The Art of Seduction (77 page)

whether he was disappointed by the slow pace of the peace negotiations with North Vietnam. He would not discuss the negotiations—he had made that clear in the preinterview. Yet she continued the same line of question
In essence, the domain
ing. He grew a little angry "That's enough," he said. "I don't want to
of eroticism is the domain of
talk any more about Vietnam." Although she didn't immediately aban
violence, of violation. . . .
The whole business of
don the subject, her questions became gentler: what were his personal feel
eroticism is to strike to the
ings toward the leaders of South and North Vietnam? Still, he ducked:
inmost core of the living
"I'm not the kind of person to be swayed by emotion. Emotions serve
being, so that the heart

stands still. . . . The
no purpose." She moved to grander philosophical issues—war, peace. She
Mix Pleasure with Pain • 375

praised him for his role in the rapprochement with China. Without real-
whole business of
izing it, Kissinger began to open up. He talked of the pain he felt in dealing
eroticism is to destroy the
self-contained character of

with Vietnam, the pleasures of wielding power. Then suddenly the harsher
the participators as they are
questions returned—was he simply Nixon's lackey, as many suspected? Up
in their normal lives. . .
. and down she went, alternately baiting and flattering him. His goal had
We ought never to forget

been to pump her for information while revealing nothing about himself;
that in spite of the bliss
love promises its first effect

by the end, though, she had given him nothing, while he had revealed a
is one of turmoil and
range of embarrassing opinions—his view of women as playthings, for in-
distress. Passion fulfilled
stance, and his belief that he was popular with the public because people
itself provokes such violent
agitation that the

saw him as a kind of lonesome cowboy, the hero who cleans things up by
happiness involved, before
himself. When the interview was published, Nixon, Kissinger's boss, was
being a happiness to be
livid about it.

enjoyed, is so great as to be

more like its opposite,

In 1973, the Shah of Iran, Mohammed Riza Pahlavi, granted Fallaci an
suffering. . . . The
interview. He knew how to handle the press—be noncommittal, speak in
likelihood of suffering is all
generalities, seem firm, yet polite. This approach had worked a thousand
the greater since suffering
times before. Fallaci began the interview on a personal level, asking how it
alone reveals the total
significance of the beloved

felt to be a king, to be the target of assassination attempts, and why the
object.
shah always seemed so sad. He talked of the burdens of his position, the —GEORGES BATAILLE, pain and loneliness he felt. It seemed a release of sorts to talk about his pro-
EROTISM: DEATH AND

fessional problems. As he talked, Fallaci said little, her silence goading him
SENSUALITY,
TRANSLATED BY

on. Then she suddenly changed the subject: he was having difficulties with his second wife. Surely that must hurt him? This was a sore spot, and Pahlavi got angry. He tried to change the subject, but she kept returning to it. Why waste time talking about wives and women, he said. He then went
Always a little doubt to set
so far as to criticize women in general—their lack of creativity, their cru-
at rest
—
that's what keeps
one craving in passionate

elty. Fallaci kept at him: he had dictatorial tendencies and his country
love. Because the keenest
lacked basic freedoms. Fallaci's own books were on his government's black-
misgivings are always
list. Hearing this, the shah seemed somewhat taken aback—perhaps he was
there, its pleasures never
become tedious.
•
Saint-

dealing with a subversive writer. But then she softened her tone again,
Simon, the only historian
asked him about his many achievements. The pattern repeated: the mo-
France has ever possessed,
ment he relaxed, she blindsided him with a sharp question; when he grew
says: "After many passing
fancies the Duchesse de

bitter, she lightened the mood. Like Kissinger, he found himself opening
Berry had fallen deeply in
up despite himself and mentioning things he would later regret, such as his
love with Riom, a junior
intention to raise the price of oil. Slowly he fell under her spell, even began
member of the d'Aydie
to flirt with her. "Even if you're on the blacklist of my authorities," he said
family, the son of one of
Madame de Biron's sisters.

at the end of the interview, "I'll put you on the white list of my heart."
He had neither looks nor

brains; he was fat, short,

chubby-cheeked, pale, and

had such a crop of pimples

Interpretation.
Most of Fallaci's interviews were with powerful leaders,
that he seemed one large
men and women with an overwhelming need to control the situation, to
abscess; he had beautiful
avoid revealing anything embarrassing. This put her and her subjects in con-
teeth, but not the least idea
that he was going to inspire

flict, since getting them to open up—grow emotional, give up control—
a passion which quickly got
was exactly what she wanted. The classic seductive approach of charm and
out of control, a passion
flattery would get her nowhere with these people; they would see right
which lasted a lifetime,
notwithstanding a number

through it. Instead, Fallaci preyed on their emotions, alternating harshness
of subsidiary flirtations and
and kindness. She would ask a cruel question that touched on the deepest
affairs. . . . • He would
376
•
The Art of Seduction

excite but not requite the
insecurities of the subject, who would get emotional and defensive; deep
desire of the princess; he
down, though, something else would stir inside them—the desire to prove
delighted in making her
to Fallaci that they did not deserve her implicit criticisms. Unconsciously
jealous, or pretending to be

jealous himself. He would

they wanted to please her, to make her like them. When she then shifted
often drive her to tears.

