The California Club (26 page)

'Do you want red or white with your dinner, Lara?' Joel asks, wrapping me the dark velvet cloak of his stare.

How can I make that decision? Joel is of course the red: bold and sultry, I'm drawn to his power and naughtiness but my heart just melts at my pet Pinot Grigio Elliot – aromatic, golden and true.

‘You choose!' I slur, passing the buck.

All I know is that right now the notion of not concluding the evening kissing someone seems utterly, utterly unthinkable.

‘So what happened?' I'm on the phone to Zoë, the following morning.

'Well, when it came to it, Joel invited us both to stay over: “There's plenty of room - two big beds. You wouldn't mind sharing with each other, would you? Old buddies?"'

Zoë gasps at his daring. 'What did you say?'

"'Fine by me!" I was quite piddled by that point.'

'And Elliot?'

I sigh. 'He was all, "I've got to get back to Camp Lane but Lara, you should stay!"'

'Oh no!'

'He even said: "Make the most of the facilities!"'

'Nooooo!'

'I know! They're both trying to hook me up with the other man!'

Like I would have had the energy either way – I'd been slipping in and out of consciousness for the previous half-hour so by that point all I wanted to do was crawl into a pit. It became a case of 'If the nearest one happens to be the cleanest, softest, comfiest one, so be it.' As the boys went off on a tangent discussing driving conditions in Yosemite, I stumbled over to the nearest bed, threw back the covers, and pulled the sheet over my head. I seem to remember Joel offering to call for a camp bed for Elliot and then suggesting he meet us for breakfast but that's it.

'The last word I said to Elliot was "Waffles!''' I tell Zoë.

'So did you get any?'

'I haven't been down to breakfast yet—'

'No!' Zoë screeches. 'Did you get any action with Joel?'

'Unless he's got a very light touch and I've suddenly become a heavy sleeper, no.'

'Oh Lara!'

'Oh don't!'

'What a wasted opportunity – two guys and nothing,' Zoë tuts.

I don't want to dwell on my failures so I swiftly change the subject: 'By the way, Joel put Boris's dress in to be dry-cleaned late last night so as soon as I get it back I'll FedEx it to him.'

'You may as well just bring it with you when you come to me – there's only a few hours in it.'

'If you're sure?'

'Oh yes, Boris was an absolute darling when I went in. As a matter of fact he now thinks he owes me a favor – we got talking and he was telling me all about his grandson and the various problems he's been having at school and when I asked him to be more specific I started thinking he might have dyspraxia. His family thought he was hyperactive because he could never sit still and he was always shrieking but they never wanted to take him to a doctor because they were afraid of what they might say. Boris got straight on the phone to his daughter and I got my office to fax over some information and now they're really excited that they may have found out what his trouble is.'

'Wow! Nurse Harriott, that's amazing – what gave the game away?'

'Just little things like it's still not obvious whether he's left-or right-handed, he doesn't like wearing new clothes, gets defensive of being touched, frequently spills drinks – a lot of the key symptoms,' Zoë breezes. 'And when I told them it's statistically likely that one child in every class of thirty is prone to this, they didn't feel so alone.'

'Well done you!'

'It felt pretty good to be able to help, I must confess. At the diner I'm still getting used to the fact that people only interact with me because I can get them stuff from the kitchen!'

'How's it going there?'

'Oh not so bad, Todd's a treasure but the closer we get to Oscar night, the more bitter the wannabe girls become!'

'Sounds like they make excellent cautionary tales,' I suggest.

'Yes they do. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I'm on an early tomorrow so I should be done around Ipm.'

'Why don't I meet you back at your apartment, just in case there's any delay getting back from here?'

'Oh. Well. If you want …' Zoë sounds unsure.

'It makes more sense.’

‘Right, I’ll give you the address.’

I jot it down.

'Where is that exactly?'

'Oh it's this hip new area, you'll see.'

'So what are your plans for today?' I ask.

'Working and then taking a Stars' Homes tour around Beverly Hills to see how the other half live. You?'

'Well, first on the list is shopping for a new outfit - my suitcase has gone AWOL again.'

'Oh no! What are you wearing now?'

