The Best Friend (21 page)

She also, had come to the conclusion that
she was not right
. About any of it. About telling Tony what to do, or how to “heal.” She had never considered how hard it was for him to live like any other adult. She never took into account the horrors he experienced, witnessed, and nearly died for. She did not understand it all, or how far off her standards were, for him. He was so much more than a man who just lived in his parents’ basement, and it took his own words to finally show her that.

More than once, he made her cry as well as many others too, from what she gathered by their comments. He had thirty thousand-plus people loyally following him in less than a month. It was unheard of, even shocking. But when the news aired his story a week ago, his following as well as his new persona went crazy, practically on fire.

Honestly, to Gretchen, all she could think of was:
he is finally doing something.

In answer to Will’s statement, she scoffed about how little she’d done for Tony. “I only drove him to his counselor a few times. Olivia unlocked this strange, shocking, unexpected talent from the rude, gruff man we knew, and enabled him to write and orate these formal speeches to huge crowds. He articulates his feelings in such beautiful strings of words when he speaks, while to you and me, it’s always ‘F this or that.’ So, really, no. I didn’t do any of this.”

“You did this.” Will’s tone was so sure, it was brimming with confidence. She rolled her eyes. Will called her a few times since their visit just to check in on Tony’s progress. Now, he simply needed to click on Tony’s dazzling website/blog. “He mentioned that very thing to me when I called to congratulate him about all of it.”

She froze. “He did? He mentioned me?”

“You did something great here, Gretchen. Please don’t continually doubt yourself.”

She closed her eyes. “No. The day this started, I lost my freaking mind at him, because of Vickie’s engagement to his brother. I refused to ever again drive him or help him. So, no. I really didn’t do this. I was awful to him.”

Will chuckled. “Yeah, well, he was awful first. Maybe, you should have been awful to a lot more people than just Tony, and starting a long time ago.”

“Like to you? No. I didn’t like how it made me feel afterwards. Sure, it felt nice to say and do exactly what my inner, nasty child thought, but the real me, once calm, was filled with remorse, and I’ve had knots in my stomach ever since. I can’t be that person.”

He let out a sigh. “I have to tell you, I’m glad to hear that. You’re one of the few women I’ve ever met who doesn’t want to vent, and therefore, doesn’t do it. But once in awhile? You have to embrace the inner, nasty child.”

She finally laughed. “Thank you, Will.”

He cleared his throat. “Look, we never discussed this… but Tony, he did want you all those years ago. He quit talking to me on your behalf, because I chose Jessie over the Army and not you. He really did always have it bad for you. Really bad. I looked the other way because… well, you know. But it was a real thing. And from what I see now, it isn’t gone. Don’t let his bullshit fool you. Consider him, Gretchen. He might be changed, but he’s a really good guy.”

“I know that. I never doubted it. I just don’t much like him
now.
” Except now, she seemed to harbor some strange, unending attraction to him, although he treated her much more rudely. Maybe she needed counseling to learn why a guy had to treat her awful before she suddenly noticed him sexually.

No, not sexually. Just noticed him. She just noticed him now.

But now, this whole Tony-doing-something-great-and-important, was throwing a wrench into what she had decided was the “new,” but so not improved Tony. Now, he was deep and articulate and his writing was beautiful. His words and descriptions about his life, and living it now, almost made some of his behavior seem excusable. Almost understandable. Almost something she could release. She was finding it harder and harder, however, not to admire him.

She finally ended the conversation with her ex-husband about dating his best friend with a quick, “Tell Jessie hello and kiss Christina for me.”

He scoffed. “As if Jessie isn’t about to rip the phone from me to talk to you herself. But I will kiss my daughter for you. And Gretchen… just consider Tony.”

She barely heard a word Jessie said. All she could think about was Will’s parting words…
consider Tony
. Consider Tony. Consider him for what? What good would come of considering Tony for anything? Now she wasn’t even sure she could call him her damn friend.

****

He knocked on her office door before he entered. She leaned back into her chair, setting down the pen she was using to write some notes about a frustrating patient she couldn’t make much headway with. Brainstorming her ideas on paper sometimes helped her figure out where to next take a session.

