The Awakening: Aidan (7 page)

The feeling had started the moment he’d left Jaylin yesterday.

Wincing, he rubbed his chest again. It wasn’t painful. Just suffocating. Like a fog had filled his torso and was cramming his insides together. Even his teeth felt on edge, ached. He ground them together, hoping to relieve some of the pressure.

He glanced at the clock over the fireplace. Jaylin was scheduled to arrive for Liam’s session in thirty minutes. He itched to touch her. To see her. He stood, placed his laptop on the chair, and paced the room.

She hadn’t been thrilled about awakening the
Drall
. Not that he really expected her to from the conversation they had the other day, but her reaction seemed over-the-top hysterical almost. As if she truly believed she’d ruined his life. He didn’t understand how. Realizing she was his mate had been the happiest moment of his life, had made everything clear.

It boggled his mind that it’d had the opposite effect on her. What had happened to her to make her so fearful?

Three sharp knocks came from the door. His head whipped toward the front entrance.

Early.

Could it be possible she now felt the same overwhelming need to be with him?

He ripped open the door. In a black pantsuit, her hair twisted in a tight bun, briefcase held in her hand, she looked up at him, steely determination glinting back at him. He didn’t like it.

Leaning forward, he was intent on taking her mouth in a deep kiss, wanting to wipe the expression from her face. She stepped back, hands held up. In a firm tone, she said, “Stop.”

He forced himself to obey with some major effort.

“We need to talk,” she said.

“
Now
you want to talk?”

A tight smile came to her lips. “You deserve an explanation, Aidan.”

She’d said his name. Again. And
again
it was in a tone he didn’t want to hear.

“All right. I’d like to know why you freaked out yesterday. Let’s go in the living room.”

She shook her head. “This is personal. Once I step into that house, I’m here for Liam. This needs to stay outside.”

“If that’s how you want it.” He motioned toward the porch swing.

As he sat down beside her, she pinned him with her stare. “That kiss should never have happened.”

He clenched his teeth. “Are you going to enlighten me on why? You’re my mate, Jaylin. It’s as simple as that.”

“No. It’s not.” She sighed. “I made a decision a long time ago that will affect your life permanently.”

He really didn’t like the direction this conversation was going. “Which is?”

“I will never bond myself to a shifter…ever.”

He swallowed, not expecting that. “Never is a pretty strong word, don’t you think? Especially considering you’re half shifter and you’ve seen how beautiful the connection is.”

“There is nothing beautiful about it. Just look at Liam. The
Fewshon
destroys.”

“How in the hell can you say that? Our Dea has given the gift of love for eternity, Jaylin, how does that destroy?”

Her lips pursed as an irritated look crossed her face. Had she really thought she could drop that bombshell and he’d just accept it?

“She’s given
you
and every other full shifter this
gift
.” She said the word gift with such contempt it shocked him. “It’s not a gift, and I’m so thankful our Dea had the sense to grant the woman the choice of reciprocating the bond. I have no desire to ever experience the grief the
Fewshon
creates, and I won’t unless I bond
myself
to a shifter, and since I won’t ever have an instinct pushing me to do so, I’m safe.”

He stifled a groan. “Is that how you see it? A gift of choice? Do I need to give you a biology lesson?”

“I know how we’re made,” she said through clenched teeth.

“Really? Doesn’t seem so. You say the Dea gave you a choice. I say the only reason you’re not bonding to me right this minute is because you don’t have a beast, therefore no
Drall
. Hell, Jaylin,
none
of the women we bond to have a beast or a Drall, they all have a
choice
. Shouldn’t there be a shitload more rejected shifters out there? But there’s not. Because the
Drall
brings the shifter together with his true mate.
You’ve
awakened the
Drall
in me, Jaylin. We are meant to be. You
know
that.”

“I also know what I’ve
seen
, spent
years
witnessing.” She sighed. “I didn’t decide to take my clientele to strictly human without reason. I specialize in
Fewshon
grief and have seen the destruction it causes. I don’t want that for you and I sure as hell don’t want it for me. I’ve told you from the beginning that I wasn’t interested, and that still stands.”

