The Cats that Surfed the Web (6 page)

“Scout votes no, Iris and Lilac vote yes.”

By the time Katherine got back to her desk, Lilac had resumed her position on top of her chair. She leaned over and read the three remaining messages—written by her boss in her typical taskmaster tone—work, work, work. The corporation had downsized to the barest of staff, which meant those employees lucky enough to keep their jobs were unlucky enough to acquire several more. “I need to get a life,” Katherine said to the sleeping cat.

Walking into the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of cabernet, then dialed the Indiana attorney’s home number.

The phone rang twice. Katherine heard the sound of a phone being picked up, then dropped to the floor.

“Bruiser,” Mark scolded. “Get away from that phone. Hello,” he said into the receiver.

Katherine chuckled, “I see we have similar problems. Bruiser doesn’t like the phone ringing either?”

“I’m so glad you called,” Mark said. “How was your flight?”

“A total nightmare. Snow in Indiana. Fog and rain in New York. Choppy air in-between,” she said. “My cab driver was from hell and he drove that way, too. I got drenched outside the apartment. Need I go on?” she laughed ruefully.

Mark laughed. “I think I get the picture.”

“The reason I’m calling is I’ve made a decision.”

“And does the decision involve a long-distance move?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes, it does.”

“Wonderful. How soon can you get here?”

“By the end of the month. I’d very much appreciate if you’d contact your New York connection to begin whatever they have to do to get me out of my lease.”

“I’ll need your landlord’s name and address.”

“I’ll email it to you.”

“How are you getting out here?”

“I’ll drive out by car. My car isn’t the latest model, and in fact, it needs the brakes serviced, but I believe it will get my cats and me to Erie.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to fly?”

“Not after today’s flight,” she said adamantly.

“The mountains in Pennsylvania can be pretty difficult in the winter,” he warned.

“No problem. Can we talk tomorrow? I’m really tired, and I’ve a big day ahead of me.”

“Sure,” he said. “I’ll call you tomorrow night.”

“Perfect,” she said, hanging up.

*  *  *  *

By one o’clock the next day, the rain had ended, but the sky remained cloudy. Katherine met Colleen at Grand Central, and they walked across the street to Flaming Fajitas, a Mexican restaurant.

“I know I’m not supposed to drink during business hours,” Katherine said. She ordered a frozen margarita anyway. “But I’ll need it for later when I tell my boss I’m quitting the end of next week.”

“I’m so happy for you, Katz,” Colleen said gleefully. “I’ll miss you very much, but I know you’ll find happiness out there in Eerieville.”

“Erie,” Katherine corrected.

“Just kidding.”

The waiter came over and placed a basket of tortilla chips and a bowl of salsa on the table.

Katherine picked up a chip, scooped up some salsa, then proceeded to spill the tomato sauce down the front of her white blouse. “Incredible,” she said.

“You need seltzer,” Colleen said. She motioned to the waiter, who nodded and returned soon with a can of sparkling water.

He opened the can and offered to help. Katherine brushed his hand away and said a polite “thank you.” He winked, then went away.

“My dry cleaner is going to miss my business when I’m gone,” Katherine mused, cleaning the stain.

Colleen smirked and said, “I tried to get a hold of you this morning four times, but I kept getting your voice mail.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you back, but I’ve been on the phone all morning—scheduling two different moving companies to come over and give me a bid. One is coming tonight at 7:00, the other tomorrow at 3:00.”

“Isn’t your big meeting tomorrow?” Colleen said, dipping into the salsa.

The waiter brought over two margaritas. “It’s on the house,” he said seductively.

Katherine looked at him curiously, then thanked him.

After he left, Colleen said, “He’s in love.”

Katherine rolled her eyes. “The meeting is in the morning. I’ll be finished by one o’clock. I’m going to try to take off tomorrow by two-thirty. After I meet with these moving people, I need to take my car in to be serviced.”

“Why don’t you just buy a new car?” Colleen asked.

“I don’t want to shell out the bucks until I know this inheritance thing is a done deal.  Besides, until I’m residing in my great aunt’s house, I get nothing.”

“Wait a minute. I thought you were supposed to get $30 thousand bucks right off the bat,” Colleen questioned.

“No, my great aunt made it quite clear in her will that she wanted someone in the house minding her cat before any money is released from her estate.”

The waiter returned, and Katherine and Colleen both ordered the beef burrito special. He winked at Katherine a second time.

When he was out of earshot, Katherine said, “Do you think that guy has something in his eye?“

“I think he’s got a crush,” Colleen teased.

*  *  *  *

Katherine returned to work and left a second voice mail for her out-of-office boss, requesting time in the early afternoon when they could talk for a few minutes. She keyed in her resignation letter and edited it three times before she finally printed the final version. She was busy deleting email accounts from the main server—five employees had been terminated the previous week—when her boss returned to the office and immediately requested that they meet in the main conference room.

