The Bargain (26 page)
Authors: Mary J. Putney
Chapter 29
W
anting to make dinner special for David, Jocelyn took extra pains with her appearance, donning a gold-colored silk gown with black piping and very dramatic decolletage. Marie dressed her hair high in a tumble of waves and curls that emphasized the graceful length of her neck. For jewelry, she chose earrings and a matching necklace of gold studded with small topazes and emeralds that brought out the colors in her eyes.
anting to make dinner special for David, Jocelyn took extra pains with her appearance, donning a gold-colored silk gown with black piping and very dramatic decolletage. Marie dressed her hair high in a tumble of waves and curls that emphasized the graceful length of her neck. For jewelry, she chose earrings and a matching necklace of gold studded with small topazes and emeralds that brought out the colors in her eyes.
The effort was justified by the admiration in David's gaze when she entered the small salon. “You're looking particularly lovely tonight, my dear girl,” he said with a smile. “Is it a special occasion?”
Not waiting for an answer, he drew her into his arms for a welcoming kiss, one thumb stroking her bare back above the neckline of her gown in a way that sent tremors through her. She relaxed into the embrace, able to forget the countess's latest gambit. Separating from him with reluctance, she said, “Special indeed, my mysterious friend. It's your birthday.”
“Good Lord, so it is,” he said as they entered the dining room. “To be honest, I forgot. It's been years since I've taken any special note of adding another year to my dish.” After seating her, he said, “I suppose Stretton told you?”
“Naturally. Old family retainers always know everything. You are the center of this particular world, and if I had had more time, I would have organized a feast so all your tenants could have celebrated your birthday with you.” She smiled wickedly. “You know the sort of thing. An ox roasting over an open fire, barrels of cider and ale, games, songs, dancing.”
He shuddered. “I'm glad you didn't. I'm not yet ready to play the role of lord of the manor quite so thoroughly.”
Jocelyn smiled and raised her glass to him. “It's a task you will accomplish to perfection, Lord Presteyne.”
He lifted his glass in reply. “I hope so, Lady Presteyne.”
The expression in his eyes sent shivers through her. Perhaps she should have suggested that they go to the cellars for their champagne. It could become a Westholme custom. . . .
No. It was not her place to institute new customs. Soon she would leave Westholme, probably never to return. Their lives, which had intertwined in such interesting ways, would separate. But for tonight, they would celebrate a birthday David hadn't expected to see.
The leisurely meal was more elaborate than usual, with two removes and a variety of wines. They chatted back and forth about what progress they were making with their respective projects, trading ideas and offering suggestions. Sometimes their hands would touch, and once she fed him a bite of apple tart from her own fork. It was a lovers' meal, she realized, feeling as bubbly as the wine, where glance and touch were more important than soup or salad. Oh, dangerous, yet she could not bear to end it.
Since there were only two of them, there was no nonsense about ladies withdrawing to leave the gentlemen over their port. They stayed with champagne, their conversation drifting from the upcoming Paris peace conference to the best variety of wheat to plant.
As she studied how the candlelight defined the planes of David's face, she wondered at what point he had become so handsome. When they first met, he had been painfully thin, the tan skin almost transparent over the high cheekbones. He could stand to gain a few more pounds, but now he was a man in the fullness of his strength, radiating a quiet control and virility that were nearly irresistible. Her gaze lingered on his well-cut mouth, remembering the taste of his lips, then lifted to find him watching her as intently as she did him.
For a moment, she felt a tug so hard it hurt her heart. Perhaps she really could stay here, give up the other man in her life as he had given up his other woman. He had made it clear that he was willing to live up to the vows they had made. She could create a place for herself on this lovely estate, spend the nights in his arms. . . .
No. It would be perilously easy to fall in love with David, and she didn't have the strength or courage to risk that. She rose to her feet, saying brightly, “How late it has become! Almost ten o'clock, and suddenly I'm so tired I can scarcely keep track of the conversation.”
