The Artisans (36 page)

Jenny is harder. I sort of love the old girl. Okay, not sort of, I do. She’s awesome, and it stings like crazy I won’t see her every day. But Edgar and I need to make a fresh start. I have no idea what that looks like or even how I’ll get by, but I no longer doubt that I will. I have talent. I’ll get a job, go to school, and work my way up. I’ll be okay.

Cole’s flown back home. My heart holds a big soft spot for the guy, and I hope he’ll be happy. I don’t know how or when, but I believe I’ll see him again. One day. Desiree’s gone, drowned in the millpond out back. I shudder as I relive the death that was almost mine. There was no inquiry, of course. She disappeared a long time ago, rumored to have moved to Europe. No one has any reason to look for her. Not a soul will grieve her passing. I wish I could say I was sorry, or that the way she lived and died was tragic, but I can’t. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. I feel zero pity for her.

Now comes the hardest part. Gideon.

His demons are gone.

Literally.

He no longer lives under the shadow of his father or his expectations. His choices are his own, whatever he decides to do. I think he’ll be okay, and the thought fills me with the hope of peace. For both of us.

“Come on, fat boy.” I kiss Edgar’s black, furry head. “Let’s say goodbye and hit the road.” It won’t be easy, but we can’t avoid it either. Might as well get this over with. Maggie’s parents have agreed to let me bunk with them until graduation, give me time to sort things out. I want to hear about her and Dane, and it will be a healthy daily distraction from the heartache that waits just off to the side, threatening to finish me if I let it in.

Ben’s ceremony is Tuesday. There’s no money for a funeral, though Gideon offered to cover any arrangements I wanted to make. He pressed so hard, I finally allowed him to pay the cremation fees. Maggie, Dane, and me are going up to my mother’s gravesite and release Ben’s ashes there. They’ll finally be at rest. Together.

It’s not that I don’t want Gideon there, I do, but I’m not ready to be his friend. I don’t know if I ever will. Seeing him is just too hard when my heart wants so much more. My head has always been smarter than my heart.

When I glance up, Gideon stands in the doorway. One hand leans on his lion-head cane, the other hangs on the doorframe above him, accentuating the cut in his bicep. He’s wearing dark, stonewashed jeans, a faded brown T-shirt, and heavy leather boots. Blond rings frame his handsome face. This conversation would be so much easier if he wasn’t so drop dead gorgeous.

“How are you feeling?” His gaze drops to the bags on top of my bed. A crease forms between his eyes, and I steel myself for our talk.

“Okay.” I lift one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “I was on my way to see you. I’ve finished.” I flap my hand in the air indicating the clothing hanging everywhere. “Your line for Raedoxx and Maddox Industries is complete—as is our contract. Everything is set for your show in Paris this spring.”

“
Our
show.” He saunters into the room, head swiveling to take in my newest creations. “They’re incredible.” He faces me with a pointed look. “You’ll not be offended when I say I don’t give a rat’s ass about the clothes right now, though. Why are you packed?” Right to the point, that’s Gideon. There’s danger in his tone, but I go on as if I hadn’t noticed.

I should have planned better. Mags and Dane would be the perfect buffer for this awkwardness if I had thought to arrange it. Too late now. “Maggie and Dane’s numbers are on the worktable should you need to contact me, or ask questions about the collection. I have no doubt your manufacturers can work with what’s here. They’re competent.”

“Rae.” My name, soft and low on his tongue, guts me. “What are you doing?”

I look him dead in the eye. It’s the only way to appear resolute with a guy like Gideon, and he deserves no less. “I’m leaving.”

“Why?”

“Because my work is done. Ben’s debt is paid.” His eyes flash, but I can’t let him see every word I speak cuts me deeper than a blade. “I learned a lot from you. It’s funny, but I truly am grateful for everything that’s happened. I care a lot about you, I hope you know that, but we need to be apart for—”

“You
care
a lot about me?”

I nod, the moths in my nervous stomach taking flight. “Yes.”

“But we need a break?”

“Yes. It’s for the best.” My voice trembles.