Katherine logged off the system and joined her boss in the nearby room. “Hello, Monica,” Katherine said pleasantly to the middle-aged woman, who was sitting at the end of a long walnut table, sorting through a stack of papers.

“Please have a seat,” Monica said quickly. “I hate to have to do this, but I have been instructed by upper management to advise you that your position here at Computer Net no longer exists.”

“What? You’ve got to be kidding,” Katherine said, startled.

“I’m very sorry. I realize this comes as a great shock, but we feel that your job is no longer crucial to the company’s operations. As you are aware, with our merger with INET, we in the Manhattan office are going to focus more on selling our products. We’ll hire outside consultants to do the training. Because you don’t have experience as a marketing rep, we have no other choice but to eliminate your position.”

“Why don’t we cut the work-a-talk, mumbo jumbo crap, Monica. What you really mean to say is that Computer Net is firing me,” Katherine said curtly. After a long pause, she added, “Is the company offering me a termination package?”

“Why, yes,” Monica said, a little taken back by Katherine’s abruptness. “I have a check here for one month’s salary, plus three months’ severance pay.”

Katherine took the envelope but didn’t open it. “Am I to report to work tomorrow?” Katherine asked coolly.

“No,” Monica said hurriedly. “We’ll have someone pack up your belongings, then hire a messenger to bring them over to you. Or we can ship it. Your choice.” She hesitated, then stated. “We want you to leave ASAP.”

“Wow. That’s brutal,” Katherine said bitterly. She opened the envelope to verify the check amount.

“Also, here’s a packet of documents—insurance and 401K paperwork you’ll need to fill out and send to headquarters. In addition, we’ll need your company credit card, laptop computer, and security pass,” Monica said, then added, “Thank you very much for your service. Please be advised that once you find a new position, I’ll personally give you an excellent recommendation.” She got up and started to leave.

“One moment,” Katherine said. “Allow me two seconds to write the address where I want my belongings sent.” She hurriedly wrote down her great aunt’s Erie address.

“Indiana?” Monica asked cuttingly.

“Yes,” Katherine said, securing the paycheck in the front pocket of her suit jacket. “Last week I inherited several million dollars, but this small, token amount shall help me in the interim.” She picked up the packet of documents and left the conference room.

Monica stormed out of the room, past Katherine, and into her office, slamming the door. Monica’s absence let Katherine cruise around the office one last time to say good-bye to those remaining employees who had not been “eliminated.”

On the way out of the office, Rosemary called after her. “Ms. Kendall, I have a message for you.”

Katherine walked to the reception desk.

Rosemary smiled and handed her a pink message slip. She had written:  “We’ll miss you very much. Best of luck and keep in touch.”

Katherine went behind the desk and hugged Rosemary. Then she made her way to the elevator bank. On her way down to the lobby, she thought,
I’ve been here four years and I never thought in a million years that my job would be eliminated.

When she got home, she threw her coat on the sofa and walked over to the steam radiator. Scout was almost on top of it. The other two were nestled nearby. Katherine reached down and pulled Scout away from the heater; she looked up sleepily, then turned over on her back. Katherine went into her bedroom and began to change into casual clothes when she heard her cell phone ring in the next room. She rushed into the kitchen to extract it from her bag. “Hello,” she said, cradling the phone in the crook of her neck.

“Hi, Katherine,” Mark Dunn said.

“Katz,” Katherine reminded.

“I have bad news.”

“Make my day,” Katherine countered.

“Mrs. Marston had a stroke today and is in the hospital.”

“Stroke,” Katherine said in disbelief.

“Her daughter found her on the back stairs. Apparently she had been lying there for several hours. The ambulance rushed her to a hospital in the city. She’s in the Intensive Care Unit. I’ll keep you posted on her condition.”

“I’m terribly sorry, Mark.”

“If you need to reach me in the evenings, I’ll be staying in your great aunt’s home for the rest of this week. I moved Bruiser over there this afternoon. Vivian’s daughter, Patricia, is moving in this weekend, and will stay until you get here. Just call my cell or text me.”

“My arrival will be sooner than I expected,” Katherine said.

“How soon?” he said surprised.

Today is the fifth,
she thought. “Next weekend—February 18th.”

“I don’t have my calendar in front of me. Is that on a Saturday or Sunday?”

“Yes, late on Sunday. Listen, I’m meeting with a mover tonight. If I can get a rush job, there won’t be a need for me to delay. My request is that Patricia stay in the house until the 17th.”

“I’ll let Patricia know. I’ll also have Cokey move Vivian’s belongings back to her apartment by then. I wish you’d reconsider, and fly to Indiana instead of driving,” he said, changing the subject.

