The Blue Horse (9 page)

Mam left the house early next morning with Paddy. She was going to walk the four miles to school with him to talk to his teacher. Hannah got the bus on her own. It was lucky that Katie was at home to mind Davey.

As soon as the others were gone she went up and began to make the beds. There were three spare sheets so she re-made the twins’ and Hannah’s beds. It was breezy out, a good day to do a wash. She filled the buckets with hot sudsy water. The washing took her the whole morning.

It was almost midday by the time Mam got back. She gave Katie money to go to the shops for some bread and a bag of potatoes and two cans of beans. Katie noticed that Mam’s purse was empty. This was all the money she had left until she collected the children’s allowances. Mam really wasn’t well. Her face was pasty white. Katie sent the others out to play when they got home so the house was quiet.

By teatime she wondered if she should get the doctor, but Mam would have none of it.

‘I’ll just rest, pet, I’ll be fine.’

The others were also worried and Brian blamed Paddy for making Mam sick.

It must have been about eleven o’clock that night when Katie heard Mam calling her. The 
minute she walked into the room she knew things were bad.

She lifted Davey from the bed and carried him still asleep and put him in Tom’s bed. He never stirred.

‘Mam, what is it? You need the doctor!’

‘No, Katie. I’ll have to go to the hospital. You’ll have to get an ambulance – and quickly.’

‘But I can’t leave you.’

Katie stood in the centre of the room and didn’t know which way to turn. If only Da or Tom were here. She slipped into the boys’ room. Paddy was shifting in his sleep. She shook him.

‘Wake up quick, Paddy!’

‘What is it?’

‘Stop asking questions, just get up, and don’t wake Brian. Davey’s asleep here too.’

‘What’s going on?’ His cheeks were flushed with sleep and his ginger hair stood on end.

‘You must get to a phone and ring for an ambulance. Mam’s real bad and I can’t leave her.’

‘What’s wrong with her?’

‘I think she’s losing the baby. Just stop looking at me like that, and for once do what you’re told.’

A look of total confusion and bewilderment filled his nine-year-old face. He pulled on his tracksuit bottoms and a jumper and shoved his bare feet into his runners.

‘I’ll need money for the phone,’ he whispered. There were no phones nearby but there was a public call box at the entrance to
Ashfield estate, and in daylight hours there was usually a long queue to use it.

‘I’ll get Mam’s purse.’ It was empty.

Katie searched everywhere and at last found two 20p coins in Hannah’s new piggy bank. She took them out and shoved them into Paddy’s hand.

‘Hurry up,’ she urged him.

A minute later she let him out the hall door. She wondered should she run in next door and get Mrs Dunne, but instead she went in again and pulled the sheet off the living-room window and put the light on. It would be hard enough for an ambulance to find the house in this maze. She also left the hall door slightly open, with the light on there too. Paddy seemed to take ages. She got Mam a glass of water and two pain-killing tablets from the kitchen.

Big tears slid down Mam’s face. ‘I’m losing the baby, Katie. I don’t think there’ll be any saving it now.’

Katie didn’t know what to say. All she could do was hold Mam’s hand and sit and wait. Da should be here, she thought again, and a stab of anger so sharp that it hurt jolted her.

Paddy finally arrived back and ran up the stairs, panting and out of breath.

‘They – huh – they – huh – are coming about ten – huh – minutes they said.’ He stood bent over, trying to get his breath back.

It was another fifteen minutes, though it
seemed like an hour, before Katie heard the ambulance turn into the road, its blue light sending flashing patterns around the room. Paddy led the two uniformed men up the stairs to the bedroom.

Straight away they took control of the situation. One of them sat on the bed beside Mam and talked gently to her.

‘Now, my dear, we’re going to have to move you.’ They had a kind of chair-shaped stretcher and they helped her into it.

Katie and Paddy went down the stairs ahead of them and stood anxiously at the bottom.

