The Beast A DeckerLazarus Novel (24 page)

She hit him again with her purse.

“Stop it! There is no other girl!”

“Then why did you say that to me,
especially
after this afternoon.” She started to cry. “Why did you
say
that?”

“Because I wanted to get your mom off my back. I was trying to convince her that I was breaking up with you. I could tell she was suspicious. I knew she’d be more likely to believe me if there was someone else waiting in the wings. She insists that both of us date other people. Not just you. Me, too.”

“
Is
there someone else?”

“No! No one! When your mom popped this on me, I came up with an idea. It might not be the best idea, but considering I had about two minutes, it was the only thing I could think of.”

“So the other girl is a total lie?”

“As a girlfriend, yes, it’s a lie. I’ll explain my idea if you’ll listen.” No response. Gabe blew out air. “Remember a girl named Anna Benton? You met her—”

“The blond, blue-eyed pianist with the long legs who swears like
an HBO program. She must be about twenty, twenty-one by now.”

“Twenty-one.” Gabe was amazed. “Boy, you remembered everything. That was like two years ago.”

“You don’t forget someone that gorgeous who was giving me the stink-eye.”

“She was not.”

“Yes, she was.” She squinted at Gabe. “You told me she’s a lesbian.”

“She is.” When Yasmine gave him
that
look, he said, “Can I go on?”

“Not really.” A pause. “
What
?”

“Look, Yasmine, Anna is a good friend of mine but she’s crazy. She’s on more psychotropic medicine than my entire class at Juilliard, and that’s saying something because we’re all on something. She’s bipolar. For real. She’s mostly manic. When she doesn’t take her lithium, she’s totally out of control. Even when she does take her medicine, sometimes instead of making her calm, she falls into a deep depression.”

“Then why in the world are you
friends
with someone like that?” When Gabe tapped the steering wheel, she said, “Did you sleep with her?”

“You mean sex and the answer is a resounding no. Technically, I slept in the same bed with her, but we never came even close. Couldn’t have done it if I
wanted
to.”

“What happened?” This time Yasmine’s voice was sincere.

“I will tell you.” He let out a breath. It was frosty because of the cold. “When I first got to Juilliard, I was in a real bad funk. I thought I lost you forever. My mom was gone. The Deckers were three thousand miles away. My dad was God only knows where. I couldn’t exactly burden Hannah or any of the other Decker siblings with my problems. I tried to cope, but I was sinking. Eventually I took a leave of absence. I got a doctor to say that I had mono, but really, what I had was a breakdown.”

Yasmine’s eyes watered up. “Why didn’t you
tell
me?”

“I couldn’t get hold of you, remember?”

Yasmine became furious. “I hate my mom.”

“Don’t hate your mom.” He took her hand. “I’m serious. Don’t hate her. I refuse to be that wedge between you and your parents. Moms are important . . . to boys, yes, but especially to girls. Even I don’t hate your mom. I know she’s just fighting for you. But I’m fighting for you, too. And we both know that I’m going to win, so let’s have pity on the old lady.”

She smiled as tears leaked onto her face. “I should have been there for you.”

“I’m glad you weren’t. I probably should have contacted my shrink, but I was trying to muscle it through without help. Terrible idea. I just . . . crumpled.”

Silence. Yasmine said, “What happened?”

“I dunno, really. It came on so suddenly. I was having coffee with Anna. I bumped into her at one of those Sunday church concerts in Manhattan when I first got to New York. I was so low and she was this ball of energy. We started to meet for late night coffee after she finished work.”

“What does she do?”

“Anna? She plays piano at a bar Sunday through Thursday in Brooklyn—some hipster place. On weekends, she waitresses at Hooters.”

“
Hooters
?”

“It pays the bills.”

“I’m not being a snob, I’m just surprised. She’s a classical pianist.”

“Yeah, welcome to the world of starving artists. Her apartment is a studio with barely enough room for a piano and a bed.”

“Which you’ve slept in, but didn’t have sex.”

“Yasmine, stop it.”

Her tone softened. “Go on, Gabe. Really. I want to know.”

