The Beast's Bride (5 page)

She cast him a horrified look. "You seriously do not think I'm going to use that, are you? Pee in a pot and then put it back under the bed? Do you know how incredibly unsanitary that is?"

He glared at her, long fanged teeth displaying. "I have given you and your sister sanctuary under my roof. Are you questioning my accommodations?"

"Not if you show me the real toilet."

He flung a furry, beastly arm at one long hallway. "Very well. I shall be your valet and then we will have a conversation."

"Great, because I'm seriously about ready to do the peepee dance. Lead on."

He muttered something under his breath and then flung himself around, the long, tattered cape dragging down the stone hallway.

2She followed him until he gestured roughly at a small wooden door in the back corner of one of the hallways, and she gratefully shoved her way inside…only to find that it was pitch black inside. She felt around, then realized she had no idea what she was feeling for, and her imagination was running away with her.

After a moment, Pippa opened the door and peeked out. "Sorry to be a bother, but it's kind of dark in here."

He snarled.

She ignored it, even though it made his teeth practically drip with slaver. After all, she wasn't scared of him. What was the worst he could do to her? Kill her? She was kind of already dead.

Besides, Belle was supposed to be the leading lady of the show. Pippa was just the supporting cast.

"You vex me greatly," he snarled, eyes dark.

"Yeah, I'm pretty vexed myself because I really have to use the bathroom. Can't you find me a candle?"

He stared at her a moment longer, realized they weren't going to get anywhere if he didn’t do something, and stomped off. For a long moment, Pippa thought he wasn't going to return and she'd have to figure out things on her own in the dark, until he returned a minute later with a candlestick and a flickering candle.

"Please tell me that's not Lumiere," she joked.

"What?" He snarled so loudly that her hair flattened and the candle flickered, nearly going out.

"Nothing. Never mind." She took the candle from him and shut the door to the bathroom again.

Having a light on wasn't much better, she decided. The bathroom was small and smelly and now she could actually see what she was dealing with, which was kind of gross. In addition, there was nothing along the lines of toilet paper in the small room, just a large pile of hay, which made her cringe. Hay instead of toilet paper?

Dear god. She'd died and this was purgatory.

Pippa made the best of things, cringing with every horrible moment, until she emerged again with the candle. "Washbasin?"

2He gestured at a nearby stand, and she practically ran for it, grateful for the chance to clean off her hands. Thank god for that.

When she turned around, he was still glaring at her, that dark, tattered cloak wrapped tight around his body. It only magnified just how misshapen he was - the cloven hooves, the overly brawny shoulders, the horns. Ugh. She was going to have a rough time convincing Belle that under all this not-hotness, there was a prince. Not that he was acting like much of one.

She'd have to fix that. Pippa put on her brightest smile. "So you wanted to talk?"

He continued to scowl at her, the expression terrifying, especially if one considered the two-inch-long fangs he was displaying. "I do not frighten you?" He sounded almost grumpy at the fact.

"To be honest, I have bigger fish to fry. Sorry."

"I do not understand you."

"I'm not surprised." She glanced around at the drafty hallway and rubbed her arm, indicating cold. Her bare feet felt like ice on the stone floor. "Is there somewhere we can talk without me freezing to death?"

He hesitated. "I have a…fire…in my room," he said in a low growl.

"Perfect. Let's head there."

He eyed her with those odd catlike eyes, then turned and stalked down the hallway without bothering to see if she was following. Fun guy. She trailed behind him, one hand cupped to shield her candle from going out as she tried to follow his huge, rough strides. She'd almost lost sight of him in the twisting maze of the castle itself when he turned a corner and then waited by a large wooden door, seemingly irritated at her slow pace.

Which naturally made Pippa slow down a bit more, just to be ornery. Really, the man was every bit as much of a beast as the fairy tales had speculated. She was beginning to think that the fairy godmother that changed him had the right idea. With small, deliberately delicate steps, Pippa moved over the threshold and into his private apartments.