It was a cool star-spangled night and the air was still. The blue light of the ambulance had obviously woken a few neighbours. Mrs Dunne was standing in her doorway in an orange dressing-gown and fluffy slippers, wondering what was happening. Katie held Mam’s hand as they wheeled her down the driveway.

‘I’ll be fine, Katie, don’t worry.’ But Mam looked so ill, Katie felt sure she was going to die.

They lifted her up the step and put her onto a flat bed in the ambulance.

‘Katie! You go with your mother, I’ll stay with the rest of them.’ Mrs Dunne was standing beside her.

‘But I have to mind the others. If Davey wakes he’ll want a bottle and Hannah will be – ‘

‘Listen, pet, you go with your mother. I’ll manage, don’t you worry.’
The younger ambulance man had jumped in and was about to pull up the step. ‘Are you coming with us?’

She made a snap decision and in an instant was sitting opposite her mother.

‘Thanks, Mrs Dunne. Thank you very much!’

The door slammed shut and the ambulance turned and moved off. Mam’s eyes were closed.

‘Are you there, Katie?’

‘Mam, I’m going with you. You’ll be fine, just relax.’ She was amazed she could even speak. At this moment she felt as if she belonged in another world and that this was something happening to another girl and another mother, not to them.

The ambulance man took out a pad and began to fill in a form.

‘Maybe you can help me with the details,’ he said to Katie. She gave Mam’s full name; she wasn’t sure about her age and birth date.

‘There are six of us, but two are twins.’

She told him how tired Mam had been the last week or so, also about the fire, about losing everything and moving to Ashfield.

He scribbled down some notes. He turned to Mam. ‘Mrs Connors, are you all right?’ There was no reply. Mam seemed to have fallen asleep.

He leaned forward and held her wrist.

‘Joe, get a move on,’ he shouted and banged at the glass behind the driver’s head.

Katie reached for Mam’s hand. It was cold. The man put another blanket over her. They were
going so fast that to Katie it felt like they weren’t even touching the road. Then they slowed down and turned in somewhere.

‘Nearly there,’ the man coaxed Mam. ‘You’ll be in hospital in a minute, Missus.’

Suddenly they stopped and the door was flung open. The two men were out of the ambulance in a flash, pushing Mam in through huge swing doors towards bright lights.

Katie stumbled down after them. Her stomach felt sick, she thought she was going to faint.

Mam was disappearing in the distance behind a row of curtains. A porter at the desk just pointed Katie in the direction of a waiting room. There were two rows of chairs, and a huge television with a blank screen in one corner. A smell of stale smoke choked the air and made her feel worse. A bin overflowed with empty drink cans and cigarette butts. The room was empty except for a greasy-haired man down the end who was engrossed in reading the day’s newspapers. A clock ticked over their heads. An hour went by and there was still no word of her mother. She went to the desk two or three times and asked the nurse, but all she was told was: ‘The doctor is with your mother, so try not to worry.’

Finally a nurse appeared and sat down beside her.

‘Where is your father, dear?’

Katie felt her blood run slow. ‘I don’t know.
None of us have seen him for about six weeks.’

‘Have you any idea where he’d be? You’re travellers, aren’t you? Would he be with his family?’

Katie shrugged. ‘We moved into the house and he didn’t want to. My brother Tom left and went to join him, and except for my Da phoning the welfare office to say that Tom was with him, we’ve heard nothing.’

‘You do have a social worker, then?’

‘Miss O’Gorman.’

The nurse jotted it down.

‘Listen, Katie, your mother will have to have an operation tonight. She has lost a lot of blood and is very weak, but she’ll be fine.’

‘She won’t die, will she?’ Katie felt such a coldness inside as she asked the question.

‘No! No! We’ll take good care of her. Listen, you’re all done in yourself. Sit there and I’ll bring you a cup of tea.’

Once the nurse left Katie began to cry. Mam would be okay. She wouldn’t die. God was so good. She searched for a tissue and found one crumpled in the pocket of her jeans. She had put them on over her pyjamas and her jumper was on inside out. She pulled it over her head and put it back on the right way.