“For who?”

I square my shoulders. “Both of us. We need distance from this …” I wave my hands, but he’s already shaking his head. “…situation because it started for all the wrong reasons, can’t you see that?” Tricks, manipulation, I was a game to him, a goal. Would he pursue me on my terms for once instead of his? And even if he would, I remind myself it’s hopeless. I can’t open my heart for someone else again after losing Ben.

I place Edgar’s pet carrier on the floor and kneel to unzip the opening. After stuffing my rotund pet inside, I glance up.

Gideon stands over me, eyes blazing. “Don’t do this.”

“I’ll see you around. Thanks again for everything you did for us.” My words sound lame, even to me. “I mean that.” I grab my cat and bags and rush past him. Tears sting my eyes as I hurry down the stairs. My vision smears as I pull from the driveway, blurring more with each passing mile to Maggie’s house. I’ve done the right thing. I know I have, but then why does it hurt so much? Feel so wrong?

If Gideon is ready to love someone, it should be someone who’s also ready. I had hoped that might be me, but it’s selfish to try when my mind is so mixed up. He deserves someone who’s less … okay, who’s more … ugh! “I don’t know!” Edgar meows in response. My laugh is harsh through my tears. “Sorry, boy.”

The door to Maggie’s house swings open and she’s jogging to meet me. “Rae. Oh, honey, what happened?”

I snort as her arm comes around me. “You got any Oreos?”

“If only it were that simple.”

The odd tone in her voice gets my attention. “Why? What do you mean?”

Tires screech as Gideon’s Audi pulls into the driveway behind us. He gets out slamming the door shut and heads right for me.

“
That’s
what I mean,” she says, pointing. “He called right before you got here. Dude’s loaded for bear.”

As always, Gideon’s limp is more pronounced without his cane, but he doesn’t look worried. He looks pissed. “Are your parents’ home, Maggie?” he growls.

“No.”

“Good. That will make this much less awkward for them.” Gideon doesn’t slow. He grabs my wrist as he passes, dragging me behind him into the house before slamming the second door in as many minutes.

He turns on me. I back up.

“Stop running.”

“I’m not. I told you, I’ve made a decision. We’ve been through this. I based it on facts, sound judgment, and life experience, not emotion.” Gideon runs his hand over the shadowed stubble of his jaw. The habit I now recognize shows calculated thought on his part. “I … I thought you would appreciate an intelligent, well-thought-out plan of action.”

“I do, but that’s not what this is.” He takes another step closer. “Want to know what I see?”

“Not really, no.”

“I see a girl who’s been hurt so many times that she’s willing to shut out any spark of love or happiness to protect herself. Understandable, but not acceptable. I won’t allow it.”

“Ugh. You always do this!” I lift my chin. “It’s not up to you! I’m here because I need to be on my own for a while. That’s what Ben said. He said I need to live by myself.”

“Damn it, Raven that is
not
what he said.”

My fists slam down on my hips. “How do you know?”

“Because I was there. The whole time. Do you really think I’d leave you to face his death by yourself?” He grinds the words out through clenched teeth. “What he said was you needed to learn to live without taking care of
him.
Good God, Raven, he never meant for you to be alone.”

“Yes he did. That’s exactly what he said, he—”

“You’ve been alone for years!” He runs both hands through his hair and churns out a breath. His tone goes soft. “And you’re tired. I know what that’s like. I’ve been too selfish and self-centered to care about anyone or anything else for a long time. Let someone take care of you for a change. Me.”

“You’re making this harder, Gideon. Just go.”

“No. Not until you hear me out.” When he takes my hand, his eyes glint with careful determination. He won’t be denied his chance to speak, and I can’t refuse him anymore. I’m caught up in whatever spell he’s casting.

He leads me to the worn, pleather sofa in Maggie’s living room. The springs creak under his weight, and then mine, as he eases us onto the cushions. I’m inching away until he leans over me and I’m on my back. His face inches from mine, emits the scent of black licorice, salt, and musk.

