The Barbarian's Mistress (19 page)

‘I was lucky that I was enslaved after puberty, and when I’d grown big. So the kind of men who like boys weren’t interested in me. I was always bought by women… but some of them had men they wanted to influence, for one reason or another. My second mistress had a husband who couldn’t get aroused unless there was a male in bed with his wife. I had to ready him, so he could take her. They wanted children. As soon as she was with child, I was sold.’

He dropped into a moody silence for several minutes, and she let him, aware that they were in territory she had no inkling of. Lying back on the grass, Vali stared up at the cloudless blue sky above them. It seemed so close, she felt she could reach out and touch it.

‘The worst was Marcia. She brokered me to men who enjoyed being dominated. Powerful men in weak bodies. To get me to
perform
I was given aphrodisiacs and a lot of alcohol. Luckily, I don’t remember much of it. It’s just a blur. But after a while, there was nothing she could do to get me aroused. So she sold me. After that, servicing an old hag was like Elysium to me.’

‘Is that why you called yourself a dog?’ Her voice was so soft she wondered if he heard her.

‘Yeah, part of it. Like a cur. But that’s not what I enjoyed. The worst was when I enjoyed it.’

‘Like?’ she pressed.

‘Like you don’t want to know, sweetling. If I can’t live with what I did, you surely can’t. Let it go. Accept that I’m a sick bastard, not fit to lick the mud from your feet.’

She leaned in so that her face blocked his view of the sky. Her eyes meshed with his so he couldn’t look away.

‘If you can’t live with what you did, it means you have a conscience. If you have a conscience, then how can you see yourself as less than human? Do you think a dog feels guilty about the things it does, feels self- loathing for it? No. And you did what you were ordered to do.’

He wrapped his hands in her hair and shifted so fast it took her breath away. One moment she was on top, the next she was under him, her hair held so tightly in his fists it hurt.

‘When you hate someone so much that hurting them in pleasurable, then you’re sick.’ He breathed into her ear, his words bitten off, one at a time, like angry chunks of raw meat. ‘When you’re pushed so far that you drive into a passage that’s too tight it hurts, but you do it anyway, because it hurts her more. Until she bleeds. And you don’t stop until she’s taken all of you and you fill her up with your release. And she’s crying with pain and pleasure. Beaten but triumphant. And I’m instantly hard again because the fury is so great…that she could be the one triumphant after the pain I’d inflicted… And I drive into her again, as I wrap my hands around her neck, and squeeze… until she comes so hard she passes out from it all… And she wins… again.’

With certainty, Lara knew that the woman he described was her mother. And she was appalled. Not with him. Never with him. But with her mother, for pushing him to such extremes. To such violence. For making him see himself that way. He wasn’t sick like Publius or her mother. He didn’t enjoy hurting anyone, under normal circumstances. The violence she drew out of him was his darkness. And everyone had darkness inside them somewhere, along with the light. Most people just never got pushed to unleash the dark, so it stayed hidden. She wasn’t sure how she knew that, but she did.

‘You and Ninia have been so damaged by my family. I’m so sorry.’ She leaned up, straining against the tight grip he had on her hair, and kissed his cheek, letting her lips rest there for several seconds before drawing away.

‘It doesn’t make you sick to think of me doing that?’ His eyes were troubled, as if he couldn’t understand her at all.

‘It makes me sick that you were driven to do that. Like I felt sick when I was forced to watch Publius hurt Ninia. Your fury was understandable. You fought back in the only way you could. I feel sick that it was my mother who did that to you. That something of her might be in me, somewhere. If she could pass her insanity on to Publius, and to a lesser degree Annia, doesn’t that mean there is some of her madness in me, too?’

He released her hair and stroked her cheeks instead. ‘There is nothing of her in you.
Nothing!
Never even think that!’

When he kissed her, it was tender and protective, as if he was trying to reassure her with his lips that his words were true. She let him. It was better for him to be worried about her doubts than to wallow in his own self-loathing.

They returned to the marketplace to gather what they would need for their journey: thin folding mattresses filled with fresh hay, a strip of waterproof canvas with eyelets, and rope to attach it to whatever was available to them, and a large wicker basket in which to store supplies for several days.

