The Case of the Missing Cat (7 page)

Chapter Twelve: Happy Endings Aren't as Simple as You Might Think

W
e zoomed past the mailbox and headed north. Drover broke the silence. “You don't reckon we might see any coyotes, do you.”

“Are you joking?”

He started laughing. “Yeah, I was just joking.”

“That was a good joke, Drover, because up in that rough country, the coyotes are as thick as fleas.”

All at once it appeared that Drover suffered a blowout on his left front paw. “Boy howdy, this old leg just went out on me, Hank! I was afraid that might happen, I never should have pushed it so hard.”

“Hurry up, son, this is a race against time.”

He was falling farther behind. “You'd better go on without me, Hank, I don't want to hold you back. I'll see you guys back at the house.”

I didn't have time to mess with Drover. The seconds were ticking away, and with every tick of the tock, uh clock, Pete the Barncat was coming closer to . . .

I still couldn't believe I was doing this.

I hit that big sand draw just east of the prairie dog town and followed it north to the base of the caprock. Up ahead, I could see the lone hackberry tree where I'd dumped him off . . . uh, left him . . . delivered him, shall we say.

Since I didn't know what I'd find there, I approached it with maximum caution. Some twenty-five yards out, I slowed to a walk and shifted into Stealthy Crouch Mode. I eased up to a bluff and glanced around in all directions. I peered over the top and saw . . .

Pete the Barncat, surrounded by two hungry-looking coyotes who reminded me very much of two long-limbed, yellow-eyed, slack-jawed, utterly humorless cannibal brothers named Rip and Snort.

Yes, it WAS Rip and Snort, and it had certainly been nice knowing old Pete and I kind of regretted losing him after I had gone to the trouble of running all the way to the caprock, because
nobody takes cats away from Rip and Snort.

I mean, you talk about guys who love to fight and eat and belch! Those two were champs.

Tough. Double-tough.

So I just lay there on top of the bluff and watched and listened. Hmmm. Pete was sitting and he appeared to be studying the same thing. Staring at the ground.

Snort stood nearby, looking over Rip's shoulder.

That was odd.

All at once Pete extended his right paw and tapped it on the ground, three times, and said, “Mmmm, sorry, Rip, but you sure let that one slip up on you.”

Snort began to laugh. “Huh, huh, huh! Brother lose again! Brother got great big dumbness in head. Maybe now we stop and eat,” his gaze drifted to Pete, “cat supper!''

“Uh!” said Rip.

“Mmm, let's not rush into anything,” said Pete—and you'll notice that he didn't hump up and hiss at those two guys, since that would have made him an instant meatball. “Now let me see. I played Rip and won. I played Snort and won. But Rip and Snort haven't played each other.”

“Huh!” said Snort. “Snort not waste time play Chesterless Chester with brother, 'cause brother just big dummy.”

Rip scowled and said, “Uh!”

“Oh, I'm not so sure about that,” Pete said, flicking the end of his tail, “and if you'll just watch the tail going back and forth, back and forth, to and fro, lull-a-bye and good . . .”

BLAM!

Snort clubbed Kitty over the head with his paw. “Not try funny cat trick on Rip and Snort.”

Pete scraped himself off the ground, straightened his ears, and spit dirt out of his mouth. “I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.”

“Talking about cat try to cheat, but Rip and Snort not fall for funny cheating cat trick, huh! Now cat move back and let Rip and Snort play Chesterless Chester, oh boy!” Snort swatted Pete out of the way and sat down at the so-called board. “Brother go first move.”

“Uh!” said Rip, and suddenly we had two cannibals staring down at a blank area of dirt and giving total concentration to . . .

Total concentration?
Hey, if they were so wrapped up in their . . .

Creeping over the edge of the bluff and ex­tending my body to its fully extended position, I closed my jaws around Pete's head and snatched him into the air. He did a flip and landed on the ground—on MY side of the bluff.

The second he landed, he humped up and bris­tled and drew back his paw to deliver his usual swat to my nose. Lucky for him, he caught himself just in the nicker of time.

“Mmmm, my goodness, the cops are here!”

“That's right, Kitty. I've come to save your worthless carcass, don't ask me why, but before I do any life saving, I want to hear you say ‘calf rope.'”

“Calf rope? Well now, ordinarily cats don't . . .”

“Say it, Pete, or I'll throw you back with the cannibals.”

“Mmmm, I'm liking it better all the time. Calf rope, and let's get out of here.”

“Hop on my back and hang on!”

He sprang up on my back and we went zooming down the sand draw. We hadn't gone far when I heard a riot starting behind us. No doubt Rip and Snort had looked up from their Checkerless Checker game and had figgered out that they'd been conned by their supper.

And they didn't sound too happy about it. “Uh, stop thief! Not leave with cat! Ranch dog in berry big trouble now!”

Yes, “berry big trouble” indeed, which was a powerful incentitive for me to stretch out my legs and use my incredible speed to move our deal from the caprocks down to headquarters.

I had just begun to pull away from them when Pete turned around in the saddle, so to speak, and faced the back and began talking trash to the brothers.

“Mmmm, you big galoots couldn't catch a flea on a grandpa's knee, and ha ha ha and ho ho ho and hee hee hee, and I'll bet your momma wears old tow sack drawers.”

Seemed to me that Pete had a real short memory and real poor judgment, which I guess is standard equipment in your lower grades of cat, and the result was like throwing water on gasoline.

Gasoline on water. Water on a fire. Whatever it is.

Anyways, the brothers got a sudden inspiration to stump a fresh mudhole in the middle of Pete's back, and here they came!

