The Boy in the Field (13 page)

“We’ve got to go back,” you said. “If there’s any chance he’s
still alive…”

Ethan nodded. “We’ll wait until morning. Either those men will
be gone or they won’t, but they can’t sneak up on us if we can see them.
Right?”

“Okay.”

“Get some rest.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe you didn’t
tell me.”

* * *

By morning, the roads to Landia were clear, but the invasion
had left its mark. Windows were smashed, buildings burned and blood spilled.
The house was in ruins. You picked through the remains of broken furniture and
shattered pottery.

The sound of a creaking floorboard made you both pause. You
turned towards the stairs in time to see a flash of silver light arc through
the air towards you. Ethan pulled you back, moving to stand between you and the
other man.

“Noah!”

“Where have you been?” Noah dropped the sword and embraced you
each in turn. “I thought I’d never see you again!”

“I panicked,” you said, fighting back tears as he pulled you
into his arms. “You went chasing off after the men and we looked for you and… I
was scared.”

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” He kissed you, your cheek, your hair,
your forehead. “I have you.”

“Where is mother?” Ethan asked.

Noah shook his head. “They took her. They raided the house and
I hid in the basement. There were too many of them and I was sure they’d got to
you both, but I only saw them take mother, so I hid.”

Ethan pursed his lips and stared at the floor. “I’m sorry.”

“There were too many of them.” Noah shook his head. “There was
no way that we’d all make it.”

“Who were they?”

“Taatars.” He shrugged. “Judging by the war paint and the
weapons. Even the soldiers wouldn’t have coped against them.” He snorted. “Not
that there were many soldiers.”

“They’ll come back,” Ethan said. “They’ll colonise the town and
take anyone left as a slave. We can’t stay.”

“Ethigos.” Noah reached into his pocket. “Mother was born
there. I found her papers. They’ll let us in.”

You shook your head. “I’m not family. They won’t take me.”

Ethan stared at you and smiled. “But you are. Tell him.”

“What?” Noah cocked his head. “Tell me what?”

You turned away and covered your eyes with your hand. “When we…
the other night… I…”

He put his hand on your shoulder. “Tell me. Say it.”

“I’m pregnant.”

He laughed. “Marry me.” He put his other arm around your waist.
“I know it’s too soon, but marry me and come to Ethigos and I’ll look after
you. I promise.”

* * *

You were married in a registration office in a town along the
road to Ethigos City. Ethan was the only guest and you had no dress and no
ring. Your daughter was born seven months later on the floor of a lodge house.
Noah was the first to hold her, rocking the tiny babe in his arms.

“She is beautiful,” he said, passing her to you.

“Look at her little nose,” Ethan cooed. “She’s perfect.”

You said nothing. You were tired and emotional, on the verge of
tears and grinning down at your new born daughter.

“What will you call her?” Ethan asked.

You leaned against Noah, holding the baby to your chest.
“Adina.”

Noah nodded. “Adina.”

The End
(Back to start)

“I can’t go back.”

“He won’t blame you,” Ethan said. “If you tell him you’re
pregnant, he will forgive you.”

You shook your head. “I can’t go back. What if he’s…? He was
fighting with someone. What if he never…?”

“Then we keep going until we reach the capital. We will be
safer there. The army are based there. They will defend it better than they
defend any other town. You’ll see.”

“Will they let us in?”

“Of course.” Ethan nodded. “I want to join the army. I want to
defend this country.”

“Why didn’t you join the Landian defence group?”

Ethan shook his head. “They would have been overpowered in a
matter of minutes. They have no proper training, no proper tactics no
organisation… They were just a bunch of men with sticks. The army is what’s
needed here.”

“I don’t know. If you join the army, what will I do?”

“You will be okay. We’ll find a nice little house or something
and we’ll settle down. I’ll make sure you’re comfortable and we’ll make some
friends. I’ll find someone who can be with you when I’m away so that if
anything happens, you’re not alone.”

“But what if you…” You swallowed hard. “Ethan, soldiers die.”