'Joel's lent me a T-shirt and the pair of tracksuit bottoms he normally wears to go jogging.'

'Is that where he is now?'

'I think so. I woke up and he was gone.'

'Shoes?'

'I'm wearing the hotel slippers as flip-flops till we get to the shop.'

'Ingenious!'

'I know,' I beam as I wiggle my toes with pride. My only concern now is my face – I feel there's this unwritten rule that you can't wear make-up in the wilderness so I've tried to go easy on the eyeshadow and lippie but still feel like I'm going to be ambushed and scrubbed down with coal tar soap.

'Is it still snowing?'

'I haven't dared to look yet.'

'What exactly are you supposed to do in a national park anyway?'

'I don't know. I think Elliot's giving his first bear talk. Other than that, I'll leave it up to the boys.'

'Hark at you with your love triangle!' Zoë laughs, then gets serious. 'Listen, don't mess up this opportunity – you've only got tonight to do the right thing.'

'Which is?'

'I can't decide,' Zoë muses. 'I mean, Elliot is your true love but Joel sounds a super hot and you might never get another chance with him.'

'I might never get another night alone with Elliot – I still can't believe he's getting married.'

'Well you know what I'd do.'

'I can't sleep with both of them!'

'Lara!' Zoë sounds outraged.

'What?’

‘What kind of girl do you take me for?'

'Sorry.'

'But you've got a point there.'

'Have I?'

'I think you need a bit of compare and contrast. You should at least kiss both of them.'

'Zoë. I've spent the last ten years trying to kiss Elliot and I only succeeded once.'

'Well, I think it's about time you got an update, just to be sure he can still make you feel all woozy.'

'But how? What makes you think that tonight is going to be different to any other?'

'Because it has to be,' Zoë says simply.

She’s right. This is it. This is for real. I sit up in bed and stare across the room. I said I'd do it – take the chance to be alone with Elliot to tell him how deeply I feel. If not now, when? But how will I begin? And considering how much alcohol it'll take to get my nerve up, how will I be able to get the words out without slurring?

I might have to get a bit more guidance from Joel. He seems to have a bit of know-how on this subject.

In the meantime, I make my second phone call of the day, this time to Sasha. She sounds bright but I suspect she's putting on a breezy voice so as not to worry me.

'How's the ogre?' I ask.

'Just the same,' she sighs. 'Cool with everyone but me.’

‘Do you still fancy him?'

'I still fancy the guy I met on the first night. I keep waiting for him to reappear.'

'Have you tried cutting off the electricity?'

'I've thought about it!' Sasha laughs.

'So what are you doing in the evening? It must be weird now it's just the two of you.'

'Well, last night I cooked then he read a book while we ate and as soon as he was done he went to bed.'

'What about you?'

'I was knackered but I couldn't sleep. Since you've gone I've spent most of my time trying to work out how I could raise some cash for Paradise Park. I'm sure if I could find a way to contribute he'd show me a bit more respect.'

'You reckon?'

'Well, maybe not but I'd at least feel I'd proved something to myself. I want to be able to leave here knowing I made a difference, however small.'

'What did you have in mind?'

'Well, that's the problem. I desperately need to talk to Zoë, she's got far more experience of the organizational side of these things. The charity events I've done were no different to any other catwalk show, we just didn't get paid so I'm really none the wiser.'

'When were you thinking of doing this?'

'I thought the day after The California Club week is up.'

'That's just four days from now!'

'I know. I was hoping Zoë could give me some short-cuts.'

'I guess the main thing is that you've got to think of a good enough hook to get them along in the first place.' I decide. 'Once they see the cats they'll start writing the checks.'

'Mmm, I've had a few thoughts but I don't know how practical they are. I know The California Club said all communication had to go through you but I was wondering …'

'Oooh you little rebel!' I tease. 'Are you after Zoë's phone number?'

'Would it hurt? I mean, in the grand scheme of things, which is more important – helping those tigers or obeying a pointless rule?'

'We don't know that it's pointless,' I point out.

'I wouldn't abuse it,' Sasha insists. 'Maybe if you primed her and then the next day I gave her a call? Or she could even pass any information through you? There's got to be a way round it.'