Tony stepped into her office. He wore the usual and his hair was as usual. His entire look was more like a bum on the street than a former heroic soldier. Still, her pulse reacted by bumping up a notch. Yeah, maybe she really needed to investigate the reasons why nice, normal, attractive men couldn’t arouse much of a physical reaction in her; but rude, crude, annoyingly uncouth men could.

“Yes?” she finally prompted when he didn’t immediately speak. It was Thursday. He was there for Dr. Hart, not for her. Olivia came past him suddenly, skipping over to Gretchen, and giving her a kiss on the cheek. She rounded the desk to steal a granola bar from the bottom drawer. Gretchen kept an array of healthy snacks in there for Olivia.

She took it over to the kids’ area and started playing, oblivious to Tony standing there, uneasily shuffling his feet. She tilted her head. Did he seem somehow nervous with her?

“I, uh, wondered if you happened to catch some of the crap going on about me? From the assembly.”

His head was down and his eyes darted around to Olivia, then to the window, and finally, to her cabinets. He was asking her if she knew? As if she somehow missed it? Right. But didn’t it mean something he cared if she knew about it or not? She could deny it, and play coy. Or play like she had no idea how amazing he and his speeches were. Yet, how polar opposite she found her experiences with him. But lying and playing games was never her way. She was not going to be disingenuous now.

“I know all about it. I read everything you post. Every comment you’ve written, and I’ve watched every video of you. So, yes, I know all about it.”

“Oh. I was unaware of that.”

“And?”

His gaze shot up and he scrunched his eyebrows, as if confused by her question. She sighed and shook her head. “And so what? Why were you asking me, Tony? Do you want my opinion? Do you want my commentary? Do you actually want to have a conversation with me? Because I spent three months trying to have one with you and got nothing in return. So if this is you making an attempt to have a conversation with me, you’re going to have to spell it out.”

He shuffled around. Then, “Yes, I guess I wanted to know what you thought.”

She leaned forward, crossing her arms on top of her desk. “Fine. Then, what you’ve done in the last month is nothing short of miraculous. I am not only impressed, amazed, stunned even, but mostly extremely humbled by what you managed to do. I really hoped you’d do something. Anything. I was thinking of you bagging groceries at the local grocery store. I never dreamed you’d do something like this. It’s important work. And it’s helped more than one person. From where I sit, you are worthy again of wearing the uniform that took your arm.”

“I don’t get paid. It’s not like a real job or anything,” he mumbled finally.

“It’s better than a paid job. It has meaning. And true worth. And it means something to you. I can tell by the careful choice of words you use. I wanted that for you, to feel a sense of worth, which is much more valuable than a paycheck.”

His hand cupped the back of his neck as he pulled on it. She well knew from past encounters, any kind of personal talk made him twitch around weirdly. But he came to her for this and she really wasn’t in the mood to argue with him or try to make him do it.

Finally he nodded. “Thanks.”

She smiled slowly, trying to hide her disbelief.
What utter gall he has to be so short, and act nearly put out by her compliment.
“Anything else?”

“Yeah, uh, Donny mentioned things aren’t too good with you and them. I wondered if you were going to the wedding.”

“The wedding? Yes. Do I have a choice? My parents already made sure I was. After all, Vickie
is
expecting a baby. I did get downgraded, however, from maid of honor to bride’s maid. And don’t worry, the dress she picked out is the ugliest, and the most expensive, to date. So, it’s all right on track. And, oh yeah, she is ruining my Christmas. We’re celebrating it the weekend before, so poor Vickie won’t miss it, since they leave for their honeymoon in Florida on Christmas Day. So, I get to be freaking alone on Christmas. Tracy goes to her husband’s family, and Mom and Dad are going to be celebrated out. You can rest assured; Vickie’s day is going to be just as wonderful as the other three wedding days. I’ll behave as I always do. Besides, she never even knew how upset I was, now did she? Donny never told her. I know he didn’t.”

Tony smiled. “No, he didn’t. He asked me to make sure you would come.”

“You? Why ever would he choose you?”

“I owed him.”

“For?”

“You know how I’ve treated you these last months? Well, I was like that to Donny for two years.”

“And what? You don’t act like that now?”

