The Beast of Renald (The Northern Knights) (39 page)

Caroline listened to Mary as she followed behind her with a mug of ale and a warm loaf of fresh baked bread down the short hall to the room John had given one of the men. When no one responded to their knock, they left the items in front of the door.

‘Long busy day today.’ Caroline said and stretched her back as she pressed one hand against the wall.

‘Aye, ‘twas. Now off to bed with you. Go on. I got the rest.’

Caroline protested, but Mary turned her around by the shoulders and walked with her toward a room which was down the hall a bit.

Caroline didn’t realize how achy and sore her body was until after she’d washed up and lay under the furs on the bed. Soon she drifted off to sleep.

Something woke her.

At first she did not know what it was. She cradled her belly with a tired smile, mayhap the babe had kicked. She shut her eyes. Then seconds later she shot up straight in bed. She listened. The sound came again and she shook her head as tears sprung forth to her eyes.

She was hearing things. She had pushed herself today and now overtired she was hearing her husband’s voice. She threw back the furs and climbed out of bed.

Caroline lit a candle and swiped at the wetness on her cheeks. Anger and sadness rose in her and she gasped on a painful breath. She would get no sleep unless she walked around the inn to ease her tension, something she’d done when John and Mary slept. But tonight they had a full house of Norman guests. Still she opened the door and listened. Loud snores. Had that been what had seeped into her sleep thinking she’d heard Darc’s voice?

With the candle clutched tight in her hand, she stepped out into the hall and headed for the back stairs where she froze at the top of the case with a silent cry lodged in her throat. Caroline dropped the candle and turned back facing her room. She ran as fast as she could toward the sound.

In the darkness she could make out the mug of ale and bread still untouched on the floor. She pressed her ear to the door and a memory from long ago rushed back to her. Thinking she had gone mad, she placed her palms against the wooden door and pressed her forehead to the cool wood. Her mind had turned on her, heartache overwhelmed her and her tears went unheeded down her cheeks. God she missed her husband.

Darc woke to a pounding headache and sweat covering his body. He had fallen asleep where he’d fallen upon the bed.

He sat up with a grunt and wiped a hand down his face. The room was black save for the little light from the moon pushing through the beams of wood slats where there was space between. He needed a drink.

How long he’d slept he did not know, but he knew the hour was late and hoped someone was below stairs.

Haunted by Caroline in his dreams was what had woken him as they had for weeks. Darc rubbed a hand over his chest at the ache and made his way over to the door. He opened it and a soft round body fell into his arms.

Her smell hit him first. He let out a curse. Either he had gone completely mad or his wife was now haunting him while he was awake.

She felt so real, her skin so soft and warm under his fingers. Her shriek so loud, husky and-

‘Oh my! The saints above! Darc.’ came her hoarse exclaim.

The light in the hall was a bit more generous than what was in the room. But Darc did not need it to know who he was looking at or held in his arms.

Caroline’s expressive face of changing emotions was visible enough. Shock, excitement, pain, anger, then a deep raw sadness that tore him asunder as she untangled herself and pushed out of his arms. He missed her warmth immediately.

Her wide eyes grew even wider, the back of her small trembling hand pressed near her mouth and her head shaking. ‘N-Nay. It cannot be you.’

Her words cut him like a knife. Darc was too afraid to blink or move for fear she would vanish before his eyes.  ‘Caroline,’ he said with a painful breath.

A tortured strangled cry left her and she dashed down the hall away from him. It took Darc a moment to move and he shot off after her.

CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE

She slammed the door in his face. He did not pause and nigh tore the hinges from the door to get to her, ignoring the noise of the others within the inn stirring and exiting their rooms into the narrow hall.

He stared at her where she stood against the wall facing him. Her petite form, even from where he stood he could see shook as she stared at him in disbelief.

Before Darc could open his mouth to speak the innkeeper spoke behind him.

‘What goes on here!?’

