The Boyfriend Thief (16 page)

I didn’t know how long I cried, but my throat ached when I felt the arms wrap around me. I hadn’t even heard anyone come home, but when I opened my eyes there was my brother, seated on the edge of my bed and his cheek pressed against my shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my throat hoarse.

“It’s okay.” He rubbed a hand over my hair like Mom used to do sometimes when I’d had a bad dream. I had forgotten about that. After she left, I had focused so much on the distant, restless woman she was near the end and buried away the little moments that had made me love her long ago. Maybe it was easier that way, to not think there was anything good to hold onto.

I sat up, holding Ian’s hands in my own. “Ian, there’s something I never told you.” My chest filled with air as I took in a deep breath, bracing myself for what I was about to do. “It’s my fault Mom left.”

My brother blinked at me for a long time before he spoke. “What?”

“Do you remember how she used to get sometimes? How she’d zone out in one of her moods and forget everything? She’d talk about all kinds of things then, about disappearing into the jungle forever or hiding out in a little village on the countryside in Europe.”

He nodded slowly. “A little, yeah.”

“A week before she left, I had entered the school science fair and had made Mom promise to be there. Even Dad left work for about an hour to come see the judging. I waited and waited for her to show up.” I fought against the tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks. “But she never did. She forgot all about me and spent the day researching one of her crazy jungle ideas on the computer in her pajamas instead. She was still sitting there when I got home.”

I rubbed a thumb over Ian’s hand, hoping this wouldn’t cause him to hate me more. “I only won second place instead of first and I was convinced it was because she hadn’t shown up. So I yelled at her like I never had before. I told her I hated her and wished she really would disappear into the jungle forever.” A tear fell, landing on my arm. “Then she was gone. I wasn’t good enough to win and I wasn’t good enough to make her stay.”

Ian hugged me when I started crying again. I wrapped my arms around him, pressing my face into his shoulder. He felt so solid and wide. When had he grown up from the little boy I used to hold in my lap?

“It’s not your fault,” Ian said.

“He’s right, Avery.”

We turned to find my dad leaning against the door frame, a frown etched across his face. He walked across the room toward us, sitting down on the other side of my bed.

“It’s no one’s fault,” Dad told us. “For a long time, I blamed myself. I thought maybe I’d pressured her into marriage too soon. Pressured her into a family before she was ready. Didn’t give her enough freedom or encouragement or love or a hundred other things I could have done differently. But the books I’ve been reading helped me to see it was never about us. It was about her. It was her choice to go and nothing we could have done or said could have made her stay. We may not ever know the reasons why she left, but it was never your fault.”

Dad pulled us into a tight hug, kissing the tops of our heads.

“I used to think,” I said, scrubbing the tears off my eyes, “that I could find her and make her tell me why she left. That’s the real reason I’ve wanted to go to Costa Rica all this time.”

Dad smiled sadly at me. “I know. Your mom talked about Costa Rica a lot, so I figured your interest in it had something to do with that. I guess that’s why I’ve been afraid to let you go, that maybe you’d find her and decide to stay too.”

“I’m not like her.”

He rubbed a hand over my cheek. “No, you’re not. You care too deeply about the people you love to hurt them.” He took a deep breath, as if what he were about to say would hurt him. “But I shouldn’t try to keep you from following your dreams. If you want to go to Costa Rica, to work with the medical program there, I’ll give you my full support. But I’ll miss you like crazy.”

Ian made a face. “I won’t. I could use a summer free of annoying older sisters.”

I bopped him over the head with my pillow. “Maybe I’ll stick around here then, to annoy you as much as possible.”

Ian jumped up from the bed, apparently having had his fill of touchy-feely family time. He was still a thirteen-year-old boy. “I’m getting out of here while I still can,” he said as he dashed toward the door.

I smiled at the empty doorway. He may be aggravating sometimes, but I loved the kid to death.

“What happened to your map?” Dad asked, staring up at the wall over the bed.

I shrugged. “I tore it down. It doesn’t matter much anymore. It was a stupid idea. Mom could be anywhere in the entire world. I’ll never actually find her.”

Dad squeezed my hand. “Just because you may not find your mom doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go. You’re going to be a great doctor one day and you could learn a lot on that trip. Not only educational things, but things about yourself. Don’t be afraid to go because you think you might fail.”

