The Broken Girl (Lonely Girl Book 2) (14 page)

“Seriously
, you both are killing my buzz. Fine, clearly next time I have to go out of town if I want to get any.” I throw the blankets off me and grab my dress, slipping it back on and zipping it up. Grabbing my shoes, I just glare at Alec and Drake. I turn and walk up to Tracey and kiss him. He responds and I hear my brother growl.

“Now
, Becca,” Drake says.

“Thanks for some fun
, Tracey.” I smirk at him before stalking out of the apartment.

It isn’t until I am walking out the front that I realize this is Keegan’s apartment building. Once I clear the bushes I see Keegan and Jake standing there waiting.

“Thanks for ratting me out. Clearly unless I’m screwing one of you, you can’t keep your damn mouths shut.” I know it’s the alcohol talking but I don’t care at this point. I don’t stop and continue walking right across the street to my brother’s house. Charlotte is standing at the door wide eyed.

“Y
eah, I’m not doing this right now, Charlotte.”

She just laughs and shakes her head at me. “Becca
, I don’t have to say anything. You are going to have one hell of a hang over tomorrow.”

I laugh. “Hey
, I’m okay with that. I had some free no strings fun tonight. Can’t beat that, can you?
“Really, so that’s who you are now?” I turn and see that Keegan and Jake have followed me back here with Alec and Drake.

“You both destroyed me. You don’t get to judge me on how I put myself back together.
It doesn’t matter who I am, Jake. I am an adult and will do what I want.” He just shakes his head.

“Yeah
, I saw that tonight. How’d it feel with some random guy taking you home?”

I feel a
s though he slapped me. “A lot better than when my best friend broke my heart.”

“Guys
, let’s not do this right now,” Drake says.

“Just everyone cool down.” Alec shakes his head. “Man
, I’m done being a referee. Maybe what they need is a good fight where no one is afraid to say the wrong thing.” Oddly, my brother makes sense or it may just be the tequila.

“Bec
, what the hell where you thinking? Getting drunk like that and then going home with Tracey?” I’m shocked that he knows his name, only making this slightly embarrassing to my drunken brain.

“I wanted to have some fun… you know what that’s like right
, Key? At least I stayed out of the party favors.” Keegan looks hurt and nervous but I don’t stop. “What I do and who I do it with is no one’s business but my own. Got it?”

Jake is just shaking his head. “The hell it is
, Bec. You can’t just screw around because you want to or because you want to get back at us.”

Who the hell does he think he is? “My screwing had nothing to do with you two
. Unbeknownst to you two, my love life or sexual life doesn’t revolve around you.”

“Apparently it revolves around whatever guy gives you attention.” Keegan says.

“Really let’s not talk about attention seekers right now. Why don’t you go fuck Sarah some more? She’s always looking for some screwing around isn’t she… or wait, better yet, why don’t you fuck me and call me her again cause that was one hell of a time.”

Keegan’s face goes bright red. “I’m done with this shit. I’m leaving.”

He goes to walk out and I yell at him. “At least this time you’re leaving me awake, better than last time isn’t it, Keegan.” He stops for a second but then continues out the door.

“What the hell was that about
, Becca?” Alec asks. “Nope, I’m not talking about it some things in my life are not your business.” I’m not drunk enough for this conversation.

“The hell it isn’t.” Alec replies.

“God, Alec, you’re fucking with my buzz. Just stop, okay? For once I wasn’t trying to screw one of your friends, so be happy about that.” Alec winces and I know I went too far, not only throwing Keegan and Jake in his face, but Michael too.

“Guys
, let me talk to Becca for a minute,” Jake says.

I look to Drake, Alec
, and Charlotte, hoping for some help but they don’t look impressed enough right now to save me from this awkwardness. They all leave and head to the basement.

“I’m leaving
,” I say.

“No
, you’re not leaving until you talk to me, Beckers.”

I snap. “Don’t call me that any
more, Jake. I’m nothing. Remember you said goodbye? You don’t get to be all ‘Beckers’ now.”

“I lied to you
, Becca.”

Woah,
what?

He sees my confusion and continues. “I was an idiot and I didn’t want to lose you so I ended it first. I pushed and pushed because I figured you’d go back to Keegan and I’d be without you.”

My heart stops. “You did what?” I ask.

“Sending you away was because I didn’t want to let you in and then lose you. It’s enough losing you as my best friend but losing you,
and not having all of you? That’s just too much.”

Jake wants to be with me or he had wanted to. “Becca
, I did something I regret.”

M
y heart jumps up to my throat. “What did you do, Jake?”

Seeing his eyes
, I know this is going to crush me. “I slept with someone. I’d been drinking and she was there. It didn’t mean anything.” With that, any of the warm feeling I was having for Jake vanished.

“Well
, go do some more things that don’t mean anything. If I meant anything to you that wouldn’t have happened!”

Jake
’s face turns rigid and I can see him getting angry. “So, wait. You tell Keegan you can do what you want, but we can’t?” I know he has a point but my heart and brain aren’t connected.

I scream. “I only hooked up tonight because you broke my fucking heart Jake. You said goodbye not one but three times. I may not remember one of them but
, trust me, the two I remember did enough damage. Now you say you did it to protect your heart. Well dumb fucking move. My heart was always yours, but now it never will be.”

“CHARLOTTE!” I scream. She comes running up the stairs. “I’m leaving and I’m not sleeping here
. I doubt I’m going to be ‘allowed’ to leave alone. So either come with me or tie me down because that’s the only two options you have.

“Okay, let’s get you out of here.” Thank god for Charlotte and knowing what I really need.