tone, indirectly praising them, they felt they were winning her over and
Gradually he forced her
were encouraged to open up. Without realizing it, they would give freer
into the position of doing

nothing without his leave,
rein to their emotions.

even trifles of no

In social situations we all wear masks, and keep our defenses up. It is
importance. Sometimes,

embarrassing, after all, to reveal one's true feelings. As a seducer you must
when she was ready to go
find a way to lower these resistances. The Charmer's approach of flattery
to the Opera, he insisted

that she stay at home; and

and attention can be effective here, particularly with the insecure, but it can
sometimes he made her go
take months of work, and can also backfire. To get a quicker result, and to
there against her will. He
break down more inaccessible people, it is often better to alternate harsh
obliged her to grant favours
to ladies she did not like or
ness and kindness. By being harsh you create inner tensions—your targets
of whom she was jealous.
may be upset with you, but they are also asking themselves questions. What
She was not even free to
have they done to earn your dislike? When you then are kind, they feel
dress as she chose; he

would amuse himself by
relieved, but also concerned that at any moment they might somehow dis
making her change her
please you again. Make use of this pattern to keep them in suspense—

coiffure or her dress at the
dreading your harshness and keen to keep you kind. Your kindness and
last minute; he did this so
harshness should be subtle; indirect digs and compliments are best. Play the
often and so publicly that

she became accustomed to
psychoanalyst: make cutting comments concerning their unconscious mo
take his orders in the
tives (you are only being truthful), then sit back and listen. Your silence will
evening for what she would

goad them into embarrassing admissions. Leaven your judgments with oc
do and wear the following
day; then the next day he
casional praise and they will strive to please you, like dogs.
would alter everything, and

the princess would cry all

Love is a costly flower, but one must have the desire to

the more. In the end she

took to sending him

pluck it from the edge of a precipice.

messages by trusted

—STENDHAL

footmen, for from the first

he had taken up residence

in Luxembourg; messages

which continued

Keys to Seduction

throughout her toilette, to

know what ribbons she

would wear, what gown

and other ornaments;
Almost everyone is more or less polite. We learn early on not to tell people what we really think of them; we smile at their jokes, act inter
almost invariably he made
ested in their stories and problems. It is the only way to live with them.
her wear something she did

Eventually this becomes a habit; we are nice, even when it isn't really nec
not wish to. When she
occasionally dared to do
essary. We try to please other people, to not step on their toes, to avoid dis
anything, however small,
agreements and conflict.

without his leave, he

Niceness in seduction, however, though it may at first draw someone to
treated her like a servant,

and she was in tears for
you (it is soothing and comforting), soon loses all effect. Being too nice can
several days.
• . . .
Before
literally push the target away from you. Erotic feeling depends on the cre
assembled company he
ation of tension. Without tension, without anxiety and suspense, there can
would give her such
be no feeling of release, of true pleasure and joy It is your task to create
brusque replies that

everyone lowered their eyes,
that tension in the target, to stimulate feelings of anxiety, to lead them to
and the Duchess would

and fro, so that the culmination of the seduction has real weight and inten
blush, though her passion
sity. So rid yourself of your nasty habit of avoiding conflict, which is in any
Mix Pleasure with Pain • 377

case unnatural. You are most often nice not out of your own inner good-
for him was in no way
ness but out of fear of displeasing, out of insecurity. Go beyond that fear
curtailed."
•
For the
princess, Riom was a

and you suddenly have options—the freedom to create pain, then magically
sovereign remedy against
dissolve it. Your seductive powers will increase tenfold.

boredom.