‘Now, here you are, love, get that into you. You’ve had a right old fright tonight.’

There was a cup of milky tea and a plate of pale golden toast. The nurse watched her take it.

‘I’ve ordered a taxi to take you home. It will be here in a few minutes,’ she added kindly.

‘But I’ve no money for a taxi,’ Katie blurted out. ‘I have nothing on me to pay for it.’

‘Listen, love, we can hardly expect you to get home like that at this hour. It’s our treat, so don’t worry about it.’ Katie looked down, the nurse was pointing at her feet. God! she still had her slippers on!

‘Come back tomorrow at visiting time. Your Mam will be upstairs in Unit 5 then.’

The nurse took up the plate and cup and left quietly.

A taxi man arrived in to the waiting room soon after, calling, ‘Taxi to Ashfield for Connors!’ He stared when Katie came towards him, but opened the door of the big car as if she was a person who was used to taking taxis everywhere. She told him her full address and he chatted away to her as they drove home.

‘Delivered a baby last year in this car. All kinds of emergencies – you get used to them.’

Katie’s eyes were almost closed by the time they drew up outside number 167. The taxi man walked her to the door.

The sky was beginning to brighten. It would soon be morning. Through the window she could see Paddy asleep on the couch. Mrs Dunne was sitting with her mouth wide open, sleeping too. Katie tapped the glass. The heavy-lidded eyes blinked open and the woman yawned as she
stood up. She stretched as she opened the door.

‘Well, Katie! What’s the news?’

‘Mam has to have an operation, but she’s not going to die.’

‘Well, thanks be to God for that. Now, if I go back to my own bed for the rest of the night will you be all right? The rest of them are asleep. If you need me, knock on the door and I’ll be in here in a jiffy.’ Standing up to go, she wrapped her dressing-gown tightly around her.

‘Mrs Dunne, thanks. I don’t know what to say.’

‘Don’t say a word, dear. I’ll be around after breakfast and we’ll have a chat then. The only thing is, the young fella is fretting thinking that he caused your Mam to get ill. For heaven’s sake tell him she’s okay.’

Before she went to bed, Katie crept over to Paddy and whispered: ‘Paddy, Mam’s all right. She’s alive, she’ll get well again.’

He mumbled something in his sleep. Too exhausted to do anything more, Katie crawled up the stairs and slid into her bed.

Katie walked down the long corridor looking for Unit 5. The floor below was filled with beds containing smiling, contented women. Beside them stood little plastic cots on wheels, with small babies asleep in them. Cards and ribbons and soft toys cluttered every bed.

This floor was quieter. There were no babies here. Two or three heavily pregnant women walked up and down, chatting to each other. Unit 5 was down at the far end. Mam was in Room C.

There were six beds in the room, three on either side. Mam’s bed was by the window. She was staring out at the city spread out below them.

‘Hi, Mam.’

The face that turned to her seemed so like Hannah’s it shook her.

Mam looked thinner, her skin was white and her hair loose around her shoulders. She seemed older and yet younger at the same time. She wore a short-sleeved white hospital gown.

Something hung from a metal pole over her bed. It was a bag full of red stuff and it was going through a long thin tube into a part of Mam’s hand.

‘Hello, pet.’

Mam reached to hug her but couldn’t move
because of her arm.

‘It’s blood, pet.’ Katie looked alarmed. ‘Some person gives a pint of their blood,’ Mam went on, ‘and then they freeze it to give to the likes of me, would you believe it, girl!’

Katie stared. ‘How are you, Mam?’

Her mother wouldn’t look straight at her.

‘I’m fine, pet.’ She made no mention of the baby but she kept blinking as her eyes welled up with tears.

The lady in the bed beside shoved a box of tissues at Katie to pass to her mother.

‘Let her cry, love, she needs to.’

