The Beard (38 page)

Tom’s mother didn’t move, her gaze still on some distant point. “Yes,” she said softly, “you should’ve.”

“Well, I think this is fabulous!”
said Ash. “If you knew what he’s been through to protect you, you’d blush! Now he has a chance to be happy. He’s spent too long being terrified of upsetting you both. I mean, he even pretended that Amy was his girlfriend to keep you happy. No one should have to do that.”

Amy looked up. “Hey!” she said in protest.

“You know what I mean,” Ash said in defence. “Well, didn’t it make him miserable?”

Amy nodded sheepishly.

“You should’ve told us,” said Sheila.

Judith walked over to her husband, who sat comatose with shock, and grabbed his arm. “We’ll leave you alone,” she said.

Richard stood up and looked over at Tom. “You’re a fine young man, Thomas. Your parents should be very proud of you. But you shouldn’t have kept this a secret from them. They deserved to know. So, I’m sure you’ll all be fine, but I have to say that I think you were out of order.”

“What did you say?” yelled Ash, angrily walking up and standing right in front of Richard. “Out of order? Out of order? What’s out of order,
Dick
, is the fact that he didn’t feel he could tell anyone in the first bloody place.”

Tom turned to look at his friend. “Ash, not now,” he said imploringly.

“No, Tom, it needs saying. What’s out of order is the fact that this man has had to live like a monk just so that he wouldn’t upset anyone. He didn’t date, didn’t live, didn’t exist in case he upset people. This is a man who carried me bloodied and bleeding into the hospital after a gay attack. This is a man who helps vulnerable young people at a charity – people like me. But is that enough to prove that he’s a member of the human race? No, it’s not. So he pretends to have a girlfriend. Why? To keep everyone happy. He doesn’t date a single guy in years. Why? In case he gets found out and makes people unhappy. It’s not right that he’s had to deny who he is to himself, let alone anyone else. What’s out of order is the fact that he’s so terrified of being himself, of being real, in case it upsets anyone, that he’s forgotten what it’s like to live, to be alive. Think what you like about me – and I’ve heard some of the comments – but I am what I am. I don’t lie. I don’t pretend. I can go to bed at night, no matter how shit my day has been, and say: at least I was honest. He can’t. He doesn’t. Night after night after night, he goes to bed alone, and why? SO THAT HE DOESN’T UPSET ANYONE. Now, I think that’s out of order – Dick.”

There was a muted response in the room. Everyone, bar Ash, had understood what Richard had meant. They were sure that he’d meant no ill by his comments, but to Ash it had been an example of why Tom had lurked in the shadows for so long. Finally, and with a degree of flourish, he added,

“At least, FINALLY, he’s found someone now, someone who might just make him happy,” Ash declared triumphantly at anyone who’d listen.

This news created an even bigger crater in the room than the revelation of Tom’s sexuality. Tom looked over at Ash, his face a picture of a silent scream.

“You have?” said Amy, the first she’d heard about this.

“No, actually, not yet,” said Tom, trying to dampen expectation.

Ash sighed and rolled his eyes theatrically. “Sweetie, if you’re going to slope off with another man, walk into this house with another man and then kiss that man, make sure you do it away from the outside light over your heads.”

Tom looked quizzically back at Ash. “The window was frosted,” he said furiously in his defence – thereby confirming the rumour.

Ash laughed. “I know, but it doesn’t take a genius to work out what you were up to!”

“In this house?” Richard said all of a sudden, the news catching up with him.

“Yes,” said Ash patronisingly. “In your house. Hot homo action.”

“ASH!” said Tom. “No, Richard, it wasn’t like that. It was just a peck, that’s all.”

“Who with?” asked Richard, as Amy’s face changed to reveal that the penny had dropped.

Tom shuffled uncomfortably. “I’d rather not say, if that’s alright.”

Ash put his glass down, which he’d been cradling for some time. “I know who it is,” he said proudly. “And I’m pleased for them both. Maybe it’ll work out, maybe it won’t, but at least they can try and make a go of it.”

The curiosity
was beginning to build as the ‘whodunnit?’ became a ‘who was it?’