I traced a line in my comforter with one finger. “Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“What makes you keep trying to find love, even after everything you’ve been through? Why aren’t you so angry and hurt that you shut yourself off from everyone else?”

Dad was quiet for a moment, his gaze focused on the thumbtacks still attached to the wall. “For a while, I was very angry and didn’t want anything to do with anyone. But over time I realized I couldn’t shut myself off from contact with other people. I couldn’t let this one failed relationship define the rest of my life. One day you and Ian will leave and create your own lives. I don’t want to be stuck here alone and miserable because I was too afraid of being hurt again to take another chance.”

He smiled sadly at me. “I don’t want you to be afraid to take a chance either. Your mom and I didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean every relationship ends up the same way.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I managed a small smile at him. “You know, maybe Trisha isn’t that bad. As far as the women you’ve dated go, she’s one of the better ones.”

Surprise washed across his face, quickly replaced by happiness. “She’s really great. I wouldn’t let her stick around if she wasn’t.”

Ian bounded back into my room, carrying a gift box in one hand. “If you don’t hurry up and open this Mother’s Day gift I got you, I’m returning it. I could easily find something else to spend the money on.”

I reached for the gift, shooting him a stern look. “You return my gift and I’ll return you. I’m sure someone would be willing to give me two cents for you.”

I pulled back the purple wrapping paper to find one of the crystal roses from the card shop at the mall. The flower was painted purple, with a long crystal-clear stem and gold thorns. I smiled at my brother. “This is beautiful. Thank you.”

He let me kiss his cheek quickly, then he leaped away and scrubbed a hand over his face. “Ugh,” he moaned. “Now I’m contaminated with your germs.”

Tuesday afternoon at work, I was restocking the napkin containers when I noticed Elliott, who was on counter duty, talking to Zac. They stood at the far end of the counter and seemed to be deep in conversation. Zac gestured a lot and Elliott’s expression softened a bit as he went on. After a while, the two exchanged fist bumps like guys do and then Zac left, making a point to never look my way.

I held out for about five seconds before curiosity got the best of me.

“What was that about?” I asked, joining Elliott at the counter. I pretended organize the packets of ketchup and mustard.

He scowled at me. “Are you going to accuse me of cheating on Molly with Zac next?”

“No,” I said, my cheeks burning. I sucked in a deep breath, telling myself I had to be the better person here. No one had ever died from apologizing, right? I highly suspected the stress alone could cause a heart attack or stroke, but I figured I had to risk it.

“Look, Elliott,” I said, turning to face him fully, “I’m sorry about not trusting you. I should never have asked anyone to spy on you and I should never have jumped to conclusions. I really do hope you care enough about Molly to never hurt her.”

Elliott gave me an angry look, but he said, “I do. I would never do anything behind Molly’s back. Tara and I are just friends.”

“What about that day you thought I was her?” I asked, remembering how he’d spoken. “What were you referring to when you asked if she had thought about ‘it’?”

“Nosy, aren’t you?” Elliott asked, scowling deeper. “Tara was in a really tough situation with her
boyfriend
and I had given her some advice. If you don’t believe me, go ask her.”

I shook my head. “No, I believe you. I’m sorry. But there’s that rumor about you and Lila...”

Elliott rolled his eyes. “First of all, that was two years ago, Avery. Ancient history. Second of all, not everything you hear is exactly what it seems to be.”

“What does that mean?”

Elliott turned back to the register. “I take it Zac never told you we used to be friends?”

“No,” I said. “What does Zac have to do with this? And why was he here?” I bit my lip to keep from asking if he had said anything about me.

“He was here making amends for a mistake,” Elliott said. “Ask him if you want more answers.”

Memories filled my head as I stared at his back. He still tilted his head to the side a little whenever he was concentrating, like he used to do as a kid. I had spent so much time with him once that I knew him better than most people.

You don’t just walk away from someone when things get tough
. Zac’s words filled my head suddenly. I had walked away, and it had cost me a lifetime of friendship with the two people who had once meant the world to me.

“I’m really sorry,” I said, my voice barely loud enough to be heard over the sound of the customers talking and laughing in the dining room around us. “About everything. About messing up and ruining our friendship that summer.”

Elliott’s shoulders tensed. His eyes remained glued to the register, but the muscles in his jaw twitched. “I’ve missed being your friend, Avery.”

It had never occurred to me that Elliott might miss me. I had never considered Elliott’s feelings these last few years, choosing instead to put him into the lost cause category, the kind of guy who didn’t care about anything.

