The Astonishing Return of Norah Wells (32 page)

To avoid bumping into Norah, Adam walks through the garage to the basement stairs.

Go home and get the camera,
Fay whispered in his ear as he left the hospital.

It was always like this. No matter how busy or rushed or tired or stressed they were, Fay refused to let go of the details. It's the sort of thing that used to drive him crazy. It's what makes him love her now.

You'll regret not capturing Ella's special moment,
she added.

And that was another thing. No matter how bad things got between them, Fay had never given up on Ella, had never showed less love or care for her than she had for Willa. Adam loved Fay for that too.

When you love someone, Dad, it's not because of the things they do
…
It's because of who they are in here.
He can see Ella pointing to her heart.
You fall in love with their essence or their soul
…
Ella's words had danced around in his head all weekend. He'd been scared that, if she was right, it meant that he didn't love Fay, not properly. But watching Fay holding Willa in the hospital bed, he realised that Ella had only been half right. That when you really love someone you love them for who they are
and
for what they do. All those things Fay had done for them since Norah left, they were her. The fact that she'd stayed – that was her too. They made up the woman he loves.

He'd left Ella at the start line of the race to get ready, and said he'd be back in a few minutes. He had to hurry. Grab his camera and drive back.

As he walks down to his basement studio, he hears the shuffling of papers. A moment later, he sees her.

‘What are you doing?' He goes up to her and takes the photographs out of her hands.

She looks up at him. ‘How's Willa?'

‘I asked you to leave.'

He looks around the studio and then walks over to his desk, picks up his camera case and slings it over his shoulder.

‘Adam?'

‘She's going to be okay.

‘Thank God.' She holds her hands to her chest; her fingers are shaking.

‘So you can go with a clear conscience,' he adds.

He stares down at the pile of photos in his hands. Fay in the swimming pool with two-year-old Willa; Fay dressed up in her scrubs for a fancy dress party they'd been to one Halloween; Fay holding on to Ella's handlebars, teaching her to ride a bike; Fay in a red dress on her thirty-fifth birthday. He'd wanted to propose to her then but, as always, he'd been too scared.
What if she leaves me?
he'd thought.
What if I find myself alone again?

He steps back from Norah. ‘I've got to go. Make sure you've left before I'm back.'

‘Why didn't you put the photographs up?' Norah walks towards him and touches the pictures in his hands.

He pulls away. ‘She told me not to.'

‘Because she didn't like them —?'

‘For Christ's sake, Norah, don't you get it? She didn't want me to put them up because she knew you'd come home. She didn't want to let herself believe that the life she had with us was for ever.' He looks down at a photo of Fay and Ella painting in the kitchen, coloured brushstrokes on their cheeks, the warmest smiles in the world.

‘I know you're angry – it's normal, after everything. I get it, Adam. Ella's right, and so are you: it was my fault that all this happened, that Willa got hurt. I shouldn't have come home. God… I'm sorry, Adam… I'm so sorry.' She's staring at the photos of Fay, shaking her head, her lips trembling. ‘I'm so sorry.'

He wants to leave here there, to let it sink in until it hurts, like it hurts him every time he thinks about how much he let her down, that he was the reason she left, that all their lives – Ella's, Willa's, Fay's, Norah's – would have turned out differently if only he'd got things right. But he can't. He pulls her towards him and puts his arm around her shoulders and draws her into his chest.

‘I'm glad you came home,' he whispers into her hair. ‘We needed you to come home.' He kisses her forehead, then lets go of her and steps back. ‘But now we need some time to sort all this out.'

She nods and walks to the stairs. Then she turns round.

‘Why are you here?' she asks. ‘I mean, why aren't you still at the hospital?'

‘Ella's doing the race. Fay told me to get the camera.'

‘Wow, she's good,' Norah says.

‘I don't understand.'

‘Fay sent you back to collect the camera because she knew I'd be here. That I'd be here packing with Walter and Nat.' Norah pauses. ‘She wanted us to talk.'

Adam thinks of Fay, sitting on the hospital bed with Willa, and he realises that there's nowhere in the world he'd rather be than there with her, holding her and their little girl.

‘Can I say something?' Norah asks.

Adam waits for her to continue.

‘You don't need her,' Norah says.

Adam looks up. ‘What the hell —?'