In the end, Sheila just blurted out. “Oh, who was it, Tom?”

At that point, everyone spun to look at the far end of the drawing room as an inter-connecting door opened and in walked Adam. He glanced over at Tom, and then at Sheila. “It was me,” he said, as Richard fell back down into his chair.

“What were you doing in there?” asked Amy.

“He was coming out of the closet,” said Ash, delighted with his quick-witted reply.

Adam looked apologetic. “It’s a long story,” he said.

There was a brief moment of silence as everyone digested the news. Tom’s parents had remained strangely muted on the subject. Richard, who was almost driven to distraction by the series of bombshells, asked, “Are there any more revelations? Anything else to declare? Is anyone a Nazi or a racist? Any of you running for high office on the back of embezzled funds? I mean, what else have we got lined up for today?” After a brief period of silence, waiting for a reply to his seemingly rhetorical question, he slumped back into the chair. “Good!” he said. “So, you two aren’t a couple,” he added, pointing at Amy and Tom, “but you two might be.” He pointed at Tom and Adam. “My daughter isn’t a drug mule, thankfully, and my wife, despite her scandalous emotional blackmailing, doesn’t have cancer. And to top it all off, these good people have just found out, in front of all of us, that their son is gay. Oh, and you’re as annoying as ever,” he added, looking at Ash.

Ash drew his hand to his chest in outrage.

Sheila cleared her throat. “No, Richard, we haven’t.”

There was a moment of curiosity and confusion at the statement. Were they in a deep state of denial? Had they misheard?

“Sorry?” said Richard, trying to understand what she’d said.

“We haven’t just found out that our son’s gay,” she said, very matter of fact. “We’ve known for quite a while.”

“You knew?” said Tom in shock.

His mother nodded. “Did you ever realise that we never asked about girlfriends, only your love life? We asked if there was anyone special in your life. On the rare occasion that you brought up the subject of grandchildren, we agreed that we’d like them, too. We would. But it was you who assumed that we wanted you to get married. We never said that.”

Tom was taken aback by the news. “So why didn’t you say something if you knew?”

Sheila smiled. “That’s rich coming from you, isn’t it?”

Tom looked away and nodded. It was. “Yes, but when I told you about Amy… I mean… you never… I thought…”

Sheila and Michael looked at Tom with a degree of exhaustion. “We thought it was a phase,” his mother answered. “But who were we to interfere? I asked you time and time again if there was anything you wanted to tell me about your love life. You never did. All I ever got was you talking about work and the fact that the right girl would come along eventually. I never thought I could ask about it. I never felt comfortable discussing it. And that…” she said looking at Ash, “…was also out of order.”

Tom was unsure how to reply. Never in a million years had Tom imagined that coming out would result in a telling-off.

“That’s why I wanted to know if you love
d this Sam you were seeing, Amy,” continued Sheila. “I suspected you were seeing him knowing all too well that there was nothing but friendship between you and Tom. I’m sorry that Sam turned out to be the person he was, but I’m sure you’ll find a man soon enough.”

At this point, the door smashed open and a loud, entirely inebriated Aunty Edith walked in. Her hat was crooked, her dress lopsided and her make-up smudged. “I’ve just stolen a kiss with a waiter!” she slurred upon arrival. “What you all doing in here? The party’s just getting started!”

“I think we’re all about to get off to bed – it’s been a long day,” said Judith.

“Poppycock!” slurred Edith. “I’ve promised a conga to someone and a conga we shall have.” Quite why Edith couldn’t have a conga without them was lost on the room. “Adam, dearest, come with me – there’s someone I want you to meet. A nice fellow. I think he might be your type.”

Adam looked embarrassed at his mother’s attempts at match-making. “It’s OK, mother,” he said, walking towards her and escorting her from the room. “I’ve met someone.”

“Well,” said Judith, trying again to lift her husband from the sofa, “if you’ll all excuse me, I must go to bed. It’s been quite a draining day, one way or another.”

