The Burning Shore (56 page)

I am hungry. Centaine realized that she had not eaten since the previous evening.

Come. H’ani led her into the grove, and they filled their satchels with the fallen fruit of the mongongo trees.

Back in the camp, HaM showed Centaine how to strip off the outer layer of flesh and then to crack the hard central nut between two flat stones. The kernel looked like a dried almond. They ate a few of these, to take the edge off their hunger. They tasted like walnuts.

We will eat them in many ways, H’ani promised. And each way they taste different, roasted, pounded with leaves, boiled like maize bread, they will be our only food in this place where all killing is forbidden. While they prepared the meal, O’wa returned to camp with a bundle of freshly dug roots, and went aside to prepare them in private, scraping and chopping with his beloved clasp knife.

They ate before dark, and Centaine found the meal of nuts unexpectedly satisfying. As soon as her stomach was filled, the effect of the day’s excitements and exertions caught up with her, and she could barely drag herself to her shelter.

She awoke refreshed and with a sense of unexplained excitement. The San were already busy around the camp fire and as soon as she joined them and squatted in the circle, O’wa, puffed up with nervous anticipation and self importance, told them, We must now prepare to go down into the most secret of places. Do you agree to the purification, old grandmother? It was obviously a formal question.

I agree, old grandfather. H’ani clapped softly in acquiescence.

Do you agree to the purification, Nam Child? I agree, old grandfather.

Centaine clapped in imitation and O’wa bobbed his head and from the pouch on his belt brought out a buck-horn. The top had been pierced, and O’wa had stuffed the horn with the chopped roots and herbs that he had gathered the previous afternoon.

Now he picked a live coal out of the fire with his fingers, and juggling it to prevent it burning his skin, he dropped it into the trumpet-shaped opening of the buckhom. He blew upon it and a tendril of blue smoke rose in the still air as the herbs smouldered.

Once the pipe was burning evenly, Ofwa rose and stood behind the two squatting women. He placed his mouth over the pierced tip of the horn and sucked on it strongly, then blew the smoke over them. It was acrid and sharply unpleasant, and left a bitter taste in Centaine’s throat.

She murmured a protest and began to rise, but H’ani pulled her down again. O’wa kept puffing and exhaling, and after a while Centaine found the smoke less offensive.

She relaxed and leaned against H’ani. The old woman placed an arm around her shoulders. Slowly Centaine became aware of a marvelous sense of well-being. Her body felt as light as that of a bird, she felt she could float up with the spirals of blue smoke.

Oh, H’ani, I feel so good, she whispered.

The air around her seemed sparkling clear, her vision sharp and magnified so she could see every crack and 4A crevice in the surrounding cliffs, and the groves of trees A seemed to be made of green crystals. They reflected the sunlight with an ethereal radiance.

She became aware that O’wa. was kneeling in front of her, and she smiled at him dreamily. He was offering something, holding it out towards her with both hands. I It is for the child, he told her, and his voice seemed A to come from far away and echo strangely in her ears. It is the birthing mat. His father should have made it for him, but that could not be. Here, Nam Child, take it and bear a brave son upon it. O’wa leaned forward and placed the gift upon her lap.

it took long seconds before she realized that it was the gemsbok skin over which O’wa had worked so long and so intently. She unfolded it with exaggerated care. The skin had been scraped and tanned to the pliability and softness of fine cloth. She stroked it and the fur felt like satin. I i Thank you, old grandfather, her voice came from far away, and reverberated strangely in her own ears.

It is for the child, he repeated, and sucked on the buckhorn pipe.

For the child, yes Centaine nodded and her head seemed to float free of her body. O’wa gently exhaled a Stream of blue smoke into her face and she made no effort to av old it, rather she leaned forward to stare into his eyes. O’wa’s pupils had shrunk to glittering black pinpricks, the irises were the colour of dark amber with a fanlike pattern of black lines surrounding the pupils.

They mesmerized her.

For the child’s sake, let the peace of this place enter your soul. O`wa spoke through the smoke, and Centaine felt it happen.

Peace, she murmured, and at the centre of her being was a wondrous stillness, a monumental calm.

