The Atonement (9 page)

“That’s where you’re wrong. I don’t see how I
could live with Allen and keep him in the dark like that! And as
for the others, how do you think they’d feel about being lied to
after 20 years?”

“Jim, please –listen to me. Allen loves
Darius and Darius loves Allen. They’ve bonded. Allen is the only
father Darius has ever known. Allen can provide for him. Why would
you want to take that away from either of them? When you chase
Allen away, do you think you’ll be able to care for Darius in the
same way? Do you think you can make Allen feel better about losing
the child that he regards as his own?”

Callie’s words forced Jim to consider the
notion that telling the truth could possibly do more harm than if
he’d just kept his mouth shut. “Maybe Callie’s right. Everyone is
happy right now. All I’d do is throw water on everything…like
always” thought Jim. He didn’t want to ruin any more lives. He’d
had enough of that already.

“I don’t feel good about this,” he said to
Callie.

“I’m not having any fun with this either,
Jim. But there are other people that we have to think about.”

“Fine. I won’t say anything.”

“Believe me, Jim. It’s better this way.”

Jim doubted that. He knew that truth would
eventually be known. His mother had taught him that. Jim thought
back to the night in the warehouse, when he prayed to the Lord for
his life. “Maybe it would have been better if I had died,” he
thought to himself.

Eight

Things had been slow at the
Sheraton as of late. A few of the rooms were empty since many of
the summer tourists had checked out weeks prior headed for their
homesteads near and far to settle back into their routines to
commence the fall season. There wouldn’t be any real uptick in
rentals until early November when people started to arrive for the
impending holidays. Davis and Allen had completed the work orders
for the occupied rooms, and now they could take their time on the
ones that were vacant. They were in a suite on the
6
^th
floor. Davis was checking the lighting fixtures and fixing
them when necessary, while Allen was screwing in light bulbs and
engaging in other sundry tasks. Allen was at a vanity screwing in a
bulb when he was beginning to lose track of what he was
doing.

“You just replaced that one already,” said
Davis who was looking over at him from a few feet away where he was
inspecting an outlet.

“Oh, right,” said Allen realizing his
mistake. “Sorry, my brain’s a little scrambled today. I didn’t get
a lot of sleep last night. I was up until 3 am studying for class
tonight.”

“Man, and I thought my program was stressful.
I take it that even part time, law school is no joke.”

“You can say that again. Sometimes I feel
like I don’t have time to even breathe.”

This was an understatement. Most times, Allen
didn’t know whether he was coming or going. Law school was totally
different from his days as an undergraduate. He was totally
unprepared for his experience with the Socratic method and it’s
deep probing interrogation like style of questioning. This meant he
had to be more than prepared when he showed up for class, which
included generating extensive outlines on readings that totaled
more than 200 pages a night. When included with his
responsibilities to the church, Callie, Darius, and his family and
friends, Allen felt like he was running a marathon with no end in
sight.

“That’s because you’re stretching yourself so
thin trying to take care of everybody else. Just remember you have
to take care of yourself, too.”

“I know, but I felt like I had to stop by and
see Jim, given everything he’s going through.”

“I thought he was getting better.”

“Physically he is getting better. In fact,
he’s going to be getting out of the hospital this Saturday. It’s
just mentally, he seems a little down.”

“I feel that. I was the same way when I got
out years ago. Tryin’ to start over is hard.”

“That’s why I want to throw a little welcome
back celebration when he gets out. I’m not going to have much time
to plan it, but I’m willing to do what I have to. Maybe a couple of
us could meet after I get out of school tonight…”

“Hold up – you’ve already got a lot to do as
it is, and you want to add planning a celebration on top of it? You
need to cut back. Let your mom and dad plan it this time.”

“And it will be boring. Besides, after
everything that’s happened between us, I want to do this for Jim.
No, I need to do this for him.”