As the sun began to dip into the sea, they made their way back down to the harbour in search of the
Utica.
Luckily, it had just finished unloading, and the ship’s master had time to talk to them. His accent was heavy, but Vali understood him easily enough. Yes, he had space for two more. The cost? One hundred and forty five denarii each, paid when they boarded at sunrise.

The deal done, they returned to their accommodation to await the new day.

Paestum LUCANIA

The two tall men made their way along the beach as the sun set fire to the Tyrrhenian Sea. They had the look of ruffians, hard edged and wolf eyed. One had a long scar that ran from eyebrow to chin in an angry ark. His companion had two fingers missing off his left hand. They were the type of men others would cross the road to avoid. The type of men you tried never to make eye contact with.

A few terse questions around the town, and they located what they were after. As the last of the light disappear
ed, they reached Daria’s door. She greeted them suspiciously, eyeing them as she shooed Appius back down the hall.

‘You got room for the night?’

‘Sorry, we’re fully booked.’

‘Who do you have staying with you?’

‘That’s my business. Please go, I have food to prepare and guests to see to.’

As she started to close the door they heard Appius pipe up, ‘What guest
s momma? Vali and Lara are gone.’

‘Shhh!’ she snapped furiously, as the last crack of the door closed tight.

‘Vali. That could be the ‘V’. Who is this Lara?’ said the scarred one as they hurried down the street to the inn they’d passed.

‘Doesn’t sound much like a carpet merchant to me,’ said Missing-Fingers, rubbing the side of his unshaven face.

‘The woman’s close-lipped. The boy’s a different matter. We’ll see if we can get him alone tomorrow.’

Missing Fingers nodded silently, as he continued to rub at his face.

Chapter Fifteen

3 September 79 CE, Palinurus Pr LUCANIA

After buying food for the day, Vali and Lara hurried down to the docks and boarded their ship. Vali had already separated out twelve gold aureii from their supply, and put it in his change purse, so that it looked as if that was all the gold they had. The ship’s master took the coins without comment and consigned them to his own large purse that dangled from his belt.

‘You two are lucky. We haven’t got many passengers this leg of the journey. Set yourself up behind
the deck house. It’ll give you protection from the spray, if not the wind. Keep out of the way of the crew, and keep this pretty lady by your side at all times. My men are not animals but a dainty morsel like her would tempt any man,’ the master said, with a sidelong look of appreciation at Lara. He was a darkly handsome man, with black almond eyes and long kinky hair be bound tight to the back of his head. Vali’s arm tightened around Lara’s shoulder.

‘Understood. Do we sleep ashore tonight?’ Vali asked.

‘Yes. We’ll make Regium well before nightfall. Then we’ll be gone at first light. There’s an inn close to the dock we use because it’s clean and run by my people. You’re welcome to stay there, or if you prefer a Roman establishment, there are others nearby that would do as well.’

‘We’ll take your recommendation.’

With that Vali guided Lara along the cluttered deck, steering her around slaves who were adding casks of water to their supplies in the hold. The master had told them water was the only thing the ship would supply them with on their journey.

With efficient movements that didn’t go unnoticed by members of the passing crew, Vali set up their canvas so that it fell at an angle from the bottom rail above the deckhouse to the blocks that worked the brails on the deck. There was just enough space to slide their two mattresses along the side of the deckhouse and stow their baggage in the narrow space closest to the deck.

‘This way we’ll keep the wind off us, have our privacy, and give it to those who need to relieve themselves over the stern of the ship,’ Vali said with a grin, as he noticed Lara blanch as one of the sailors did just that. She ducked her head, and crawled in to their little triangular shelter. Vali followed her, just to keep out of the way, she knew. Once they were at sea he would want to be out on deck enjoying the wind in his hair.

The morning sunlight was still weak when they were towed away from the dock by dinghies. Then the crew made ready the sails. Lara could hear the running feet, the sound of ropes being tightened, and sails being raised. It was one of the most exciting moments of a journey she was discovering. The expectation was palpable as the crew worked in unison to bring the craft into readiness to take up the breeze.

The sea was choppier than she was used to, and the big craft rode out the waves with little bumpy jerks that made the deck beneath them shudder. For a few minutes Lara clung to Vali’s arm, nervous about what was happening. Then, as the ship took full sail, the jerks and shudders eased, and she could feel the ship cutting through the waves like a bird through the air. They were fast. The three sails caught the stiff breeze with ease and sent it forward at what Lara saw as a frightening pace. It was faster than a horse at full gallop, and she watched the coast pass her little triangle of view so fast it was almost a blur.