“Some soldiers die, yes. But not all of them. Some of them go
on to be commanders and captains.” He smiled. “We’ll start moving in the
morning. Maybe we can take one of those therins and make it a little easier on
you.”

* * *

Getting to Kinta wasn’t difficult. It had taken less than a
week and you had found places to stay along the route, old barns and cheap
inns. Ethan was accepted into the military right away and found a place for you
both to stay with an old couple until he saved enough money to rent a place of
your own.

You went into labour two weeks before he was due to graduate.
He was at your side as soon as you shouted for him, holding your hand and
telling you to breathe. The neighbours called the medics and the nurse told you
exactly what you needed to do.

He didn’t cry when he was born. And he never would. Ethan
didn’t smile when the midwife picked him up, wrapped him in a towel and passed
him over to you.

He was too tiny. Without the towel, he would have fitted into
the palm of Ethan’s hand. Perfect, but too small, born too soon. You felt like
your heart would just stop as you stared at him. He was so still and with his
eyes closed, he could have been sleeping.

“You have to let go now,” the midwife whispered to you as she
held out her hands to take him. “I’m sorry.”

You cried the whole night after he was gone. Ethan sat beside
you, combing his fingers through your hair. He said nothing, just let you cry
until you fell asleep. Every time you did, you could only see the baby’s tiny
face and it woke you again, leaving you feeling pathetic and weak. You’d failed
him. And you’d failed Noah.

“Why did this happen to me, Ethan?”

“It’s not fair,
hani
. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I lost my baby, E. His baby. And now he’s gone and there’s
nothing left of him.”

“You still have me.”

“And don’t you think that kills me?” You sat up, pulling away
from him. “He’s gone and I have to look at you every single day.”

Ethan pulled back and frowned at you. “What do you mean?”

“You look just like him.
Here’s what you’ve lost
.
Here’s
what you left behind
.” You laughed despite the tears threatening to choke
you. “Do you know how hard it is for me to look at your stupid face every day?
When you wake me up every day and all I can see is that face. And how, no
matter how upset I am, whenever I see your face all I want to do is—”

You reached up and put your hand to his face, kissing him the
same way you had kissed Noah. He pulled away, smiling sadly at you.

“I’m not sure you want to do that,” he said, softly. “Not when
you’re this upset.”

“I’ve wanted to do it for a long time, Ethan. It’s just always
felt wrong.”

He put his arm around you and rubbed your back. “I’m not him.
No matter how similar our faces are. I’ll always look after you, but I can’t be
Noah. You were his. Not mine.”

“I know. Noah’s gone. And my baby’s gone.” You buried your face
in his shoulder. “What did I do to deserve this, Ethan?”

* * *

It never stopped hurting. It just got easier to bear. You
named the baby Kama and planted a tree in his memory, needing something to care
for now that he was gone. You could watch the tree grow instead and it would
stand for long after you had passed, a living epitaph to a child you would
never know.

Ethan never spoke about what you’d said to him that night. But
you still wondered how he really felt, if it was just a mistake that should
never be repeated. You smiled as he looked up at you from the newssheet. He had
settled well in the army, his clever, tactical thinking and brilliant
swordsmanship making him popular with both his superiors in the field and his
peers in a pub.

“I should get going,” he said, putting down the paper and
lacing up his shoes. “See you later.”

You smiled and nodding, knowing what you had to do.

Choice:
87. Move on from Ethan
or
88. Tell
Him How You Feel

“Hey.” He turned around, rocking the baby in his arms. “What’s
the matter?”

“It’s not fair.” You shook your head. “Why didn’t he come with
us? I miss him, E.”

“I know,
hani
. I miss him too.”

“I really thought he would find us.” You wiped your eyes on the
back of your hand. “It’s been a year.”

“Tomorrow. I know.” He laid the baby back in the crib and put
his arm around your shoulder. “Maybe he will find us, one day. Maybe—”

“Stop, Ethan. Please. He’s not coming back. He’s gone. And
he’ll never see his son grow up. He’ll never get to wiggle his fingers in front
of his face or see him smile or even know that he exists.”