David glanced at the mantel clock. “You're right,” he said with regret. “And I must rise early to go into Hereford for the highwayman's trial. Sweet dreams, Jocelyn.”
He stood and made a move to give her a good night kiss, but she eluded him, afraid that she might cry if that happened. She must leave Westholme soon, she realized, before she lost the last shreds of common sense.
Upstairs, a yawning Marie helped her undress, brushed out her hair, and put her to bed before retiring to the despised room in the attic. Despite her fatigue, Jocelyn tossed and turned, unable to sleep. A full moon poured its silver light in the window, stirring her to intolerable restlessness as her mind and body pulsed with longings.
She considered pulling the draperies in the hope that dark would still her unease, but the problem was inside her, not in the night sky. She was uncomfortably conscious of her body, of the gossamer softness of the sheer muslin nightdress against her skin, the light weight of a sheet holding her to the width of the bed, the flood of moonlight that made her crave passion more intensely than safety. She was deeply aware that she was a woman, and that for too long she had held herself apart from men.
Finally she slipped from the bed and walked to the window. The moon that tormented her floated high in the sky, a primitive goddess of femininity that her body cried out to worship.
Deep in the house a clock struck. She counted twelve strokes. Midnight, the witching hour.
It suddenly occurred to her that she hadn't shown David the family portrait. He hadn't come to bed yet, or she would have heard him through the door that connected their chambers.
On an impulse she refused to identify, she tied a blue silk wrapper over her nightdress and left the room, picking up a three-branched candelabrum in the hall to light her way down the stairs. Fantastic shadows accompanied her through the silent house, adding to her sense of unreality.
David still sat where she'd left him, his cravat loosened and his tailored coat thrown casually over a chair in the warm August night. His hair was tousled as if he had run his hands through it, and a half-filled glass of brandy sat in front of him.
His expression was remote when she entered, but it changed to concern when he saw her. Rising, he asked, “Is something wrong, Jocelyn?”
She shook her head, feeling the weight of her hair heavy over her shoulders. “Not really. I wasn't able to sleep, and I realized I'd forgotten to show you something. It's a gift to you from Stretton, or perhaps from Westholme.”
“Intriguing.” He smiled lazily, looming over her as they left the room.
Acutely aware of his height and strength, she led him to the main drawing room. Stretton had not failed her, and the painting of David's family now hung above the fireplace. Wordlessly she lifted the candelabrum so that the light fell across it.
He inhaled, his gaze devouring the painted images. “I had no idea this painting still existed. I assumed that Wilfred would have destroyed it.”
“He wanted to, but Stretton hid it away.” She studied the portrait again, thinking what a fine job Reynolds had done at capturing the sense of family. “It's a beautiful painting. Was your family happy then?”
“Yes, particularly when the older boys were away at school. My father took more pleasure in his second family than his first. I don't think he ever knew the malice his older sons were capable of.” His nostalgic gaze traveled to the portrait again. “Or perhaps he didn't want to know. He was a kind man, with no taste for unpleasantness.”
“Your strength came from your mother?”
“It must have. She was able to build a new life for her children, and I never knew her to feel self-pity for what she had lost.” He touched the frame, his fingertips tracing the gilded whorls. “Perhaps she was happy not to be the lady of the manor anymore.”
She envied David that confidence, that he could accept being called strong and never question it. She didn't think she had ever been able to accept a compliment comfortably in her life. Her social rank she was sure of, but praise of her person triggered bone-deep uneasiness. She had become convinced of her unworthiness very early.
His gaze went around the drawing room. She had grouped the furniture from the attic around three oriental carpets, creating comfortable conversation areas to break up the vast expanse. Candlelight shone on polished wood and hinted at the rich colors of the carpets. “This room has never looked better. You have a talent for beauty.”
He looked back at her, and their gazes locked. She could not have turned away for all the treasures of Araby. Softly she asked, “Why were you sitting alone so long?”