‘Go on, I know you want to be out there,’ she told Vali, forcing down her anxiety. 

With a quick, grateful grin he crawled out to stand at the railing where one of the two great paddles the ship used to steer sloped down into the sea.

She watched him cover his eyes with his hand as he looked up at the crewman steering from the deck above him. Then he turned his back to the wind to watch the sails billow. Or that was what she assumed he was doing. It was what he seemed to spend his days doing on the other vessels they’d travelled on thus far.

Lara settled in and began to sort out breakfast. They had fresh bread, grapes and olive oil. She poured out some watered wine as well, and took several long swallows to wet her dry mouth. Then she began to eat, as her mind turned back to the night before.

After his revelations on the point, Vali had seemed more relaxed about letting her give him release, and then providing hers. Before this, he’d seemed guilty about what he did to meet his needs. Now she understood a little of the reasoning behind that. But for her there was no guilt. Everything they did seemed to come out of love, and the desire to give and take pleasure. There was no pain, there was no anger. It was as far from what Vali had described as any act could be.

What he wouldn’t do, yet again, was take her virginity. At his most frenzied she could sense his control. And though she tried to seduce him from it, he remained firm. Not until they were certain about her future, not until she had time to understand what she was committing to, and had dealt with the worst of her grief, would he let her take that final step.

Lara appreciated his honour, but it frustrated her no end. Her father’s death didn’t alter her perspective; it only intensified her determination to remain Lara the liberti. Grief or no grief, that wouldn’t change. But until Val
i understood that, then he would keep to his self-imposed honour and leave her maiden-head intact.

After she had finished her share of the food, she lay down to doze.
She had become used to sleeping-in over the last week, and this early start was hard to take. But she imagined that over the next weeks she would get used to it.

A little later, Vali woke her from her doze by sliding in to their little shelter. She saw how flushed his face was, and how his eyes twinkled. She gave him a sleepy smile.

‘It’s going to be a fast trip, if the wind keeps up. We’re making maybe 6 or 7 leagues an hour. We’ll make Regium in good time. Do you want to come out on deck for a while? We’ve left the coast, so you might be a bit uncomfortable with how far out we are, but it’s a lovely morning, and we’re perfectly safe. The master is competent, and his crew seasoned.’

‘Left the coast?’ she repeated nervously. ‘I thought you said we’d hug the coast and island hop.’

‘Well the wind is allowing us a more direct route. The master will keep the coast in sight, but the coastal currents are less pronounced out here, and he can follow the wind, which is coming in from the nor’ nor’ east. Come out and enjoy the morning.’ His voice was coaxing, as were his eyes.

‘Eat you
r breakfast first, and I’ll come out with you then,’ she conceded, pointing to his meal that sat on his mattress untouched.

Like a child told he must finish his vegetables before he could have a honey cake, he dutifully shifted position to his side so he could eat. While he did, he talked about the size and tonnage of their craft, the size of the mainsail and the difference in speed close to the shore and further out. He was so animated and happy she couldn’t help catching some of his enthusiasm. The angry man seemed to show his face less and less as the days passed.

After he’d gobbled down his meal and drained the mug of wine, he dragged her out of their shelter. Then he stood with her resting in his arms, her back against his chest, while taking the full force of the wind on his broad back. Cocooned in this way, she was able to relax and enjoy the experience as the vessel cut through the dark blue waves and rocked like a horse taking one jump after another.

It was amazing to see the way the wind filled the square sails, like a hug
e fist pressing into it, urging the ship forward, faster and faster. Was there a limit to their speed? Was there a point where the sails would be unable to take the pressure placed on them? Lara didn’t want to ask. She might not like the answer.

Instead, she widened her stance, braced herself more completely against Vali’s chest, and looked up at the muscular seaman who was guiding the craft using the monstrous paddles on either side of the stern. His intense, hawklike stare gave her confidence. This man knew the sea, knew how to ride the wind and the waves. And he seemed to know that if he took his concentration from it for even a moment, there would be consequences.

‘The gods are kind, young sir,’ the mate, a round man with stringy black hair, said as he passed them. ‘Maybe they favour you and your pretty, young wife.’