He shrugged. “Not so far as that. But I’m trying not to.”

She nodded and slowly rose. “Really?”

He smiled slowly and she blinked, feeling intrigued. He was a different man when he did so. “Really.”

“Well, I hope it continues. Dr. Hart’s standing in his doorway behind you.”

His eyes traveled over her. “All right. I’ll see you. Bye, Olivia. See you next week.”

She bounced to her feet and ran to throw her arms around his waist as she smiled up into his eyes. “Promise?”

He met Gretchen’s gaze, “If I make a promise, I mean it. I never break a promise.”

****

Vickie started through her door the second she opened it. “Oh my God! Did you know about the ex-fiancée?”

Gretchen stepped back before Vickie almost mowed her over. Vickie thrust a garment bag at her and Gretchen caught it against her chest. Apparently, Vickie’s gossip must’ve outweighed her excitement in bringing Gretchen her freshly altered, pressed, and hideous, gold-colored bride’s maid dress.

“What ex-fiancée?”

“Tony’s!”

Vickie was in the living room now, almost jumping up and down. Gretchen placed the dress on the back of the recliner. “What? What are you talking about?”

Vickie’s eyes glowed in excitement. “I knew you didn’t know either, so I had to come and tell you. I know you’re a little bit ticked about the wedding date and all, but I knew you’d want to know this.”

“I’m just worried it’s happening too fast.” Gretchen hedged, unsure she wanted to get into that, especially when it would go mostly misunderstood by Vickie anyway. “But what do you mean ‘Tony’s ex-fiancée’?”

“Sit, sit. This is good. Donny and I were talking about the wedding, and somehow, we got into a little disagreement about how much a decent wedding cake costs. I explained he’s never planned a wedding before, so he wouldn’t know anything about it. Not like I do. So he interrupts me by saying how he planned half of Tony’s wedding before it was called off. Well, that ended our argument. I demanded to know everything, and I mean
everything
he knew, knowing you’d want to know everything too.”

Gretchen’s eyes twitched. She did want to know. And she wanted to know everything as dramatically as Vickie suggested. She was anxious and couldn’t wait for Vickie to say it. That was weird, considering Vickie shouldn’t have known she’d want to know. Shocking, when her sister sometimes did catch onto things. “So?”

“So, he was engaged for two years to a girl named Audrey Vang. Two years! I mean who could ever picture, that rude, gruff, scrungy hobo Tony is now, being engaged? They were planning their wedding when he was deployed for the third time. They lived together in Calliston, in a little apartment over the bookstore. Then… after the whole one-armed thing happened, and he returned home, she dumped him and called off the wedding. Can you believe that? I mean, the guy loses his arm, and she dumps him? Even
I
would
never
do such a heartless, selfish thing. Oh my God! I really can’t believe any woman could do that and live with herself. So after it happened, Tony moved back into the basement of his parents’ house and Donny says his attitude went from broken and upset, to the guy we both see now.”

Gretchen merely sat there, unable to move or think or speak or blink.
Tony was engaged?
She had no idea. And she couldn’t have, for it happened after he quit speaking to Will. And the girl dumped him over his missing arm? Everything became sharply apparent to Gretchen in that moment. He didn’t come home to his parents. He came home to his fiancée, broken and hurt, and without an arm. Vickie’s right, even she wouldn’t have left a man in that condition.

“I don’t even know what to say.”

“I know. I mean, it’s even more tragic than it was before. Spurned by the woman who was supposed to love him no matter what? Of course, he’s so broken and angry. Of course, he lives with his parents. How is he supposed to trust anyone after that? And of course, he needs to live with someone, I mean, I saw him trying to plug in an extension cord so he could vacuum out his mother’s car. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t get the extension cord plug to hold still long enough for him to squeeze in the electrical plug. I ended up doing it for him. He was nice enough about it, but I imagine, being a guy and all, it must be shattering to his ego. So considering that, of course, he can’t be alone.”

Gretchen shut her eyes when she realized Vickie managed to figure all this out, and not she. Vickie was right, about all of it, and yet Gretchen, the trained therapist, did nothing but judge Tony. She was even disdainful of him. And she had no right.