The Beautiful and the Damned (9 page)

She wanted to tell Father Montgomery about the cuts on her arm, what she’d done to
the baby deer, and how she’d found herself on the edge of the cliff. But she didn’t
want to talk about Hunter. And he was a pretty big part of it all.

“Whenever you’re ready I have some nice hot coffee brewing,” Father Montgomery called
politely when he heard the water shut off. “And you’ll find a set of clothes on the
bed in the spare room.”

Cyn dried off and found the oversize sweats and faded black and white flannel shirt
in the room next door. The pants were too big—she had to double knot the drawstring
in order to keep them from falling down—but she didn’t mind.

Her wig was a complete disaster. There wasn’t much she could do for it, though, so
she just finger combed it and then pulled it on. Father Montgomery was waiting for
her down in the kitchen. He had an open Bible beside him on the table but was looking
out the window at a squirrel climbing a tree.

“I love watching squirrels,” he said. “I know people think they’re pests, but God
has a plan for them. The nuts they bury will grow into trees, providing life and oxygen
and nourishment for our planet. What can seem bothersome to one might just have a
different purpose for another.”

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that he was alluding to her troubles.

“Father Montgomery, I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate this,” Cyn said
slowly. “I know this must seem
incredibly strange, me just showing up out of the blue like this, covered in mud.
But I can’t ask you to—”

“Forgive my interruption, but you aren’t asking me to do anything that God has not
asked of me. We were put on this earth to help our fellow man, and that includes times
of trouble and need. I don’t want to presume, but based on our previous conversations,
you haven’t mentioned any family. . . .”

“I’m not close to them.”

“Then, please, let the church help you. Whether you need a place to stay, some clothes
to wear, or just a warm meal and a shoulder to lean on. And if it’s something more
than that, you can tell me. I made a solemn vow before God and man not to reveal anything
that is shared in confidence.”

For a moment, Cyn could almost see everything play out in front of her. To finally
belong somewhere as she confessed her secrets and was forgiven for her sins. But then
reality came crashing in.

Although God might be forgiving, the State of New York wouldn’t be. Especially when
it came to murder.

“I don’t think . . .” She shook her head but couldn’t finish.

“You can trust me,” he said, leaning forward earnestly. “Nothing is unforgivable as
long as your heart is in the right place.”

She highly doubted
that
.

The defeated look in Cyn’s eyes tugged at Father Montgomery’s heart. She was so young,
and so full of hurt.

“You know,” he said, “once I found myself in a difficult situation. I was introduced
to someone who, like you, didn’t have a support system in his life.” Thoughts of the
early years with Avian made him smile. “Several people in my congregation questioned
whether it was right of me to accept this young man into my care. He was troubled,
and they thought he might lead me astray.”

Cyn ran her pinky around the edge of her coffee cup as she listened.

“He had an unconventional background, and very little interaction with people who
didn’t want to take advantage of him, so this made him highly suspicious of me. But
over time we came to trust each other and rely on each other, and to this day he is
one of the best souls that I have ever known.”

“He’s not six feet tall and angry looking, is he?” she said sarcastically, thinking
about the night she’d first come to try and speak to Father Montgomery and had been
rudely rebuffed.

Father Montgomery chuckled. “Avian can be a bit protective, but he has a good heart.”

Cyn glanced out the window. Father Montgomery couldn’t
help her. He was talking about raising wayward boys with attitude problems. Not murder
and suicide attempts and cruelty to animals.

Cyn felt her stomach pitch again at the thought of that poor deer.
I have to get out of here.

“Thank you for your kindness, Father Montgomery.” She stood, leaving her full mug
on the table. “I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.”

He saw that she wasn’t going to say anything more, so he reached for her hand and
patted it. “I understand. And my door is open to you day or night when you
are
ready.” He pulled a rosary out of his pocket and passed it to her. “Just as a reminder
that you are never alone.”

Cyn smiled sadly at him but took his gift. “That’s the problem in a nutshell, Father.
I’m not alone.”

C
lutching the rosary Father Montgomery had given her, Cyn chain smoked Lenny’s pack
of cigarettes the entire way back to her apartment. Exhaustion was setting in, and
she couldn’t stop thinking about that baby deer.

Stumbling on the front step, she felt dizzy again and knew she needed to eat something.
So she chased a couple of saltines with some flat ginger ale, then curled up in her
sleeping bag. Sleep would make everything better. As long as she didn’t dream she
would wake up with a clear head, and then she could figure out what to do.

But sleep didn’t make everything better, and when Cyn woke again her head was pounding.
The room went black, and
she had to count to ten before her vision cleared.
Mental note: You need to eat more than just crackers.

She looked at the clock to try and calculate how long it had been since she’d last
had a solid meal and saw it was two o’clock in the morning. Her shift was supposed
to start four hours ago. Marv probably thought she was a no-show.

“Shit, shit, shit!” Cyn scrambled out of bed, and something clattered to the floor.
She must have fallen asleep with the rosary Father Montgomery had given her.

But when Cyn looked down, she saw that it wasn’t a holy relic lying on the floor.

It was a knife.

The room started to tilt again, and Cyn bent over and put her head between her knees.
Where did that come from?
“I must have picked it up from the diner,” she said out loud. Willing her words to
become true.

But there was no way it was from the diner. The knife had an elaborately decorated
handle and a wide, flat blade. It looked like a ceremonial dagger.

Visions of realtors suddenly deciding to stop by the building and stumbling upon the
knife filled her mind.
That’s the last thing I need.
So she picked up the knife and carried it into the bathroom. Then she lifted the
lid on the back of the toilet tank
and dropped it into the water. It was the only place she could think of to stash it.