They were a disaster. Covers and blankets were strewn around the enormous room, the decorative hangings ripped and shredded. The bed was a mass of feathers instead of a mattress, and the fireplace practically overflowed with heaps of ash. It was clear that this room wasn't cleaned very often, if at all. Pippa set her candle down in the midst of a nearby table's dust and headed for the fire in the fireplace, drawn to the heat. “Well, this is cozy.”

2The beast gave her another pensive look. "For a small female, you are not very frightened to be walking into the lair of the beast."

Pippa made a face. She could add
chauvinist
to his list of faults, apparently. "First of all, me being female has nothing to do with my bravery or lack thereof, so just stop it with that. And second of all, if you wanted to eat us, you wouldn't have put us in a guest bedroom. Third of all, why should I be scared? You're marrying my sister, not me."

He stalked the edges of the room, watching her, and she was struck anew by how leonine he was. Strange how the movies had made him seem like a cuddly beast. This guy wasn't cuddly in the slightest. "It is not only your life you must fear for, maiden. It has been long since women came to this castle."

Okay, that made the hairs on the back of her neck rise, just a little. She glanced over at him.

"Are you planning on raping me?"

One side of that lion mouth curled in disgust. "My outer form may be beastly, but it does not mean all of me is savage."

"I'll take that as a no. And anyhow, my sister's the pretty one, remember? You'd probably want a piece of that instead." Pippa straightened, then added, "And anyhow, rape is not exactly high on the list of attractive husbandly qualities."

"You seem so convinced that your sister will marry me."

"She will," Pippa said with determination. "Everything rides on it."

"Marriage alone will not break my curse," he pointed out.

"Yeah, I know. But it's a step in the right direction. And Belle's a good kid. And pretty. You probably want to lock that down.”

"Lock? Lock what?"

"Never mind." She waved a hand. "I'm just talking to hear myself think, mostly."

"A vexing habit."

"It beats your habit of being a pissy asshole."

Again, she heard his low, leonine snarl. She ignored it and kept warming her hands by the fire, moving a bit closer.

There was a long period of silence, and then Pippa glanced over at him. The beast quickly glanced away again, but not before she caught a flash of longing in his eyes, quickly averted.

3And just like that, all her irritation toward him vanished. She was being hard on him, but he was cursed and likely living a miserable, lonely existence. The servants were around, but they didn't seem to talk much. She wondered if they even could. She'd try a bit harder to be understanding. After all, maybe the curse made him a bit of an ass.

"Look," she began, trying a gentler voice. "I'm here to help smooth things along. And if I know my sister, and let's pretend like I do, then you need to be nice when she's around. Woo her.

Be kind to her. Take interest in what she says."

"It is difficult to take interest when she is screaming and cowering in terror," he said in a mulish voice.

"I'll work on the screaming and cowering with her. But you have to do your part."

His chin lifted and he gestured at Pippa. "You're not married, and you are not frightened of me. Why do I not simply marry you?"

Well, that was flattering. Pippa preened a little at that. Ugly stepsister or not, someone liked her more than hot Belle. That felt good, even if it was misguided. She opened her mouth to tell him…and the words died in her throat. She couldn’t say anything about why she was here if she wanted to stay in this fairy tale. "No can do. I'm, um, spoken for."

"You have a rather understanding fiancée," he grumbled.

"Very," she lied in a chipper voice. "So I'm off the table. It's Belle or nothing."

He grunted. "She is…comely."

"All right, all right, you don't have to be so fair weather," Pippa grumped. When she glanced back at him from where he was standing behind her, he averted his gaze again. "Is something wrong? You keep looking away."

He gave a shake of his lion's mane. "Tell me more of your sister."

Oh, damn. The one topic she wasn't too familiar with. "Well, uh, she's a great cook—"

"I have servants to do such things," he said in a dour voice.

"Trying to help you here, Prince Charming."

"Go on."

She had to think for a moment. "I'm pretty sure Belle likes nice things. Give her gifts. Most girls like gifts." In the movies, Belle had liked books, but this Belle probably had never cracked one open in her life. So much for that. "Try a little tenderness and I think you'll get results."

3He was quiet, and then snorted. "You forget who is the prince and who is the peasant, here, wench."

Wench?

Wench?