Norah holds up a hand. ‘I don't mean it like that. I'm not saying you shouldn't be together…'

‘I don't think we should talk about this.'

Norah holds his gaze. ‘I don't think there's anything we should talk about
but
this.'

There's a pause.

‘There's something I learnt, Adam, while I was away. About us.'

‘That you married the wrong man?'

‘No. I'll never think that.' She folds her arms over her chest. ‘I learnt that we have to be able to be alone first.'

‘First?'

She nods. ‘Before we love someone else.'

‘I'm glad you found enlightenment.' He doesn't have time for this journey of discovery crap. Not with Willa in hospital, not with Ella waiting for him.

‘Fay gets it,' Norah goes on. ‘She got it way before we did.' She looks over at the photos. ‘Maybe she always understood.'

Adam clenches his jaw. ‘What did she understand?'

‘That needing someone, that being with someone because you're scared of being alone – or because you can't function without them – isn't love.'

‘That's not how it is between us.'

For a moment, Adam realises that he isn't sure who us means.

‘Yes it was, Adam. You know it was.' Norah smiles lightly. ‘There was more, of course, but that was at the root of it.'

‘I don't see what that has to do with me and —'

‘Don't make the same mistake.'

Norah waits for Adam to respond, and when he doesn't she turns away and walks towards the stairs that lead back up into the house. And then she stops and turns round again.

‘Adam?'

He looks up at her.

‘There's something you should know.'

He feels something sinking in his chest.

‘What is it?'

But then she shakes her head.

‘Just tell them I love them… When they're ready to hear it. Tell all of them that I love them.' She takes a breath. ‘And that I'm sorry.' She pulls the keys he gave her three days ago from her pocket, walks over to him, places them in the palm of his hand, kisses his cheek and leaves.

Mummy's got her arm around Willa; they're lying together on the hospital bed, snuggled in close, like in Mummy and Daddy's big bed at home. Mummy's holding her iPad so they can both watch the race and Daddy's doing a really good job of holding his phone up properly so they can see. Daddy's turning out to be really brave and clever, like Foxy Fox. She'll have to remember to tell him when he comes back after the race.

Willa tries to concentrate on the screen but her eyelids are heavy. The picture of Ella warming up blurs in and out of focus.
Don't sleep
…
Willa orders herself, but she can feel her eyes dropping shut.

Louis.
She smiles. He puts his head on her lap and she rubs him between the ears.
Why's Sai not there yet, Louis?
All he had to do was to run home and get Ella's trainers and come straight to the start line.

Mummy gets up off the bed. ‘I've just got to speak to the doctor,' she says. ‘I'll be back in a second.'

But as Mummy goes through the door Willa sees her taking her phone out of her bag and looking up a number. She wonders who she's calling, especially as everyone is at the race.

Willa climbs out of bed. Her legs feel wobbly and everything aches, much more than it ached earlier. She's got a headache too: it's thump, thump, thumping away like a palm bashing into the back of her skull. She breathes in and wills her legs to carry her to the door.

She stands by the door and sees Mummy standing in the corridor talking on her phone.

It's me
, Ella hears Mummy says.

You only say
it's me
when someone knows your voice really well. It's what Mummy says to Daddy, except it can't be Daddy because he's got his phone linked to the iPad. And it can't be Ella because she's getting ready for the race.

Go and watch her
…
Mummy says. She's whispering so it's hard to make out, and Willa's scared that she'll rush back in and find her out of bed and get cross – mainly because she's out of bed, but also because she shouldn't be eavesdropping on a private conversation. But she'll risk staying for a little bit longer: Mummy's only just started the conversation.

Ella needs you.
 

Why's she talking about Ella?

After the race, you can leave, if that's what you want to do
…
 

After the race?
And what does she mean by
go
? Go where? Willa scratches her scar. It burns.

This isn't about us
…
Mummy goes on.
I don't want to talk about what happened, not now
…
Mummy's voice gets louder.
Yes, she'll be okay. Physically, anyway
…
Am I angry? Of course I'm bloody angry
…

Mummy doesn't swear. Not unless there's a really good reason.

And why's she angry?

What do you expect? She nearly died.
 

Willa's legs feel wobblier than wobbly. And her tummy's achy. She hasn't eaten for ages, so maybe it's that she's hungry – except she doesn't feel hungry. She feels sick. Willa scratches her scar again. It's coming back to her… Louis bounding up the road towards them… and the van…

She needs to get back to bed or she'll crumple in a big heap right here by the door and then the doctor will fuss and she'll have to stay in for even longer.

