The Calum (11 page)

“
My father was a grifter.
Ye ken what that is? He conned people of their pensions, tricked
old ladies into
givin’
up their savings for some petty scheme o’ his.”
He exhaled, some of his fire fading. “For years, me ma had no idea
the money that put food on the table, put clothes on our backs, had
taken the food and clothing from someone else. She never knew. None
o’ us did. Me da never worked
an
honest
day in his miserable
life.”

Duff’s long arms dropped
to his side, his fingers clenching and unclenching.

“
It was a clever little
racket he had, him and two others. And when they were caught, it
was all over the national news. Our family - me ma, me gran and me
granda - we were...the talk o’ the Highlands. I was in my sixth
year at school.” He glanced at her. “Like your senior year in high
school.” She nodded, thinking back to his comments about moving
around a lot. He sagged into the wide window seat.

Despite her desire to go
to him, Lovie stayed glued to the spot.

“
Ma refused to pull me out
of school mid-year, so I had to see me classmates every day.” He
picked at a spot of peeling paint on the frame. “The teasing didna
bother me so much, Hamish had me back an’ all. It was more the look
from some of the parents and teachers who knew his...his victims.
Some of them were their family, ye ken. Ma lost her job. People
shunned us. And me granda...his heart...”

He swallowed hard,
breathing like he couldn’t take enough oxygen into his lungs. Lovie
didn’t want to hear any more. Didn’t want him to relive it for
her.

“
We buried him that
summer, before me ma and I left for Glasgow.”

Lovie gasped.

He looked up, a stricken
expression on his face.

Tears stung the back of
her eyes.
God!
She was always doing this, needling people. Always trying to
dig deeper, get them to show what they wanted to hide. Duff was so
right about her. She did think of herself as some sorta amateur
analyst, but she’d been arrogant. And
way, way
out of her depth. And
yet, she still wanted to help him, somehow.

When he spoke again, his
voice was quiet. The pain and
regret
almost palpable.

“
Ye’d think I woulda
learned from me father’s mistakes, but no.” He let out a bitter
laugh. “I was a right bastard to her. Me ma did
everythin’
she could to put
me straight. Didna
want
me to get liftit, ye ken. Arrested. Every time I
fucked up, we had to move. I didna care, tho’, I was angry. I
blamed her.” He closed his eyes and took a hiccupping breath. “In
the end, it’s my fault she’s dead.”

She stepped toward him.
“Duff, no.”

“
Aye,” he said, defeated.
“It is.”

Lovie didn’t know what to
do, how to help, but the distance between them was unbearable.
Watching him tear himself apart, it hurt.

“
I wore ‘er out, you see.
I couldna see past me own pain. Couldn’t see what it all had done
to her,
losin’
her home, her husband, and her father. I was such a
shit.”

He fell silent, lost in
his memories.

Lovie wanted to ask what
happened to his dad, but kept a quiet distance. The least she could
do was let him wrestle with the demons she had dredged up. Despite
the warm air, she shivered with shame. What had she done? He’d been
so helpful. Kind, even. Sweet.

She had no clue how to
help. Maybe it was best to leave him alone. She turned toward the
door. Before she could reach it, she was blocked by a
six-foot-three, Duff-shaped barrier.

Lovie nearly lost her
footing, stumbling back from him.

His eyes were dark and
focused squarely in hers. Searching. Angry. Maybe even desperate.
She should have been afraid, after all she didn’t really know the
guy, but Lovie was drawn to him. Pulled in by his intensity. His
pain. His need.

His eyelids fluttered
shut, the lashes smudges of thick soot against the red of his
cheeks. His mop of espresso brown locks had been pulled into clumps
by his restless fingers. Lovie wanted to smooth them back. Soothe
him.

Duff muttered something
under his breath, as if arguing with himself, and then he dragged
her into his arms. He wiped some wetness from her
cheeks.

She hadn’t even realized
that she’d been crying.

Lovie grabbed onto his
shoulders just before he lowered his face to hers. He licked the
salt from her lips, a
move
so unexpected she gasped.

His arms closed around
her, holding her fast against his hard body, while he whispered
fevered words of longing against her neck.

How he didn’t want to want
her.

How he was close to losing
his mind.

His tongue traced the
shell of her ear and Lovie’s knees threatened to buckle. It was so
intimate. So carnal.

His large hands circled
her arms tightly, possessive. Duff slid his hands down to
hers.

“
Duff, I’m-.”

“
Don’t.” He shook his head
slowly, the waves of his hair brushing her cheek like fingers. “I
shouldna done that.”

“
I wanted you to,” Lovie
confessed. Despite his rage and his pain, she ached for him.
Perhaps more so now.

Duff raised his head to
look at her. He frowned, touching his forehead to hers.
“Why?”

“
What?”

“
Why would you...with me,
why?” There were still demons between them.

She slid her fingers
between his. “Duff, those things that you told me about your dad.
You think you’re like him?”

“
Apples and trees.” He
dropped her hands and shoved his back inside his pockets. “He wasna
with us in Glasga or London or New York, but it didn’t stop me
from...” He shrugged, deflating. “I’m not a good man, Lovie. I’ve
done things. Got his blood in my veins, ye ken.”

“
Our genes don’t determine
everything about us, Duff. You were just a heartbroken kid, acting
out. But you’re not that kid anymore. Right?” She waited until he
met her eyes. “We choose who we want to be.” Lovie touched his
cheek because she couldn’t stop herself. There was a war raging
behind his eyes.