He said, “When we met up, we talked shop mostly . . . when she wasn’t ranting about her love life. Anna rants a lot. That’s the trouble with her playing. It’s all passion and no finesse. Anyway, one night when she was walking me back to school—her apartment is a couple of blocks from Juilliard—I suddenly grabbed my chest and fell to my knees. I thought I was having a heart attack. I couldn’t breathe.”

Yasmine looked stricken. “Oh God!”

“I thought I was going to die. Anna called 911. Turns out it was a panic attack—the first of many. To make a boring long story short, I moved into Anna’s apartment while on my leave of absence. She took care of me, Yasmine. She made me eat and made me practice at the expense of her own playing. She took long walks with me. She’d prattle on constantly while I was mute. After much cajoling, just to shut her up really, I finally agreed to see my shrink. He put me on meds, and I slowly started to function again.”

Yasmine was crying. “That should have been
me.
”

“No, no, no. You had your own issues. That’s why I’m not mad at your mom. She took care of you. And as far as Anna is concerned, I’ve paid her back by helping her through her crises, which have way outnumbered mine. That girl survives on drama.”

“She should have called me.”

“How can I say this any clearer? I didn’t
want
you to know. It’s not only emasculating for me, I didn’t want to scare you. It’s over and done. I’m okay.” She still looked worried. “Really, I’m fine. Before, I was in limbo. Now I know that even if it takes a while, we’ll eventually be together.”

He kissed her cheek.

“You should never doubt my love and fidelity. And I promise I will never let you down.” He let out a whoosh of air. “What I was thinking when I brought up Anna is that she would be a perfect fake girlfriend for me. I could post pictures of us on Facebook like we’re in a relationship because I know your mom will check up on me.”

“Probably . . .” Yasmine tapped her toe. “Definitely.”

“Anna would do it for me. Surely you know some boy in your community who could be a fake boyfriend . . . someone who needs a girl but doesn’t want one.”

“You mean someone gay?”

“Yeah. Someone who’s still in the closet and doesn’t want to come out yet but everyone knows he’s gay.”

“That would be my cousin. And that would be weird.”

“Yeah, it sounds stupid, now that I say it out loud. Your mom wants me to stop seeing you. She’s going to check up on us. I don’t
know how we can keep in contact. I sure don’t want a repeat of what happened this afternoon. I’m open to any suggestions.”

“So . . . you slept with Anna but didn’t sleep with Anna.”

“Yes. Exactly.” A pause. “Yasmine, I love
you
. If we could be together for the rest of our lives, I’d be the happiest boy alive. All this drama saps my energy. It’s good in fiction. It’s lousy in real life.”

“I want to be with you, too.” Yasmine’s voice broke.

Gabe licked his lips. “That being said . . . I am forced to think that just maybe your mom has a point.” When she stared with watery eyes, he said, “You’ll always be number one. But I can’t fight who I am. I need my music. It’s my fix. And I will be traveling a lot. Maybe your mom is right. You should go have fun in college. Go to parties and spring break and get drunk and have blackouts.”

“Does that sound even
remotely
like me?” Yasmine rolled her eyes. “You know, even if I liked parties, who has time for them? Gabe, I’m
busy.
My parents weren’t educated here. Neither of them knows what I go through, all this pressure to get into a good college. They don’t even understand why I
want
to go to a good college. Community college is good enough for them. So I’m left by myself working my tail off, trying to convince them why I need an SAT tutor. Not all of us can waltz into Harvard and turn it down to go to Juilliard.”

“I didn’t waltz into anywhere when you’ve figured I’ve been banging away at the piano my entire life. It took over my entire childhood.”

“C’mon, Gabe, you know what I mean. You’re exceptional. And for the tiny percentage that’s exceptional, everyone wants you.”

“You’re gifted, Yasmine. I made your mom promise to give you singing lessons again if I break up with you. If you want that, it’ll happen.”

“Gabriel, I don’t have
time
for singing lessons.” She got misty eyed. “I’m too busy learning stuff that I’ll probably never use. My father tells me to be a doctor . . . like it’s that easy. If I’m lucky enough to get into a good university, I’ll have to work like a demon to get into medical school. And if I’m lucky enough to get into medical school, there’s internship, then there’s residency, then fellowship,
then postfellowship, then a job, then partnership. And after all that, if I’m lucky enough for you to still want me, I’ll probably give birth to our grandchildren, I’ll be so old.”

