The Belligerent Miss Boynton AND The Lurid Lady Lockport (Two Companion Full-Length Regency Novels) (16 page)

The beleaguered lady turned on her heel and stalked off in high dudgeon, while Lord and Lady Storm hung together in guilty glee.

"We must go after her and apologize. I'm sure she's highly upset," Amanda said in an attempt at seriousness. "Poor Aunt Agatha," she lamented solemnly, and then giggled again.

"Serves her right, the old busybody, though I love her dearly." Jared caressed Amanda's cheek with one hand, then tipped up her chin. "Did you talk with her this morning, pet?"

Amanda frowned. "Talk with her? Oh, yes, for a moment. She was telling me something about having had an argument with you, but I'm afraid I wasn't attending properly. And when she said Harrow had arrived I deserted her entirely. Why? Was it important?"

Jared's eyes darkened. "Yes, imp, it's very important. Please find time to talk with her after luncheon. I'll busy myself getting Harrow and the boy settled, then join you at the stables for a ride about three o'clock."

Amanda's brows drew together in a frown that he quickly kissed away. She gave him her promise and then went in to find Lady Chezwick, to do her best to placate the woman's abused feelings, running her to ground in the main salon.

Lady Chezwick patted the space beside her on the settee and urged Amanda to join her. "This is an exceedingly delicate conversation we are going to have, my dear, and I trust you will allow me to build myself up to it gradually."

Amanda quickly agreed to listen most attentively, for anything having to do with her new husband interested her greatly.

After a moment, Lady Chezwick sighed and went on, "You see, it all has its roots with my sister Lavinia, Jared's mother. Dear Lavinia. She was the most beautiful young girl I have ever seen, Amanda, and the most lovable. Jared is very like her, you know, with his blue eyes and dark hair. I think now that perhaps that very resemblance made it even worse for Carlton."

She sighed again, straightening her shoulders and blinking back tears. "But I digress. Lavinia was almost a dozen years my junior, added to the family rather as an afterthought, I imagine, but we got on famously, the two of us. She was always so alive, so vital—ah, the pranks she played on us all! I was already married when she met Carlton. He was much older, older even than my own dear husband. I had met him when I first came out myself, and must say I hadn't been overly impressed with the man.

"He was handsome enough, I suppose, in a watery sort of way, all blond hair and white skin, as if he'd faded in the sun. And those eyes! Oh, I never did like his eyes, they were so light as to be almost colorless. He and Lavinia looked like night and day when they stood together, although I will admit they made quite a handsome couple.

"But it wasn't his appearance that set me against Carlton—it was his vile temper. When I met him socially he seemed quiet and reserved, but I had heard tales—married women do get to hear more gossip—of his wild rages whenever he was crossed. I tried to tell Lavinia, warn her away from him, but she told me he was the model of kindness to her. I don't think she ever did see him angry, and they were married for over five years. I like to think it was her influence that kept him controlled." She pulled a face. "He certainly reverted soon enough when she was gone."

Amanda laid a hand on the older woman's arm and whispered, "I understand if you don't want to continue with this, Aunt Agatha. I can have Jared tell me everything himself, if it's important to him that I know. It was heartless of him to ask you to do something that obviously upsets you so."

"Oh, no, my dear, please don't do that," Lady Chezwick pleaded. "He has no idea I'm telling you all this. He just expects me to tell you one thing, one very personal thing he felt you would be more comfortable hearing from me. But I feel you have a right to know the reason behind his request. I'm quite all right, really. It's imperative you know this as soon as possible. That was obvious to me when I stepped outside a few moments ago, to see my Nephew all but swallowing you."

"Aunt Agatha!" Amanda exclaimed, blushing at the woman's plain speech.

"Oh, pish-tosh, child. I was married once, you know." She patted Amanda's hand. "But now we must get down to cases, I'm afraid. As you may have guessed, Lavinia and Carlton were married at the end of her first Season, much to the distress of the many fine young men who had been devotedly courting her." She spread her hands to encompass the room. "He brought her here as soon as they were married and she never returned to London. He was very jealous, you see, being so much older and quite aware of my sister's beauty. But she never minded. I was quite surprised, let me tell you, when I visited here, because Lavinia seemed quite content. She was still so bubbly and full of life, and Carlton doted on her every whim. I guess it is true that opposite natures are drawn to one another

"Lavinia's only sorrow was that she seemed unable to bear a child. Twice she had carried for a few months, but she lost both the babies very early on. I know it is indelicate of me to speak so plainly in front of a young girl like yourself, even if you are a married woman now, but it will help you to understand."