"You know what? I'm done here." Pippa dusted her hands as if ridding herself of the problem. "You want my help, you come and talk to me then, Prince Furball. Until then, you're on your own."

"I did not dismiss you." He roared furiously when she crossed the room and headed for the door.

"Watch me not care," she shouted back over her shoulder. She headed down the hall, her back ramrod stiff. Part of her was waiting for him to drop a paw on her—grab her and turn her around and make her talk…but he didn't.

And she continued down the dark hallway on her own.

It took a few minutes for her to realize she had no idea where she was. She was hopelessly lost in the castle. Pippa groaned and glanced around, wishing for a moment that she'd grabbed the candle from the messy table she'd left it on. She'd been in such a snit that she'd forgotten all about it. Crossing her arms over her chest to ward off the cold, she began to step cautiously down one of the dark hallways, peering around. Maybe one of the servants would show up and lead her to the right room.

She thought of one of the eerie, cat-headed, silent women and shivered. Then again, maybe she could find it on her own.

~~***~~

A hand tapped on her shoulder, and Pippa yelped in alarm, whirling.

Muffin clicked on a flashlight under her chin, illuminating her face with shadows. "Boo! Did I scaaaaare you?"

Pippa snatched the flashlight from her and wanted to beat her on the head with it. "Not.

Cool!"

"I'm going to take that as a yes," the fairy godmother said, pleased with herself. She twirled in the lacy nightgown she wore—identical to the one Pippa was currently wearing. Weird.

3Muffin's hair was in little pink rollers, and she had a mud mask on her face that cracked when she gave Pippa a beaming smile. "So how are things going?"

"This place sucks," Pippa told her in a harsh whisper. "Belle is a pretty idiot, the beast is an asshole, the servants are creepy, and I can't find my damn room!"

"Of course it sucks. Did you think it would be easy?" Muffin gestured down one of the hallways behind Pippa. "Turn that way if you want to get back to your room."

Pippa clicked on the flashlight and pointed the beam at the ground, then gave the fairy godmother a frowning look. "So what are you doing here in the middle of the night?"

"I thought I'd check in on you and see if you were enjoying your task. I told you this wouldn't be easy."

"You said it wouldn't be easy. I didn't realize that meant 'impossible.'"

"It's not impossible," Muffin grumped. "What, you want things to be just handed over to you? Kids today."

"You don't have to hand things over to me, but you could have warned me that Belle wasn't…bright." It felt a bit disloyal to state it so baldly, but hell. Belle was a sweet girl, but not exactly what she'd had in mind when she'd accepted this challenge.

"It's not called Smartypants and the Beast, you know. And that's why she has you—the sister with the personality and the brain."

"Great," Pippa echoed unenthusiastically. "You know the beast is kind of a jerk?"

"No," Muffin said in an incredulous voice, turning to look at Pippa. "You don't say?"

She rolled her eyes at the fairy godmother. "Okay, okay, I get your point. I guess I was just picturing a more…Disneyesque fairy tale."

Muffin snorted. "Honey, have you read the old fairy tales? Disney they were not. This is actually a pretty clean version of this particular tale. I thought I'd give you a dip in the kiddie pool instead of sending you off into the deep end."

"Thanks, I think."

Muffin pointed down another hall, and Pippa obediently turned the flashlight in that direction. She'd gotten quite lost and was rather glad the fairy godmother had shown up.

"Well, I have to say I'm a little disappointed that you're not up to the challenge, my dear."

"It's one in the morning and I just wiped my ass with hay. That wasn't the challenge I had in mind when I accepted this."

3"Do you want me to send you back?"

Pippa paused. "Do I have to haunt the parking garage?"

"What do you think?" Muffin said with a gusty sigh. "Honestly, my dear, I’m a little disappointed that you’re not embracing all that this fairy tale has to offer. The fact that you're being given a second chance like this is one in a million."

Yeah. Haunting a bunch of Volvos was not high on her list of things to go back to. “Gosh, you know, I’m getting more excited about this fairy tale by the moment. Consider me embracing things.”

"Good! I think you can bring this fairy tale to a happy conclusion if you get yourself in the right mindset." Muffin's voice was incredibly cheerful at the prospect. "So what's your game plan?"