Yes, I sent him to get the camera
…
Mummy says.

Willa knew it. Dad wouldn't want Ella to cross the finishing line without him taking a picture.

For Christ's sake.
Mummy's voice is high-pitched and agitated, like when she's talking about the government and the hospital and there not being enough money. Or when she's been upset by Ella, except they're friends now, which is one of the best things to have happened all weekend.

For once in your life think about what you're doing. It will break her heart if you're not there.
Mummy's shouting now. Properly shouting. Shouting so much that, as Willa leans into the crack of the door, she can see the doctors and nurses looking at her weirdly. They probably haven't heard her shout before. Or swear.
I'm going to hang up now.

Mummy jabs at her phone and shoves it into her bag.

Willa staggers back onto the bed and picks up the iPad.

Mummy comes back in and sits beside her. ‘You look flushed, Willa.' She leans in and kisses her. And then she scrunches up her brow. ‘And you're all hot.'

‘Am I?'

‘Are you feeling okay?'

Willa nods. ‘I'm just excited about the race.' Which isn't a lie, is it? Not a proper one.

Willa holds up the iPad for both of them to see.

On the screen, Ella takes off her plimsolls and rubs one of her ankles; it's twice as big as the other one.

‘ELLA – WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ANKLE?' Willa yells into the iPad.

Daddy repeats the question to Ella, then hands her his phone. Yes, Daddy's definitely being brave and clever.

Ella's face fills the screen.

‘It's nothing,' says Ella. But Willa knows what Ella's nothings mean. And she can tell it hurts because every time Ella touches it her mouth goes tight.

Daddy adjusts the camera that's hanging around his neck and then swings his phone over the line of spectators behind the metal barriers.

Willa whispers to Louis in her head:
Look, the Miss Peggs with their Chihuahuas!

They've made a banner, like they said they would. It's got
Go Ella!
written in the purple paint they've been using for their fence.

Willa feels the thump of Louis's tail.

A man in a yellow quilted jacket yells through a megaphone: ‘Please could all runners make their way to the start line.'

Ella cranes her neck – she's looking for Sai, Willa can tell. Then she drops her shoulders and walks slowly to the start line.

Please,
Willa prays.
Please make Sai get there on time.
She looks down at Louis.
You'll make sure he comes, won't you, Louis?

In front of the runners, the big digital clock that's been fixed to the front of Superdrug blinks down the seconds.

The runners get into a long line. Some of them are stretching and others are bobbing up and down on the spot and others are closing their eyes and praying or wishing. Willa uses the opportunity to wish too:
I wish that Ella and Sai win the race and get lots of money for the heart charity and that when the race is over everyone is happy again.

Willa yawns and rubs her eyes.

Mummy squeezes her hand. ‘You can sleep for a bit – I'll wake you when the race gets going. The beginning won't be that interesting.'

Willa shakes her head. ‘No. I want to see the whole thing.' Willa's so tired that if she lets her eyes drop shut she won't be able to get them open again, and she's worried that if she drifts off and stops wishing Ella might not win and Ella
has
to win.

‘Sai!' Daddy's voice booms through the iPad. He actually sounds like he's pleased to see him, which makes Willa feel happy. Daddy liking Sai is another reason she thinks he's like Foxy Fox at the end of the film: he's understood what's important, like Ella loving Sai, and that it's silly to stop them.

Daddy changes the angle of the phone and Willa spots Sai in his hoodie: a red dot bobbing up and down as he runs towards the start line.

‘He's coming! Sai's coming!' Willa wants to get out of her bed and jump up and down but Mummy gives her a
calm down
look.

Sai's got Mummy Norah's old trainers dangling from his hand. Which makes Willa remember that no one's told her where Mummy Norah is, and Nat and Onkel Walter; they'd want to see the race.

‘Sai's nearly there!' Willa says. ‘They have to let him run.'

‘I think he'll make it,' Mummy says.

The phone goes wobbly as Daddy follows Sai weaving through the crowd. Megaphone Man yells, ‘On your marks…'

The runners get onto their toes, their bodies lean forward.

‘Set!'