“Al, I think Jim knows you got his back. You
wouldn’t be burning up the carpet at the hospital if you
didn’t.”

“But I wanted to personalize this for him –
you know?”

“So you plan it and then let me, Miko and Tim
and them handle the details. You could tell me what you want to do
and I’ll fill them in and we’ll organize everything. Then all you
have to do at the end is show up.”

Allen took a moment to deliberate on the
matter. It sounded like a good idea, but he was afraid of what
might happen if he wasn’t there to be the mediator amongst his
friends various and sometimes conflicting personalities. Then
again, he desperately needed more time to concentrate on his
schoolwork, which, unbeknownst to his family and friends, had been
suffering. He had only been in law school for three months and
already he felt as if he was falling behind.

“Alright. We’ll work out the major details at
lunch and you can get the others to help you.”

“While you’re at it, maybe you should talk to
Mr. Hardy about cutting back some of your hours. He’s really cool,
and I know he wouldn’t mind helping you out.”

“Actually, I’ve cut back as much as I
possibly can. I get out of here at 3:00 as it is. If I work any
less then, that means less money and I’ve got too many
responsibilities right now.”

“But aren’t your parents helping you pay for
law school?”

“True, but law school isn’t my only
responsibility. There’s Callie and Darius that have to be factored
in as well.”

“Doesn’t Callie have a full-time job of her
own?”

“Yes, but it’s hard for her to handle
everything by herself. I’m her man. I’ve got to support her.”

“And as your woman shouldn’t she support you,
too? I think you’re dealing with a lot more than she is right
now.”

“I don’t know if I could compare going to law
school to a life changing event like having a baby.”

“Still, Al. It’s a lot, not to mention you
said this is the path that you think God wants you to take. You
already put off school for a whole year just to help her out. I
don’t understand how she can know how important this is for you and
let you take on all the extra responsibility with Darius.”

“You talk as if Callie’s forcing her life on
me. I’m her boyfriend. It all comes with the territory. Anyway, I
don’t mind doing for her or Darius. Who knows? They could be a part
of God’s plan for me, too.”

“I don’t know about that. You don’t even
share the same faith.”

“Now we don’t, but who knows what could
happen down the line? No one ever thought Tim would be a Christian,
but he’s been going strong for two years now.”

“Tim’s a whole different case. Al, don’t
think I’m tryin’ to hate or nothin’ but I’m a little worried that
this relationship you’re in might not be so good for you at this
time in your life.”

“Now you sound like my mom. She thinks Callie
has been sent by the devil to keep me from accomplishing God’s will
for my life.”

“Well…it does seem like she’s distracting you
from what you need to be doing right now.”

“Oh, no – not you, too! Isn’t there anyone
who wants me to be happy?”

“Al, you know we’re boys and I’m definitely
not tryin’ to interfere with your happiness or nothin’ like that.
But I think sometimes you gotta ask yourself if God is pleased with
the choices you’re making. Because if He’s not happy with it,
eventually, you won’t be either.”

“Davis, really? Callie was alone with no one
to help her. Darius needed a father. How could I call myself a
Christian and abandon them? Do you think God would be pleased with
that?”

“No one is saying you can’t or shouldn’t help
them. At the same time helping them doesn’t mean that you have to
forget about you and be everything for them. That’s what God is
for.”

“I know what you’re thinking, but this isn’t
about me trying to be a hero. I love Callie. When she walked out of
my life, I felt like there was an important part of me that was
missing, but I prayed to God about it. I prayed that He would make
a way somehow for us to reconcile our differences if only so we
could be friends again. Instead, I was blessed with the opportunity
to have her love me just as much as I love her. I can’t just walk
away from that.”

“You also prayed for Him to reveal His
purpose and plan for your life and you told me you were sure law
school was a part of that. I don’t think God would give you two
answers that are interfering with each other.”

“They’re not. I’m handling things.”

“Is that why you’re so tired all the
time?”

