The Blame (5 page)

Jab, cross, hook. Jab, cross, hook.

Cross, uppercut, front kick.

Roundhouse kick, roundhouse kick,...

And stop.

A thirty-minute heavy bag Muay Thai workout had Laura breathing hard and sweating. Nothing better to relax her stiff muscles and clear her head.

Removing her gloves and hand wraps, she took a long swig from her water bottle. She stood a moment, eyes closed, allowing herself to be transported by Anna Netrebko’s rendition of
O Mio Bambino Caro
. She was by no means an opera buff, but her spirits never failed to be uplifted by one of her favourite arias, even when she was working out. She felt a sense of peace and tranquillity as she swayed gently, hands conducting until the last haunting notes had faded away.

She turned off the CD player, and stooping to pick up her bathrobe from a chair, she detected some movement behind her out of the corner of her eye. She turned to see David leaning against the door jamb.

“I didn’t know you were up already,” she said, wondering how long he’d been standing there. “Is Vanessa up, too?”

“Yes, she’s having breakfast and wondered where you were.”

“I’ve just finished my workout. Have you eaten?”

“No, I thought I’d wait for you. I figured you were here in the gym.”

She slipped on her bathrobe over her tank top and leggings.

“OK. Let’s go, then.”

They crossed the courtyard to the cottage, an awkward silence between them; they were both still smarting from the previous night’s argument.

"Good morning, princess. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, mommy. Just a little bit tired, that's all."

"Well, that makes two of us. I think I checked on you every five minutes," smiled Laura. "You gave us quite a scare last night, young lady."

"Yes, I was scared, too. I don't like going to the hospital."

"But they were very nice to you, weren't they?" David pointed out.

"Still don't like it," she pouted. "Can I play with Mariana today?"

"Well, I suppose we could invite them round this afternoon," replied David, looking inquiringly at Laura. “The doctor didn’t say that you had to stay in bed, but you’d better take it easy today.”

"I’ve got a better idea. Why don't we invite them for lunch?”

“A bit last minute, don’t you think?”

“Yes, I know it is but I'm sure they won't mind. They always love coming over for a barbeque. You know how they hate being cooped up in the flat all weekend."

"All right. Fine by me."

"OK, I'll call Sara now and see if they're free. In the meantime, Vanessa, why don’t you brush your teeth and get dressed?"

“I’ll help her,” offered David. “
Anda, querida.
”

I hope they can come
, thought Laura fervently as she looked for her cell phone.
Some company is exactly what we need to lighten the atmosphere
.

Sara and Miguel Santos were the couple that they socialized the most with. They owned the home décor store in town where David and Laura had purchased most of the furniture for the villa, and as it turned out that their daughters were in the same class at school, the two families had grown quite close.

Sara was fun and down to earth and she never judged. Laura could always count on her for moral support and sound advice. Miguel was as easy-going as his wife, but had a wicked sense of humour that Laura loved. Physically, however, the pair were as different as could be. Sara was short and just this side of chubby, whereas Miguel was tall and rangy.

***

“Well, that was delicious,” said Sara as she swallowed the last of her homemade apple pie. “And the birds think so, too,” she smiled as she threw some crumbs at the sparrows that hopped about on the patio.

“Absolutely,” agreed Miguel. “And I hate to admit it, but no one grills a T-Bone quite like David does.”

“Thanks, buddy,” grinned David. “Years of experience, you know.”

“Well, we’ll keep coming over for lunch just to make sure you don’t lose your touch.”

“Anytime, my friend. Anytime.”

Sara sighed and leaned back against her chair. “It’s lovely out here. This bucolic calm is so soothing. Look at all those blossoms on the plum trees. Absolutely splendid.”

“It has its moments. But it’s also a lot of hard work and hassle. Not to mention a hefty expense,” replied David.

“And an endless source of friction...” Laura muttered.

