The BFG (11 page)

The BFG stood up and walked over to one of the many shelves and placed the latest jar among the thousands of others.

‘Please can I see some of the other dreams?’ Sophie asked him.

The BFG hesitated. ‘Nobody is ever seeing them before,’ he said. ‘But perhaps after all I is letting you have a little peep.’ He picked her up off the table and stood her on the palm of one of his huge hands. He carried her towards the shelves. ‘Over here is some of the good dreams,’ he said. ‘The phizzwizards.’

‘Would you hold me closer so I can read the labels,’ Sophie said.

‘My labels is only telling bits of it,’ the BFG said. ‘The dreams is usually much longer. The labels is just to remind me.’

Sophie started to read the labels. The first one seemed long enough to her. It went right round the jar, and as she read it, she had to keep turning the jar. This is what it said:

TODAY I IS SITTING IN CLASS AND I DISCOVER THAT IF I IS STARING VERY HARD AT MY TEECHER IN A SPHESHAL WAY, I IS ABLE TO PUT HER TO SLEEP. SO I KEEP STARING AT HER AND IN THE END HER HEAD DROPS ON TO HER DESK AND SHE GOES FAST TO SLEEP AND SNORKLES LOUDLY. THEN IN MARCHES THE HEAD TEECHER AND HE SHOUTS ‘WAKE UP MISS PLUMRIDGE! HOW DARE YOU GO TO SLEEP IN CLASS! GO FETCH YOUR HAT AND COTE AND LEAVE THIS SCHOOL FOR EVER! YOU IS SACKED!’ BUT IN A JIFFY I IS PUTTING THE HEAD TEECHER TO SLEEP AS WELL, AND HE JUST CRUMPLES SLOWLY TO THE FLOOR LIKE A LUMP OF JELLY AND THERE HE LIES ALL IN A HEAP AND STARTS SNORKELLING EVEN LOWDER THAN MISS PLUMRIDGE. AND THEN I IS HEARING MY MUMMY’S VOICE SAYING WAKE UP YOUR BREKFUST IS REDDY.

‘What a funny dream,’ Sophie said.

‘It’s a ringbeller,’ the BFG said. ‘It’s whoppsy.’

Inside the jar, just below the edge of the label, Sophie could see the putting-to-sleep dream lying peacefully on the bottom, pulsing gently, sea-green like the other one, but perhaps a trifle larger.

‘Do you have separate dreams for boys and for girls?’ Sophie asked.

‘Of course,’ the BFG said. ‘If I is giving a girl’s dream to a boy, even if it was a really whoppsy girl’s dream, the boy would be waking up and thinking what a rotbungling grinksludging old dream that was.’

‘Boys would,’ Sophie said.

‘These here is all girls’ dreams on this shelf,’ the BFG said.

‘Can I read a boy’s dream?’

‘You can,’ the BFG said, and he lifted her to a higher shelf. The label on the nearest boy’s-dream jar read as follows:

I IS MAKING MYSELF A MARVELUS PAIR OF SUCTION BOOTS AND WHEN I PUT THEM ON I IS ABEL TO WALK STRATE UP THE KITSHUN WALL AND ACROSS THE CEILING., WELL, I IS WALKING UPSIDE DOWN ON THE CEILING WEN MY BIG SISTER COMES IN AND SHE IS STARTING TO YELL AT ME AS SHE ALWAYS DOES, YELLING WOT ON EARTH IS YOU DOING UP THERE WALKING ON THE CEILING AND I LOOKS DOWN AT HER AND I SMILES AND I SAYS I
TOLD
YOU YOU WAS DRIVING ME UP THE WALL AND NOW YOU HAS DONE IT.

‘I find that one rather silly,’ Sophie said.

‘Boys wouldn’t,’ the BFG said, grinning. ‘It’s another ringbeller. Perhaps you has seen enough now.’

‘Let me read another boy’s one,’ Sophie said.

The next label said:

THE TELLYFONE RINGS IN OUR HOUSE AND MY FATHER PICKS IT UP AND SAYS IN HIS VERY IMPORTANT TELLYFONE VOICE ‘SIMPKINS SPEAKING’. THEN HIS FACE GOES WHITE AND HIS VOICE GOES ALL FUNNY AND HE SAYS ‘
WHAT! WHO?
’ AND THEN HE SAYS ‘YES SIR I UNDERSTAND SIR BUT SURELY IT IS
ME
YOU IS WISHING TO SPEKE TO SIR NOT MY LITTLE SON?’ MY FATHER’S FACE IS GOING FROM WHITE TO DARK PURPEL AND HE IS GULPING LIKE HE HAS A LOBSTER STUCK IN HIS THROTE AND THEN AT LAST HE IS SAYING ‘YES SIR VERY WELL SIR I WILL GET HIM SIR’ AND HE TURNS TO ME AND HE SAYS IN A RATHER RESPECK-FUL VOICE ‘IS YOU KNOWING THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES?’ AND I SAYS ‘NO BUT I EXPECT HE IS HEARING ABOUT ME.’ THEN I IS HAVING A LONG TALK ON THE FONE AND SAYING THINGS LIKE ‘LET ME TAKE CARE OF IT, MR PRESIDENT. YOU’LL BUNGLE IT ALL UP IF YOU DO IT YOUR WAY’. AND MY FATHER’S EYES IS GOGGLING RIGHT OUT OF HIS HEAD AND THAT IS WHEN I IS HEARING MY FATHER’S REAL VOICE SAYING GET UP YOU LAZY SLOB OR YOU WILL BE LATE FOR SKOOL.