Sheila smiled and thanked Judith for all her help and support. Richard walked behind his wife and left the room in silence, a courteous nod to Tom’s parents sufficing as his end-of-evening good wishes.

“Well, I’m going back to the party,” said Ash, having recovered from the drama. “See if I can steal the guy Edith was trying to fix Adam up with.” Then, walking over to Tom and holding his arm, he added, “You’ve done the right thing. Your parents are cool; you’ve nothing left to fear.” And with that, he danced out of the room singing.

Amy rose to her feet and beat a quiet path to Tom’s parents. “We’re not bad people, you know,” she said apologetically.

Sheila laughed. “I know that, dear. I know. I think you did a sterling job being his girlfriend. Well, until…”

Amy nodded her appreciation and laughed. “How did you know?” she asked. It was a question that had entered her head and was asked without any thought. “How did you know about Tom?”

Looking briefly at her son and then again at Amy, Sheila smiled, “A mother knows certain things about her son.”

“Yes,” added Michael, “and the poorly hidden magazines in his bedroom also gave us a clue.”

Amy guffawed at this news as Tom blushed a scarlet red. “Dad!” he said.

Michael smiled and nodded. “Yup, if we’d had any doubts about him before, we didn’t after seeing those, let me tell you.”

Tom wasn’t happy or comfortable discussing this issue. “I may have just been going through a phase,” he said by means of explanation.

His mother smiled and turned to leave the room. “Not when some of the pages were stuck together, you weren’t,” she said, as Tom looked like he’d just been electrocuted. He stood, his eyes wide open in shock. Sheila walked over to him. She hugged him, kissed him on the cheek and whispered, “It doesn’t matter. It never did. We love you. We just want you to be happy.”

As she walked away from him, it was his father’s turn. Another robust hug and more reassurance. “What your mother just said,” he added, smiling. “Well, folks, we’re off to bed. Tomorrow is another day.” With that, they disappeared, leaving Tom and Amy alone.

“Still think it’s a good idea for me to come home as your boyfriend?” he asked playfully.

“Yeah,” she said, flopping down in a chair. “What can go wrong?”

“You OK?” he asked.

Amy nodded. “Helps knowing that my mother’s alright. Conniving witch.”

Tom chuckled. “Like mother, like daughter,” he declared as Amy rolled her eyes.

“So, you and Adam…” she threw into the conversation.

“Tomorrow,” he said. “I’m too tired now.”

Amy smiled wearily. “At least everything’s back to normal. I’m back to being just an everyday, run-of-the-mill single girl with no prospect of love, having just been dumped by a drug runner. Quite ordinary, really.”

“Well, better that than spending the rest of your life in a Thai prison,” said Tom, stating the obvious. “I think we could both do with a bit of ordinary, don’t you?” Amy nodded. “You coming up to bed?” he asked.

“Not yet,” said Amy. “Mind’s buzzing. Just want to c
hill. Maybe listen to some late-night radio. You sleep in the same room. I’ll find another one.”

Tom walked over to
her and kissed her head as she flicked the radio on. “Sleep well,” she offered softly as Tom turned to leave.

“…The drug runner faces life in prison if found guilty. A female suspected of assisting him was released without charge. Police say that she was unaware of her lover’s double life. Initially, it was suspected
that she too was operating a double life with two lovers. This was quashed, however, when local sources claimed that Mr Tom Dewhurst was not her lover but her gay friend. No further charges have since been made. Today, the French stock market…”

Amy switched the radio off and turned to see if Tom was still in the room. He stared blankly at the empty screen, shaking his head.

“At least you don’t have to tell Derek now,” Amy declared as her friend slumped forward and collapsed into the chair, groaning.

Tom and Ash walked through Tom’s front door, late on Sunday afternoon. The weekend had seemingly lasted at least one lifetime. Ash darted into the house and ran straight upstairs. Tom fell against his front door as soon as it was closed. Amy had elected to stay at her parents’ house for a week or so to reconnect and build bridges. Adam was due to come and visit Tom the following weekend. Tom’s parents had carried on as if nothing particularly special had happened. Their seeming indifference was harder for Tom to handle than antagonism or anger.