The Boyfriend Sessions (27 page)

“That’s just the problem,” she muttered. “Men are hopeless when it comes to admitting their feelings. Look at Dave. He still hasn’t confronted the fact that his marriage is failing, not to his wife anyway.”

The lift doors opened and we stepped in. Cate pressed the button for the ground floor just as impatiently. “And look at Max. It’s only taken him about twelve years to admit to having a crush on you and to finally do something about it.”

I froze, becoming conscious of my heart pounding wildly in my chest. I watched the lift doors close, then turned slowly to Cate. She looked alarmed, while Maddy tried to transform an evil glare into something more impassive for my eyes.

“What did you say?” I asked.

Cate smiled weakly. “Nothing. Men are just hopeless, that’s all.”

I registered numbly that Cate was only the messenger. I turned to face Maddy just as we reached the ground floor. The lift doors opened behind me, but I blocked Maddy’s exit. Cate stepped aside to stand in the way of the lift doors nervously.

“It’s not important.” Maddy went to push past me.

My arm shot out to block her and she groaned. She could have easily shoved it away—I was no match for her six foot frame—but wisely she chose to humor me.

“You didn’t think it might be worth mentioning?” I asked her.

“Ancient history, Christa. Like Cate said, it’s been twelve years.”

“But he had a crush on me?”

Maddy rolled her eyes. “Why does that come as such a surprise to you? You were my cute best friend and he was the studious, girl-shy big brother. I can’t believe you never noticed. It was so disturbing to me at the time, which is why I didn’t bring it up.”

“But you let me think Max falling for me was all my fault! Why would you even get him to take me to boot camp twice a week if you were so against the two of us?!”

Maddy stepped back and a muscle in her jaw twitched. “Like I said, I thought it was ancient history. I was wrong. He’s been engaged for God’s sake. How was I to know he still held on to a stupid teenage crush?”

“Christa?” Cate tugged at my bag.

I turned to see her smiling apologetically at some other tenants waiting to use the lift. We moved out of their way quickly. “Sorry,” I muttered.

Maddy’s heels clicked sharply on the tiles in our foyer as we walked to the entrance. “Just forget I even said anything, alright? He’d be mortified if he knew I told you.”

I decided to let the subject lie—for now. I didn’t really want to damage the new truce Maddy and I had just forged and truth be told, I needed time to process things.

We walked up the street in the direction of the restaurant. Cate told us about her plans for a shopping expedition the following day, but my thoughts drifted.

Max Spencer had a crush on me. Over a decade ago. And today he’d confessed he was in love with me.

What had I gotten myself into?

“So my mother was cleaning out my old bedroom and she came across some of my school uniforms.”

I grinned to myself as Max almost tripped on an uneven section of the footpath and a deep flush colored his cheeks. It was extremely cruel, and probably immature of me, but I couldn’t help myself. Maddy and Cate’s little revelation had been on my mind. It wasn’t so much that I wanted to see Max squirm. The news had an odd effect on me: it made me feel powerful.

“Can’t imagine they’d be of any use to you now.” His voice sounded strained.

“No, they’re not. But do you want to hear something funny?” I glanced at him from behind my sunglasses, which protected me from the late afternoon glare. “They still fit.”

I did my best not to giggle as he cleared his throat, and watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down a couple of times. “How do you know that?”

“I tried them on.”

Max stopped walking abruptly and turned to stare out at the water. We were spending a lazy Sunday afternoon strolling along the boardwalk at Balmoral beach, one of the favorite harbor beaches on the north side of the city. The sun still had a sting to it, but the breeze had picked up and I could feel the skin on my arms coming out in goosebumps. Or perhaps that was just my response to witnessing Max’s reaction.

“And you’re sharing this information, why?” Max asked gruffly.

I slung an arm around his waist and leaned in to warm myself from the wind. “Some guys like the whole school girl fantasy, I’m told.”

“They’d be right.”

This time I did giggle and he shot a look at me. “What?”

“Nothing. I’m sorry. That was a bit cruel of me, mentioning it in public at least.”

“Do you still have them?” He pulled me in tight against his broad frame.

I stood on tiptoes and planted a soft kiss on the stubble of his cheek. “I’ve got one back at my apartment,” I whispered.

His grip on me tightened. He turned us both in the opposite direction. “Alright. Time to go.”

I swatted him and laughed loudly, drawing a few amused glances from the other walkers. “Steady, Mighty Max. It’s not going anywhere, I promise.”

“Promise?”

I looked at him solemnly. “I stake the life of Magda, Mortal Kombat kick-ass goddess, on it.” I turned him back in the direction we’d been walking originally.

“I should try and find one of those warrior princess style costumes online for you too,” he mused.

“Is that all I am?” I joked. “Your plaything?”

“You know that’s not even the half of it, Christa.”

It was my turn to stumble on the footpath. That swift Spencer change of subject had caught me unawares yet again. “I know,” I replied softly.

Max gave me a long look, then appeared content to drop it, much to my relief. We walked for another minute or two, arm in arm, people watching. It was a wealthy area and even the scantily clad sunbathers on the beach were well dressed.