But when he finally looked at me, I saw the sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry for what I said about hating you back then. I never meant it, I’ve always cared for you, but you pushed me away.”

I nodded. “I can be very hard-headed sometimes.”

He smiled, just a little. Then he opened his arms and I slipped into them, hugging him tight. He still smelled like the same Elliott Reiser I used to know, like the fresh linen scented laundry detergent his mom used.

“Why didn’t you ever tell Molly what happened?” I asked him.

“I didn’t want her to have a bad opinion of you,” he said, his voice echoing through his chest where my ear was pressed against it. “It happened during a hard time, with your mom leaving and all. I figured you’d been through enough that you didn’t need this resurfacing to hurt you again.”

He could have easily told everyone, but all this time he’d kept my secret. Maybe I’d been wrong about everything, from the very beginning.

“Thanks.” I pulled back to look at him. “Do you think we could be friends again?”

He gave me a half-smile. “As long as you’re finished accusing me of things I haven’t done, I think maybe that could be managed.”

Mr. Throckmorton stepped out of the kitchen. He scowled when he spotted us. “I don’t pay you two to get cozy at the register!”

“And that,” Molly said, planting her hands on her hips, “is how Cake Toppers Bakery becomes an undercover CIA operations by night.”

The entire business economics class was silent. Nathan, Molly’s business partner, stared at her open-mouthed, looking as if she had sideswiped him with her explanation of the
real
backroom behind the bakery they had put together. I couldn’t blame him. He had been in the middle of explaining what kind of clients they would service with their cakes and pies when Molly started her own presentation, complete with a fully functioning surveillance system she demonstrated on her laptop and lists of suspicious citizens, which included Nathan himself.

It didn’t take a CIA operative to figure out that Molly had never told Nathan about this part of her business plan.

Mr. Freeman cleared his throat as he stood from the desk in the front row where he had watched the presentation. “Well, thank you, Molly. And Nathan,” he added as an afterthought. “That was very...impressive and well thought out.”

Molly beamed as she packed up her laptop and headed back to her desk. One of the guys in the class stopped her and said, “Hey, do you think maybe I could hire you to get some of that surveillance going on in the girls’ locker room?” His friends seated around him whooped with cheers.

“You wish,” Molly told him.

“All right, settle down.” Mr. Freeman looked at his list, then said, “Next up, we have Avery James and Zac Greeley.”

I glanced at Zac, sending silent messages for him to look at me just once. That was all I wanted. One look to let me know everything would be okay.

But instead I got the back of his head as he made his way to the front of the room.

Zac set up his laptop and logged into the school’s wireless network to bring up our website. I stood nearby with our business notebook in hand.

“We decided to set up a matchmaking business,” Zac explained. A low murmur of comment flowed throughout the room at this. Everyone probably thought it was funny that someone like me, who had never dated anyone, was running a matchmaking business. “A to Z Love Matches. We have a website with only a basic working database set up for now, but we plan to expand over the summer.”

Zac went on to explain the basics of our business and to pass out the profile worksheets to everyone. When it was my turn to speak, he still didn’t acknowledge me at all. He just stopped talking. I realized after a moment that was the only cue I would get from him, so I launched into my rehearsed speech about our business projections and marketing campaign.

“Of course,” I said, “we don’t guarantee that everyone who uses our service will find their absolute perfect match. There are some things that even a well-designed computer program can’t predict. Sometimes it’s not about common interests or lifestyles. Sometimes you can’t predict chemistry.”

My voice cracked a little at the end and I coughed, trying to hide it.

“Impressive,” Mr. Freeman said when we were done. “And very ambitious to try to turn this into a real business. I hope you’ll let me know if you find success with it.”

We returned to our seats. I felt relieved that the presentation was over and everyone seemed to like it. A few people had already started filling out the profile sheets.

I glanced at Zac, but once again, I got no acknowledgment from him. He had completely cut me out of his life.

Maybe it would have been better if I had left him alone, but my heart wouldn’t let me. I needed one last chance to make amends. If he still hated me after that, I’d let it go and forget my feelings for him.

So after economics, I followed Zac to his locker and managed to trap him by stepping into his path as the school janitor stopped in the hall with his big trash can on wheels, blocking Zac from scooting around me.

“Zac,” I said in a low voice, “I’m so sorry.”

Zac’s face was blank. He didn’t even look at me as he said, “I have to go.”