Gabe put his arm around her shoulders. “I know it’s hard. I’m very proud of you.”

Her lip trembled. She burst into tears. “I hate my life! I
suck
at everything!”

“No, you don’t!”

“Yes, I do!” She was sobbing.

“Are you failing or something?”

“Of course not!” She was insulted.

Gabe rolled his eyes. Girls were so damn confusing. “Cuckoo bird, listen to me. And this time, really listen. This is what we’re gonna do, okay?”

A pause. “What?”

“Your mom is . . . a little hotheaded.”
Like mother, like daughter
. “I probably won’t be in your life until you’re eighteen. But once you’re eighteen, we’re home free. By then, I promise I will have converted. That’s number one. I’m also determined to learn enough Farsi to understand your family . . . and your curses. What did you call me?”

“
Avazi.
”

“I know that’s what you called me. What does it mean?”

“Asshole.”

“Thank you very much.”

“You don’t have to learn Farsi. I’ll teach you all the cuss words.”

He laughed. “Look, if you do happen to find a gay guy to play along with the charade, I guarantee you that your mom will thank God that I’m heterosexual, okay?”

Yasmine smiled. “That’s the wackiest thing I ever heard.”

“Like I said, I’m open to suggestions.” When she didn’t answer, he said, “We’ll figure something out. In the meantime, I’m not going back to school for six weeks. I’ve taken a leave of absence to practice for my upcoming engagements.” He focused on her beautiful eyes. “Tell me, Yasmine. Where do you want to go to college?”

“I was thinking about Barnard. I want to be near you and in
New York. If I don’t get into Barnard, I’ll go down the list of all-girl schools.”

Gabe was quiet. “You’re still afraid?”

“Duh, yeah.” She looked down, tears spilling in her lap. “I’m being awful. Sorry.”

“No apologies necessary.” He kissed her fingers. “I’m sure you won’t need this to get in, but it wouldn’t hurt to make a CD of your singing. Your voice is really spectacular. Pick out a few arias. I’ll rent some studio space and I’ll put together a CD.”

She wiped her eyes with her hands. “You’d do that for me?”

“I would do
anything
for you.”

“What about my mom?”

“Just tell her the truth. I’m just helping you record a CD for college.”

Yasmine said, “She’ll never let me be alone with you.”

“She can come to the sessions. I want to do this for you, Yasmine. I love you. And I’m sorry I did such a clumsy job. I was put on the spot.”

“Gabriel, you must promise that if you are in a bad way, you’ll call me. I mean I’m grateful to Anna, but
I’m
your girl. Promise?”

“I promise.”

“Okay.” Yasmine still wasn’t convinced, but now was not the time. She looked at her watch. “We’ve been out here a half hour. I don’t know how much more patient Mommy will be.”

“So let’s go in. But not before I get my kiss.”

She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him with fire. It sent an immediate jolt below his belt. Yasmine bit her lip. “I’ll talk to my cousin. It might be nice to help out some poor guy. Being gay in my culture isn’t easy.” She turned to him. “Can I really trust you with Anna?”

“Absolutely. Do you want Anna’s cell number? You can call her anytime.”

“Yes. And give her mine . . . just in case.”

“Gotcha.” He gave her Anna’s number and stowed his phone back in his pocket. “All right, cuckoo bird. Let’s go face the music.”
They both got out of the car. He took her hand, and the two of them slowly started toward the house. He started shivering. His heart sank. Time could be a killer. Distance was not a friend. Even with meds coursing through his system, the thought of losing her made him feel without purpose.

Like a dead man walking.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

A
FTER THE PREVIOUS
night’s drama, Decker awoke at five-thirty in the morning to a quiet house. He read the Sunday paper, and when he was finished, he went out and got Monday’s paper. When he heard Rina stir, he pushed the button on the coffee machine, and within minutes, it released the heavenly aroma associated with a new day of promise. He finished pouring just as she walked into the kitchen.

Rina picked up the mug and took a sip. “Aah, that’s good.” She joined Decker at the table. “Have you recovered from last night?”

“All that drama and he ain’t even blood related.”

As if on cue, Gabe walked into the kitchen, fully dressed, his eyes drooping behind his glasses. “Am I interrupting anything?”