The Calendar of New Beginnings (5 page)

“What am I going to do if I can’t travel anymore and take pictures?” she asked, rocking in place. “It’s who I am.”

The enormity of her return home finally hit him, and he leaned forward until he could press their temples together. “You took the teaching job at Emmits—”

“The doctors say that if my vision is going to fully return, it’ll happen within the next three months. I’ll know right about when classes finish,” she finished harshly. “The weird thing is my visual acuity could return, but not my color vision or vice versa. The eye is so weird and complex. I had no idea. According to my doctors, it doesn’t help that I’m a photographer and a Type A personality. Apparently, this whole brain reconciliation thing is simpler for easygoing people who have less stressful careers.”

Andy had always thought the human body was nature’s most amazing marvel. But with Kim, he’d seen what could happen when things went badly.

“So, I’m taking a break while all this settles,” Lucy said. “I wasn’t lying when I said I needed one. I’ve been in a lot of tough spots, but this shook me. More than I can ever tell you. When I think about what they could have done to me while I was unconscious… I’ve never been that vulnerable.”

“What’s the worst-case scenario?” he made himself ask, because he knew Lucy had already gone there.

She took a long, ragged inhale. “My career will be over.”

He felt her tremble all the way to her fingertips, and his heart broke for her.

“I don’t mean to sound like a crybaby or a drama queen,” she said, still huddled against him. “I just can’t settle for taking photographs that aren’t up to my usual standards.”

That couldn’t be the outcome. “I’ve seen people relearn how to do things again after massive strokes. Talk. Walk. Function. It’s hard work, but it’s possible. Don’t you dare stop fighting, Lucy. You’ll get through this. I know you will.”

A tear dripped down onto his pant leg, and he froze.
She’s crying?
Of course she was crying.
 

“You’re right,” she said, sniffing now. “If I work hard, I
might
be able to take the kind of pictures I’m used to taking. I just don’t want to have to struggle that hard to be myself again, you know?”

When she shifted to sit up straighter on the bench, he found himself unable to do the same. His shoulders felt weighed down by stones.

“I’m lucky really,” she said, interjecting that very Lucy-like optimism into her voice again. “It could have been so much worse. Hundreds of people died in that village, and the atrocities committed…”

He gulped. That could have been
her
.

“I’m trying to focus on my blessings, but I have my moments,” she continued. “I have excellent medical care, a teaching position at one of the leading journalism schools in the country for as long as I want, and family and friends who care about me.”

God, could she be any tougher or more beautiful right now? It almost hurt to look at her. To listen to her.

“You don’t have to try to make the best of everything with me, Lucy,” he said softly. “You never made me do that about Kim. I know you must be angry. And…don’t hit me, okay? You’re probably scared too.”

Her eyes flickered down before meeting his. “I
am
scared, but that’s not anything new. I know how to handle my fears. Am I scared that my visual acuity and color vision may not completely return? Yes. Am I scared I won’t be able to take the same photos again? Yes. Am I scared to go overseas again if my sight does return? Yes. But it’s only fear, Andy.”

Only
fear? Fear had been his living and breathing roommate since the first moment the doctors had revealed Kim’s diagnosis to them. And that fear hadn’t left him after her death. No, it had only gotten craftier. Now he had a freak-out if Danny got a cold. Worse, his sleep had been troubled ever since his mother told him about the benign lump her doctors had found in her breast. Then there was Lucy. He’d always fretted about her safety, and he’d been especially worried over these past few weeks.
 

When in the hell was the fear ever going to go away?

“I don’t know what that means,” he said, slumping back against the bench.
“
From where I’m sitting, fear is pretty much the biggest, baddest bully on the playground.”

That prompted a half smile from her. “Don’t you remember what I used to do to the biggest, baddest bully on the playground?”

His own mouth twitched. “You punched Jason Adams in the face, then kicked him on the ground.” And she’d gotten into big trouble for it—a whole week of after-school detention.

She nodded. “Exactly. Jason never bothered us again, remember? If you don’t fight your fears, you’ll always be a victim. I’m not a victim. Despite my little pity party.”

Even in her worst moment, no one could ever mistake Lucy O’Brien for a victim. She was a tower of strength. “Lucy, about your injuries. Who are you planning to see for them?”

“My doctor in South Africa said the rest of my injuries have healed. I need to recover my strength, but I don’t need to see anyone other than an eye trauma specialist. That’s why I stayed overnight in Denver. I had an appointment this morning.”

“Who is it?” he asked, tapping his foot in eagerness. “I might know him or her.”

“It’s Dr. Davidson. I like him a lot. He was in an accident himself. Rock climbing. Lost partial feeling in his face when his jaw broke. He’s tough and practical.”

“I’ve heard of him. Eric, right?”

She nodded.

“He has a good rep. I think I’ve met him at a few fundraisers. I wish you would have told me earlier. I would have gone with you today, Lucy.” Anger rose up, catching him by surprise. “You don’t have to do this alone, dammit! Besides, doctors go the extra mile for other doctors’ friends and families.” Not that it had saved Kim in the end, but the additional care had mattered to him.

She was quiet for a minute. “That’s the other reason I didn’t want to tell you, Andy. You don’t have to save me. In fact, you can’t. I’m not saying this to hurt you, but it has to be said. I’m not Kim.”

Something popped in his chest, like her words had physically cracked his ribs. “I know…you aren’t.”

She rubbed her thumb over his hand. “But I know
you
and all your superhero healing ways. I know you feel like you failed Kim as a doctor for not detecting her breast cancer sooner. I won’t let you be hurt if my right eye doesn’t return to normal. It won’t be anyone’s fault.”