A heavy silence ensued and, ever tactful, Sara scrambled to cover the awkward moment.

“Well, as usual, I’ve had way too much to eat,” she said brightly as she patted her not-as-flat-as -it-used-to-be tummy. “Why don’t we go for a stroll to walk it off?”

“OK”, agreed Laura gratefully. “Let’s leave the cleaning up till later.”

“Sounds good to me. Are you guys coming?” asked Sara.

“You must be mad! We’re going to sit here and enjoy our drinks.”

“Yes, and develop even bigger beer bellies,” retorted Sara.

“Well, like they say in Russia—
toughshitski
!” smirked Miguel, whose lanky frame managed to disguise the fact that his abs could do with a bit of a workout.

Both women laughed. “Keep an eye on the girls, will you? They’re playing inside.”

David shooed them away with his hand. “Don’t worry. It’s all under control.”

“OK, then. See you in a bit. Laura, shall we take the dogs with us?”

A beat.

“You’d better ask David about that,” Laura replied stiffly.

Puzzled, Sara looked from her friend’s downcast eyes to David’s puckered brow. “Is that a problem?” she asked, shrugging her shoulders and holding up her palms in a what-did-I-say gesture.

“No, just make sure they don’t run around on the lawn. They always make a mess of it.”

“OK,” she answered in a surprised voice. “We’ll stick to the woodland, then.”

“Come on, Sara, let’s go,” said Laura fishing the remote control from her trouser pocket and heading for the dog run.

“What was that all about?” Sara demanded once they were out of earshot.

“You don’t want to know,” Laura replied wearily.

“What’s going on with the two of you? Lately it seems that if you’re not snapping at each other, you’re treating each other with kid gloves.”

“It’s that obvious, uh?”

“Duh.”

“Oh, Sara, I don’t know what to do. We just don’t seem to get on anymore.”

“But why not? What’s the matter?” asked Sara anxiously as they sat down on the bench facing the koi pond.

“Oh, I don’t know. Sometimes I just feel that David isn’t the same person I married. Or maybe it’s me. Maybe
I’m
the one that’s changed.”

“Well, of course, you have. We all have. Relationships change over time. You can’t expect that initial passion to be the same sixteen years on,” she said gently.

“I know,” Laura answered, fidgeting with the gate remote control, “it’s not that. Or perhaps it is. In part, anyway.” Trying to avoid the subject, she jumped to her feet and pressed the long range remote control to let the dogs out.

“Come on, let’s walk the dogs,” she said as she headed down the path, oblivious to the fragrance that wafted up from the herbs as she trampled them underfoot.

“Look, all marriages have their ups and downs,” Sara called after her. The secret is not to obsess about all the little things that get on your nerves and focus on the good stuff instead.”

Just then a mountain of fur came bounding in her direction.

“Whoa there, girls! Easy does it!” she exclaimed as the six dogs tried to rub up against her legs and lick her hands. 

She crouched down to pet the little ones that yapped excitedly around her. Clarisse and Lilly immediately took advantage of this to give her face a good wash.

“Agh! Stop it, girls. I don’t need another shower today. Well, actually,
now
I do!” laughed Sara, tucking her dark curls behind her ears and straightening up.

A shrill whistle pierced the air.

“Come on, girls. Enough already!”

The dogs immediately ran back to Laura and she shooed them on ahead as she and Sara made their way round the large dog run with its spacious brick kennels.

“Let me show you the rock pond that we’re building way down there,” said Laura, pointing up ahead.

“OK, but don’t try to change the subject. Come on, Laura, this is me you’re talking to.”

“Sorry, Sara. It’s just that I can’t really put my finger on it. David and I used to be so in synch with each other and now I feel that we’re not on the same page anymore.”

She picked up a pine cone and threw it for the dogs to fetch.

“I think that buying this property was a terrible mistake. It seems that it has been the root of all our problems.”

“But you’re always in agreement when it comes to choosing the furniture and fittings...”