“Oh, I forgot to mention, accounts will transfer your money next week,” he told me.

Max was referring to the progress payment for the avatar job. I’d asked for fifty percent now and another fifty upon completion.

“Any plans for the cash?” Max asked.

“Going to try and save it. Put it in the Norway fund.”

I’d already told Max at length about my plans to make it to Norway, and had even surprised myself by sharing my sketch books of the sculptures with him. I felt my drawings expressed my fascination with the sculpture park far better than my words ever could.

“Have you got any dates in mind?” he asked.

“Not yet.” After the spectacular failure of my last trip, I didn’t want to jinx it. I was going to wait until I had full payment of the avatar project before making any concrete plans. Max’s job would give me enough money for return airfares, plus a few weeks accommodation, which I could hopefully add to with some money from my savings.

“Let me know when you’re planning on going. I’ll try to get some time off so I can join you.”

His words were so casual, so indicative of a couple in a serious relationship, that I faltered.

He looked at me. “What?” I tried to ignore the hint of impatience in his tone.

“Nothing,” I assured him. I stared at the expanse of tiny white peaks covering the deep blue of the water as the wind whipped my hair persistently.

“Christa.”

I closed my eyes. Be honest, damn it, I told myself. “I guess I just always thought of my trip to Norway as kind of personal pilgrimage.”

“And by personal pilgrimage, does that mean it’s something you intend to do alone?”

I opened my mouth, then closed it again. Sighing, I struggled to articulate my feelings on the matter. “Yes, it’s personal. But there’s never been anyone I’d thought to share it with before.”

“Are you open to sharing it with me?”

Why was my heart pounding so loudly? It wasn’t like he was asking for my hand in marriage. He wanted to join me on an overseas trip. “I don’t see why not,” I said finally, then quickly added, “but don’t feel like you need to join me.”

Max dropped his arm from around my waist and turned to look at me. “I don’t feel like I need to do anything. If it’s something that’s so important to you, something that you’re so passionate about, then I want to come along to share it with you.”

I was glad I was still wearing my sunglasses because inexplicably the embarrassing sting of tears threatened to spill over. “Thank you,” I said softly.

Max squeezed my arm gently. “Just let me know when you’re ready to let me in, Christa. I’ll be waiting.”

*

“Is it absolutely necessary we do this?” I whined.

Maddy flounced off in the direction of the kitchen.

“I’ll take that as a yes, then,” I muttered.

I could hear Scarlett laughing at me from her position on the balcony while she puffed away on her cigarette. Ignoring her, Cate reached over and patted my arm sympathetically. “At least Max didn’t have to come.”

This was true. Maddy was insisting we finish my boyfriend counseling sessions—all the more important now that I was sleeping with her brother apparently—although she had agreed involving Max again would be awkward.

Maddy returned to the lounge room and added a bottle of red and four glasses to the buffet of Japanese takeaway spread out in plastic containers on the coffee table. “Come on. The last few boyfriends were lightweights, seeing as after Nick you stopped trying.”

I bit my tongue. She was right of course, but I didn’t like to be reminded of the fact.

Scarlett came in from outside, the stale scent of smoke mixed with her woody perfume. “So who do we have tonight?”

Maddy’s eyes twinkled dangerously. “Lloyd Love You and Giggly Grant.”

I’d known it was coming, but I still cringed.

Cate’s eyes lit up and her face broke into an annoying smile. Scarlett grinned. “I love you!” they both said at the same time.

“Honestly. Children.” I stuffed in a mouthful of sushi to refrain from swearing out loud, while my friends giggled.

Cate’s face turned serious. “It does explain why Christa prefers to avoid vocalising her feelings.”

“Because I had to endure six months of Lloyd’s undying love. It’s ruined me for life.”

“Alright then, straight on to the lessons,” Maddy advised us.

I’d gone out with Lloyd last year, so each of my girlfriends were fully aware of the details of our relationship. It was actually Cate’s fault that I’d met Lloyd in the first place. He was a tall, skinny, nondescript guy working as an auditor at Cate’s firm. He’d taken a liking to me when I’d met Cate and a few of her co-workers for drinks after work one night. I was distracted at the time. I’d just found the engagement ring in Perfect Pete’s underwear drawer—seriously, if you were trying to hide an engagement ring surely you’d find somewhere more creative?—and I was in a state of panic.

All I could recall of that evening was having way too many drinks and being pleasantly surprised that the bespectacled accountant sitting next to me wasn’t completely boring. He even appeared to have a sense of humor. So when we somehow managed to exchange numbers at the end of the night, I didn’t think anything of it.

Not long after, he friended me on Facebook and we’d share the occasional comment online. Then when my relationship status reverted to ‘single’ after a very close run-in with ‘engaged’, I happily accepted another invitation to drinks one night, despite Cate not being there.

Lloyd’s charm was his perfect normalcy. It was easy to be relaxed around him and much to my surprise, after a few drinks that night he’d reached over and kissed me.

