The Boarding House (8 page)

Ellie walked through the house, then outside onto the back porch. She was pretty sure she was supposed to be crying, but she felt numb. Wyatt was sitting on the far side of the porch as Garrett came out of the house. She glanced at Wyatt, then at her father, her eyes narrowing.

For a moment, Garrett thought she’d found him out. The look on her face was so accusatory, he was certain somehow she knew what he’d done.

“Why did they say suicide?” Ellie asked.

Garrett sat down on the porch swing, taking care to keep a distance between them, then leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “It means someone died, but not because they were sick or had an accident, or were murdered. It means someone took their own life. Like Momma.”

Ellie’s frown deepened. “Momma took her own life?”

Garrett nodded.

“She swallowed a whole bunch of pills when she knew they would hurt her?” Ellie asked.

He nodded again.

“She did it knowing she wouldn’t wake up.”

“I guess so,” Garrett said.

Rage made knots in Ellie’s stomach. “She went away so she’d never have to be with us again?”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Garrett whispered. “Don’t be afraid. I won’t go away. I won’t leave you alone.”

Ellie stood up, and for that moment, was eye to eye with Garrett. “I already knew that,” Ellie muttered. She’d been trying to hide from him her whole life and nothing that had happened led her to believe anything was going to be different. “And just so you know, I’m not afraid. You can’t ever make me afraid of you again.”

Garrett’s eyes widened. When Ellie got up and walked off the porch toward the creek, talking to Wyatt as she went, he didn’t have the nerve to call her back.

The church where Momma
was buried was the same one where they’d gone every Sunday. The one that looked like a castle, and where Ellie pretended she was a princess. But they held the services in the afternoon, so there was no sunshine in Ellie’s lap. Like Momma, the sun had already moved on.

Ellie heard the whispers at the cemetery and afterward at their house where everyone brought casseroles and platters of all kinds of foods. She couldn’t figure out why they had to feed people at their house when they were the ones who were supposed to be sad. It seemed more sensible that someone would be feeding them. But she was just a kid, and it was becoming more and more evident that until she grew up, her voice would not be heard.

Doris served platters of fried chicken to the people from the choir and to Preacher Ray, who preached the sermon. The creamy mashed potatoes and thick brown gravy were just like Momma liked it, and vegetables and biscuits were abundant. The sideboard was covered with so many pies she didn’t think they’d ever get eaten, and the number of casseroles, where the food was all mixed up together, was overwhelming. Ellie didn’t mind it all that much, but Wyatt didn’t like his food to touch, so casseroles were out.

In between bites and chewing and the clinking of glasses and Momma’s good silver scraping against the bone china plates with big pink roses, Ellie heard them talking in low, hushed tones
 . . .

“. . . what a shame
 . . .
”

“. . . going to hell
 . . .
”

“. . . suicide a sin
 . . .
”

“. . . poor Ellie
 . . .
”

“. . . poor troubled Fern
 . . .
”

The whispers circled the rooms like vultures circling the skies.

In the midst of it all, Doris sought her out, then handed her and Wyatt a plate of food to share. They carried it to a corner of the room and sat down behind the black leather wingback chair where Daddy watched football. They were out of sight, speaking in whispers or not at all. It was enough that they were together. She wasn’t hungry, and Wyatt was just picking at the food on the plate. It was easier for them to take what was offered and go along, than to argue.

Throughout the whole ordeal, Ellie watched Daddy cry and pray and shake hands with people she’d never seen before. She didn’t know what to think. It seemed like he was truly sad. But there were other times when she caught him looking at her, and her throat closed up.

How was this going to work?

When everyone went home—even Doris—she and Wyatt would be alone with Daddy. In her worst nightmare, she’d never imagined it would come to this.

“Ellie,” Wyatt whispered.

“What?” she whispered back.

“It will be all right.”

She shuddered. Wyatt always knew what she was thinking. “I don’t think so, Wyatt. We need a plan.”

“What kind of plan?”

“I don’t know,” Ellie whispered. “I’m thinking on it.”

Wyatt didn’t respond. He knew when Ellie got like this, it was useless to argue.

Finally, the people began to leave. Ellie and Wyatt stood at the door beside Daddy as he shook hands and thanked everyone for their condolences. Ellie didn’t know what condolences were, but she was pretty sure Doris hadn’t put any on her plate.