His accent was as strong as the master’s, but he seemed comfortable speaking Latin. Vali nodded and smiled at the little man who barely reached his chest. ‘What god wouldn’t be influenced by her beauty?’

Lara blushed. Being complimented so effusively was a new experience. Nobody but her brother Gaius and her father had complimented her before. And Vali tended to show his appreciation, rather than talk of it. But it felt good to have him speak in this proprietary way about her. More and more he was coming to accept that she was his.

Paestum LUCANIA

‘Hey boy,’ Scarface called, as he saw the small lad runn
ing down the lane toward the forum.

The boy looked around to see who called. Seeing the two men he paused, frowning. The men hurried to his side.

‘My mother said I’m not to talk to strangers,’ he said as he turned to go. Scarface reached out and took the lad’s arm, gently but firmly. There was no good reason to frighten the boy. Not yet.

‘I’ll only take a moment of your time. I heard you mention my friend Vali last night. Is he around? I’d like to catch up with him.’

‘You know Vali?’

‘Yes. A long time ago. His people and mine were close.’

The boy frowned as he sized the man up. ‘Vali is a Norseman, his people wouldn’t know your people. Let me go, I have errands to run.’

‘Not those families. Our Roman families. How is he, as big as ever?’ Scarface took
a risk that if Vali was a Norseman he’d be tall. It was likely he was fair too, but he didn’t want to take anything for granted where this intelligent, little boy was concerned.

‘Yes, he’s big. Tall as a tree. So is his wife. Not as tall as him, of course, but taller than my mother by a hands width. He’s gone. You won’t see him here.’

Scarface absorbed the information. This Vali had a tall wife. Was she young or old? For that matter, was this Vali a young man or an elder? He carefully chose his words. ‘He’s married is he? Is this Lara pretty and young? He always liked them pretty and young.’

‘Very pretty and about Vali’s age. Grown up but not as old as mother. She has hair the gold of the setting sun. She never wears it tied back like a matron should though. Mother says that’s because she’s only newly wed and not used to the restrictions placed on a matron.’

‘She sounds lovely. Her hair is like Vali’s then?’

‘Oh, much darker than his. More gold than white. She has the nicest smile. Except when she found out her father was dead. Then she cried, and was very sad. My father died last year, and I cried.’

‘Poor girl. Where have they gone, do you know?’ Scarface tried to keep his excitement under control. He eyed his companion, who was showing his agitation and impatience.

‘My father’s cousin took them south to Palinurus yesterday. They were taking a ship from there.’

‘Back to Rome?’

The boy shook his head. ‘I don’t know for sure. I just know they had to get the ship from Palinurus.’

‘I’ll try to catch up with him there then. Thanks, my fine lad,’ he said, as he dropped two copper asses into his small hand. ‘No need to tell your mother you spoke to us. She might be mad at you for talking to strangers.’

Appius looked suddenly ashamed. He’d forgotten his pledge to his mother. Taking to his heels he headed off toward the forum at twice his normal speed. He’d buy his mother something nice with the money the man had given him. It might make up for his error.

Meanwhile, the two men conferred quietly.

‘What did the message our patron sent here say?’ asked Missing-fingers.

‘That her husband was dead and this V must bring the “goods” to Rome immediately. If this Lara was crying because her father was dead, could that mean that he is the man mentioned in the message?’

‘But that would make her a patrician… or maybe not. She might be his by-blow off a slave. Whatever the situation, we need to get this back to our patron immediately. You go back to Rome, and I’ll go on to Palinurus and see if I can find out where they’re headed.’ Missing-fingers rubbed his chin.

‘I won’t get a ship back to Rome from here. And you know what the harbours north of here are like after Vesuvius. Chaos and destruction. We’ll both go to Palinurus and find out where they’re going. If they’re heading back to Rome, we can both follow; if they’re heading south, I’ll go back to Rome and you can follow. Leave messages in our usual way.’

Missing-fingers nodded. ‘We’ll hire h
orses and ride along the coast, then. We won’t get a ship at this time of day.’

With a jerk of his head Scarface agreed. This was becoming an interesting assignment.

Palinurus Pr, LUCANIA

The sun was already setting into the golden sea when Ninia and her father hurried off the coastal clipper and began the walk up to the township that was scattered like beautifully patterned lace across the hillside. Behind it were the dark, brooding mountains that crowded in close to the sea.