Hurrying over to her suitcase, Cyn pulled out a black bobbed wig and then put on her
diner uniform. The cuts on her arms were still clearly visible. A long-sleeved T-shirt
layered beneath the uniform wasn’t her greatest look, but it covered everything up
so she wouldn’t have to explain why her arms looked the way they did.

Cyn walked as fast as she could to the diner, but Marv blew a gasket when she got
there. “Finally decided to join us, huh?” His apron was messier than usual, and he
was juggling plates. “I don’t know why you even bothered to show up after pulling
this shit.”

“I’m sorry, Marv. I got sick.” She didn’t beat around the bush or give him a smart-ass
answer.

“Yeah, well, don’t be getting any of my customers sick. That’s the last thing I need.
Now go get your apron on and get out to table seven.”

Cyn followed his direction and moved to take care of the table. But her reaction time
was off, and she kept messing up. More than one irritated customer had their burger
cooked wrong, or a drink not filled fast enough.

“You really are dragging ass tonight,” Marv said when
things finally slowed down. “You’re not gonna keel over on me, are you? Makes for
bad publicity.”

Cyn pulled two empty chairs over to the counter and put her feet up.
Let him say something about me sitting down on the job now. I’ll tell him where he
can stick it.

“Must be a flu thing going around. I’ll be okay.”

Marv shook his head, but a worried look crept across his face. He was just about to
say something else when the bell above the door chimed. He glanced over. “It’s that
cop again. He’s been looking for you. Think you can handle one more customer?”

Cyn got to her feet. “Sure.” She knew she should be worried: The last time he was
in here, she bailed on him. But she didn’t feel anything.

Maybe this was acceptance. Maybe she was finally coming to terms with what she did.

“Black hair really doesn’t suit you,” Declan said with a self-assured smile when she
stopped at his table. “I preferred the brown.”

“Do you know what you’d like to order?” she replied in a monotone.

“Why do you change your hair color so often? You’re not trying to hide something,
are you?”

“What about something to drink?” Cyn suggested. “Coffee? Tea? Soda . . . ?”

“That all depends on what I’m going to eat. Dessert requires coffee, but something
warm, like a bowl of clam chowder, means I’ll want something cold to wash it down
with.”

He grinned at her, but she wasn’t in the mood to play games. “I’ll just give you another
minute then.” She turned to walk away.

“I have your coat,” he called, and she stopped. “If your name is Cyn Hargrave. That’s
the name on the paycheck stub I found in the pocket.”

Cyn briefly contemplated telling him to just keep it, but it was the only coat she
had, and buying another one, even at thrift-store prices, would put a serious dent
in her meager savings. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“You left it here the other night. I saw it and didn’t want anyone else to take it.”

“Thanks.” She managed a tight smile.

He glanced down at the menu and then held it out to her. “I think I’ll have a Reuben.
With a Coke.”

She wrote down his order and reached for the menu. His fingers brushed hers, and she
tried to pull back, but he saw her gold ring. “That’s pretty. Reminds me of a ring
I helped my
brother pick out for a girl he was crazy about. His name was Hunter Vasquez.”

As soon as the cop said Hunter’s name, Cyn dropped the menu and flat-out ran to the
kitchen.
Hunter’s brother. He’s Hunter’s brother, and this is why you’ve been so freaked out
that he’s here. It’s only a matter of time until he arrests you.

Hunter had mentioned an older brother once, but she’d never met him and hadn’t given
him any thought beyond that.

Lenny was hosing down the sink when she burst through the door, and he barely stopped
her from running into him. “Everything okay? Marv said you weren’t feeling good.”

Cyn seized on the excuse. “Yeah. That’s right. I thought I was going to barf on my
customer out there.” She glanced over her shoulder. “I need a big favor, Lenny. He’s
got my jacket. Do you think you could go get it for me?”

Lenny’s face grew angry. “Creeper took your
coat
? That’s messed up. Want me to take care of him?”

“No, no. That’s okay,” Cyn said hastily. “He’s a cop.”

Lenny nodded and went out to the floor. While she was waiting, Marv came back to the
kitchen. “You okay, Cynsation?”

Cyn gave him a weak thumbs-up, but she must have looked pretty bad, because he brought
her a bowl of clam chowder and insisted she eat it. She told him what was going
on, and he glanced out the window, giving her a play by play.

“Lenny’s talking to him now. Looks like the cop is getting up. Bastard better not
be skipping out on the check.” He shook his fist at the wall.

Cyn’s spoon scraped the bottom of the bowl, and she glanced down, surprised that she’d
managed to eat it all.

Marv returned to hover over her shoulder. “You want more?” he asked.

“I’m good. Thanks, Marv.”

His ears turned red, and he busied himself with something at the sink. “Don’t mention
it.”

The door swung open behind them, and then Lenny came through, holding Cyn’s coat triumphantly.

If Cyn was the hugging type, she would have given him one right then. Instead, she
gave him a two-finger salute. “I owe you another pack of cigarettes, Lenny.”

“No prob— Wait, what do you mean,
another
pack?”

Cyn pulled on her jacket, but she didn’t answer him. She had to think. Had to figure
out what she was going to do now. “I’m going to cut out early,” she said to Marv.
“I think I need some more sleep.”

He didn’t look happy about it, but he agreed. “I expect you on time tomorrow night.”

Cyn made a noncommittal noise as she headed for the door. She didn’t know if she would
be back tomorrow night; it was only a matter of time until the cop arrested her.

“I’m not gonna forget about that ‘another pack’ comment,” Lenny yelled behind her.
He pointed to his head. “It’s a steel trap up here.”