had not heard her mother. However, his extensive experience showed only the most proper of manners. “I am, of course, charmed as well to see you, Lady Nicole. I was about to ask if you were in attendance tonight.”

“Good evening, Lord Devlin,” she said, turning her head this way and that, pretending to watch the dancers.

“Would you do me the honor of taking a turn about the room with me? We might better view the dancers.” He was not going to speak his mind while trying to dance with her!

“I am sure, my lord,” she said, trying to sound lighthearted, “you would be much better occupied dancing the reel yourself rather than strolling the outskirts of the dance floor.”

“I assure
you,
my lady,” his voice was almost menacing as his teeth clenched, “I would enjoy nothing more than your company.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” interrupted old Lady Brachurst, “walk with the young fellow so we can go about our business.” The other dowagers tittered at the virago’s outburst, but Nicole blushed as she realized others had been listening to their conversation.

She stood, and decided she now knew how one must feel on the long walk to the guillotine!

She allowed him to put her hand in the crook of his arm. He laid his own atop hers, as if afraid she would not stay with him. They walked for some time without speaking, and she could feel various emotions emanating from him. He was angry with her, she knew from his subdued silence. His stillness indicated he was suppressing bewilderment. Most importantly, she felt his hurt, and that almost unnerved her.

“Is that why I have never encountered you in London, because I have not stalked the decorous green
ery? I shall endeavor to remember to look there first in the future.” He was not teasing; his voice was tight and filled with feeling.

“My lord, I do not dance. It has always seemed silly for me to sit on the sidelines as if waiting for a partner. It only makes hostesses force some unfortunate gentleman to sit out a dance he would rather not. It is as simple as that. There is no need to be angry.”

“No need to be angry,” he ejected, more in pain than in anger. Several heads turned their way so he lowered his voice, but not his cynicism. “You have politely repaid me for an evening at the opera by avoiding me at every turn, and you think I have no right to be angry?”

Nicole’s temper flared when he spoke, as if she should be at his beck and call. But it burned out quickly, because she knew there was truth in his words. “If you must know, I have been taking my sister to visit London’s sites. I promised it to her when the London trip was planned.”

Suddenly she felt the wind go out of his sails and knew she would now get questions that would hurt. She dreaded wounding him and wished he had stayed in an angry frame of mind. That hurt them both less.

“Do you have any concept what I have been through this week? I have racked my brain trying to figure out how I have offended you. I have relived that night at the opera and the carriage ride home a thousand times, trying to recall something I did to turn you away from me. I almost gave up when you dashed out of the Hamptons’ at the mere sight of me.

“But when I saw your mother here tonight, again
without you, I was prepared to break into your home, handcuff Toby and get you to tell me what I had done.”

She could not tell him she knew exactly how he felt. She only knew in her heart that she had missed him more each day, but she would not and could not tell him that.

He paused and in a low voice asked, “Nicole, I thought we had become close. Has your regard for me changed?”

This side of him touched her heart. Beside her stood a man she had come to love—in what fashion she was not entirely sure. But he was not too proud to express the feelings and pain in his heart. Only it was like to break hers. Why must he always do something that made it even easier to care for him?

Could she tell this man the truth? Mama pressed her daily to give up the secret. But would he still care for her despite her failings? He seemed to have so much compassion. No, it would only hurt him. He would have to make a choice of acceptance or rejection, and she could not bear it if this man outright rejected her.

“Devlin, I am sorry I put you to so much trouble this week. I promise you did nothing to offend me. In fact, I told you I would treasure that evening for the rest of my life. I truly have been taking Chelsea around London. I realized that sweet little girl has spent much of her time alone while Mama and I have been out and about. I wanted her to remember this trip as well.”

He did not say anything so she felt he expected more. “By the end of the day I was too tired to go the soirees Mama had committed us to. I sent you several notes to
thank you for your flowers. I had no idea you would worry so. I am truly sorry if I hurt you. I hope you know I would never wish to do so.”

This was all wrong, Devlin knew it. She was apologizing and making it all sound quite ordinary, but she was not telling him the entire truth. And she had not answered the most important question he put to her: had her feelings for him changed? Perhaps they had. She
had
been avoiding him, but he could not discern why. He had never before been lonely when it came to women. Yet he missed her so much it scared him. Had she not missed him?