Ethan smiled. “Or maybe he’s looking out for us from the next
life. Maybe he sees every minute of it.”

* * *

The news reports said that the Taatar army was pushing further
across the country, their numbers growing with each town and village they
conquered. To the north, the Serloran Empire was on edge, fearing that before
long, their own borders would be under threat. Noah was six months old when
Ethan was sent to fight and you couldn’t help but worry, fearing that you would
lose him too.

Every day until he returned, you would read the newssheets and
search for stories from the military, hoping for a story of unbreakable peace,
but satisfied with every sentence that told you Ethan would come home. You
hated the reports of missing soldiers and unidentified corpses. Any man without
a name could be him.

Another six months passed and the fighting grew no less
intense. The Serlorans sent their own soldiers into your country to help, but
the news reported it as a covert invasion. It was that news that angered Mr
Devis enough to take to the streets and the exertion of his protests that led
to his death. Mrs Devis died soon after, not strong enough to cope with the
grief and then, once more, you were alone.

Ethan was home when the King of Kinel declared war on the
Serlorans. He had demanded their withdrawal when one of their elite soldiers –
the magisters – had killed a Kinn civilian in a street fight. The Kinta press
reported it as an act of war. The Serlorans said it was an unfortunate
accident. Neither side backed down. Tensions rose. War began on a second front.

You knew nothing you could say would make Ethan stay when they
called on him again and you knew it would be soon. Instead, you promised to
concentrate all of your energy on little Noah, teaching him to walk and talk
and playing games with him. Every day, you both sent letters to Ethan, you
telling him about Noah’s progress and Noah putting his fingers into the bottle
of ink and making splodges and smears on his own piece of paper.

You were coming back from posting one such letter shortly
before Noah’s third birthday when you heard a rumour of peace being negotiated.
You raced home, sending Noah into the other room to play while you read the
newssheet in the kitchen.

Fighting has stopped across Kinel as peace is negotiated in the
capital. Representatives from Serlora are meeting with King Sadin in the hope
of preventing further casualties. No fatalities have been reported this week,
but the current death toll stands at…

You heard footsteps behind you accompanied by Noah snuffling.

“Put your hands above your head.” A man's voice came from the
doorway, familiar and yet strange. “Try anything heroic and I'll cut his
throat.”

You placed the newssheet onto the table and slowly raised your
hands. “Noah, honey. Keep calm, okay? Everything is going to be just fine.”

“My name isn't Noah,” the man said.

You frowned and looked over your shoulder. The man had a knife
to Noah's throat, his little face pale and his eyes wet.

“Mummy, I'm scared.”

You looked up at the man. Familiar and yet strange. You stopped
breathing as your eyes locked with his, yellow-brown, their former warmth
extinguished. He wore the uniform of the Kinel military. Little Noah must have
thought that Uncle Ethan had gone mad, but you knew better.

“Please don't hurt him.” You kept your hands raised as you
turned. “Please.”

“You!” Noah Senior scowled, his mouth agape. “It's you?”

“You're supposed to be dead.” You shook your head. “You've been
here the whole time?”

“Walk,” he said. “Go into the other room, sit on a chair and
put your hands behind your back.”

You followed his instructions, all the while trying not to cry.
Convincing Little Noah that everything was okay would keep him safe. If he
panicked... You couldn’t let yourself consider what might happen if he did.

Noah Senior tied your hands together. He put the knife on the
table and let go of your son as he looped the rope around your wrists. You
listened to him breathing, the pace fluctuating as he reminded himself to keep
calm.

“Why are you doing this?” you asked. “We can talk. I'm sure we
can work something out.”

“This has got nothing to do with you,” Noah Senior replied.

“Mummy, what's happening?”

“It's just a game, Noah, sweetie. Mummy's okay.”

“His name's Noah?” He pulled the rope, cutting into your wrist.

“After his daddy.”

You blinked, letting the tears roll. Behind you, Noah paused,
the rope falling slack.

Choice:
95. Move
or
96. Stay Still