Caroline came out of her shocked stupor at the dark look her husband shot the man. She had no wish to bring any harm to John or Mary, who came rushing to John’s side just then. These people had been wonderful to her and did not deserve her husband’s wrath which she saw he was about to unleash upon them.

Caroline spoke quickly as she made her way to the door. ‘John. Mary.’ She said. With little time for formalities, she finished, ‘I would like you to meet my husband.’

Their jaws dropped and her words seemed to cool her husband’s ire as his piercing blue eyes watched her. She pushed his large body with one hand into her room and with the other, she clasped one of John’s hands in her own shaky one.

As she stepped out into to the hall Caroline saw her husband’s men, half-dressed and swords in hand.  She drew in a shuddering breath as they slowly and quietly retreated back to their rooms. To John she said, ‘I apologize for this. We shall pay for aught that was destroyed. I am well. I will explain all later. Your understanding is very important to me.’

John’s worried gaze moved from her to over her shoulder and Caroline knew who he was looking at. She saw the anger and fear in John’s eyes, but his concern for her told her he would have stood up to her husband to see her safe. Caroline swallowed the lump of emotion that rose up in her throat and hugged him and Mary and assured them even more when they protested slightly. They accepted her word and she closed the door.

The silence in the room was deafening and taking a deep breath, which did naught to calm her, Caroline, turned and found her nose inches away from Darc’s chest. The big lout! Now she knew why his men had gone back to their rooms, he’d given the order over her head. He stood so close and she said angrily, ‘If you would, please!’

He moved not even an inch. Caroline lifted her head and glared up at him. Dawn was showing itself through the two windows of her small room. He broke the silence first.

‘I searched for you every night.’

Caroline walked away from him to stand near the bed. There was not much space to move around in her small room and his big body seemed to take up the whole corner he was in. She drank in the sight of him and her heart twisted. His beard nearly reached down to the top of his chest, his hair well past his shoulders and the dark circles under his eyes…Caroline shut her eyes. Nay! She would not allow herself to feel this way for him.

God’s eye, he loved this woman to no end! And the emotions he carried so tightly to his chest that had built with each night she was gone, tumbled out of him and he had no wont to stop them. ‘In truth, what I did to you, to Kelbie is what drove me each day. Seeing his face only worsened my grief…my heartache for what I so carelessly threw away. Nay, I must speak of it. The hole that opened in my heart that day I can only hope you will give me the chance to fill it once more. Think you it will ever happen? Do you have even the smallest inkling of emotion left for me? If you do not, I’ve no one to blame but myself for acting and becoming the beast I am so rightly named.’ Darc, breathless, hung his head nigh choking on his words.

He did not see the tears illuminated in her gaze as she looked up at him, her heart in them. Reaching out, Caroline grazed her fingers gently over his scar and she drew him into her arms when he flinched. ‘Darc…’

His arms banded around her like a large fist and she hugged him back just as fiercely. ‘My heart never belonged to another.’ Caroline whispered against his ear.

She heard his hard swallow. Then she pushed out of his embrace, overwrought. ‘Caroline, please.’

His plea followed her as she walked around him. Caroline pressed the heels of her palms to her eyes, covering her eyes.

Anguish poured from her.

The sounds coming from her was torturous to Darc’s ears. He had done this to her. He shut his eyes for a moment to the horrible mistake he had wrought upon them both. His own voice sounded strange to him when he uttered, ‘From the depths of my soul, I am sorry, Caroline.’

Caroline could not turn around. Were she to do so she would fall into his arms once more. Nay. It could not be this easy. She would not allow it. He had hurt her deeply. He could take her by force, asking her was a courtesy he need not grant and she knew this.  He could do whatever he wished and that was why she was so angry too. And knowing that only fueled her anger.

The heat coming from him nigh had her sway back against him. Caroline took another step away, but did not look his way. Anger and pain weighed heavy with each word as she spoke.  ‘You hurt me, Darc. When I left I did not think I would survive it. Missing Kelbie, missing you…If not for John and Mary, I do not know what would have happened.’