It wasn’t until Mrs. Markham, the lady who played the organ at church, went to leave, that Ellie’s world was yanked into perspective in a way she had not expected.

“Poor Garrett, y’all know I’ll be prayin’ for you, don’t you?” Mrs. Markham said.

“Yes, ma’am, and we appreciate your kindness for the fine pie.”

Mrs. Markham beamed. “I suppose it was a success. There wasn’t a bite left in the dish when I went to claim it.”

Ellie frowned. Vanity. She knew that sin. Mrs. Markham was standing in their doorway being vain about her own cooking when she was supposed to be sad about Momma.

Mrs. Markham looked down at Ellie. She glared back. Wyatt looked away. He didn’t want to draw any attention to himself.

Mrs. Markham frowned then. Unruly child.

She patted Garrett’s arm. “You take care of yourself. Don’t want to orphan anyone, if you know what I mean?”

Garrett muttered something acceptable, but Ellie wasn’t listening. She was trying to wrap her head around the fact that if anything happened to Daddy, she would become an orphan. She knew about orphans and looked up at her Daddy in a moment of clarity. Better the Devil she knew, than the one she did not. She didn’t want to be an orphan any more than she wanted her Momma to be in that box out in the cemetery buried beneath all that dirt. She was still struggling with the concept that Momma no longer needed air to breathe. Without thinking, she scooted one step closer to Garrett.

It did not go unobserved. Garrett stifled a smile as he shut the door behind Mrs. Markham. All he needed was a little patience and time.

“That’s the last of them,” Garrett said. “I’m going to check on Doris to see if she’s cleaned up the mess in the kitchen.”

“I’m going to my room,” Ellie said.

“Okay. When Doris leaves, I’m going to mine, too. I don’t know about you, but the past four days have been exhausting. We’re going to miss Momma like crazy, but we’ll get through this, okay? I’ll check on you right before bedtime just to make sure you don’t need anything, but I won’t come in. I promise.”

Ellie squinted her eyes at him, wondering if he’d look as different as he was behaving, but he was already walking away.

“He’s lying,” Wyatt said.

Ellie nodded. She wanted to believe Daddy, but like Wyatt, they had too many years of betrayal behind them to take anything he said on face value.

They made a run for their bedroom, and the moment the door closed behind them, Wyatt shoved the slide bolt in place.

Ellie took off her good dress and hung it back up in the closet, then opted for her pajamas. She wasn’t about to get undressed and bathe. Not tonight. Not until she saw if Daddy could keep a promise.

“Hey, Wyatt.”

“What?”

“We can’t live here forever with just Daddy.”

Wyatt snorted. “It won’t be forever. As soon as we get old enough, we’re outta here, right?”

“Right, but in the meantime, we need someone to look after us.”

“We’re twelve. We don’t need babysitters,” Wyatt said.

“We don’t have any grandmothers,” Ellie said.

“I know. We don’t have any grandfathers either, but what does that have to do with anything?”

“But we could have a nanny. One of the girls I know at school has a live-in nanny.”

“That’s because they have a little kid, too.”

Ellie frowned. She didn’t like to be thwarted.

“I want a nanny. If I had a nanny, Daddy would have to behave.”

Wyatt shrugged. “And I wanna be six feet tall, but I don’t think it’s going to happen.”

Ellie shrugged and reached for the remote.

A short while later they were readying for bed when there was a knock at the door.

“Ellie?”

“What?”

“I’m going to bed now, are you okay? Do you need anything?”

“I’m fine. Wyatt’s fine.”

“Then I’m off to bed. You know where I am if you need me. Good night.”

“Night,” she said, and then listened as he walked away.

Wyatt frowned. This didn’t feel right, but he didn’t have anything to add to what he’d already said. Besides, he was tired.

“I’m going to bed, too.” Ellie aimed the remote at the television and turned it off. “Hey, Wyatt?”

“What?”

“Are you sad that Momma’s dead?”

Wyatt shrugged. “I don’t know how I feel. She didn’t like me as much as she liked you, but then neither does Daddy.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Wyatt said and turned out the light.

Ellie rolled over onto her side and closed her eyes. She was hanging on the verge of unconsciousness when Fern’s face slid through her mind. She didn’t look like she had the last time Ellie had seen her. Her face wasn’t all mashed and purple, and she was smiling. Tears rolled out from under Ellie’s eyelids onto the pillow.

Momma looked happy.

Ellie wished she could say the same.