People will be less upset by your hurtful actions than you might imag-—STENDHAL,
LOVE
, ine. In the world today, we often feel starved for experience. We crave TRANSLATED BY GILBERT AND

emotion, even if it is negative. The pain you cause your targets, then, is SUZANNE SALE

bracing—it makes them feel more alive. They have something to complain about, they get to play the victim. As a result, once you have turned the pain into pleasure they will readily forgive you. Stir up their jealousy, make them feel insecure, and the validation you later give their ego by preferring them over their rivals is doubly delightful. Remember: you have more to fear by boring your targets than by shaking them up. Wounding people binds them to you more deeply than kindness. Create tension so you can release it. If you need inspiration, find the part of the target that most irritates you and use it as a springboard for some therapeutic conflict. The more real your cruelty, the more effective it is.

In 1818, the French writer Stendhal, then living in Milan, met the

Countess Metilda Viscontini. For him, it was love at first sight. She was a proud, somewhat difficult woman, and she intimidated Stendhal, who was terribly afraid of displeasing her with a stupid comment or undignified act. Finally, unable to take it any longer, he one day took her hand and confessed his love. Horrified, the countess told him to leave and never come back. Stendhal flooded Viscontini with letters, begging her to forgive him. At last, she relented: she would see him again, but under one condition—he could visit only once every two weeks, for no more than an hour, and only in the presence of company. Stendhal agreed; he had no choice. He now lived for those short fortnightly visits, which became occasions of intense anxiety and fear, since he was never quite sure whether she would change her mind and banish him forever. This went on for over two years, during which the countess never showed him the slightest sign of favor. Stendhal never found out why she had insisted on this arrangement—perhaps she wanted to toy with him or keep him at a distance. All he knew was that his love for her only grew stronger, became unbearably intense, until finally he had to leave Milan.

To get over this sad affair, Stendhal wrote his famous book
On Love,
in which he described the effect of fear on desire. First, if you fear the loved one, you can never get too close or familiar with him or her. The beloved then retains an element of mystery, which only intensifies your love. Second, there is something bracing about fear. It makes you vibrate with sensation, heightens your awareness, is intensely erotic. According to Stendhal, the closer the loved one brings you to the edge of the precipice, to the feeling that they could abandon you, the dizzier and more lost you will become. Falling in love means literally falling—losing control, a mix of fear and excitement.

Apply this wisdom in reverse: never let your targets get too comfortable
378
•
The Art of Seduction

with you. They need to feel fear and anxiety. Show them some coldness, a flash of anger they did not expect. Be irrational if necessary. There is always the trump card: a breakup. Let them feel they have lost you forever, make them fear that they have lost the power to charm you. Let these feelings sit with them for a while, then pull them back from the precipice. The reconciliation will be intense. In 33 B.C., Mark Antony heard a rumor that Cleopatra, his lover of

several years, had decided to seduce his rival, Octavius, and that she was planning to poison Antony. Cleopatra had poisoned people before; in fact she was an expert in the art. Antony grew paranoid, and finally one day confronted her. Cleopatra did not protest her innocence. Yes, that was true, it was quite within her power to poison Antony at any moment; there were no precautions he could take. Only the love she felt for him could protect him. To demonstrate, she took some flowers and dropped them into his wine. Antony hesitated, then raised the cup to his lips; Cleopatra grabbed his arm and stopped him. She had a prisoner brought in to drink the wine, and the prisoner promptly dropped dead. Falling at Cleopatra's feet, Antony professed that he loved her now more than ever. He did not speak out of cowardice; there was no man braver than he, and if Cleopatra could have poisoned him, he for his part could have left her and gone back to Rome. No, what pushed him over the edge was the feeling that she had control over his emotions, over life and death. He was her slave. Her demonstration of her power over him was not only effective but erotic. Like Antony, many of us have masochistic yearnings without realizing it. It takes someone to inflict some pain on us for these deeply repressed desires to come to the surface. You must learn to recognize the types of hidden masochists out there, for each one enjoys a particular kind of pain. For instance, there are people who feel that they deserve nothing good in life, and who, unable to deal with success, sabotage themselves constantly. Be nice to them, admit that you admire them, and they are uncomfortable, since they feel that they cannot possibly match up to the ideal figure you have clearly imagined them to be. Such self-saboteurs do better with a little punishment; scold them, make them aware of their inadequacies. They feel they deserve such criticism and when it comes it is with a sense of relief. It is also easy to make them feel guilty, a feeling that deep down they enjoy. Other people experience the responsibilities and duties of modern life as such a heavy burden, they long to give it all up. These people are often looking for someone or something to worship—a cause, a religion, a guru. Make them worship you. And then there are those who want to play the martyr. Recognize them by the joy they take in complaining, in feeling righteous and wronged; then give them a reason to complain. Remember: appearances deceive. Often the strongest-looking people—the Kissingers and Don Mateos—may secretly want to be punished. In any event, follow up pain with pleasure and you will create a state of dependency that will last for a long time.