“I . . . was thinking. About you.” The deep tones of his voice seemed to reach out and caress her. “How beautiful you are. How very difficult it is to restrain myself whenever we touch.”
She drew closer, her breasts almost brushing him, her head tilted back to hold his gaze. Amazed at her own brazenness, she asked, “Why do you exercise such restraint?”
He stood absolutely still, making no attempt to either withdraw or reach out to her. “I promised you your freedom, and the promise binds me. I have already gone further than I should.”
“We have signed the papers for the annulment, and we will both have our freedom. But what of tonight?” she asked intensely. “Who will know or care what happens between us?”
“I care, and I hope that you would, too.” The skin tightened over his cheekbones. “But I'm not sure that you know what you want.”
She laid her palm on his forearm, feeling the hard muscles beneath his sleeve. “I know that I want you to hold me,” she said, her voice husky with longing. “I know that the lessons on passion you've given me so far are only an overture to one of life's great symphonies.”
The civilized mien of an officer and a gentleman vanished. “Are you sure?”
The thought quickened her breath, making her want to run like the windâand be caught by the lion. “As sure as one can be in this imperfect world.”
He took the candelabrum from her hand and placed it on the mantel, but all vestige of control vanished when his mouth met hers. The yearning they both had been denying exploded into a hunger that would not be satisfied with mere kisses.
He had embraced her before with skill and passion, but this was much, much more, both tinder for the flame and promise of fulfillment. His arms locked around her, drawing her so close that she felt his heart pounding against her breasts, the shape of his buttons pressing into her body through her thin nightclothes.
She tugged at his shirt, yanking it loose so that she could touch his warm skin. Though she had seen all of him when he was ill, now she yearned to rediscover his body in full strength and virility. Her hands opened and closed convulsively on his bare back in a tactile celebration of his flexing muscles. Sliding one hand around his chest, her fingers found the flat circle of his nipple. Wondering if he would feel the same kind of sensations she did, she squeezed the nub between thumb and forefinger.
David gasped, his whole body going rigid. “God help us both.” Then, breath ragged, he caught her up in his arms. “This time, we will do it properly.”
He carried her from the room as if she were no heavier than a child. As they ascended the stairs, she pressed her face into his shoulder, tears stinging her eyes with the knowledge that what seemed certain and wise in the night was as ephemeral as the moonlight that illuminated their path.
Chapter 30
W
hen he reached her room, he set her on her feet so he could latch the door. She stood and watched him, a curved figure sculpted of moonshine and shadows. He swallowed hard as he saw how the soft folds of her gown draped sensuously over her ripe body. Diana's handmaiden, a nymph of the night who stole men's souls.
hen he reached her room, he set her on her feet so he could latch the door. She stood and watched him, a curved figure sculpted of moonshine and shadows. He swallowed hard as he saw how the soft folds of her gown draped sensuously over her ripe body. Diana's handmaiden, a nymph of the night who stole men's souls.
He had waited and prayed for this moment, when her heart would open to him, yet this seemed too sudden. Struggling between desire and the fear of doing the wrong thing, he said shakily, “This is the last chance to change your mind, Jocelyn.”
“I have no doubts.” Gaze intense, she untied the sash of her wrapper, shrugging so that the silk slithered down her body to pool around her bare feet. “Do you, my lord?”
“None at all.”
“Then let me see you,” she whispered.
His loosened cravat was gone with a yank. Then he pulled his shirt over his head and dropped it on the floor. The admiration in her gaze aroused him to painful readiness. Suspecting that it might not be wise to allow a virgin to see too much of a rampant male, he closed the distance between them and drew her into his arms.
Her hair fell back across his arm as she turned her face up to his kiss. A ribbon was drawn through the neckline of her nightgown, so he untied the bow, then worked the garment over her shoulders and down her body, using it as an excuse to slide his palms over every square inch of warm, yielding flesh.