That she had, but he never expected this to be the reason. “Who do you expect to
Fewse
with, then?”

“No one. As a female half shifter I do not have the capacity to open the
Fewshon
in a human man, like you can in a human female. I don’t have an instinct driving me to bond. I don’t have to
Fewse
like you do. I can…will
marry…
a human. Their grief is horrible, but it’s not life-crippling like a shifter’s. If I marry a human male and something were to happen to me, he could, hopefully, find love again after he’s able to cope with my death. A shifter waits for death to rejoin his mate. What kind of life is that?”

“It’s not like that, Jaylin. Not at all.”

“Oh, really?” She gave a brittle smile. “My very human mother lost my shifter father when I was twelve. She was thirty-eight. In the prime of her life. It’s been almost twenty years since he died. If she’d married a human instead, she could’ve found love again. But no, she reciprocated the bond,
Fewsed
her soul to his, and what has she been left with?” She paused. “Loneliness. Twenty years of living alone in a huge house, never dating, never kissing, never being held again, just waiting for her time to be back with him in Anavrin.”

At least that gave him more insight into her thought process, but she was seeing it all wrong. “That’s the way it’s supposed to be. The bond is eternal. Have you ever talked to her about how she feels?”

“Of course I have.”

“Has she ever said she regretted her decision?”

She averted her gaze. “That doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter.”

“No. It
doesn’t
.” Her eyes locked with his again. “She doesn’t regret her decision, but I’ve seen the life she’s lived since his death. I
do not
want that. For God’s sake, I’ve had clients who lost their mates almost immediately after the ritual. Some failed to breed and are spending the rest of their lives completely alone. You can’t seriously tell me you want that?”

“I do if it’s with you.” He meant the words with all his heart. She was the link that would make his life complete. Only without her bond would he truly be alone. How could he convince her of the same thing?

Jaylin groaned, stood, and threw up her hands. “See! This damn
Drall
makes you oblivious to the consequences.”

Pushing to his feet, Aidan grabbed her by the upper arms. “I’ve
seen
the consequences, Jaylin, through Liam, through my brother. He lost his mate four years ago. Yes, the first couple of years were horrible, as it is with
any
death. But once the haze of grief lifts, and no matter what you think, it does lift, even for a shifter, he was able to concentrate on the peace that filled him. The place where his mate ran through his blood was filled with such harmony he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she waited for him on the other side, that she was happy where she was, and he would one day join her. An unbonded human can’t say that.”

Jaylin shook her head. “I won’t do it. I won’t bond myself to someone for eternity. You don’t have a choice, but I do, and all I can do at this point is keep you from becoming Liam, because if you
Fewse
to me that is exactly what is going to happen. I
will
reject you.”

Aidan released her and ran a hand through his hair. “I won’t wind up like Liam. You’re making it damn clear that you won’t reciprocate the
Fewshon
, so why would I do that to myself?”

At his words, his beast growled, baring his teeth, then lunged forward, sending a need to mate through him. Clenching his jaw, Aidan ignored the instinct.

A sputtered laugh came from her. “Oh my God. You think you can control it.”

“I
can
control it, just like you told Liam he could.”

“You’re a fool. The affects of the
Drall
are completely different from
Dsershon
. Liam is no longer driven to connect to his mate. He already is. That instinct is potent, unyielding. Who knows what will happen if you try to fight it. Kissing me was the biggest mistake of your life.”

Aidan grabbed her waist and jerked her to his chest. He had to prove to her that he could keep his instincts contained. He was stronger than they were. If he didn’t, he feared he’d never get the chance to break down her defenses, show her they were meant for each other—forever. The possibility of losing Jaylin scared him far worse than winding up like Liam.

Maybe he
was
oblivious to the consequences. Maybe he
was
a fool. But he was certain he couldn’t walk away from her.

She grabbed his biceps and leaned back. “You have to let me go.”

Never.