I pressed my hands against his chest, trying not to notice how nice it felt. “No, please listen to me. Please talk to me.”

“What do you want me to say?”

There was only one thing I really wanted to hear, but I knew he was too hurt to say it.

“What happened between you and Elliott that made you stop being friends?”

Zac’s head snapped up and he blinked at me. Clearly, I’d caught him by surprise. He’d probably been expecting anything other than that question.

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Apparently it does. Elliott told me to come to you if I wanted answers.”

Zac shuffled one foot along the floor, kicking up dust. I waited, barely breathing, but he didn’t say anything.

“Please. I never meant to hurt you.”

Finally he exploded. “Never meant to hurt me?” His voice echoed off the lockers around us.

The hall was nearly half empty by then, but the students that were still around turned to look at us. I stepped forward, hoping Zac wouldn’t give them an entertaining show.

“Please, Zac,” I whispered. “I needed the money, for Costa Rica, and I didn’t expect to develop any feelings for you. It was…a job…”

“My life is
a job
to you?” Zac’s face was now creased into a look of anguish, as if he were hurting deep inside.

“No, that’s not what I meant—”

“My feelings, my thoughts, it’s all a dumb job to you? Just a way to earn a few extra bucks so you can go on some trip and make yourself feel like you’re better than everyone else?”

I stepped back as if I had been slapped.

That was when I realized it: I was no better than my mother. She had hurt Dad and Ian and me more than anyone else possibly ever could. And now I had done the same to Zac. I had spent my life trying to be perfect so I wouldn’t be anything like her, but I was. I always had been, I just didn’t want to admit it.

“The ninth grade Valentine’s Day dance,” Zac said, changing the subject abruptly. “Everyone says Elliott cheated on Lila by kissing Melanie. The truth is I had a crush on Lila and while Elliott went to get some punch, I decided to take a chance and tell her how I felt. I did…and then I kissed her. No one saw it except Elliott, who was coming back with the drinks right then. He got mad and kissed Melanie to get back at Lila.”

He paused, unable to meet my gaze. “Everyone, of course, saw that kiss and that’s how the rumor that Elliott cheated on Lila got started. But actually, it was entirely my fault.”

I stared up at Zac, not knowing what to say. All this time, Elliott had not only kept my secret, but Zac’s too and took all the blame for what had happened.

“Elliott never told anyone the truth,” Zac went on. “But he also never saw me as a friend again after that night. I knew I had hurt him, but I didn’t realize how much until I found out the truth about you. Because now I know what it’s like to have someone you care about betray you.”

People watched us as they stood in the hallway, casting glances in our direction and pretending not to be listening. I wasn’t used to having people talk about me. I usually tried to stay invisible. Their stares bored into the side of my head, but I kept my focus on Zac.

“Zac, please understand,” I said, fighting back the sob that threatened to erupt from me. If I cried now, I knew I wouldn’t stop for a long time. “I never meant for any of this to happen, I didn’t mean to hurt you like this—”

“Yeah, well, you did a great job of not hurting me.” I had never heard him speak in such a low, harsh tone before. “These last few weeks I gave you the real, honest me. And this whole time you were playing some game for your own benefit. I don’t even know what about you is real or not anymore.”

He ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick out at a messy angle. “You wanted out of the matchmaking business all along? Here you go. I’m freeing you of it. You can go back to
not
hurting everyone else in the world or whatever it is you do. Our partnership and everything else ends now.”

With that, he pushed the janitor’s trashcan out of the way and started down the hall.

“What about not walking away?” I called after him. We had a true audience now, with everyone not even trying to pretend they weren’t watching and listening. My voice cracked as I spoke, but I tried to hold it in, tried to hold it together and be perfect, strong Avery James.

Zac froze mid-step, his shoulders tense. He turned slightly so I could see his profile.

“Maybe you were right all along,” he said. “Maybe some things can’t be fixed.”

A sob choked me as I watched him disappear down the hall. Other people pushed past me to get to class, but I couldn’t move. If I took a step, I was certain I would crumble into nothingness.

I had expected Zac to be upset when he heard the truth, but I had held onto the tiniest bit of hope that things would be okay in the end. That maybe he would be so grateful to me for exposing Hannah he’d forgive me for what I’d done. Maybe he’d even think the entire thing was funny and a clever way to earn some extra money. But he was right. I had betrayed him and I didn’t think we could ever move past that.