We grab her bag, leaving with Jake just standing with his mouth wide open in shock.

“Now it’s my turn to say goodbye
, Jake.”

Jake hasn’t stopped calling my phone or texting me. They are all apologies. I only sent one message back. Telling him I just needed some space. What I wanted to say was goodbye but my heart just couldn’t do it. He never wrote me after that message today. Jake is hurting, and I get that pain. No need to add salt to the wound. Keegan hasn’t so much as looked at me. Sarah and him are close again. That’s about all I noticed and it made my stomach turn. They deserve each other. Charlotte never said anything about what happened. I never talked about it with Nicky and Lily. To top it off it’s exam time so I’m studying and have no social life. Not that I could even handle one right now. I was working in the library most the time but Jake always seemed to be there. I’ve now started hiding in my dorm, studying. Over-studying is a true fact. I feel like I may be bordering that right now, but with my mind in a book I don’t have the energy to feel everything from the last few weeks.

There is a knock at my door and I take my time getting up. It’s either Drake or Charlotte. They have been ‘popping’ in
to check on me. Charlotte hasn’t told Drake yet, but we have talked about it. I am going to leave. My art program for the summer starts right after exams finish and I’m ready to get out of here for a while. When I open my door, all thoughts leave my head.

“Please don’t shut the door.” Standing in front of me is a disheveled Jake. His hair is a mess but still
very Jake and sexy. But something about him is off. He’s not confident or vibrant.  He looks like he hasn’t slept in days.

“Jake? Are you okay?” I ask because something isn’t right here. This isn’t the Jake I know.

“No
, Becca, I’m not okay. I haven’t been okay and I don’t think I will be again.” Jake has always been honest and upfront but seeing him so bare makes me raw.

“Jake
,” I sigh.

“No
. I need you to listen. You’re the last thing I think about every night. You’re everything I need. When I walked away, I just wanted you to be happy.” I go to say something but he puts his fingers to my lips, hushing me.

“You asked for space. I can give you anything but that. I know what you want. Becca
, I tried. God, I tried. But I can’t just forget you. Every single minute, the pain of not having you in my life eats at me. All of the things I’m doing and saying don’t change how empty I feel without you. I know you hate me and don’t love me. But baby, I need you.” Jake is holding himself up with the doorframe; it looks like it’s the only thing keeping him standing.

“Jake
, we can’t keep doing this to each other. Look at you; this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. It isn’t supposed to be this hard,” I say, trying to keep my emotions in check.

“I’m here to say I’m sorry. I know how bad I messed things up. God, you’re everything
. I let you down in the worst way. It twisted me up inside every single fucking day, Becca.” His head is hanging and I know he feels defeated.

“Becca
, I pushed you away because having you, all of you, then losing you would destroy my heart forever. You’re the first face that I see. You’re the reason I am alive. You’re all I see, you’re my future.” I bring my hand to his chest and put it gently against his heart.

“Jacob…” He doesn’t move.

He interrupts me. “Don’t make me be alone, because loving you is as good as it gets. My life can never get better than that. When it’s said and done, Becca, you’re my only way. The only thing that has every made sense to me, don’t you see it? I won’t go; walking away again isn’t going to happen. I will never sleep, not until you’re with me again and in my arms where you belong. I will never leave you; you’re it for me.”

I can tell he’s trying to keep his breathing in check. He's trying to look away from me so I don't see the tears in his eyes that have beg
un to fall. I reach up to him and press my lips softly against his wet lips. I can feel the tears on his face against mine. "That's how we need to end things."
I turn away from him because I can’t look at him right now. My heart is on, begging me to just let go and let Jake in.

“Becca.” His voice is raspy and he is breathing heavily.

“Jake, I still love you.”

Before I know it, I am being spun around and am in his arms. His lips crash down on mine and I forget how much he hurt me. How much I’m hurting over Keegan. It’s Jake. I moan and he takes this opportunity to deepen our kiss. His tongue slips in and I feel his hands grabbing me tighter. He pushes me back and shuts the door
, locking it. I feel his hand graze the hem of my shirt and every spot he touches causes heat at the contact.

“Jake
,” I say hesitantly. We shouldn’t be doing this. Everything is so messed up.       “Please just let me touch you.” His words are my undoing.

I let go.

My hands find their way into his hair and his hands move, holding my head in place. The kiss is filled with so many things. I can almost taste the desperation coming from him. He’s trying to tell me something, but I don’t know what it is.

“Becca. Baby
,” he says, against my lips and he then continues his mouth along my jaw. He begins working down my neck. Each time he moves, there is a trail of tingling left behind. My body is on hypersensitive.

I back up to my bed
, pulling Jake with me. Grabbing his shirt, I pull it over his head, only breaking apart when I had to. Jake is watching me, taking the cues from me. My hands slide down his chest and I feel him tense at the contact.
Don’t stop this, Jake.
Looking into his eyes, I bring my mouth to his chest just where his heart is and I kiss the spot softly. Never breaking eye contact. I hear Jake groan and this makes my body ache.

He isn’t taking this further; he’s just content with what we are doing now. The sweetness is not lost on me but my body is craving more. I start pulling off my shirt and I feel him gasp. My shirt is off
, leaving me in my jeans and a pale pink lace bra.

“Becca…” Jake is struggling, but I need this. We need this.

“Please don’t stop, Jakey. I want you to touch me, feel me. You say you need me, but that’s nothing to how much I need you.” All the reservations he had leave him and he pulls me to him, colliding my mouth with his. His hand slides down my backside and sweep around to the front undoing my button of my jean slowly. He’s giving me a chance to stop him but that won’t be happening.