The Candidate's Affair (25 page)

He dropped the file, the papers sliding out of the folder. “Is that what you think?”

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “Together. You promised me everything together, and that’s not how things are.”

He grabbed me by the shoulders. “After the campaign, it will be different. I promise you.”

“And until then?”

He wrapped his arms around me. “I’ll make some changes in my schedule. I’ll be here when I’m here.” He brushed the hair off my neck. “Don’t change your mind.”

“I won’t.” I studied him. “Can we sign the papers now? I want this to be official.”

He let me go, and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He held the top button until the screen blackened. “No more distractions. I’m all yours. Let’s go over this.”

I sat next to him and listened while he explained how the adoption worked. After these were signed, I would be someone’s mother.

T
here were days I would look out onto the beach and remember the life I used to have with Spence. I didn’t let myself do it often, but on those days, I would give in to the longing and remember.

Pepper would curl up at my feet, and I pretended he was going through it too. I wondered how the gardenia bush was doing by the mailbox. Did the new neighbors clip the magnolia leaves at Christmas? Jill was probably going through an adjustment since her mother moved in. I should have called to check in. What book had the club settled on this month? I thought about it all. The lives that had gone on since I moved out.

But the parts of Spence were harder to touch. My mind was fuzzy when I tried to remember how he laughed during a movie, or how he would jump up and down every time he beat me at poker. The little moments we shared were fading, and I could feel it. Preserving his memory wasn’t a part of me anymore. I couldn’t be Pax’s wife the way he needed me to be
and
be Spence’s widow. I wished I had figured that out when Spence was still alive—living two lives didn’t work.

“There you are. I was calling you downstairs.” Pax stood in the doorway of our bedroom.

“Why are you home so early?” Unless it was Sunday, I seldom saw Pax before six. That was our compromise. He gave me one full day a week when we could be together. He was trying.

“I’ve got some news. Come downstairs.”

I wiggled my feet out from under Pepper. “Ok. What’s going on?”

“Come with me.” He was two steps ahead of me, jogging down the stairs like a child.

He pulled me into the kitchen. “I got these today.” He handed me a black folder. I recognized the red and white logo from the Tanner campaign stamped in the center.

I opened the flap and stared at the graphs and statistics. “Ok, what is it?”

“I’m up eight points.
Eight
points.”

“Are you serious? I guess this means…”

“Yes. That’s exactly what it means. The election is a month away, but there’s no way I can lose. We are headed to Columbia.” He picked me up and twirled me in a circle.

“It’s amazing, Pax. I’m really proud of you.”

“I know we aren’t supposed to move until the first week of January, but what if we pack some things tonight as a symbolic gesture? I’ll pack up the whole damn house if I need to.”

“I thought we were going to commute back and forth? I don’t really want to pack.”

“We are. Well, I don’t know how much commuting I’ll do. I need to be in the capital as much as possible.”

“That’s not what we talked about. Corinne is going to be moving in here any day and she needs stability, not boxes everywhere.”

Becky had been placed in a hospice care center, where she received around-the-clock monitoring. Corinne was staying with Lyla for a few days, then would start sleepovers and eventually move in with us permanently. Becky and I had talked at length about how to make things smooth for her.

“You’re right. I guess I just got excited. We are moving to the governor’s mansion. Unbelievable. I can’t believe all the planning, campaigning, the speeches…it’s all happening. This is happening. I’m going to be Governor Tanner. You got me here, Audrey.”

He gripped my waist and hoisted me on the counter. “Are we in the window?” His tone was inquisitive, but his eyes devilish, filled with greedy lust.

I raised my eyebrows. “Middle of the day on the kitchen counter? Really?” I was already feeling the need for him. I couldn’t be this close and not want him.

“Really.” His hands ran under my skirt, moving my knees apart where he wanted them. “We’ve been trying for months. Maybe we need to switch things up.”

I moaned into his ear. “But this part is fun, right? The trying?” I didn’t want him to show any restraint.

“No complaints here,” he growled, pressing between my legs, the friction of our bodies building heat.