Time and space and white sunlight mingled and became one. She sat at the centre of the universe and smiled serenely, She heard O`wa singing far away, and she swayed gently to the rhythm and felt each beat of her heart and the slow pump of her blood through her veins.

She felt the child lying deep within her, curled in an attitude of prayer, then, unbelievably, she felt the tiny heart beating like that of a trapped bird, and the wonder of it engulfed her whole being.

We have come to be cleansed O’wa sang. We have come to wash away all offence, we have come to make atonement Centaine felt H’ani’s hand creep into hers like a fragileboned animal, and she turned her head slowly and smiled into the beloved old face.

It is time, Nam Child Centaine drew the gemsbok skin over her shoulder. It required no effort to rise. She floated above the earth, with H’ani’s little hand clutched in hers.

They came to the opening in the hillside, and though it was dark and steep, Centaine went forward smiling, and she did not feel the coarse volcanic rock beneath her feet. The passageway descended for a short distance, and then levelled out and opened into a natural cavern. They followed O’wa down.

Light filtered from the stairway behind them and from a number of small openings in the domed roof. The air was warm and moist and steamy. The clouds of steam tly from the surface of a circular pool that filled rose gen the cavern from side to side. The surface of the pool seethed and bubbled softly, and the steam smelled strongly of sulphur. The waters were cloudy green.

O’wa let his loincloth fall to the rocky floor and stepped into the pool. It reached to his knees but as he waded forward it deepened, until only his head was above the surface. H’ani followed him naked into the pool, and Centaine laid the gemsbok skin aside, and let her skirt fall.

The water was hot, almost scalding, a thermal spring welling up out of the matrix, but Centaine felt no discomfort . She moved deeper and then sank down slowly on to her knees until the water came to her chin. The floor of the pool was coarse pebble and gravel. The fierce heat of the waters soaked into her body. It swirled and eddied about her, kneading her flesh, as it bubbled up out of the depths of the earth.

She heard O’wa singing softly, but the steam clouds closed in around her and blinded her.

We wish to make atonement, O’wa sang. We wish to be forgiven our offences to the Spirits- Centaine saw a shape forming in the steam, clouds, a dark, insubstantial phantom.

Who are you? she murmured, and the shape firmed, and she recognized the eyes, the other features were obscure, as those of the old seaman she had sacrificed to the shark.

Please, she whispered, forgive me. It was for my baby.

Please forgive my offence. It seemed that for a moment there was understanding in those sad old eyes, and then the image faded and vanished in the steam banks, to be replaced by others, a host of memories and dream creaand she spoke to them.

tures, Oh, Papa, if I had only been strong enough, if only I could have filled Mama’s place-, She heard the voices of the San in the steam, crying out in greeting to their own ghosts and memories. O’wa hunted again with his sons, and H’ani saw her babies and her grandchildren and crooned her love and mourning.

Oh, Michel, his eyes were a Marvellous blue, I will love you for ever. Yes, oh yes, I will name your son for you. I promise you that, my love, he will carry your name. How long she remained in the pool she did not know, but gradually the fantasies and the phantoms faded, and then she felt H’ani’s hands leading her to the rocky lip.

The scalding waters seemed to have drained all the strength from her. Her body glowed a bright brick colour, and the ingrained dirt of the desert was scoured from the pores of her skin. Her knees were weak and rubbery.

H’ani draped the gemsbok skin over her wet body and helped her up the rocky passage to the surface. Night had fallen already, and the moon shone bright enough to cast shadows at their feet. H’ani led her to the rude shelter and wrapped her in the gemsbok skin.

The Spirits have forgiven, she whispered. They are pleased that we have made the journey. They sent my babies to greet me and tell me so. You can sleep well, Nam Child, there is no more offence. We are welcome in this place.

Centaine woke in confusion, not sure what was happening to her, not even certain where she was, imagining for the first few seconds that she was back in her chamber at Mort Homme and that Anna was standing beside her bed. Then she became aware of the coarse grass and hard earth beneath her and the smell of the rawhide that covered her, and immediately following that the pain came again. It was as though a claw had closed on her lower body, a cruel taloned claw, cramping and crushing her, and she cried out involuntarily and doubled over, clutching her stomach.