Katie felt uncomfortable, so she stood up and walked to the window. The bed opposite was empty. Three of the women had men sitting beside their beds. The lady with the tissues had an elderly woman and another woman visiting her and judging by the resemblance, Katie decided they were her mother and sister. Mam only had her.

‘Here, Katie, give me a hand to sit up more.’

Katie helped her up a bit and fixed the pillows.

‘Oh, and Mrs Fox next door sent you in this.’ It was a bottle of lemonade.

‘Well, I don’t believe it,’ Mam said, and they both laughed.

Katie opened it and poured out a glass for Mam. The rest of the time all Mam wanted to know was how everyone was. Did Hannah go to school? Brian had PE today – did he wear his
tracksuit? What about Davey, is he missing me? Is Paddy behaving himself? Who’s minding them while you’re here?

‘Mrs Dunne. She’s been real good and cooked a shepherd’s pie for us for tea and she gave me the money for the bus fare here.’

All too soon a nurse went around and tinkled a bell to say visiting time was over.

She hated leaving Mam in this place but in her heart Katie knew it was the only place for her.

‘I’ll come again tomorrow, Mam.’

Her mother hugged her as if she didn’t want her to go either. Katie waved back as she joined the throng of visitors moving towards the stairs. She wished Mam wasn’t so alone. The other women all seemed to have lots of visitors and lovely nightdresses and plenty of things on the little locker beside their beds. Mam’s was empty except for the glass and the lemonade. It didn’t seem fair.

She missed two buses on the way home but was relieved to find that Mrs Dunne had finished giving the others their tea and had set Hannah and Brian to do the washing up. ‘Your tea is in the oven, Katie.’

‘Thank you again, Mrs Dunne,’ she murmured as she went to the door with her.

‘Think nothing of it. Your Mam’s a nice woman, keeps herself to herself, ‘tis the least a neighbour could do. How was she?’

Katie told her about the blood and about losing
the baby.

Mrs Dunne crossed herself. ‘I lost two of my own, but you just have to get well and get back on your feet and thank God for the children you have, that’s what I say.’ Katie nodded. ‘Now go back in and eat your dinner before it gets cold on you.’

Late that night when the others were getting ready for bed, Paddy came in to Katie.

‘Is Mam really okay?’

‘Yeah, she’ll be fine,’ she tried to reassure him.

‘Do you think I was the cause of it?’

Katie shook her head. ‘No, Paddy, I don’t. She wasn’t feeling well for the last week or more.’

‘I don’t mean to cause trouble, I just – well – I can’t explain it. Sometimes sitting in a classroom or on that old school bus, I feel like I just want to get free of it all. I hate being shut in, people planning every hour of the day.’

Katie stared at him, he was really worried about it.

‘Paddy, being free and being a traveller is in your blood, you can’t change that. It’s just that some travellers can fit in and settle better than others.’

‘Maybe I’m a bit like my Da or Tom?’

‘Yeah, maybe.’

‘Come on, away to bed.’

The next day she visited the hospital again. Mam
had a bit of colour in her cheeks and was sitting up. A different woman was in the bed near her.

‘I brought you a clean nightie and a hairbrush and some soap and a towel. Mrs Dunne sends her best wishes and the two old ladies who live across the road sent you this.’

Mam unwrapped the package. It was a tin of sugared fruit drops.

‘Miss O’Gorman was in with me at lunchtime. I’ll be going home in about two days’ time.’

‘That’s good news.’ They just chit-chatted until the bell rang. Mam was tired and needed to sleep.

As she walked up to the bus stop Katie wondered how things would work out during the week or two ahead.

There wasn’t a penny in the house for food and she couldn’t ask Mrs Dunne for any more. Maybe she should go and beg like Mam had to do at times when there was nothing left. She had just turned the corner when she spotted a familiar green car parked near the house.

She began to walk faster, then to run. It was!

Her father opened the car door and started to come towards her.

‘My little Katie!’

She hurled herself at him.

He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.

‘’Tis all right, pet, I’m back.’

‘Why are you sitting out in the car?’