“Let me prove myself, Jaylin. Let me kiss you the way I’ve always wanted to. Let me show you the instinct doesn’t drive me.”

“But you’ve already shown me it does, when you kissed me yesterday. Your eyes were iridescent blue when you spun me around. The instinct was controlling you.”

“Do you see any blue in my eyes now?”

She swallowed. “No.”

“Let me kiss you as Aidan. Not as Mr. O’Connell, not driven by my instinct, but as me.”

He saw the indecision in her eyes, but she didn’t push him away. Didn’t step back. She wanted to kiss Aidan just as much as he wanted to kiss her. As Aidan.

“A kiss, Jaylin, nothing more.”

Slowly, he lowered his head. When she didn’t deny him, he brushed his mouth across hers. A warm, pleased sigh flowed across his lips. He gathered her closer, slanting his mouth across hers as her arms slid over his shoulders and around his neck. He licked the seam of her mouth. The honeyed scent of her arousal perfumed the air as her lips parted, allowing him access.

This was how he always wanted to kiss Jaylin. Slowly, thoroughly, exploring every sweet crevice of her mouth as she melted in his arms. He cupped the sides of her face as he lightened the kiss, nipping along her bottom lip, until she moaned and shifted closer, silently asking for more. He denied her, keeping it playful.

“Aidan, please,” she whimpered against his mouth as she rose on her tiptoes to get closer to him, her arms tightening around him.

Hearing her breathe his name in the way he’d craved, having her urge him to deepen the kiss, caused a rumble to quake in his chest as his beast made his presence known, insisting on more. Instinctively, he crushed her against his body, moving them backward until he had her pressed against the side of the cabin. His exploration became more frantic. His hands sought her ass, bringing her closer to his rigid cock. Her breathing quickened, and she hopped up to wrap her legs around his waist, her tongue just as frenzied as his. He’d finally broken down her wall. She clung to him, kissing him back with the same intensity he felt.

Yet he needed more.

He lowered a hand between their bodies, rubbed his thumb on the inside of her thigh. A feral growl ripped from his mouth. He wanted it there. Needed it there.

Bite. Mark. Bond.

She stiffened, ripping her mouth from his. The way she stared up at him, as if a wild animal now held her, let him know his beast proudly displayed itself in his eyes. Made its intentions clear.

He lowered her until her feet touched the ground, shocked at how the instinct had flared out of control so quickly, how easily he could still mark her right here on the porch without a care if Liam or the whole world was his witness. He stared at her lips, swollen from the aggression of his kiss, and it took everything inside him to back away.

“I knew—”

“Don’t,” he said, recoiling from the censure in her voice. He hadn’t proven anything. If anything he’d proven her right. “Don’t say a word.”

“But—”

“I mean it, Jaylin. Not. A. Word.”

She tilted her chin up and he watched the sensual woman he’d held a few seconds ago place every one of her barriers back up. “Is he here?” Crisp, in control, as if she hadn’t just been begging him for more.

He shoved a hand through his hair. “He promised he wouldn’t ditch you this time.”

“Maybe it’d be best if I gave Liam his therapy at my office.”

And give her another way to distance herself from him? Not a chance in hell. “He wants to be here.”

“Then you need to stay in your office.”

“I told you I would.”

She hesitated a moment before walking past him, and Aidan retreated, scared that if she even slightly brushed him, he’d snap completely.

His movement didn’t go unnoticed. The tension between them increased as she grimaced and sidestepped farther, as if
she
were scared he’d snap.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

As they walked into the living room, Aidan went to his leather chair, placing his laptop on the table beside it, and sat. Frowning, Jaylin froze, then made a nasty noise as she shook her head. “One day I’ll learn. This is your office, isn’t it?”

He shot her a cocky smile he didn’t feel. “Work here a few hours a day, five days a week.”

“And what exactly is it you do?”

“I’m a consultant.”

He didn’t elaborate. If he made her too curious about what he did, it’d only take a quick Google search of his name for her to realize exactly who she was dealing with.