Sometimes I thought that was how we were best for each other. Our bodies never tired of wanting and needing. Our marriage had become more than relentless sex, however. We talked. We planned. We traveled. We laughed. We learned how to maneuver around each other under the same roof. I found comfort in Pax. He brought me out of the darkness. But when I thought about it, this was what made me feel whole with him. This made me feel needed and wanted. The counter, the bed, it didn’t matter—this was when I knew I was his everything.

I knew almost immediately I was pregnant. I could sense it like the smell of rain rolling in during the summer. In all the months since we started trying, this was the first time I felt different. I had an instinct that never kicked in before, but I had to wait a few weeks to take a test. Waiting was the hardest part. It tested my patience in ways I didn’t know were possible.

I kept my suspicions to myself. Pax would pester me every day if I mentioned it. He had enough to worry about with the election. I hated to think about the disappointment in his eyes if I were wrong. So, instead I focused on getting things ready for Corinne.

I had a four-poster bed delivered and a collection of all my favorite childhood books stacked on her new bookcase. Becky told me she sold most of their things in France and arrived with two suitcases each. The girl didn’t have many possessions.

There was a chance I had gotten the room wrong. Maybe I should have studied the top boy bands instead of worrying about color palettes and artwork.

I heard the car pull up outside and ran to meet them.

Lyla smiled. “Hi, Mrs. Tanner.”

“Audrey is fine.” Considering she knew our intimate family secret, first names seemed warranted. I waited for the passenger door to open.

Corinne stepped from the car. Her dark eyes misty. She heaved a purple backpack on her shoulder.

“Corinne, I’m so glad you’re here, honey.” I put an arm around her shoulders.

Lyla shrugged. “She hasn’t spoken since we left Becky.”

“That’s understandable. Why don’t we go inside? You can tell me about your visit with your mom.” I led them in the house.

“Where’s Senator Tanner?” Lyla’s head swiveled, scanning the downstairs rooms.

“He’s wrapping up in Columbia. He’ll be home tonight. They’ve been working on legislation deadlines. He really wanted to be here, Corinne, but he promised not to miss dinner.”

She didn’t speak.

“Why don’t I show you your room?” I suggested. Lyla and Corinne followed me up the winding staircase.

There were three guest rooms I chose from when selecting the room for her. I opted for the one with the best view of the water and had a private bath. I pushed the door open, hoping she would like the lilac quilt and white lamps I added.

The girl walked to the center and sat on the bed. It was selfish of me to want a smile or a thank you. But, deep inside I was searching for approval from my husband’s daughter. I fought the urge to sit next to her and brush her hair out of her eyes.

Lyla stepped in. “This room is gorgeous. I think I should move in here too.” She laughed and I was appreciative of how she tried to break the ice. “What a pretty view of the beach, Corinne.”

“Any time. I think a sleepover would be fun. We could have a girls’ night or something.” It might help Corinne feel more at ease if there was a familiar face around during the transition.

Six year olds I knew. Their little questions and innocent mistakes. Their brains desperate to learn and soak up their surroundings. I was good with six year olds. Corinne was a different story. I knew nothing about tweens. One class on middle grades development before my student teaching didn’t help me now.

“Why don’t we let you get used to your new room? You can come downstairs whenever you want to.” I spoke to the silent child.

Lyla and I hovered over a couple of cups of coffee.

“How are things going with Becky? Any news?”

Lyla sighed. “It’s going to be any day now. I think it’s good Corinne is here. It can’t be good for her to see her mother like this. Becky has peace, you know, since you and Senator Tanner signed the adoption papers. She knows you’ll take care of her.”

“We will. We’ll do everything we can to make her feel like she belongs here.”

“It will take some time for all of you, but I hope she grows up to realize what a lucky girl she is. She gets to have a relationship with her father and she’ll have you as a mother.”

“She has a mother,” I corrected. “But I don’t mind standing in for Becky. I’ll do the best I can.”

Lyla placed her mug on the counter. “I’ll go say good-bye and then I better get home. But call me tonight if you need anything.”