‘Well, Tom told me where the house was, but I
was just about to ring the bell when I noticed a strange woman there, so I wasn’t sure if I had the right number and I decided if I waited one of you was bound to show up.’

‘Oh, Da! You don’t know how much we’ve missed you!’

She began to lead him up to the front door.

‘Katie, where’s your Ma?’

‘Come inside, Da, and I’ll explain it.’

A flustered Mrs Dunne opened the door with Davey in her arms.

‘Mrs Dunne, this is my father.’

Mrs Dunne was disapproving and the girl noticed the older woman examining her father with curiosity. It would be the talk of the neighbourhood.

‘How did the visiting time go? How is she, pet?’

‘She’s coming along fine,’ Katie replied and added a ‘thank you’.

The neighbour seemed anxious to stay.

‘I’m fine, Mrs Dunne. Now that Da is here things will work out. Thanks again. Thanks very much.’

Mrs Dunne went off to her own house.

‘Who is she? What’s she doing here?’ Da asked. ‘What the hell is going on?’

‘Mam’s in hospital. She was real sick and had to get an ambulance. I went with her.’ Bit by bit Katie told Da all about the panic of the last few days and all that had happened since she had last
seen him.

Davey had climbed up on his knee and was busy pulling at the buttons on his shirt. When she finished, Da stood up and walked to the window.

‘I let you all down and especially your Mam. My stubbornness got in the way …’

Katie looked at him. He was the most handsome man she knew. His hair had once been black and was now sprinkled with grey, his skin was tanned from being outdoors, and his eyes were soft with laughter creases around them. She could understand how at seventeen Mam had fallen in love with him and married him.

‘Hey look, here’s Hannah and the boys.’ Her father ran out and pulled open the front door and the others almost stampeded in to hug and greet him.

‘I knew you’d come back, Da. I knew you’d never just leave us,’ declared Brian solemnly. Hannah’s eyes filled with tears the minute she saw him. He lifted her up and tousled her hair. ‘How’s my own little girl?’

Davey was pulling at his legs trying to get attention and jealous of the others.

Katie went to the kitchen and made a pot of tea while the others showed Da the rest of the house.

He opened the cupboards in the kitchen. It was clear there was nothing much there. He took a ten-pound note from his pocket and told Paddy to take the rest of them to the shops and get some food for tea and some cereal and bread for the
morning. When they were gone he supped his mug of tea slowly.

‘I’m sorry, Katie.’

She didn’t know what to say.

‘What made you come back, Da?’

‘Well I was thinking about it. It’s mighty lonely on the road without your woman and your children. It’s okay when you’re a young fella – look at Tom, he thinks it’ll be a grand life. But when he appeared out of the blue, I knew it would break your Mam’s heart. Then do you know who I met? That old one Nan Maguire and her grandson, Francis. She’s a strange one.

‘She told me I should be with my family now and not traipsing the roads of Ireland. She told me if I kept on the way I was going, everything I love would be lost to me. Well, you can imagine how I felt.’

‘She has the second sight, Da.’

‘Oh I know she has the gift. You have to take warnings from the likes of her seriously.

‘So you decided to come back.’

‘I just missed each and every one of you.’

‘Where’s Tom? Why didn’t he come with you?’

‘Well, he’s a young lad that needs a bit of space. Maybe living in a town isn’t the thing for him. He’s on a site with my uncle Christy. He’ll have no mam or sisters to look after him or hand him up a dinner, so he’ll make his own way if that’s what he wants. My guess is he’ll be back before too long. Oh and by the way, young
Francis Maguire was asking for you and he told me to give you a message – he hasn’t forgotten.’ Her father looked puzzled but Katie smiled to herself.

After Da tidied himself he was very nervous about going to the hospital to see Mam – you’d think he was a young fella going on a first date. And at the best of times he hated doctors and hospitals.

Katie would have given anything to have seen the look on Mam’s face when he walked into the ward. Having Da back was bound to make things better all round.