“
I’ve tried my whole life
to be different, but I’m just the same. I do the same stupid,
selfish-” He stopped abruptly. “Look, I dinna know why I keep
pouring this shit out to you. Sorry.” He squeezed her shoulders,
his hands warm and strong.

“
It’s okay.” Lovie tried
to keep the pity out of her voice. That was the last thing he
needed to hear, but her heart was breaking for him.

He released
her.

“
You should go.” He was
locking her out already. Shutting down.

Lovie took his face
between her hands, and Duff met her eyes, a question in his. She
knew the answer.

“
No, I
shouldn’t.”

Revelations

At first, it was too
fast.

Duff’s voice, rough with
emotion, ghosted over her skin as he caressed her face, her neck.
Murmurs of 'make me crazy' and 'want you so much' made Lovie’s
nipples tighten almost to the point of pain.

He kissed her as they
stumbled toward the bed. The kiss evolved into a clash of lips and
teeth and tongues. The hands on her ass were a little too rough.
Her fingers in his hair pulled a little too hard.

Then it wasn’t fast
enough.

Duff broke away from her
mouth and released her. Lovie took a step back, struggling to catch
her breath.

His hand cupped her
cheek.

She placed hers over his
heart.

Duff studied her face.
Searched her eyes. Lovie didn’t know what he was looking for.
Didn’t know what he needed. There was pain in his gaze, but
also
passion
. Hunger.

He ran his thumb over her
bottom lip, and she stepped into him, flattening her hands against
his chest.

Lovie felt like they were
swimming against a strong current, neither wanting to rush things
but needing to do just that.

She went up on
tiptoe.

Duff brought his forehead
down to hers and pulled her flush with his body. He was hard and
ready against her belly.
Damn.
Lovie bit her lip.

“
God…your mouth.” The way
his voice had dropped yet another octave had her shaking. He teased
her, nipping at her lips and chin. Skimmed over her neck and then
gently bit down.

Lovie lit up like a
Christmas tree.

Her clit throbbed as she
rubbed up against him, desperate. Her panties clung to her skin,
soaking wet. The air filled with gasps and urgent moans, most of
them hers.

She
wanted…needed…something.

Anything.

Everything.

Now.

Before she could find the
words, Duff’s hands slid up the back of her tee and lifted it over
her head.

His hand fell to her
zipper and then her jeans fell into a pool at her ankles. Duff
wrapped his arms around her - God, so warm and strong and solid -
and then she was airborne as he picked her up and laid her on the
bed.

He leaned in and attacked
her mouth like a man possessed. Duff demanded everything with his
kiss. Left her nowhere to hide. It was terrifying.
Exhilarating.

This was what they’d all
been writing about
, she thought,
those romance writers. This aching need to
connect or die trying.

Lovie ceased thinking at
all when he captured one of her lace-covered nipples in his mouth,
crying out from the unexpected pleasure. She ran her fingers
through his hair. His hands never stopped moving, deftly stripping
her bare. Even as his teeth grazed her breast, he kept stroking her
skin. Marking her with fire.

He moved back and looked
down the length of her body. “Sweet, heav’nly lord.”

Lovie trembled under his
gaze.

Duff met her eyes and
smiled. “Yer so...”

He reached up a shaky
fingertip. Ran it across her lips and down her chin, her neck. Down
the valley between her breasts. Down and down. The finger parted
her flesh, curled inside her and Lovie gasped, her back arching.
“Jus’ beautiful.”

Lovie couldn’t wait
anymore. She sat up and grabbed at his waistband. Taking the hint,
Duff stood up to remove his jeans, his gaze always on
hers.

He stood naked and still,
breathing heavy, at the edge of the bed.

She let her eyes do what
her fingers couldn’t, frozen as she was at the sight of him in the
flesh. His body looked as if hewn from marble by Bernini himself.
Powerful but lean, and not an ounce of fat to be found.
Self-conscious, her hands went to her doughy thighs.

“
Don’t do
that.”

“
What?” God, she sounded
so turned on. Which she was, like, whoa.

“
Don’t hide.”

“
I wasn’t.”

“
You were.” His voice was
low and throaty. So unbelievably sexy. “You don’t need to
hide.”

“
Easy for you to say when
you look like a lost Gosling brother.” She tried to smile, but his
eyes devoured her.

Duff crawled onto the bed
like a panther, forcing her to lie back. His cock brushed against
her thigh, and she glanced down. Her whole body clenched with the
need to be filled by him.

“
You did that to me.” He
nuzzled his nose against her cheek. It was the only point of
contact as he hovered over her, the muscles in his arms barely
registering the strain. “You do this to me.”

He flexed his hips and
hissed as Lovie rubbed her leg along his length.

“
Duff…”

Balancing on one arm, he
grabbed his wallet from the side table. Lovie ran her hands down
his chest and stomach, marveling at the ripple of muscle beneath
his skin. He sat back on his haunches and ripped open the tiny,
square packet in his hand. Lovie collapsed onto her back, liquid
with anticipation. He covered himself with a groan and then he was
over her again. The bed shook as he slowly lowered his mouth to
hers.

“
Now, Duff. Now.” She
tried to pull him closer. It was like moving a wall.

“
Easy, love, or this could
get embarrassing for me.”

She didn’t
care.

Lovie grabbed his ass with
both hands and pulled him into her body. The groan was
mutual.

Finally, he was inside
her. A sense of relief washed over her, so strong that she let out
a sob. He felt so good. Had it ever felt so good?

Duff lifted his head,
looking down on her with concern.

“
Did I hurt
ye?”

“
No...no.” She smiled up
at him, lifting her knees and inviting him deeper.