Lady Chezwick rose and walked to the fireplace. "Carlton had my sister painted just after she learned she was pregnant for a third time." She lifted her eyes to the blank wall over the fireplace. "It was a very good likeness of her: I saw it just before Lord Chezwick and I departed for India. The portrait is in the attics, where Carlton had it hidden away, and I wish it could hang here again, as I last saw it."

She turned and studied Amanda's pale face. "You resemble her a bit, Amanda—small and slight, and with that mass of black hair so like hers. But as I said, her eyes were a deep pure blue, like Jared's. And, ah, what glorious love shone out over this room from those beautiful, angelic eyes. Storm Haven wasn't always like this, you know. Lavinia filled the house with color and delicate furniture, but Carlton had it all burned or stored in the attics, except for what is in the beautiful chamber which was hers, and is now yours."

She dabbed at her damp cheeks with the remnants of the handkerchief she was rapidly reducing to tatters in her agitation. "Yes, when last I saw Lavinia she was the happiest woman in the world."

Amanda realized that, for the first time since they had met, Aunt Agatha looked her years.

"We were in Bombay when she died, my husband and I. Carlton's note was brief, just saying she had died in childbirth and the child had lived. He didn't even bother telling us whether it was a boy or a girl. I wanted to come home right away, take charge of the child, but Lord Chezwick became ill, and only after he passed away two years later was I able to return. By that time Storm Haven looked as you see it now, and Carlton was a madman. I know that description sounds harsh, but it is true.

"He wouldn't even let me see Jared, turned me away at his front door—that very door where I found you and Jared just now. I tried ever so hard to have Carlton give Jared over to me to raise, because I was never blessed with any children of my own, you know, but he ignored my letters.

"I first saw Jared at his father's funeral, and insisted he come back to London with me that very week. I've lived with him for over ten years and I love him like the son I never had. Oh, he was a wild one back then, as if he was alive for the first time and meant to live every moment to the fullest. He tore through nearly half his fortune those first few years; gaming, indulging in wild extravagances, but finally I beat some sense into his head—and for the last six years or more he has calmed down considerably. He never talked about his life here with Carlton, not in all our years together, not to curse his father or to complain about his own sad lot. But I could always sense that he'd suffered, and suffered badly."

She went over to Amanda and took her hands. "That's why I'm so very glad he has married you, even if he went about the thing in a most unconventional way, almost as if he could only bring himself to marriage if he could see it as some sort of lark, some wild adventure. But I'm assured he will settle down now and make you a good husband. He has all of my Lavinia's wonderful love of life, Jared does, thank the Lord. But he also carries a bit of his father's wild temper in him, some of his fierce stubbornness, and he sometimes frightens me with his dark moods—but they pass quickly. I'm certain, dear child that, now that you are here, they will vanish entirely."

"Thank you for telling me all this, Aunt Agatha. It does help to explain my husband's behavior of these past days," Amanda told her as she wiped at her own tears with the back of her hand. "But this has all been a strain for you. Let me ring for Higgins. I believe you should go to your room and rest for a bit."

"No!" her ladyship exclaimed in some agitation. "I'm not finished yet. I have to tell you Jared's wishes. Anything I said until now was only to prepare you for what is to come. You see, my dear, Jared does not wish you to have any children, and I'm to teach you the—well, the ways in which conception is prevented. Certain
things
,
practices
, that might be employed by both the man and the woman in order to, well, you understand, don't you?" She fanned herself with the tatters of her handkerchief. "There! I've said it!"

There was a hush over the room for some time before Amanda felt herself capable of speech. "Because—because of his mother, Aunt Agatha? Because of how she died? But that's ridiculous. I'm young and inexperienced, that's true, and I am aware that a few women do die in childbirth. Many more live. To assume I will die as his mother did is—well, it's preposterous."