With the pain, reality rushed back upon her. Her mind was clear and sharp after the hallucinations of the previous day. She knew what was happening, she knew instinctively that the immersion in the heated waters of the pool and the drugged smoke she had breathed must have precipitated it.

H’ani! she called, and the old woman materialized out of the grey half light. It has begun! H’ani helped her to her feet, then gathered up the gemsbok skin.

Come, she whispered. We must go where we can be alone. H’ani must have already chosen the place, for she led Centaine directly to a hollow a short way beyond the camp, but screened from it by the mongongo grove. She spread the gemsbok skin at the base of a large mongongo tree and settled Centaine upon it. She knelt over her and removed her ragged canvas skirt, then with quick, strong fingers, she made a brief but thorough examination and then rocked back on her heels.

Soon, Nam Child, very soon now, she smiled happily, but Centaine’s reply choked off as another spasm caught her. Ah, the child is impatient! H’ani nodded.

The spasm passed and Centaine lay and panted, but she had barely caught her breath before she stiffened again.

Oh, H’ani, hold my hand, please! PleaseV

Something burst deep within Centaine’s body and hot liquid poured from her, and sprayed down her legs.

Close, very close now, H’ani assured her, and Centame gave a little hunted cry.

Now- H’ani pulled her into a sitting position, but she slumped back.

It’s coming, Hlani. Get up! H’ani snapped at her. You must help it now.

Get up. You cannot help the baby if you lie on your back! She forced Centaine into a squatting position, with her feet and knees splayed apart, the natural position for voiding.

Hold the tree to steady yourself, she instructed her urgently. There! She guided Centaine’s hands on to the rough bark and Centaine moaned and pressed her forehead hard against the trunk.

Now! H’ani knelt behind her, and encircled Centaine’s body with her thin wiry arms.

Oh, H’ani, Centaine’s cry rose sharply.

Yes! I will help you push him out. And she tightened her grip as Centaine bore down instinctively. Push, Nam Child, hard! Hard! Push! H’ani entreated her as she felt the girl’s stomach muscles bunch up and harden into bands of iron.

There was a great blockade within her and Centaine clung to the tree and strained and moaned, and then she felt the obstruction move a little, then jam hard again.

H’ani! she cried, and the thin arms locked around her and the old woman moaned with her as they strained together. H’ani’s naked body was pressed to Centaine’s arched back, and she felt strength flowing out of the old wizened flesh like an electrical current.

Again, Nam Child, H’ani grunted in her ear. He is close, so close. Now! Nam child, push hard. Centaine bore down with all her strength and will. Her jaws were clenched so that she thought her teeth would crack, and her eyes swelled in their sockets. Then she felt something tear, a stinging burning pain, but despite the pain she found strength for another rigorous convulsion. it moved again, then there was a rush, a release and something enormous and impossibly heavy slid out of her at the same moment H’ani’s hand reached under I her buttocks to guide and welcome and protect.

Like a benediction, the pain wilted away, and left her I shaking as though in high fever and running with her I own sweat, but empty, blessedly empty, as though her viscera had been drawn out of her.

H’ani released her grip, and Centaine clutched at the treetrunk for support, and drew long ragged breaths.

Then she felt something hot and wet and slippery squirming between her feet, and she pushed herself wearily away from the treetrunk and looked down. A tangle of fleshy glistening tubes still dangled out of her, and joined to them, enmeshed in their coils, the infant lay in a pool of blood-speckled fluid on the gemsbok-skin mat.

it was small, she was surprised at how small, but its clutching and kicking limbs were stretching in spasmodic gestures. The face was turned away from her but the M;, small neat head was covered with a dense cap of sodden black curls, plastered to the skull.

H’ani’s hands reached down between her legs from behind and lifted the baby out of her sight. Instantly Centaine felt a devastating sense of deprivation, but she was too weak to protest. She felt a gentle twitching and tugging on the umbilical cord as H’ani handled the child, and then suddenly there was a furious squalling howl. It struck Centaine to the heart.

Then H’ani’s laughter joined in chorus with the angry bawls. Centaine had never heard a sound of such unequivocal joy.