Gasoline on a fire.

“Pete, do me a favor and shut your mouth, will you?”

Fellers, if the chase had gone another hundred yards, we might have been looking at the possibility of throwing baggage overboard to lighten the load, which would have definitely put my new friendship with the cat to a stern test.

But just as the brothers were getting close enough to shorten my tail section, we reached the county road. A truck was coming along and I shot the gap in front of him, made it with inches to spare, and the brothers had to give up the chase.

We had made it!

By that time we were within easy walking distance of ranch headquarters. I slowed to a walk and caught my breath and enjoyed the spectacle of a beautiful Panhandle sunset.

I mean, it was a magic moment. The wind had died to the merest whisper. The western sky had become a fireworks display of red and pink and orange, while off to the north the caprocks were sinking into blue and purple shadows.

I had just pulled off a very impressive rescue mission and had escaped being mauled by the coyotes and had made peace with my very oldest and staunchest enemy.

Just for a moment, it seemed that the whole world stopped what it was doing and joined in on a song to celebrate peace and happiness and friendship and the beautiful sunset. As I recall, it went something like this:

Prairie Vespers

Day is done

Twilight's come

Gone's the sun

And comes the night.

We pray for wisdom

And for health

And for light.

Day is now over

The twilight has fallen

And gone is the sunlight

We're left in the blackness of night

We're praying for courage and wisdom

And for our safe passage from darkness to light.

Yes sir, it was an evening to remember. Even Pete caught the feeling of it. “Well, Hankie, you've put me in a very awkward position. Since you saved me from the coyotes, I may be forced to say thank you.”

“Yup, you sure might.”

“Which cats don't like to say.”

“I've noticed.”

“And I might even have to start thinking of you as a friend, which really depresses me.”

“I know what you're saying, Pete. I mean, just think of all the years we've invested in a lousy relationship.”

“Mmmm, I know. All the nasty tricks and hateful names.”

“Right, and all the great fights we've had.”

“And now it's finished, Hankie, all gone.”

“Exactly, wiped out by one thoughtless act of kindness.”

“Well, Hankie, we can always hope that it won't last.”

With heavy hearts, we strolled into headquarters. As we were passing the yard gate, I noticed that Pete's head shot up and he said, “Mmmm!”

“What?”

“Oh nothing, Hankie. Thanks for everything and now you run along to your gunnysack bed.”

“Well, that's sort of what I . . .” I sniffed the air. Mercy, unless I was badly mistaken, the air had just acquired the fragrance of roast beef. “On second thought, Kitty, why don't you run along and find somebody's leg to rub.”

“Those scraps are mine, Hankie, because I saw them first.”

“Uh no, wrong, incorrect, and wrong. Those are MY scraps.”

He humped his back. I growled. He hissed. I barked. He slapped me across the nose and I made a snap at his tail and . . .

All at once I remembered why I'd wanted to bump him off in the first place and things were back to normal and everyone was happy again. I guess.

Fellers, if you can figger out what happiness is in this old life, you're a better dog than I am. I quit.

Further Reading

Have you read all of Hank's adventures?

1
The Original Adventures of Hank the Cowdog

2
The Further Adventures of Hank the Cowdog

3
It's a Dog's Life

4
Murder in the Middle Pasture

5
Faded Love

6
Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

7
The Curse of the Incredible Priceless Corncob

8
The Case of the One-Eyed Killer Stud Horse

9
The Case of the Halloween Ghost

1
0
Every Dog Has His Day

1
1
Lost in the Dark Unchanted Forest

1
2
The Case of the Fiddle-Playing Fox

1
3
The Wounded Buzzard on Christmas Eve

1
4
Hank the Cowdog and Monkey Business

1
5
The Case of the Missing Cat

1
6
Lost in the Blinded Blizzard

1
7
The Case of the Car-Barkaholic Dog

1
8
The Case of the Hooking Bull

1
9
The Case of the Midnight Rustler

20
The Phantom in the Mirror

21
The Case of the Vampire Cat

22
The Case of the Double Bumblebee Sting

23
Moonlight Madness

24
The Case of the Black-Hooded Hangmans

25
The Case of the Swirling Killer Tornado

26
The Case of the Kidnapped Collie

27
The Case of the Night-Stalking Bone Monster

28
The Mopwater Files

29
The Case of the Vampire Vacuum Sweeper

30
The Case of the Haystack Kitties

31
The Case of the Vanishing Fishhook

32
The Garbage Monster from Outer Space

33
The Case of the Measled Cowboy

34
Slim's Good-bye

35
The Case of the Saddle House Robbery

36
The Case of the Raging Rottweiler

37
The Case of the Deadly Ha-Ha Game

38
The Fling

39
The Secret Laundry Monster Files

40
The Case of the Missing Bird Dog

41
The Case of the Shipwrecked Tree

42
The Case of the Burrowing Robot

43
The Case of the Twisted Kitty

44
The Dungeon of Doom

45
The Case of the Falling Sky

46
The Case of the Tricky Trap

47
The Case of the Tender Cheeping Chickies

48
The Case of the Monkey Burglar

49
The Case of the Booby-Trapped Pickup

50
The Case of the Most Ancient Bone

51
The Case of the Blazing Sky

52
The Quest for the Great White Quail

53
Drover's Secret Life

54
The Case of the Dinosaur Birds

55
The Case of the Secret Weapon

56
The Case of the Coyote Invasion

57
The Disappearance of Drover

58
The Case of the Mysterious Voice

59
The Case of the Perfect Dog

60
The Big Question

61
The Case of the Prowling Bear