‘They're not waiting for Sai,' Willa says. ‘They're not.' Sai
has
to run with Ella – that was the plan. Otherwise he won't get the money for the charity that helps people's hearts.

‘Willa —' Mummy puts a hand on Willa's shoulder to calm her down, but Willa's kneeling up on the bed, her cheeks flushed, her eyes dancing with excitement.

Daddy must be running because the screen goes shaky and then they hear him yelling at Megaphone Man: ‘Graham – stop!'

The man lowers his megaphone and spins round.

‘You tell him, Daddy!' Willa yells into the iPad.

Megaphone Man's brow folds into a big crease, and then his eyes go wide and he smiles.

Willa wonders where Mummy Norah is. Ella used to tell Willa how, every year, they'd all go and support Auntie Norah – who's Mummy Norah – running the 10k and how, most years, she won.
She's amazing at everything,
Ella would say. Except, from what Ella said yesterday, Mummy Norah wasn't good at staying with them and being a mummy. But she seems to be a good mummy to Nat, so she can't be that bad at it. And she came back, didn't she?

‘Is Ella good at running because she caught it from Mummy Norah?' Willa asks Mummy.

‘Caught it?'

Willa nods. ‘Mr Mann told us that you catch things from your parents and it makes you be like them.'

Mummy blushes. ‘Inherit – not catch.'

‘So did Ella inherit her running from Mummy Norah?'

Mummy doesn't answer. Every time Willa mentions Mummy Norah, Mummy goes quiet.

Willa wonders whether she's inherited anything from Mummy Norah or whether, because Mummy Norah left when Willa was so little, she didn't have time to pass things on to her like she did to Ella.

They both turn back to the screen. Ella's standing on tiptoes, staring at Megaphone Man and Daddy, and Sai, who's joined in their conversation.

Some of the runners look cross that they're being made to wait.

Come on Louis,
Willa whispers.
Make the man say yes. Do it for Ella.

Then Megaphone Man nods and juts his chin to the start line and Sai goes and joins Ella.

Willa claps her hands and bounces up and down on the bed. She closes her eyes and sees Louis's droopy brown eyes.
I knew you'd get Sai here.

When Willa looks back at the iPad she spots Sai handing Ella the trainers and, for a second Ella hesitates, but then she whips off the plimsolls that are far too big for her and laces up the old, worn trainers that she used for her training runs with Sai and Louis. Sai's face is as red as his hoodie and sweaty and bends over to catch his breath. He pulls an inhaler out of his pocket and presses the pump bit and breathes in. He'll have run further than anyone in the race, that's for sure.

‘Is Sai okay?' Willa asks.

Mummy says ‘yes', but frowns at the same time.

Ella grabs Sai's hand and gives him a kiss, right on the lips, in front of everyone. Willa wishes she were there in person so that she could see Daddy's face, because even if he's brave and clever and understanding like Foxy Fox, he's still Daddy and Daddy wouldn't have liked that.

‘Set!' the man yells.

The picture disappears.

‘DAD! WE'RE MISSING IT!' Willa yells.

‘He's probably taking a photo,' Mummy says. ‘Give him a minute.'

Willa hadn't thought about how hard it would be to hold the phone and take photos with his camera. He could take photos with his phone, but he says it's not the same. Real photographers use real cameras.

The picture wobbles back to the start line.

The runners press in to each other.

The man raises his starting gun in the air.

‘Go!' He fires the gun and it's so loud that it makes Willa jump and think she should start running too.

On the floor next to Willa's bed, Louis jumps in the air and wags his tail. Willa can tell that he wishes he were doing the race with Ella and Sai.

Maybe next year,
says Willa.
When you've trained some more.

‘What did you say, Willa?' Mummy asks.

‘Oh, nothing.' Willa's head feels heavy and her broken arm is sore, but she doesn't want to tell Mummy in case she worries and makes her stop watching the race.

For a while they don't see anything because Daddy says they should go and get the car and drive to the halfway point to see Ella and Sai run past.

Louis's not in the hospital room, he's sitting on the front seat of the car next to Daddy and his breath is steaming up the windscreen.

She hopes that Mummy Norah and Nat and Onkel Walter will join them soon. She likes that her family has got this big – how more people keep joining, like the different animals in the den from
Fantastic Mr Fox
. And she's getting used to the idea of having two mummies. And having a little brother could be fun too. And an
Onkel
. They're going to be the best family in the entire world.