“Oh, yes, that’s not a problem at all. In fact, we’re still in total agreement about the major issues in life. You know: values, politics, life-style...” Her voice trailed off.

“But...?” Sara prompted her.

“Well, the purchase and the renovation of this property forced us to deal with an unbelievable amount of
bureaucracy, incompetence and even corruption. And it’s the manner in which David has dealt with, or rather ignored all this that has disappointed me.”

“Oh, Laura. Aren’t you being a little harsh? David is such a lovely man. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you and Vanessa.”

The dismay in her voice was reflected by the expression on her face.

“Yes, I know but I always used to look to David for guidance and advice; I always felt that he knew so much about everything.”

She stopped and faced Sara, her expression earnest.

“And now, well, I feel that I’ve left him behind, that’s he´s no longer my equal. That he’d rather settle for second best than actually stand up for what we believe in, to proactively try to make sure that the right thing is done,” exclaimed Laura, her voice rising in agitation.

“Whoa!” said Sara raising her eyebrows. “That’s pretty intense.”

She placed her hand on Laura’s forearm.

“Listen, what you’ve told me is nothing in the great scheme of things. David doesn’t have to behave and react exactly as you do. It’s okay to be different—to complement each another.”

Sara eyed her intently, noticing the dissatisfaction on Laura’s face and the restless wringing of her hands.

“Why has this become such an issue all of a sudden?”

Laura stared moodily down at the ground as she kicked the dirt with her boot.

“You sure there’s nothing else bothering you? Nothing else that’s adding to this feeling of dissatisfaction?” asked Sara shrewdly.

A shrug of the shoulders.

“Well, come on. Spit it out!”

The ground stabbing intensified.

“But what if there was someone…. someone who was my soul mate?”

Sara raised her friend’s face with her hand and looked at her with concern. Conflict was written all over Laura’s face.

“Sweetie, is there something you want to tell me?”

“I...” Laura pressed her lips firmly together and shook her head, looking away.

“Laura, I know what you mean—don’t think that you’re the only one that has ever felt that way. But you’ve got to think carefully before you act on it, before you cross that thin red line. You know what I’m saying, honey?”

Laura nodded, eyes moist and not trusting herself to speak.

“Come on, let’s turn back. It’s getting late and I need a stiff drink before we go—and so do you. Let’s lock the dogs up and go back to the house.” She placed her arm round Laura’s shoulders and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

“You know I’m always here for you, right? No matter what.”

After a restless night, Laura dropped her daughter off at school and asked the teacher to call her should Vanessa look in any way unwell.

She jumped back into her SUV and made her way to the motorway whilst she consulted her mental
To Do
list. First: secure a parking space. She pressed a button on her steering wheel to operate her voice-activated car phone.

Call – Say “By number” or “By name.”

By name.

Name, please?

Delta.

Calling “Delta”. Say “Yes” to proceed, otherwise say “Back” or “Cancel.”

Yes.

Dialling.

Laura was running late and hoped that there’d be an available parking space in her client’s parking garage. She felt tired and grumpy from lack of sleep, and the last thing she needed was to spend ages driving around looking for a parking spot. Worse still was the expense and hassle of feeding the meter.

Delta. Bom dia. Fala Ana.

“Good morning, Ana. This is Laura Cruz.” “Good morning,
Senhora
Cruz. What can I do for you?”

“Any chance of my parking in the garage today?”

“Let me check. Yes, level minus 3, space 12.”

“Thanks, Ana. You’re a star.”

Great. One call down, two to go. Hopefully she’d be able to get an appointment for Vanessa at the clinic, and then she had to check with
Senhor
Manuel to see whether the electrician had shown signs of life. She glanced at her watch. The workmen should be arriving within ten minutes. First she’d call the clinic.

***

Okay, this is it.