'I guess one phone call won't do any harm,' I concede. It's so great to hear Sasha fired up about something, the last thing I want to do is put a dampener on proceedings. 'I'll call her now.'

Sasha whoops with gratitude. 'Thanks, Lara! Ryan will thank you for this!'

Following her success with Boris's grandson Zoe is raring to take on another project and promises to devote all her time in between serving blue plate specials to the cause!

I smile to myself: happy to be in on it to some degree. But my pleasure is short-lived. I have to phone Elise.

'Oh Lara, I was hoping you'd call.' Instead of her usual impatient bluster, she sounds pensive and unsure. 'Would you say you're Elliot's closest friend out of the group?'

'Er …' I falter.

'I know he's close with Helen but the way he talks about you, that's the impression I get.'

'Oh?' I can't help but smile.

'It actually used to irritate me,' Elise chuckles dismissively. 'Lara this, Lara that, she's so fun, so creative blah-blah but then I realized two things …'

I don't like the sound of this.

'One is that he sees you as a mate rather than a woman.'

Oh cheers, thanks a lot.

'The other is that he may have a past with you but I have his future.’

Amazing. Go on, stick that knife in further, you only skewered three of my vital organs – why not go for the full shish-kebab?

She does.

'I mean, it's all very well having your buddies to play with but when it comes to being a grown-up, it's all about one-to-one commitment, wouldn't you agree?'

'I wouldn't know Elise, I'm not thirty for another two days. Maybe then I'll morph into a fully fledged adult and agree with what you're saying.'

'Two days, is it?' she coos. 'You know, Elliot wanted to make a big fuss but I told him no woman wants to be reminded she's getting older!'

You utter cow! You will be punished! I wonder what he had in mind – must have been good or she wouldn't have scuppered it.

'What did you do on your 30th?' I ask, still seething but not wanting to pass up the chance to gather a little more info on Madam X.

'Me?' Elise asks.

You heard. 'Or can't you remember – I realize some time has passed.’

'No, I remember,' she sounds distant. 'I was out here, as a matter of fact.'

'Doing what?’ And with whom…

Silence.

'Elise?'

'Look, I've got to go,' she blusters. 'But I need to ask you something about Elliot – you know how private he is, always playing his cards so close to his chest …'

Not the Elliot I knew. My Elliot was always an open book, an open heart. What has she done to him?

'The thing is …' she sounds shifty.

'Yes?'

'Honey, I'm home!' Joel bursts in, looking gleeful. 'Ready for breakfast?'

'Who's that?' Elise snaps.

'Joel, say hello to Elise …' I don't know what I'm thinking but I hand over the phone.

'Hey! How's it going? You discovered the meaning of life yet?'

A pause while Elise talks.

'So no hot tutors to give you a bit of hands-on healing?'

I hear a faint squeak of outrage down the phone.

'Oh yeah, that's right. I met him last night, he seems a cool guy.'

Back to muffled vocals. I lean closer – something about not realizing that Lara had any long-lost friends in California.

'She doesn't. We just met yesterday. It was the red sequins that did it for me!'

Again a pause.

'What can I say? She's a true one-off. A very attractive one-off …' He eyes me lasciviously.

'Is it okay if we talk tomorrow?' I ask Elise, grabbing the phone back.

'Just tell Elliot he's the most wonderful, kind…'

I hold the receiver away from my ear. Tell me something I don't know. For a moment there thought she was having doubts. She probably just wants advice on what to get him for a wedding present. I sigh heavily and replace the receiver. Why can't she just vanish? Forget all these gurus and psychics, what I need is a good old-fashioned magician.

‘Where'd the snow go?' I gasp as Joel swoops back the curtains to reveal a happy sunshiny day – nothing but perky green scenery for miles.

'You like?' Joel grins, sensing my surge of joy at being granted the perfect spring day.

'Oh yes!' I say, skipping out on to the balcony. 'You know, if I didn't have such a disgusting hangover, I'd be feeling all revitalized and zingy about now.'

'Fresh air! It'll get you every time!' Joel notes, reaching for my hand. 'Come on, let's get stage two of the Woo Elliot campaign under way.'