"I agree with you, my dear," Lady Chezwick said placatingly, "but unfortunately Jared is adamant. He fears for your life and refuses to take chances with it. Obviously he cares for you, very deeply. In time, I'm sure he'll change his mind, lose his fears. But you know, my dear, in a way, you should be quite flattered."

"Flattered!" The word was an explosion. "I assure you, Aunt Agatha, I'm anything but flattered. He didn't treat me last night as if he were in fear of my life, I assure you. What if I'm already pregnant?"

Such plain speech was a bit much for Lady Chezwick and she burst into tears. "Oh, my child, such language, I implore you. It's enough that I must discuss such indelicate issues with you."

"No, Aunt Agatha, you don't, because I refuse to listen." Amanda rose from her seat and made to retire. "I appreciate the pain you felt in reliving the past as you did, Aunt Agatha, and I thank you for sharing your knowledge of my husband's childhood. However—and I mean this as no disrespect to you—the subject of whether or not I am to bear children for my husband is not one that shall be decided for me. I fully intend to talk to Jared as soon as possible."

Amanda's hard-won composure lasted until she reached her chambers, where she flung herself face down on the bed and gave way to a storm of weeping.

She cried for the long-dead Lavinia, who never held the son she must have wanted so desperately. She cried for Carlton, whose love twisted into hate when his wife died. She cried for Jared, for his unhappy childhood spent locked in at Storm Haven with his father's twisted grief. Mostly, however, she wept for herself, and for the children she seemed destined to he denied.

She hadn't really had much time to consider bearing Jared's sons, Jared's daughters. Her love — it was love, wasn't it?— was too new for her to think of sharing it with another person, even a child of their own making. But to be suddenly denied even the prospect sent a knife-sharp pain through her breasts which suddenly, unaccountably, ached to feel the small body of an infant against them.

Her life had taken so many turnings in the last few days. From an unhappy life, she had been catapulted into the arms of a wonderful man who showed all signs of adoring her as much as she adored him. She was free of her stepfather and surrounded by people who only wished her well. She had thought herself the most fortunate of women.

But now...
now
?

There was nothing for it but to confront Jared. She had to convince him that she was a young, healthy female who could bear him many children without mishap. Part of her was gratified by his concern for her, but another part was outraged that he would make such an important decision without consulting her wishes. It was just another sign of his arrogance, that's what it was. And, remembering her father's advice to always begin something as you planned to go on—she would soon make Jared see that there's would not be a marriage where he told her what to do and she just answered meekly, "Yes, Jared."

She would wait until they took their afternoon ride and talk to him then. Surely he could be made to see reason. On that thought she fell into a troubled sleep and did not wake until it was time to get dressed and meet her husband.

#

They rode for miles, their mounts covering distances at a gallop as they raced each other across the fields. Amanda rode astride, her long hair flying behind her as it quickly loosened in the wind. For her the wild ride was a purging, a release of her pent-up emotions. She was still a bit wary of her new husband, and knew she faced a difficult discussion with him as soon as they returned to the house. So she rode as if she would ride forever, wanting nothing but the bliss of her husband riding beside her, off into infinity.

They were nearly home again when, out of the corner of her eye, Amanda spied a small enclosure at the crest of a low hill and turned Tempest toward it.

Jared pulled Devil to a halt. "Amanda, where are you going? That's not the way home. Damn it, Amanda—come back here!" She didn't listen to him—had he really thought she would?—and by the time he had caught up with her she had already slipped out of the saddle and was standing with her back to him, looking down the hill at Storm Haven.

"Dismount and join me, Jared," she said, keeping her head averted, her tone light. "It's so cool and peaceful under these trees."

Jared stayed on his horse. "I'd as lief ride on if you don't mind, Amanda."

She shot him a quick look and saw a tic was working in his cheek, and nearly faltered, but then walked over to the low fence, stepping over it to stand inside the small enclosure, knowing she'd left him no choice but to follow after her. It was here that she'd confront him with everything Aunt Agatha had told her, here where she would plead her own case for life, and not run from the fear of death. After all, what better place to lay old ghosts but in a graveyard?