A hand on my arm made me jump. I turned to see Molly standing next to me.

I leaned into Molly’s open arms. Tears ran down my cheeks, but I didn’t care who saw them. I couldn’t stop my shoulders from shaking as I cried into Molly’s shoulder and she squeezed me tighter.

She led me into the girls’ bathroom as the bell rang. I had never skipped class before because it would ruin my perfect student image. But right then, I didn’t have the courage to face anyone.

We sat on the floor next to the sinks for a long time, not speaking. It was good to be close to my best friend again.

“I’m sorry for not trusting Elliott,” I said at last.

“I know,” Molly said.

“I apologized to him too.”

“He told me. I can’t believe you spied on him. That’s something I would do.”

“Well, I learned from the best.” I managed a sheepish grin.

“And how is it possible Ian was able to get pictures without my noticing? If I was a real CIA operative, my cover would be blown now.” She paused, and then said, “I’m sorry for not telling you I was going out with Elliott.”

“Why didn’t you?”

Molly waved one arm. “I thought you’d tell me I was being stupid. You won’t accept that people
can
change and I didn’t want to deal with that when I was still trying to figure out how I felt about him. I needed some time to work things out on my own, you know?”

I nodded. “You should have told me to shut my fat mouth. If you want to be with Elliott, then be with him. It doesn’t matter what I think.”

She slapped her hands on her knees in frustration. “It
does
matter what you think because you’re my best friend. How can I date a guy that my best friend doesn’t like?”

The lump in my throat I was forcing down must have been my pride. I pulled at a loose thread on my backpack. “There’s something I should have told you long ago.”

Molly looked intrigued. “What’s that?”

“Elliott and Hannah and I used to be friends. Best friends. From preschool through seventh grade.”

Her eyes were wide with confusion. “Why didn’t you tell me about this before?”

“Because I didn’t want you to hate me.” I took a deep breath. “There’s more to the story. You know my mom left near the end of seventh grade. One day I woke up and she was gone. I was confused about a lot of things during that time and I tried pushing Elliott and Hannah away. It hurt too much to care about anyone because I knew they could leave at any moment.”

I closed my eyes, remembering that warm summer day in Elliott’s basement. “Hannah had developed a crush on Elliott and it seemed like maybe he had a crush on her too. I hated that they might have something that didn’t involve me, that maybe somehow I wasn’t good enough for Elliott to like me better instead. So I went down to Elliott’s basement where we always used to hang out together and turned off the light. I made him think I was Hannah. And then I kissed him—”

Molly sat up straight, her pink and blonde hair whipping all around her shoulders. “Hold up! You did
not
kiss Elliott.”

I nodded, cringing. “I believed maybe if he kissed me first, he’d like me better. But Hannah came down the stairs, turned on the light, and caught us. She got mad at me for trying to steal the guy she liked and Elliott got mad at me for tricking him.”

I could remember everything they’d said to me that day, but I didn’t want to say the words out loud.

“So you guys never made up after that?” Molly asked. “You were never friends again?”

“I never gave them the chance to patch things up,” I admitted. “I pushed them away and I told myself it was better not to have any friends. But then you came along and found a way inside the walls I’d built around myself.”

Molly grinned. “I am like a ferret in that way. I’ll weasel into any tiny hole I can find.”

We laughed, warmth spreading through me. A life without friends wasn’t better than this.

“So why didn’t Elliott ever tell me about any of this?” Molly asked.

“I used to think it was so he could have something to hold over me. Like, if I messed up, he’d run and tell you all about my big secret.” I shrugged. “But I think maybe I’ve been wrong about a lot of things concerning Elliott. Maybe he’s not the kind of guy who spreads secrets around.”

“And Hannah? Why did she keep the secret?”

I blinked up at the ceiling, tracing the cracks in the plaster with my eyes. “That I don’t know. Maybe it was her plan all along to get me mixed up into some crazy scheme of hers. Like she’s waited four years for the perfect opportunity to destroy me. Who knows? Hannah is barely more than a stranger to me these days. She’s not anything like what she used to be.”

I turned toward Molly, eager to change the subject. “So? How
do
you feel about Elliott?”

Molly blushed. My best friend, the self-proclaimed independent, forward thinking girl who never got flustered, actually looked a bit embarrassed at this question. “We have absolutely nothing in common, but I think that’s good for me. Opens me up to new experiences away from my computer.”