The Audubon Reader (37 page)

This last year till November I had no school scarcely from the expectation of leaving, now I have really a profitable and agreeable school, and though it is my serious intention to give it up the last of December next, I do not mean to say so until the moment comes. I have many reasons for my conclusion, but whether it be to remove to another school, or join you all must depend upon wants not now known.

I have the linen for your shirts but would rather have a pattern
for each of you. I wrote you a week ago and sent you a pair of socks, I do not think John can wash so many pair. With respect to the gig [i.e., a one-horse two-wheeled carriage], I must do without it for one loss and expense and another have taken more funds than I expected. I wrote to you for a horse, a strong pacer, before mine is nearly gone. The amount for that I hope to have in a few weeks. I would not have had the pupils without going to them once in the week and as to my strength, it will last its time. I sometimes consider why I wish any longer to live, all my best days are over and yourself and John will soon be able, I trust, to provide for yourselves; still I look forward and hope for the termination of your good character [i.e., his business training] and study before I die. It is my opinion that in so large an establishment as Bardstown [Academy] little is learned, and had I been able to command John I am sure he would have learned quite as much with me. At the vacation you can judge of him, but I do not think he ought to come down in the summer, if he is benefited by his studies let him go again till the end of the year, when I shall be going up and can join him at Louisville.

Should I go to Europe, a finishing to John’s
education may be given there, and as he is yet young he will have time to go and return to you when he is able to go into business. I must only look to my duty, not my chores. The apples came and were very, very nice … Now as to chitchat it is very scarce for I do not go out to obtain any … Miss Christiania Perry is still at Natchez—quite a belle—also
Juliana Randolph. The Miss Davises beg to be remembered to you, they have lately been thrown into trouble by their cousin Flood’s husband stabbing his wife’s mother, Mrs. Flood the sister of Mrs. Hathaway, and a nephew of Mr. Flood’s is to be hung in March for a similar affair. How thankful I ought to be I am not the wife, the mother or the aunt even of those two wretched young men who will both be hung.

I have written very very bad, but my pen knife is not here and I shall have no other time before the boy goes down to the Bayou. Can you send us any pretty easy tunes from your new aunt? I have fifteen music scholars. Write to me soon, my dear son and tell me all your arrangements, and precisely what John’s college expenses are. Mr. Briggs has been very kind to me in paying duties, expenses,
&c. and I do not know how much but have written to him about it … Since I began my letter I have another scholar added to the number. I went to town the other day and as it was very like rain on my return I came home without my bonnet for fear of spoiling it. I have not any idea of getting a gig in [New] Orleans because I’m not certain
when
, about the cash these people are so uncertain though.

All summer the heat is so great here that it is not fit for a horse to one shut up all week. I cannot think of John coming home in the sickly season; you must tell him how hazardous; how much I love him and I hope he will not forget me …

St. Francisville, Louisiana

8 February 1829

My dear husband,

I have this day received yours of August; where it has been I cannot imagine, but I am, at any rate, glad of it, as you speak of things I did not know before. To begin with the first thing, it is our John whom I often hear from, and who from all accounts is improving; I have often told him to write to you. Next you speak of the piano, which answers all the purpose I could wish now. I have had it repaired [it had been damaged at sea], which cost me fifty dollars, and I assure you I feel very much gratified by your sending it. I am sorry you do not send me any more of your engravings. The French dresses and bracelets you speak of sending from Paris will be very acceptable, I assure you; the two gowns Ann sent me fit me beautifully, but they are not
here
called dress gowns. However, for two years I have not wanted an article of that sort.

Next you speak of Mr. Swainson, whose review we all so much admired, so much that the gentlemen got the two I had and I could not get them again. Then your portrait, which I think cannot be better than the one hanging opposite to me at this moment.

You say you must not speak as a “man in love.” I do not see why, if you do love, which there seemed some doubt of from your last; I must attribute it to a fit of blues, for I cannot believe you so lost to reason and sense as to blame me for the part I am performing. I am, however, come to the resolution of giving up my occupation and joining you, as soon as I hear from you finally that you desire it, and can place John for a year or so at a first-rate school; then in a counting room, and by that time we may be able to return with him to America.

I beg of you, my husband, to be plain and clear in your reply; if any circumstance has occurred to change your affection for me, as you rather insinuate, be explicit and let me remain where I am. If, on the contrary, you still think I can add to your happiness and
John can finish his
education, you will find me prompt in preparing to quit Louisiana as soon as I can collect my funds to travel with and ascend the Ohio to see my dear Victor on my way. His plan of operation will be guided by us, after we meet; letters are a poor way of knowing. Thank you for thinking about me and the lace.

And now that I have replied to yours fully, and repeated part of what probably I have said over and over, I must proceed to something else—and finish. I make little more than myself and the boys spend, but they have not wanted for anything. I should not like to sail from [New] Orleans, nor could I leave without seeing Victor again. It will cost me & John about six hundred dollars to reach you, and all the rest I may then make will be for Victor, as I am sure you do not want me to take it to you, or you would not want me to leave when I am doing.