Laura took a deep breath and stepped out of the lift. How was their encounter going to be? Would Hugo show signs of embarrassment? Regret? Or would he pretend nothing had happened? Of course nothing
had
actually happened…

Oh boy
.

“Laura, good morning.”

Her stomach did a double flip. She turned to see Hugo and the Human Resources Manager walking towards her.

“Morning.” She could feel her face flushing.

“
Bom dia
.”

Laura and Sandra air kissed on both cheeks. Then she turned towards Hugo and took his outstretched hand. She looked up at him and their eyes locked for what seemed like an embarrassingly long time. She withdrew her hand from his grip self-consciously, feeling certain that Sandra had noticed their odd behaviour. Fortunately, however, she was already chatting away about her weekend. It took Laura a few moments to calm her thudding heart and tune in to what Sandra was saying as they walked to her office. She smiled and nodded, pretending to be listening closely when, in fact, all her senses were going into overdrive, excruciatingly aware of the tall man beside her.

They sat down at a small conference table in Sandra’s office and the conversation finally turned to work. Hugo and Laura stared at each other across the table while Sandra searched for a couple of documents on her laptop.

God, he looks good
, she thought. He wore his dark hair, which was starting to recede and go grey at the temples, in a crew cut styled with wax. Years of swimming had broadened his shoulders and kept him lean.

“By the way, Laura, I had a video conference scheduled for late this afternoon, but it has been brought forward so would you mind if we worked through lunchtime?” asked Sandra, peering over her reading glasses.

“No, not at all. In fact, that would really suit me as I’d like to get away as early as possible. I have to take my daughter to the doctor.”

A look of disappointment fleetingly crossed Hugo’s face.

“Ok, then. We can order a light lunch: some sandwiches or quiche and salad, if that’s all right with you.”

“Sure, no problem.” Laura booted up her own laptop.

“Hugo, would you care to join us?”

“Sure, I’d like to get the safety training schedule defined today.”

“Fine, that’s settled, then. I’ll ask Ana to take care of it. Now, Laura, what have you got for us?”

“Well, in a nutshell, the biggest obstacle to our objective of zero accidents is mindset.  Unless we can get people to accept the fact that they need to change their behaviour and strictly follow company procedures, we’ll never be able to reduce the number of working hours lost due to work-related accidents.”

Nods of agreement.

The rest of the morning flew past as they discussed problem areas and solutions.
Laura left the office without having had any time alone with Hugo. She was surprised to find that she actually felt quite relieved.

***

David rose from his chair and walked briskly to the photocopier, a sheaf of papers in his hand. Damn, Joana was already there and by the look of things she would be for some time. What on earth was she photocopying?

“Trying to do away with our paper stocks, are you?”

“Well, the more we buy, the better for the pulp and paper industry, right? And seeing that Portugal is a major producer, it’s quite patriotic of me.”

“Yeah, but bad for your pay check.”

“Talking of bad, your team took quite a beating this weekend, didn’t it?”

David groaned and slapped his forehead with the heel of his hand.

“Don’t you start as well,” he said in mock disgust.

“Well, it’s only to be expected with that manager. It’s high time he was sent packing. He has no rapport whatsoever with his players,” she said, laying a hand on his forearm.

Well, well, well
, thought David, smiling at her.
A woman who can talk intelligently about football. And so easy on the eye, too.
 

“Hello, David.”

He spun on his heel.

“Laura! What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you. Unless you’re busy, of course.”

She eyed the other woman coolly and received a pert little smile in return.

“No, of course not. Come with me.”

He laid his hand in the small of her back and led her to his office.

“Does she always take your pulse when she talks to you? She a nurse or something?”

“What? What are you talking about?”

“That bimbo you were talking to. The one with legs all the way up to her arse.”

“Ooh, catty, catty. You jealous or something?”

And much to her annoyance, she was.

“Someone should teach her to keep her hands to herself.”

David laughed. “You know I only have eyes for you.”