“You’ve got to watch out for those Ned Flanders types,” Scarlett said, reading my mind.

She was referring to the puritan way Ned Flanders from The Simpsons came across. Until he took his shirt off. He had this whole Incredible Hulk quality going on, much to the amusement of viewers. That’s what it was like when Lloyd kissed me. It floored me. I’d been expecting boring and a little staid and it was anything but. We started a rather heated, enjoyable relationship from that night on.

“Mmm,” I agreed. “I’d been hoping for something less serious.”

“Isn’t that the criteria for all your relationships?” Maddy asked innocently.

I glared at her. “Oh come on. He led me on. He was all steamy, let’s get Christa naked at every possible moment, and then one night after dinner he drops the L bomb.”

Cate giggled into her food and I redirected my glare at her. “It’s not funny.”

“Yes, it is. He was actually very sweet.”

“Here we go.” I groaned. “He was not sweet. He was strategic.” It was still painful to remember. Stupidly, when he’d confessed his undying love, after recovering, I’d returned the L word.

“Why did you let him think you felt the same?” Scarlett asked.

“I don’t know. Actually, I do. Do you know that was the first time since Troy that a guy told me he loved me?”

“Hang on, what about Pete?” Cate asked. “He was about to propose to you.”

“I know, but can you believe he never once said it? I honestly think he was going to wait until the proposal to vocalise it.”

“Geez,” Cate said. “You sure do pick them.”

I sure did. “So in answer to your earlier question, yes, I told Lloyd I loved him.”

“Did you?” Maddy looked at me over her plate of food.

I met her eyes. “I cared for him, he was a sweet guy, but no, I didn’t love him.”

“And once you’d said those three little words you couldn’t take them back,” Scarlett added helpfully.

“Exactly. So that’s pretty much my lesson from that relationship, alright?” I was keen to move on, the memory of Lloyd Love You still too recent.

“Wait a second.” Maddy set her cutlery down with a gentle clink and pushed her food away. “So that happened after about a month of you seeing each other right? The relationship lasted another six months. Why continue to lead him on?”

I looked away. Maddy wasn’t being mean, but I couldn’t mistake her meaning. She didn’t know Max had told me he loved me. If she even got a whiff of me leading him on in any way, then there would be hell to pay.

“I didn’t lead him on,” I replied, a little defensively. “I wanted to love him. I cared about him a lot. I think I thought if I kept saying it, it would eventually become true.”

“Kind of like the way Nick was with you?” Cate suggested softly.

I felt my skin grow cold. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it before.

“And Nick hurt you in the end because he couldn’t be honest with you,” Maddy said.

They were right. And I’d gone and done exactly the same thing to Lloyd. Worse still, was I now doing the same thing with Max? How could I not have seen it after how traumatised I’d been by things with Nick? I never meant to hurt Lloyd. I thought we were still in the ‘just having fun’ stage of the relationship, so I hadn’t taken him seriously. I suddenly felt sick.

Cate offered me a reassuring smile. “Lloyd’s really enjoying Singapore. He has a girlfriend over there and they’re talking about transferring to the UK together.”

It felt selfish, but I was secretly relieved by this news. After I’d finally worked up the courage to tell Lloyd that I didn’t love him, he’d ended things not long after. Fair enough too. A month later, he’d taken a transfer with Cate’s accountancy firm to their Singapore office.

Scarlett looked at me. “So now Christa is L word illiterate.”

I stared at her.
Pot calling the kettle,
I thought, but kept it to myself. “I wouldn’t say that. I just realize it’s not something to be said lightly.”

“Which is why she won’t admit she’s in love with Max,” Cate added.

“We’re not talking about Max right now,” Maddy said promptly, making the rest of us raise our eyebrows. “I’d say it was a good lesson overall. Falling in love isn’t to be taken lightly.”

She had that right. I stood up. I needed some breathing space. “Are we finished then?”

“Not so fast,” Maddy told me. “You seem to have forgotten about Giggly Grant.”

“He hardly counts,” I protested.

“They all count.”

At Maddy’s long look, I reluctantly sat back down again. Thank goodness Max wasn’t here. I didn’t think I could handle it.

“I’m actually inclined to agree with Christa on this one,” Scarlett said. “There’s absolutely no lessons from Giggly Grant.”

“So what was the relationship then?” Maddy asked.

Scarlett shrugged. “He was a toyboy.”

I winced. “Just because he was younger than me doesn’t make him a toyboy.”

“Alright then,” Scarlett conceded. “Not considering his age, he was a complete airhead himbo with no idea and you couldn’t seriously have considered a long term relationship with him.”

Cate giggled. Scarlett grinned. She was right—neither of us were interested in a relationship, we were just having fun together.

“How did you two meet anyway?” Cate asked.

“He was a model at a promotional event the agency was hosting for one of our clients,” Scarlett answered, before I could get a word in. “By the time he learned Christa was eight years older, he was already following her around like a little lost puppy.”

“He was only nineteen?” Cate’s incredulous look had me closing my eyes.