She leaned into him, her hands caressing, the fullness of her breasts against his bare chest unbearably arousing. Panting, he laid her across the bed, then swiftly stripped off his remaining garments and lay beside her.
The moonlight created madness. Jocelyn should have felt shy, but the heat in his eyes set her ablaze. She loved the sight of him, the hard planes of his body so different from her own in the uncanny light, the scars his marks of valor.
She gasped when he cupped her breasts in his hands, holding them together as he kissed and sucked until she feared they would shimmer into flame. He played her like a master musician who had been given a precious instrument, his warm lips and hands invoking chords of response that resonated through her whole being.
Restlessly her hands danced over him, registering the textures of his smooth skin and lightly tickling hair. There was no time, only sensation. Her fingers brushed the heated shaft that pressed against her leg. He made a thick, rough sound that aroused her as fiercely as the slide of his hand between her thighs. She explored further, clasping the head of the fascinating, firm but resilient, organ.
He jerked, gasping, “If you wish this to last, best have a care, madam.”
Hastily she released him, kneading his back and shoulders as he kissed her ears and throat and mouth again and again. She could barely separate the torrent of sensations, until the heat in her loins became an annihilating fire. Nothing existed but the touch of his knowing fingers and the fever of her response. She was falling, falling . . .
She bit into his shoulder, shuddering as convulsions racked her body. She would have been terrified, except for the secure haven of his embrace, and his richly satisfied whisper, “Yes. Yes. . . .”
She clung to him, shaking, until she could say dizzily, “So this is the lesson in passion you wanted me to learn.”
“Oh, my dear girl, it's only the first step in an endless exploration.” He moved between her slack legs, positioning himself at the entrance to her body.
She tensed, wary of invasion, but he was in no hurry, tracing her lips with his tongue, drawing her into another kiss, as if they had all the time in the world. She relaxed and soon desire began flowing through her again. She moved her hips against him in a shy invitation. Pressure and friction created new sensations, aching emptiness and a yearning for completion.
As their tongues twined in an erotic dance, his hand came between them, finding a place of such exquisite sensitivity that her breath caught in her throat. Coiled heat formed around his touch, spiraling tighter and tighter, a promise of madness, but whenever she approached the cliff she had plunged off before, his hand became still, until she thought that desire would consume her very bones.
When she could bear it no longer, she choked out, “What . . . what now, my lord?” as she instinctively arched her hips upward in wordless demand.
He met her movement with a powerful thrust, sliding deep within her. There was a moment of sharp discomfort, which gradually faded as she felt the heated throbbing where they were joined. This was the closeness she had yearned for, the archetypal fusion of male and female that was the ancient ritual of the night.
She rocked against him. He began to move, slowly at first, then faster, until his frayed control abruptly shattered.
“Oh, God, Jocelyn . . .” With a groan, he buried his face in the angle of her throat, spilling himself into her. She cried out his name, ravished by a passion beyond anything she had ever imagined, yet which carried a core of gentleness and caring that made her want to weep with gratitude.
Scoured by emotions beyond her ken, she might have wept, but he cradled her exhausted body against his, smoothing her hair tenderly, as if she was the most precious creature in the world. Soon he slept, but she lay drowsily awake, wishing that the morning would never come. For these few hours, her mind was beyond questions and doubts, and she feared that such peace might never come again.
He woke after moonset and rolled onto his back, bringing her with him so that she sprawled along the length of his body, as at the picnic in the orchard. But this time they lay skin to skin, with nothing to separate them. Sensual strokes and languid sighs led to slow, profoundly satisfying lovemaking as she set the rhythm of their joining.
Finally, her head cradled on David's shoulder, Jocelyn slept with the utter exhaustion of a child.
David awoke very early. The room was shadowy in the half-light, and outside the birds sang their dawn chorus. He felt an absurd desire to join them from his own sense of exhilaration. Jocelyn lay curled under his arm, looking more like a girl of seventeen than a worldly woman of twenty-five.