“Yeah, I can see that,” she grumbled.

“So, what brings you here today? Aren’t you taking Vanessa to the doctor?”

“Yes, but only at five-thirty so I want to pop round the house first to speak to the electrician.”

“Did he show up, then?”

“Well,
Senhor
Manuel says that he’ll come round this afternoon. Apparently, he went to his nephew’s wedding yesterday and so this morning he was a little worse for wear...”

David shook his head in disbelief.

“So before he disappears again, I want to tell him exactly how we want the landscape lighting.”

“Ok, let me just get the house plans. I have a copy somewhere here,” he said, rummaging in a drawer.

They poured over the drawing discussing how best to create the effect they wanted with energy efficient fixtures.

“Right, I’d best get going now. I’ll take these drawings to show him what we want.”

“Great. What’s for dinner tonight?”

“Dunno. Takeaway?”

“OK, I’ll pick something up on my way home.”

Laura kissed him goodbye.

“Stay away from that witch,” she warned as she walked out, conveniently missing the irony of the situation.

***

“Hmm, this is delicious,” said Vanessa appreciatively as she nibbled on a chicken wing. “
Pai
, why isn’t your grilled chicken as good as this one?” she asked innocently.

“What! How can you say that,” exclaimed David, pretending to be hurt.

Vanessa giggled.

“As far as I’m concerned, takeaway means no cooking and no washing up, so it’s definitely better than homemade food,” Laura joked.

“Can I be excused now? I want to go and have my ice cream in the sitting room so that I can watch
Spongebob
.”

“Well, all right,” agreed David. “But don’t make a habit of it.”

She grabbed a Strawberry Cornetto from the freezer and skipped out of the kitchen, waving them goodbye. David felt a surge of affection rise through him as he watched her receding back.

God, he loved her so much that he couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to her. Life was fraught with dangers that could befall young children.
And adults, too
, he thought ruefully.
If anyone knows that first hand, I do.

He thought back to his university graduation. Instead of celebrating and getting drunk with his friends, he’d had to deal with his mother’s funeral. And a year before that, it had been his father’s. Both dead within a year of each other, and both in their early fifties. Scary. And that left him with the responsibility, and yes, the burden, of bringing up his younger brother, who had acted up for a couple of years till he’d enlisted in the navy. He was currently aboard a frigate, providing ships with protection against Somali pirates.

Deep down David realized that he had resented, and even blamed his parents for leaving him to shoulder the responsibility of supporting a teenager when he could barely support himself. After all, if his dad hadn’t smoked, he wouldn’t have got lung cancer; and if his mom had had a balanced diet instead of ingesting dubious herbal products, she wouldn’t have developed hepatic cancer.

It was much easier to believe that disaster didn’t strike randomly, that it could be controlled. Otherwise, where did that leave you and your loved ones? Totally vulnerable.

“Hey, why so serious all of a sudden? What are you thinking about?”

“Oh, nothing much. So, the doctor says that Vanessa is allergic to mould. I guess she developed this allergy since we’ve been in this cottage. It is rather damp and this winter has been incredibly wet.”

“Yes, it could also do with a renovation.”

“I agree, but we certainly can’t afford it now. Maybe in a couple of years.”

Laura stood and began to clear up.

“I can’t wait to move into the villa, which reminds me that we have to go over to Sara’s store to pick out the fabrics for the curtains. Also, the other items we ordered will be here this week.”

“That’s great. Miguel says that business has been really slow. If things don’t pick up soon, they may be forced to close down the store.”

Laura shook her head. “Tough times, indeed. Poor things. This is so depressing.”

“What’s worse is that if the opposing forces keep blocking the necessary state reforms, we’ll never get out of this rut.”

“Heaven forbid. Anyway, for the time being, I suppose we’re still pretty fortunate, next to most people.”

David sighed and took her hand. “Come on,” let’s keep Vanessa company before she goes to bed.”