The Beginning at the End of the World: A Post-Apocalyptic, Dystopian Series (The Survivor Diaries Book 2) (33 page)

I saw Violet lead Jackson onto the dance floor. I guess I should have been thankful that the music was upbeat and not a slow dance where they would have to hold each other closely. I continued to peer out of the corner of my eye, trying not to look like I was watching them. Jackson smiled when Violet leaned in again to speak into his ear. My stomach churned at all of the possible things she might be saying to him, or worse, offering him.

Mark led Jill onto the dance floor. He never got American dance moves down, unless it was a slow dance. I tried to focus on Mark and Jill rather than on Jackson and Violet, but my eyes had a mind of their own.

I don’t know Karen Heely well, but she broke in when the song ended to have the next dance with my lover. Okay, I just used the word “lover.” That word has always made me feel uncomfortable, but I don’t know what Jackson is to me.

When Jessica jumped in for a slow dance with Jackson, I was done. I turned around to leave and nearly bumped into Mark standing next to me.

“May I have this dance, Laura?” he asked.

I was tempted, but instead I said, “I don’t think so, Mark. It would be too… confusing.”

“Oh,” said Mark. “I thought you two had one of those open relationships. Sure looks like it to me. But since your face is the same color as your hair, maybe he forgot to fill you in on that part.”

I know I hurt him badly, but his venom was painful in ways I would never have thought possible coming from him.

“It’s just warm in here. I am going to get some air,” I said to the man whom I barely recognized as Mark.

“I’ll go with you,” he said.

“No, don’t you dare follow me anywhere,” I told him. I turned and slipped out of the opening in the big tent and clumsily sloshed through the snow back to my cabin.

No wonder I didn’t go to school dances as a kid. I thought that it was because of the nuns, but they were a cakewalk compared to that experience. It was brutal.

When I reached my cabin, I shed my coat and headed straight to the bathroom to vomit my guts up, but all that came out after the red punch was yellow bile.
When had I eaten last,
I wondered. I lay my head on the cool floor tiles and tried not to move while the walls of the cabin spun around me.

“Laura, where did you go? I didn’t even…”

When Jackson discovered me on the bathroom floor, he freaked out.

“I’m getting the Doc,” he said.

“No, no, no,” I told him. “It was the punch and no dinner.”

“You actually drank that crap? What the hell, Laura? And why didn’t you eat? Jesus, woman, you are going to be the death of me.”

“Then why don’t you go and be with what’s her name? The flower lady.”

“Violet? Laura, I danced with that woman, and the others, so it wouldn’t stand out when I finally had a chance to dance with you. I have been looking forward to that dance since our first date was interrupted.”

“I was humiliated. And the things that Mark said…. he was so hateful,” I said.

Jackson gently helped me off the ground and led me to the bed. “Fuckin’ Mark. What did he say? It’s my turn to use his face to get out some of my aggression,” he said.

“Don’t do it,” I demanded. “If you want any kind of future with me, or even if you don’t, just don’t touch him.”

I thought I was going to throw up again. Jackson left the room and came back with a small cup of mouth wash and a waste paper basket. It was good to get the taste of punch and vomit out of my mouth.

“Just how many cups of punch did you have?”

“One,” I said.

“Heh, heh, you are such a little lightweight,” he teased.

I lay there, covered my face with my hand, and let a few tears of embarrassment flow from my eyes.

Jackson lay next to me on the bed. “Can I ask you a question, Laura?”

I nodded and he continued, “Have you ever been jealous before? I mean, in a relationship.”

“You mean, besides when my husband cheated on me?”

“I think that’s it. I am not going to cheat on you, ever. It would be the world’s stupidest thing to do. Look how it turned out for Mark. He lost the best thing in his life,” he said as he put his arms around me.

“But Violet said that there weren’t enough men,” I tried to explain, but it came out as babbling.

“Don’t worry about her. I will make sure she knows that I am not interested. And when you are feeling better, you are going to have to explain this all to me again. For now, just shut your eyes and sleep.”

I woke to find a naked Jackson still in my bed, and the sun had already risen in the sky.

“Get up, get up, get up,” I told him.

“I know what time it is, Laura,” he said with his eyes still closed. He opened them to look at me. “But after last night, I am done with hiding us. Since that day in the forest when we kissed, all I’ve wanted to do is to run around telling everyone how much I love you.”

He looked over at me with his sexy, tousled hair, and I leaned over to him and kissed him passionately.

“You know that you can’t do that, right?” I asked him when I pulled back from his soft lips.

“Of course. Let me get you some coffee, and then we can talk, I mean really talk, about us,” he told me as he slipped on his boxer briefs and went to the kitchen.

I went to the vanity and looked at my swollen eyes and my red nose. I noticed the photo of Agenia sitting where I had placed it. I was supposed to be living strong, for all of those women, but I blew it last night. I let myself slip into my old insecurities. I could blame it on what Mark had said, but it wasn’t his fault, and I knew it. I took the framed photo and put it face down on the table.