She turned to look at him then, his face ashen and his eyes drinking all of her in. Something burned inside her chest.

‘When will I next do something you do not trust or dislike and be cast out again for the wolves to take me to their lair for supper?’

Darc felt like a knife was twisting in his gut. The raw pain lacing her tone went to very core of his soul, her eyes burned with the intensity of it. How did one make something this horrible right?

‘You are right, Caroline. I’ve asked myself this every single moment whilst you were gone. I not only threw away my honor as a knight, but the honor to call myself a husband to you the day I allowed you to cross that drawbridge. I have told you I love you. It is not enough, I see that now. I do trust you. I can but cut open my own heart and bleed if I must if that is what it will take to make you come back to me.’

‘So much lost. My heart and soul you took and treated them without a care.’

Tears sprung to her eyes but she shed not one as she caught her trembling bottom lip between her teeth. Darc watched her, eating up the sight of her, wanting to burn the image of her into his mind for one last time. She remained silent. His deep tone was husky and low when he next spoke.

‘I will be staying at the manor wrought upon Halvard’s land until the castle is complete, then head for Normandy. You can return to our home and be with Kelbie. I will not return until our child is born. Does this make you happy, Caroline?’

Her answer was a long time in coming. Darc wanted to press her to him, bury his face in her hair and scream how much he loved her and how sorry he was. But, she had made it clear she did not wish for his affections. He’d no one to blame but himself. His cruelty had levied a heavy toll on them both.

‘Aye, it makes me happy.’ She told him in a strong tone.

Darc grabbed the hilt of his sword and the bedpost to stop his knees from buckling. Now he knew what she must have felt like when he’d cast her aside like she was little more than garbage. His hand hurt as he tightened it around the post. He said. ‘Then I shall bother you no more.’

He could not live without her.

Rourke’s words came back to him. Nay, it would not work. It was too late. He drew in a tight and painful breath. He gave her a curt nod and walked reluctantly to the door. He waited for a word, any word from her to stop him, but none came. He opened the door.

The noise from downstairs of the inn wafted up, the smell of food made him want to lose his stomach and his heart- well that, he was walking on it.

Darc turned and looked back at her. Those honey-colored eyes were wide and on him. A myriad of emotions blazed from them but no love did he see reflected there. Still, he could not so easily give up. He heard himself speaking what Rourke had said, heard it coming out of his mouth and he did not care.

‘I will crawl on my belly to you,’ he told her and added his own, ‘bare-arse over hot coals if need be. Anything, if you but come back to me, Caroline.’

She burst into tears and ran towards him. She did not hug him. She just shut the door and looked at him.  She nibbled at her lip in her struggle to hold the feelings warring inside her at bay and from his searching eyes.

In her eyes he could see the heavy footprint of her sadness. Sadness he’d placed there. Darc did not think he could be stricken so harshly again but he’d been dead wrong.

‘There may come a time I will hold you to those words, husband. I will return with you for I miss my son sorely and I am weary.’

Darc choked on her words and it took everything he had not to pull her into his arms, but he just nodded with a hard swallow. He would not rush her. He was just glad she had agreed to come.

He needed to earn her forgiveness. Whatever it took to gain that he knew he would do it.

He had erred in the worst way imaginable and his beautiful wife deserved nothing but the best from him. He’d done her a grave ill and he could only hope…He would not think it. He would work on it.

Much later, a sigh of relief escaped him when she allowed him to assist her up into the small carriage one of his men had procured in town. She kept her eyes ahead and did not look at him. The slight cut him deeply, but Darc said nothing. With his heart heavy in his chest he mounted his horse and gave the word to ride for home.

CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR

Darc stood next to the bed watching his wife sleep with her arms hugged tight and snug around her son. And Kelbie was her son as surely as if she’d borne the boy herself. Aye and his too. He loved the boy.

He loved her.

She had come back to him but not all of her.

What had he expected? Her immediate forgiveness?

That her profession of undying love for him still remained and beat in the smallest corner of her heart?