Allen let out a long exasperated sigh. He was
getting tired of trying to justify his relationship to
everyone.

“Al, I’m only bustin’ your chops about this
because you’re like a brother to me and I don’t want to see you
mess up your life by going out of God’s will for you. Feel?”

“I hear you, and I appreciate your concern,
but believe me when I say I got this.”

“I hope so, man.”

“Oh and before I forget,” said Allen ready to
change the subject, “my cousin Riley is coming up this Saturday, so
someone’s going to have to pick her up from the airport.”

“That’s Miko’s best friend, right?”

“She told you about her?”

“She came up in our conversation last night.
How long is she going to be in town?”

“A couple of weeks maybe.”

“I think Miko having her girl around is going
to be good for her – you know? I was telling her last night, how
she needed to have some girls that she could chill with
sometime.”

“Right. That way she wouldn’t be up under you
all the time.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Of course you did. It’s okay, Dave. It’s
been painfully obvious to everyone that Miko’s been very, how shall
I say, intense toward you lately. I must say you’re a better man
than me. I think I would have changed my phone number and address
by now.”

“It’s not that I don’t like her. I think
she’s a great girl, but she’s looking for a boyfriend and I don’t
know if I’m ready to be anybody’s anything yet.”

“Have you told Miko that?”

“We talked about it last night, some. But I
think she might be a little mad at me, like I’m brushing her off or
something.”

“Don’t worry about Miko. If she is, she’ll
get over it. She needs to start respecting your feelings instead of
trying to change them. But now I have to wonder why you’re so
overcautious about relationships. Did you have a bad break up or
something?”

“Al, I’ma be real with you. I’m not good at
the long-term relationship thing. I used to roll like Tim, you know
– hit it and quit it. The few long-term relationships I had turned
out to be disasters. I can’t say it wasn’t mostly my fault,
either.”

“Why? You cheated on them or something?”

“Yeah, and a lot of other things.”

“It sounds like you’re accepting
responsibility for what you’ve done and you know what you need to
fix. You might be more ready than you think. You won’t know for
sure unless you put yourself out there.”

“And then what if I’m not? I would never want
to do Miko the way I did them other girls. I wouldn’t be able to
forgive myself.”

“Forget about those other girls. You’ve made
mistakes in the past, but that doesn’t have to determine your
future. You just told me that it’s important that I stay on the
path that God has for me. What if there’s a wonderful woman God has
put in your path right now, whether it’s Miko or someone else, that
you’re passing up because of stuff that happened in the past.”

“That’s the thing. You can’t just forget
about the past. You have to deal with it first, otherwise it has a
way of catching up to you and burning you.”

Nine

Tamiko had been waiting for nearly ten
minutes in the large booth at the Bistro Grill. It was a new place
they were meeting at because it was equidistant from where everyone
lived – that is – everyone except Davis, who was still living in
the Bronx. In her restlessness, She had started making origami
fortunetellers out of the napkins from the dispenser on the table.
They were all supposed to be meeting to discuss plans for a
homecoming celebration for Jim, which was something she looked
forward to, but at the same time she couldn’t help but feel a
little nervous. Tamiko was hoping that Davis wouldn’t be the first
of them to show. She didn’t want to risk having an uncomfortable
moment with him, especially so soon after their last conversation.
Tamiko took another napkin out of the dispenser and a pen out of
her bag and began to jot down some ideas she had about the party in
order to distract herself from thinking about that night. She was
really getting into her work, pausing only at moments to push back
wandering strands of her shoulder length hair behind her ear when,
unbeknownst to her, one of the members of their party had
arrived.

“
Hey, do I know you?” she
heard a familiar voice say in a soft tone. Tamiko spun around in
the seat. Upon seeing him, she felt as if her heart suddenly
skipped a beat, and Tamiko was taken off guard by her own reaction.
She felt a combination of shock, joy, and anxiety all at
once.