I cleaned up in the bathroom and went into the living room where Jackson had placed my coffee cup on the table and was sipping at his, just staring at me. My hair was still all over the place, and I subconsciously combed my fingers through it. I sat down beside him and drank from my cup. I was waiting to be chastised for my immature behavior last night, but when he spoke he was calm and serious.

“Laura, I am sorry about last night. I should have told you what I was doing by dancing with those other women. Honestly, I didn’t think that you would care. The fact is, I have no idea how you feel about me,” he said.

I should have seen that. I have been so busy worrying about my own feet in borrowed shoes that I haven’t tried to walk in his combat boots, as Billy recommended.

“You’re right,” I told him. “And I’m sorry. In all of my past relationships, the guy falls hard and fast and by the time I catch up, he has moved on to the next stage. I am always one step behind. I never seem to be able to be on the same page. I don’t want that to happen with us, but it is all so complicated with Mark and the Villagers. It’s like I can’t have anything of my own not related to my work.”

Jackson’s walkie went off. “You are late for the MT meeting,” said Fitz.

“Tell them that I am in a private meeting with Laura,” he said. He changed the channel and announced the same thing to the entire camp.

“See, right there, we can’t even talk without running it by absolutely everyone,” I said. “How are we supposed to figure out how we feel in all of this insanity?”

“The way I see it is that we have three options. One, we do what we said we would and not let on about us until we get to the Valley. So far, that has only made things worse, and people are catching on. I don’t want jealousy to come between us like it did last night. Option two is to stop hiding and let everyone think whatever they want to, and let the chips fall as they may. I know that you were trying to save Mark’s feelings, but after last night, I couldn’t care less how that asshole feels.” Jackson took a deep breath and looked me in the eye. “The final option is to let it all go and just try and be friends.”

“I don’t want that, Jackson. What I can tell you is that I have real feelings for you, and I want to find out where they lead,” I told him.

My walkie went off at that moment. “Laura, we need you in RV number two, ASAP. We have made contact with Gary. There was trouble on the Salinas pickup,” said Carrie.

“I can’t right now. Please have Mark call Fitzpatrick or Mason,” I told her.

Jackson and I sat for a moment, trying to read each other. I picked up my walkie and turned it off. He did the same with all three of his walkies.

“Screw everyone, I pick option two. How about you?” I asked him.

His serious look turned into a wide smile. “You had me holding my breath on that one, Patton. Option two it is.”

I took his hand and led him back into the bedroom.

∞

Jackson left right after we finished. I showered and got dressed quickly, pulled my hair into a ponytail, and went out into the cold morning air.

RV one was packed full of people when I got there.

“We need to find a bigger Com Center now that we are out of the caves,” complained Mason.

“What do we have going on?” I asked.

“Courtney was killed when they hit Salinas,” Fitz said.

I didn’t know her well, but it hit me just the same; another life wasted. I felt tears welling up.

“I am sorry. May she rest in peace,” I said.

Cassie looked devastated. I went over and put my arm over her shoulder and whispered to her, “When this meeting is over, come and talk with me.”

“Is Gary alright?” I asked the group.

“He’s alive,” said Fitz. “He has the tanker and is trying to make it to the Grade that connects Salinas to the Valley, but it’s dicey out there on his own.”

“I want him to re-hide that damn thing and find something small and safe to get himself to the Valley with,” I said. “And for once I agree with Mason. Let’s everyone move to the big tent.”

Jackson came to my side as we walked to the tent. “Just as a head’s up, Mason is not going to go for ditching the gasoline.”

“Thanks, but I am not risking Gary’s life. He is out there on his own, isn’t he? I mean, this isn’t another one of your secrets, right?” I asked. I know that they told me that there were only two of them going, but they have been known to be less than honest about their personnel.

“Yeah, unfortunately it’s just him now,” replied Jackson.

We settled into the tent, and Mason let loose as soon as he had a chance. “We need the gasoline in the Valley so that we can get that operation up and running.”

To my surprise, Jackson jumped in. “We can always send out a mission to retrieve the tanker when it is safe. The Villagers have gone without electricity for a long time, and I know that they would rather do that than to lose another person.”

I smiled proudly, but Mason did not.

“Mark, please notify Gary to find safe transport to the Valley,” I told him.

Mark didn’t move until Fitz gave him a nod.

“I want a plan to get us back on track and moving by the end of the day,” I said. “I will have the tree cutters ready to go. Bruce and Matt will man the tow truck and the tractor. Just point them in the right direction. I will be working in the cabin if anyone needs me.”

Man, I am getting bossy.

∞

While Cassie and Jackson headed to the cabin, I went to RV one and collected breakfast for the three of us.

“You look better this morning,” said Annie.

“Thanks,” I said. With this morning’s news, I certainly didn’t feel better.

When I got back to the cabin, Cassie and Jackson were sitting in the living room. They weren’t talking and both looked broken up about Courtney.

I passed out the bowls of cereal and the goat’s milk. We ate for a few minutes in silence. I knew that I could really never understand what they were feeling. There was a brotherhood among soldiers that bound them until death. What I did understand is what it is like to lose people you care about, one after another.