“I don’t see you as a second chance!” He had to press his lips together to keep the angry words from spurting out. “First of all, you’re my friend, and that’s what friends do. Second, I’m a doctor. Even if it’s not my specialty, I can use my contacts to help. I can do some research, ask around. Don’t deny me the opportunity to support you.”

Turning, she settled back against the bench and crossed her feet again. “I didn’t mean to make you angry. I’m not great…at accepting help sometimes.”

No shit, he wanted to say. “Good thing I know that about you.” He let go of one of her hands to nudge her shoulder, but then he stilled, horrified. “That didn’t hurt you, did it?”

She barked out a harsh laugh. “Not really. It only made my kidneys twitch.”

Was she kidding? “Let me see your kidneys,” he ordered.

“You can’t, moron,” she said in an aggrieved tone. “They’re internal organs, remember?”

“I know that.” He let go of her other hand and reached for her shirt. “Are you sure your doctors said you only need an ophthalmologist? Everything should be looked at.”

“Let me rephrase. My
team
of doctors agreed the only doctor I need to see is an ophthalmologist who specializes in eye trauma, and that’s Dr. Davidson. And I am
not
showing you my kidneys. I was only kidding anyway. I had a few wounds and a little gash on my back, but they’re healing nicely.”

He wasn’t so sure he bought it. “Don’t make me pull out my Dr. Hardcase with you, Luce,” he said in a hard tone. “I mean business.”

“Don’t make
me
call for a police officer and get your ass thrown in jail.”

“I want to see your back,” he ground out.

She stood. “No. It will only make me uncomfortable. All you need to know is the stitches are out and everything’s progressing normally—to use one of your doctor terms.”

He stared her down, but she didn’t budge. “If something changes—” he started.

“I’ll take care of it,” she assured him. “Andy, I need you to promise not to tell anyone about this.”

Somehow he hadn’t seen that coming, although he should have known better. “Dammit, Lucy, your parents deserve to know what happened. They love you! Don’t keep something like this from them.”

“It’s my decision,” she said, putting her hands on her hips. “I’ll tell them if and when I feel it’s right. I don’t want them to lose any sleep trying to fix something that can’t be changed. Besides, I don’t want them playing on the fears I already have about going back overseas.”

Standing, he gazed across the park. Decades ago, they used to swing together here. Back then, the worst thing she had to worry about was her braids being pulled by Jason the bully. Times had changed so much, and they kept right on changing. Everyone else seemed to keep up, so why did it feel like such a struggle for him?

“Fine!” he said, kicking at the gravel under his foot. “I’ll keep your counsel on one condition. You will keep me up to date on your medical progress.”

“What?” she blasted out.

“I’m not asking to go to your appointments with you, but I will if you’ll let me.” He held up a hand when she opened her mouth to protest. “Please don’t shut me out of this, Luce. It would…kill me.”

She turned her back to him, and he heard another unmistakable sniff. He took a few deep breaths to calm the messy emotions coursing through his own chest.

“Okay,” she said, “but I want your promise you won’t boss me around when it comes to medical things.”

“I’m not completely sure what you mean by that. I would never do anything that wasn’t in your best interest.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” she said, looking weary suddenly.

He fought a string of curses. “Fine. I promise I will not do anything without talking to you first,” he said, hoping he could keep that promise.

“Or do anything
period,”
Lucy said, wrapping her arms around herself like she was suddenly cold. “I’m pretty independent. I don’t like being told what to do.”

He fought a smile. “Don’t I know it? It’s one of your most charming and aggravating qualities.”

“If I wasn’t so tired, I’d throw a handful of gravel at you right now,” she said with a trace of humor in her voice.

“It’s a good thing I’m adept at ducking,” he said, making a show of his skills. “Just promise me something, okay?”

Her eyes turned wary.

“That you’ll remember you have people who love you. There’s no reason for you to tough everything out by yourself. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone.”

She rubbed her forehead wearily. “All right.”

He held out his hand to her. “I’m glad you came home, Lucy.”

She took it, gripping it firmly. “Me too, Andy Cakes.”

Chapter 3
      

Moira Hale was a little embarrassed of her fangirl moment, but the way Lucy saw the world and photographed it…few people had that kind of gift. Moira had always admired her for her courage and abilities, but the five-year age difference between them had felt a lot larger when they were kids. Now that Lucy was home, for however long, Moira hoped they might become friends. And if she could learn anything about photography from her, she would be in seventh heaven.

She had been watching the door, waiting for Andy and Lucy to walk back in—hoping she was wrong about there being some dire reason for Lucy’s return, knowing she was not—but maybe it was time for another drink. Something to pass the time until they returned. She stepped up to the O’Briens’ makeshift bar in the dining room of their house and considered her options.
 

Her phone vibrated in her jeans pocket again, and she almost cursed aloud. Her new boss had no right to hound her like this! Moira reached for something stronger than her earlier Guinness. An Irish whiskey might remove the bad taste in her mouth from her boss’s ongoing texts, not to mention her worry about Lucy.
 

“You’re going for the Knappogue Castle single malt?” her brother, Matt, asked, crowding close. “What’s wrong? This isn’t just concern about Lucy. You’ve been checking your phone more than usual.”

Before heading to the O’Briens’, their family had gotten together at Natalie and Blake’s house for an early dinner. She’d stepped out twice to call her boss back.

“No, it’s not only Lucy, although I practically had to shove Andy toward her.”

“I noticed you giving him a pep talk,” Matt said, a half smile on his face. “I knew he was in good hands.”

She nodded, pouring herself a hefty shot of whiskey. “The other reason is my boss. She’s driving me nuts! I’ve had a lot of bosses in the past ten years, and not all of them have been a peach to work for. I always end up winning them over in the end. But honestly, Taylor Brennan makes all the others look like cupcakes.”