He kissed her lightly on the forehead, and she turned against him with a soft exhalation. She looked delectable with her auburn hair spread around her, but also hauntingly vulnerable.
He resisted the temptation to wake her. Despite the magic of the night just past, he suspected that by daylight she would feel a certain awkwardness. It would take time for the cool, collected lady to fully accept the passionate moon maiden who was her secret self. It was just as well that he had to go to Hereford for the Assizes. His absence would give Jocelyn time to adjust to the change in their relationship, perhaps to start planning for their life together.
He slipped quietly out of the bed, tenderly pulling the covers around her shoulders. She was still sleeping soundly, so he restricted himself to the lightest of kisses before returning to his own room and dressing for the day.
After leaving a message for her to find upon waking, he set off for Hereford, impatient for the long hours to pass until he could see her again.
Jocelyn awoke slowly, her body a combination of delicious languor and unexpected soreness. Her cheek felt raw, as if it had been scraped by something bristly. Absently she touched it, and memory flooded through her. David's face against hers, his urgent words in her ear. Passion, submission, and fulfillment beyond her most vivid imaginings.
She turned her head and discovered that she was alone in the bed. Shakily she sat up. The left pillow still showed the impression of David's head, and on it lay a red rose, its stem wrapped with a note. The flower had been plucked at the perfect moment, the petals just beginning to open and a few droplets of dew lying jewel-like against the deep crimson surface. Red for passion. She hesitated before picking it up, warned by deep instinct the message it contained would change the world irrevocably.
But the world had already changed. After inhaling the delicate fragrance of the rose, she unwrapped the note.
JocelynâTo my infinite regret, I must go to Hereford for the Assizes, and will not see you until evening. I love you. David.
She stared at the note and felt her heart crack into aching pieces. The pain started as small, slow fractures, then splintered in all directions, shattering along the fault lines of terror and loneliness that riddled her spirit.
Grief overwhelmed her. Shaking with sobs, she buried her face in her hands, the rose clenched desperately in her right fist. She had wanted friendship and passion, not the searing agony of love. Unable to resist, she had played with fire, and now she burned.
How could she have been fool enough to think that devastation could be avoided? She had destroyed herself, and grievously injured David in the process.
He couldn't love her, because he didn't truly know her. In the white hot clarity of the marriage bed, where nothing could be concealed, he would swiftly see her flaws. When he did, the illusion of love would vanish, replaced by indifference or worse.
And that she could not bear. She had already fallen into the abyss. Now she must leave, before the final annihilation that would inevitably come.
She was numbly plotting her flight when Marie entered with her morning tray. “Good morning, milady. It is another fine day.”
Her cheerfulness vanished when she saw her mistress clearly. “Milady! What is wrong?” Setting the tray on a table, she retrieved the blue silk wrapper from the floor and draped it around Jocelyn's bare shoulders.
Jocelyn stared at the spreading scarlet stains on the white sheet, where bright drops of blood were dripping from her thorn-pierced hand. The stem of the rose had snapped in her spasm of misery.
Becoming aware of the pain helped clear her mind. Shakily she said, “We must leave this morning to return to London.”
The maid frowned. “But Lord Presteyne will be in Hereford all day.”
“He is not coming with us. Tell my coachman to prepare the carriage, then pack my things. I want to be gone by midmorning.”
Marie bit her lip, her astute gaze interpreting the room's dishevelment. “Milady, are you sure? If there has been some quarrel, would it not be better to wait and discuss it with his lordship?”
On the verge of breaking, Jocelyn said flatly, “Do as I say.”
Her tone silenced the maid's protests. Eyes wide and worried, Marie left to inform the coachman of their imminent departure.
Thinking of all that must be done, Jocelyn climbed from the bed and tied the wrapper around her waist, then carried her cup of chocolate to the desk. The warmth cleared her mind a little. Fighting a new bout of tears, she started to compose a note to David.
There would be time enough for desolation on the journey home.
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