“I will see if Gary can bring her body to the Valley. He probably couldn’t get through the frozen ground to bury her by himself. Is there anything else I can do?” I asked them.

They both shook their heads.

“There were only a few of us females, so we got close, you know?” said Cassie.

I nodded.

“Courtney and I were tight. We could never really break into the good ol’ boys club,” she said. She looked at Jackson and apologized. “I’m sorry, sir.”

“Don’t be,” he reassured her. “I know how we can be. Some of us are worse than others.”

“I am sure Keaton complained about it to you. She never was much for staying quiet to injustice.”

I knew there was something about how he talked about her; I knew it.

Jackson picked up my hand and squeezed it in plain sight of Cassie. We had just decided not to hide anymore, but the timing was pretty suspicious. Still, these two people were grieving, and I needed to hold back my feelings and just be there for them, so I squeezed his hand back.

“Oh,” Cassie said. She looked surprised as she gazed at our clasped hands. “Are you two…? I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I can leave.”

“No, well yes, we are, but no, don’t leave. It’s okay. Cassie, would you like to use the cabin’s shower? It might help to relax you some, and I know that the shower rotation is completely messed up right now,” I told her.

She looked so sad, but she stood and said, “Yes, ma’am. That might help. I haven’t had a shower in almost a week.”

I showed her the way and told her to use whatever she needed. It is so strange how a simple shower has changed into a gift of some time to yourself to think and, in this case, grieve.

“I really am sorry about Courtney,” I said to Jackson as I reclaimed my seat next to him.

He took my hand in his again. “Thank you. I know you are. Laura, I didn’t tell you about…”

“It’s okay,” I cut him off. “I am not mad. I know you have a past, too. Mine is sitting just a few feet away, ready to pull off your head. Now isn’t the time, but we should talk about it soon.”

I held him for a long while, and offered him a nap before trying to move forward.

While Jackson slept next to Hershey and Cassie soaked, I called Bri and asked her to come over and to stay with them while I jumped back into my work. In this world, we didn’t have too much time for mourning anymore.

∞

I volunteered for another recon mission. Fitz placed me with Jake, Thomas and Ammie. Jake and I trailed behind them as we searched the area for any possibility of getting us out of here.

It was awkward being with Ammie and Thomas and knowing that they were a couple. Looking at them, no one would ever guess that they were one of the emerging new couples in the Village.

“Weird, isn’t it?” Jake asked me.

“So, you know?” I wondered how that came about.

“The Patton Family Grapevine Express is even faster than the Village’s,” he laughed. “From what I understand is, you figured it out, and then Bri got wind of it, and so on. I like Thomas, but he is too old for her. I know that if I interfere it will make it worse, so I’m just waiting. And on that note, I like Jackson, but I really feel for Mark. He’s a mess.”

“I know, but he has completely locked me out emotionally. I don’t want him to hate me.”

“He doesn’t,” Jake said. “He believes that he will win you back. I am not sure how you feel, but from the outside, it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen.”

“I don’t know, Jake. I honestly don’t know. So, is this a new nosy streak or has Annie been freaking out?”

“You know Annie. If she doesn’t have a family member to worry about, she gets bored.”

“And you would think that the end of the world would keep her busy enough,” I said. We laughed knowingly. I am so lucky to have my brother here with me, on so many levels.

I decided to hang back and get some more b-roll for my video editing. It is always surprising how something so horrible has caused something as beautiful as the snow that gracefully frosts the trees and hillside. The snow in Monterey was filthy from all of the contaminants in the air, but out here it was not as grimy. The sun was peeking through the clouds, and I noticed it was actually melting some of the snow from the branches. Little drops fell like rain and poked holes in the downy floor below. I zoomed in on one of the worm-like holes and noticed a deep, snowed-over sneaker print next to it.

“Ah, hey, where did you guys go?” I asked, looking up to find no one in sight. I picked up the walkie. “Jake, are you there?”

“I’m here, where are you?”

“I don’t know… around where we last talked before you walked off,” I told him. I was getting nervous being all alone.

“I have her,” said Thomas. He came into view. He was followed closely by Ammie, and Jake was only a few paces behind.

“Look at this,” I said, pointing to my discovery.

“Laura, you need to stay close when we are on recon,” advised Thomas.

“Really? Have you met Laura, Thomas?” said Ammie. She and Jake looked at each other and laughed.

“Stop. Look at this. It’s a sneaker print, and it couldn’t have been left that long ago. We had a light dusting last night,” I said, determined that they acknowledge the validity of my finding.

“She’s right. We haven’t had anyone at these coordinates that I know of,” said Thomas.

“Hey, Nancy Drew, look, there’s more,” said Jake. “Is it the same print?”

I walked over to where he was and kneeled down for a closer look. I rewound the shot of the other print and compared the two closely. “It’s not the same. The first looks like a sneaker and this one must be a boot.”

We spread out some, but stayed in sight of each other this time. A good ten minutes later, I heard Ammie say, “Um, guys. We aren’t alone.”