‘Boys are crazy,’ Sophie said. ‘Let me read this next one.’ Sophie started reading the next label:

I IS HAVING A BATH AND I IS DISCOVERING THAT IF I PRESS QUITE HARD ON MY TUMMY BUTTON A FUNNY FEELING COMES OVER ME AND SUDDENLEY MY LEGS IS NOT THERE NOR IS MY ARMS. IN FACT I HAS BECOME ABSOLOOTLY INVISIBLE ALL OVER. I IS STILL THERE BUT NO ONE CAN SEE ME NOT EVEN MYSELF. SO MY MUMMY COMES IN AND SAYS ‘WHERE IS THAT CHILD! HE WAS IN THE BATH A MINIT AGO AND HE CAN’T POSSIBLY HAVE WASHED HIMSELF PROPERLY!’ SO I SAYS ‘HERE I IS’ AND SHE SAYS ‘WHERE?’ AND I SAYS ‘HERE’ AND SHE SAYS ‘WHERE?’ AND I SAYS ‘HERE!’ AND SHE YELLS ‘HENRY! COME UP QUICK!’ AND WHEN MY DADDY RUSHES IN I IS WASHING MYSELF AND MY DADDY SEES THE SOAP FLOATING AROUND IN THE AIR BUT OF CORSE HE IS NOT SEEING ME AND HE SHOUTS ‘WHERE ARE YOU BOY?’ AND I SAYS ‘HERE’ AND HE SAYS ‘WHERE?’ AND I SAYS ‘HERE’ AND HE SAYS ‘
WHERE?
’ AND I SAYS ‘
HERE!
’ AND HE SAYS ‘THE SOAP, BOY! THE SOAP! IT’S FLYING IN THE AIR!’ THEN I PRESS MY TUMMY BUTTOXN AGAIN AND NOW I IS VISIBLE. MY DADDY IS SQUIFFY WITH EXCITEMENT AND HE SAYS ‘YOU IS THE INVISIBLE BOY!’ AND I SAYS ‘NOW I IS GOING TO HAVE SOME FUN,’ SO WHEN I IS OUT OF THE BATH AND I HAVE DRIED MYSELF I PUT ON MY DRESSING-GOWN AND SLIPPERS AND I PRESS MY TUMMY BUTTON AGAIN TO BECOME INVISIBLE AND I GO DOWN INTO THE TOWN AND WALK IN THE STREETS. OF CORSE ONLY ME IS INVISIBLE BUT NOT THE THINGS I IS WEARING SO WHEN PEEPLE IS SEEING A DRESSING-GOWN AND SLIPPERS FLOATING ALONG THE STREET WITH NOBODY IN IT THERE IS A PANIC WITH EVERYBODY YELLING ‘A GHOST! A GHOST!’ AND PEEPLE IS SCREAMING LEFT AND RIGHT AND BIG STRONG POLICEMEN IS RUNNING FOR THEIR LIVES AND BEST OF ALL I SEE MR GRUMMIT MY ALGEBRA TEECHER COMING OUT OF A PUB AND I FLOAT UP TO HIM AND SAY ‘BOO!’ AND HE LETS OUT A FRIGHTSOME HOWL AND DASHES BACK INTO THE PUB AND THEN I IS WAKING UP AND FEELING HAPPY AS A WHIFFSQUIDDLER.

‘Pretty ridiculous,’ Sophie said. All the same, she couldn’t resist reaching down and pressing her own tummy button to see if it worked. Nothing happened.

‘Dreams is very mystical things,’ the BFG said. ‘Human beans is not understanding them at all. Not even their brainiest prossefors is understanding them. Has you seen enough?’

‘Just this last one,’ Sophie said. ‘This one here.’

She started reading:

I HAS RITTEN A BOOK AND IT IS SO EXCITING NOBODY CAN PUT IT DOWN. AS SOON AS YOU HAS RED THE FIRST LINE YOU IS SO HOOKED ON IT YOU CANNOT STOP UNTIL THE LAST PAGE. IN ALL THE CITIES PEEPLE IS WALKING IN THE STREETS BUMPING INTO EACH OTHER BECAUSE THEIR FACES IS BURIED IN MY BOOK AND DENTISTS IS READING IT AND TRYING TO FILL TEETHS AT THE SAME TIME BUT NOBODY MINDS BECAUSE THEY IS ALL READING IT TOO IN THE DENTIST’S CHAIR. DRIVERS IS READING IT WHILE DRIVING AND CARS IS CRASHING ALL OVER THE COUNTRY. BRAIN SURGEONS IS READING IT WHILE THEY IS OPERATING ON BRAINS AND AIRLINE PILOTS IS READING IT AND GOING TO TIMBUCTOO INSTEAD OF LONDON. FOOTBALL PLAYERS IS READING IT ON THE FIELD BECAUSE THEY CAN’T PUT IT DOWN AND SO IS OLIMPICK RUNNERS WHILE THEY IS RUNNING. EVERYBODY HAS TO SEE WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT IN MY BOOK AND WHEN I WAKE UP I IS STILL TINGLING WITH EXCITEMENT AT BEING THE GREATEST RITER THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN UNTIL MY MUMMY COMES IN AND SAYS I WAS LOOKING AT YOUR ENGLISH EXERCISE BOOK LAST NITE AND REALLY YOUR SPELLING IS ATROSHUS SO IS YOUR PUNTULASHON.

‘That’s enough for now,’ the BFG said. ‘There is diluons more but my arm is getting tired holding you up.’

‘What are all those over there?’ Sophie said. ‘Why have they got such tiny labels?’

‘That,’ the BFG said, ‘is because one day I is catching so many dreams I is not having the time or energy to write out long labels. But there is enough to remind me.’

‘Can I look?’ Sophie said.

The long-suffering BFG carried her across to the jars she was pointing to. Sophie read them rapidly, one after the other:

I IS CLIMBING MOUNT EVERAST WITH JUST MY PUSSY-CAT FOR CUMPANY.