I have now said all I can on business and will finish with a little chat. Tonight as Mrs. Butler was taking home her little girl for me, from school, the horses ran off, the carriage was upset and Mrs. B. very much hurt indeed, the carriage broken and horses run away. I mean to go tomorrow evening to see her after my lessons are over in music, it being Saturday. I wrote you Dr. Hereford was married to one of the
Misses Shirley, and Mr. Lobdell to the other. On Wednesday last
Miss Holl was married to Mr. Nübling, the nephew of Mr. Hall. I was not at the wedding, nor do I often see them, but Mrs. Percy saved me a piece of cake. I have no day to myself but Sunday, and that day I generally spend in writing. I wish you would send me gowns made up, if you can, for I am obliged to pay for mine made out, not having a moment to sew. There are no material changes here, Mrs. Hamilton that was has not paid me yet, but I have a few days ago put the affair into a lawyer’s hands for collection. I hope this will reach you and find you well and comfortable. Write soon and send me your full opinion of my proposal and plan and tell me what you wish me to do as I shall be sure to do it as nearly as I can …

St. Francisville, Louisiana

20 February 1829

My dear LaForest,

You told me, in the last I have had from you, to write thee several letters informing you of my intentions respecting my voyage to England, and in consequence of that request I have already written two letters informing you that if my answer from you is telling me to set out I shall do so. I could not have left now had I got your last letter sooner, for several reasons. First, John is at school, but at the end of this year he will be able in America to enter a counting room, but if you say bring him to England, I should certainly, and I think you also would like him more improved; at any rate, his expenses must be paid and he yet wants a parent, and as you cannot be with him, I think it my duty to be near and be both father and mother, and see that he is paid for and provided with all things necessary.

You know I am very independent and will not, while I am able to work, be helped by anybody but you. Victor and William have for two years urged me to give up and live with them, but I never will. It would be a shame to take anything from Victor’s earnings [when he is] just beginning [in] the world, but another reason is that I cannot collect funds enough for the expense. I shall be endeavoring to have all ready by the close of this year, and nothing but your letters will change my plans. However, as both the boys will remain behind for some time, I can leave my business to be settled by them, and come over to you and try what we can do for them. I hope that it will not be long before you can return to them and America, for my thoughts will be often, very often of this side of the globe.

I yesterday had the pleasure of seeing Mr. Reynolds, the president of the college where John is, and also a letter from our dear boy, who begs me for a watch, and if you were not in England and would not be most happy to send him one, I should write to [New]
Orleans for one of the kind he wants, a plain silver patent leather with a gold key and slide and seal, also a seal for Victor, who has none; a chain I have for him that would do. I have promised John a watch next Christmas, but did not say from whence; but I am quite sure the gratification would be doubled if it came from you, and if you can spare the money you will have an opportunity of sending it free from duty by Mr. Boggs to me this summer, ready for John … You cannot have a better opportunity of sending me anything, and I am sure your son and myself shall be most grateful to you.

If you can not do it, tell me and I will get him the best I can here, before I leave America. He is so good a boy we had ought to encourage him, indeed both our sons deserve our blessings, and I cannot help hoping you may some day realize enough to enable me to live near them or with them. And my leaving them and going to you is a proof of affection and duty towards you of the highest kind I could give.

I have nothing new to add, for my three letters followed in quick succession, but I anxiously wait your answer. John will come down for me next January and help me to get in my money, and travel with me to see my Victor and my sisters and then I shall proceed in May to you, and I hope to promote your happiness much by the great step. So do not mislead me; if you think it most prudent for me to earn my stipend a little longer, you have only to say so, for I shall take it kind to know precisely what you wish me to do.

I am now sitting by a good fire but still feel the cold, which has been intense this winter here, ice thick and freezing in the daytime all day. My poor plants have had a hard time of it but I keep them in the house and they look pretty well. I shall write you the name of the packet I cross in, in due time …

St. Francisville, Louisiana

22 March 1829

My dear husband,

This is the fourth letter in succession, a week apart, that I have written you for the same purpose, namely to announce my determination (if you are in the mind and circumstances to receive me) of departing this country [at] the close of the year, but it takes so many months to obtain an answer that I begin to fear I shall not hear from you before the end of this. However, I shall endeavor to be ready and to settle all my affairs, which consists in collecting my scanty income, for scanty after all expenses and losses it is. When I see you, I can fully detail all; it is enough now for me to say, if I come I give you myself, my endeavors to increase your happiness, and my heart. Nothing more have I, and if it is your opinion or wish I should continue my avocation longer, say so, if not, in a few months now, we shall meet, and I hope and trust for the advantage and comfort of us both. But do write plainly, and quickly; I cannot alter anything here till I get your positive answer and request to move.

With respect to our children, Victor is settled with his uncle William, from whom we have received all the aid we have stood in need of, and I believe from Victor’s representations that had we required more, we should have had it. William repeatedly begged me to tell of whatever I wanted, and the moment my occupation was unpleasant or insufficient to let him take me home till you could, but thank God I owe no one money. Kindness I have had from many, and hope I never shall be guilty of ingratitude for it.

I now feel that my assistance is not indispensable to Victor, and as to John, if you can or will let him pursue his
education a year or so longer, I will bring him with me; if not, he shall remain with his brother and uncle the three years which you say will be about the time when you will visit America again.

I am now forty, I have no indication of age but gray hair and
loss of teeth, I may live many years yet, and must have a good constitution to endure the unceasing fatigue I do, and have not had a fever since I left Mrs. Percy—the headache and want of breath being all I ever suffer from, and change of life would I am pretty sure remove them. However, this is uncertain, and I live, and regulate all concerns relative to me, as if I was to be called to the other world any moment; all should do …

I shall sail from New York about this time next year unless you countermand my intention. Adieu. Try to send me a watch for John as most likely he will remain here with his brother.

New York, New York

6 May 1829

My dearest friend,

I simply wish to inform thee of my safe arrival here yesterday after a passage of 35 days from Portsmouth in the packet ship
Columbia
. I am so busy with custom-house affairs, &c., that I cannot say anything more to thee now, but in a couple of days will let thee know all my views & plans. I have come for thee, dearest Lucy! I am in perfect health and so fat that I must take great care of the climate. I have brought a superb watch for our Victor. Write to me care of Messrs. Thos. Walker & Sons here until further notice.