An idea struck him that could account for her actions without meaning she did not wish his company. If Peter had been hounding
him
about love and marriage, perhaps Lady Beth had been filling Nicole’s head with the same. Could she have panicked in distress?

Whatever the problem, Devlin became calm enough to realize he was not going to obtain any answers in the middle of a crowded ballroom. Instead he took her completely off guard and asked, “Why do you not dance?”

“It is a long story, my lord,” she evaded. “And no, you do not have time to hear it now.”

The ensemble began the strains of a waltz. He understood now that when she closed her eyes it meant she was stirred to her very heart.

Devlin was so in tune with her now, he felt the feelings she was holding back. Perhaps he could use that to his advantage. “You must know how to dance, sweetheart. Music is too deep in your soul. Besides,” he whis
pered, “you look quite healthy to me. Dance this waltz with me.”

“No!” she burst out without thinking. As she lowered her voice she said, “It would not be proper. For more than two months I have refused to dance with any other gentleman and have been making poor inane dandies sit out dances with me. How should it look if I suddenly danced with a wealthy and unattached earl? Gossip, which you so aptly explained to me the night we met, would run rampant.

“I am sorry, but I do not dance. Now, for heaven’s sake, please take me back to Mama and go dance with someone who
wants
to dance with you!”

He laughed at her temper. “There’s my girl! You want to dance with me, and you will not admit it.”

They had strolled near the doors to the outside balcony, and he led her out into the clear night rather than back to her mother. The cool breeze reminded him of the night they’d met. She seemed nervous and confused, something she had never been with him before.

She tried once again. “Lord Devlin, listen closely, I am not going to dance with you…”

“Shush,” he whispered. “We are out here alone. No one will see you dancing for the first time this Season. That also means no one will see if you make a misstep or two. I will be holding you in my arms, guiding you every step of the way. It will soon come back to you.”

For a moment Devlin tried to justify his feelings by their seclusion on yet another moonlit terrace. But something inside would not allow it to be so. It was…romantic, and he could not recall ever using that word
before. He did not understand how such a simple thing had turned into such an amazing experience, but quickly lost all interest in analyzing it.

Before she could protest, he placed his hand on her waist and lifted her free arm to his shoulder. He took her other hand tenderly and held it against his chest, and she knew it was most improper, even for a waltz. He began to move her in the steps. She was stiff and unyielding.

He whispered in her ear, “Close your eyes and feel the music as you did at the opera. Rely on your other senses as you taught me on your terrace. The waltz will come back to you soon enough.” Devlin’s movements were minimal to give her time to relax. He whispered again, “Now admit that you
do
want to dance with me.”

His old ways of flirting did make her relax for a moment, forgetting her scruples.

Her trust was now completely in him; he would never know how much so since she could not see, only follow. She leaned her cheek against his lapel and let the strains of the waltz overtake her completely. The reasons the dowagers shunned the waltz was now eminently clear to Nicole. They danced so closely she did not even have to think about her steps; she need only let him lead. It was the most intimate moment she had ever had with a man, including the chaste kisses she had experienced from her betrothed.

Nicole had not forgotten how to waltz, but she knew
this
was the way it was meant to be danced. She wanted the musicians to play forever. He was whispering gentle
and teasing words in her ear about moonlit terraces. She forgot her mother, her secret, her fear of crowds and just let herself bask in this one dance that she would store away, in minute detail, for the rest of her life.

As the music ended, they stopped dancing. However, she could not let go. Her head rested still against his shoulder, and his arm circled her waist. She was so afraid of breaking the spell that she could not bring herself to end the moment.

With his finger lightly under her chin, Devlin raised her lowered face to his. Her eyes were still closed. She wished more than ever that she could see. She wanted just one glimpse of his face to read his thoughts and to have that memory until the day she died. He slowly lowered his head; she could feel it in his shoulders. She could no more stop him from leaning down to kiss her than she could stop breathing.

She stiffened a little when his lips touched hers. How could she have ever imagined just that light touch would move her so? She knew she had never felt so when Michael had kissed her. She slowly relaxed and automatically moved her hand, the one on his shoulder, around to the back of his neck to touch the hair that her mother thought “a little too long to be fashionable.”