“Listen to me, please.” Three fingers run over my mouth, causing every moth in my belly to twitch. “You’re worth fighting for, Rae. And though you won’t admit it, I know you love me. I see it in the way you look at me, the things you say and do. That’s why I won’t stop until you’re mine.” The fire, always smoldering beneath the surface of his gaze, ignites, underlining the intensity of each word he speaks. “Do you think you can hide from me? Push me away; hurt me until I give up on you? ‘Quit’ is not in my vocabulary.”

I cut my eyes away. “You don’t get it, Gideon.”

With his fingers pressing into my shoulders, he shakes me once, forcing me to look up. “Don’t I? You’re afraid. Terrified of what love may cost you, and I understand. I’ve lost people, too, but we belong together. Can’t you feel that?” The heat in his gaze blasts through to my soul. “You brought me back from the dead, gave life where there was nothing but ash and decay. Trust me to do the same for you. I love you, Raven. You’re worth loving, and I’m exactly the man to prove it to you.”

A hot tear slides down my cheek. Gideon bends his head to kiss it away. His lips burn my skin, and I close my eyes. I do love him. My heart thunders that truth beneath his chest, and I wonder if he feels it. I have a choice: let my heart calcify or let him love me. “People make promises,” I whisper. “You can’t know how scared I am of losing …” I swallow my tears. “You can’t promise you won’t leave.”

His lips press the ramping pulse in my neck. “I can’t promise I won’t die,” he murmurs. “Only God chooses, I know that now. What I can promise is that I won’t
leave.
Let that be enough.” His fingers clamp down on my waist. With slow, purposeful torture, Gideon drops a series of kisses along my jaw. Instinctually, I raise my chin giving him greater access. His teeth graze my cheekbone. I whimper as he covers my mouth with his.

My lips part for him. Instead of the forceful kiss I expect, this one is slow, painstaking in its sweet sensuality. Gideon’s fingers brush my face. The tenderness in his touch reaches into the deep recesses of my pain and bangs on the wall of my heart. My arms slide around his shoulders, and I tug him harder against me. Gideon moans. The sound, raw and primal, makes my stomach flip. When he finally lifts his head, his blue and green eyes are hooded, sleepy with his desire. “I want to own your heart the way you own mine. Choose me, Raven, freely, not because I force you, but because you need me. Because you want to.”

I search his face. The sincerity in his gaze wedges itself like a crowbar between my fear and hope. “Gideon, I swore I’d never … I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t.” His voice is respectful of my fears, careful and comforting. There’s an earnestness and expectation that’s contagious. Gideon’s feet tangle with mine. His hand closes over my fingers and he laces them together. “Stay with Maggie if you need to. Only keep me in your life. Trust me,” he urges. He kisses my cheek, my nose, my mouth. This kiss is more intense as we fight an unseen battle of wills. His confidence and my insecurity war with each other until I feel the fortress around my resolve crumble.

“I love you, girl,” he whispers. “Don’t take yourself from me.” Whether foolish hope or some sixth sense, I believe him. When he kisses me again, all doubt fades away. Gideon’s arms slide between my back and the couch cushions. He lifts my shoulders, cradling me from the waist up, crushing me within his powerful arms. His scorching lips meld with mine, rocking my world, blowing me and my worries to smithereens.

As I gasp for breath, Gideon lifts his head with a seductive smile. How long has it been since the idea of living without him felt like existing without air? I know what he’s waiting for, and I offer it up with my whole being.

“I choose you.”

Dane, Maggie, Gideon, and I sit atop a hill in the Sales Hollow Cemetery. Dressed wholly in my dark creations of Goth-Steampunk, we appear as four black birds dotting the landscape, and we like that just fine.

The gray, November sky above us keeps the sun at bay, and though it’s cool, there isn’t any wind. Near the bottom of the knoll sits a little white chapel and the gravestones beyond. The name Ida Elizabeth Weathersby is chiseled into the marble of one. Ben’s ashes now rest with hers.

Maggie leans over and grabs my hand. “We have to jet. Mom’s made dinner and Dane is meeting my dad for the first time.”