“No, that’s okay. I’m going to drive.”

“In the dead of winter? Seriously, my office can make all of your traveling arrangements,” he stressed.

“That won’t be necessary,” she said. “I have to get my car to Indiana somehow, and I think the cats will be more comfortable in the car instead of some cold luggage bay in a jet.”

“Well, at least allow me to send you a map,” he offered. “I can email you the best route.”

“I have GPS. But thanks anyway.”

“No problem.”

“Oh, yes, before I hang up. First, I’ll pick Abigail up on the nineteenth. Could you notify Dr. Sonny? And, second, I want a locksmith to change every exterior lock on the house.”

“Why?” Mark asked quizzically.

“I’m a native New Yorker, and we believe in security. I’m not sure how many keys my great aunt gave to her employees. To be safe, I want to know I’m the only one in possession of the keys.”

“I understand,” he said. “I’ll schedule a locksmith right away.”

“Thanks,” she said. “I’m very sorry about Mrs. Marston.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said.

Katherine pressed the END button and immediately punched in Colleen’s home number. One of Colleen’s brothers answered. “Murphy's,” he said.

“Jimmy, Jacky, Joey or Johnnie?” she inquired.

“It’s Jacky. Is this Katz?”

“Yes, has Colleen gotten home from work yet?”

“No, she’s off to Paddy’s Pub with that guy you fixed her up with.”

“I didn’t fix her up with any guy. What are you talking about?”

“Yes, you did,” he argued. “His name is Mario and he works in your building.”

“Oh, that Mario. Wow. That was fast. Oh, listen Jacky, I’ll just call her on her cell.”

Mario,
she thought.
Fast worker
.

She started to call Colleen, but decided to text her instead. “Have one on me!” She’d tell her the doom-and-gloom stories tomorrow.

Chapter Five

Katherine signed the last page on the bill of lading and watched the delivery man load three remaining boxes onto a hand truck, then push it through the apartment doorway. Lilac made a mad dash to escape, but Katherine caught her. “Trying to run away from home?” she asked the errant cat. “Me-yowl,” Lilac screeched. She squirmed free and raced down the hall into the living room. The deliveryman, who had complained of being allergic to cats, sneezed for the hundredth time, then disappeared down the hall toward the elevator bank. Katherine was sure he was anxious to get away from three shedding cats.

Katherine had decided to send her clothing and other personal items to Indiana by a parcel delivery service, and leave behind her furniture and other bulky items for now. Colleen and her brother Jacky had agreed to sublet the apartment. Jacky was a carpenter and was going to convert the one-bedroom flat into a two-bedroom unit by partitioning the living room. A short-term sublet to her friends was ideal for Katherine, because she wouldn’t have to give up the apartment in the event the Indiana situation did not work out.

Katherine’s patience had been tested by the cats, who endeavored to help assembl
e and pack twenty boxes. Scout kept carrying off the roll of tape, Iris kept jumping in and out of boxes, and Lilac kept hiding in the box that was currently being packed. Whenever Katherine had enough of their shenanigans, she’d lock them in the bedroom. They would be quiet for a few minutes, until they realized they were being excluded from an activity worthy of their assistance, and then collectively launched into a wailing session that threatened to violate the city noise ordinance. Katherine could tolerate their high-pitched shrieks for only a few minutes before freeing them to resume their meddling all over again. To make matters worse, Lilac kept burying her bear in each unsealed box, darting off to get into further mischief, then returning to reclaim the toy after Katherine had fastened the box with tape. She whined incessantly until Katherine unsealed the box and rescued the bear.

The cats seemed to know a change was in their future, because they increased their restless exploration and became more talkative. None of the cats except Scout had ever been on an extended road trip before, and Scout may or may not have had a fond memory of her traveling with Magic Harry. The most time any of them had recently spent in a car was less than an hour, which was the time it took to drive to the vet’s office in lower Manhattan. Now Katherine was about to embark on a road trip that would take at least eight or nine hours the first day, and about the same on the next day.

Colleen had readily agreed to ride with Katherine to Indiana, then fly back to Queens a week later. During that week, Colleen’s four brothers volunteered to move her clothing and other personal belongings into Katherine’s apartment, so when she returned she would be able to instantly set up shop. Mario, the doorman, was thrilled when he learned Colleen was subletting the apartment. In his amorous effort to further ingratiate himself with Colleen, he enlisted his help to make sure the move was successful—at least on his end, which was opening and shutting the front lobby security door.

When Mario heard Colleen would pick up Katherine’s car so she could finish packing, he volunteered to accompany her to the parking garage. He counted his lucky stars that he arrived early for his shift, and had literally run into his Irish heartthrob at six-thirty in the morning as she was headed out the building, en route to the parking garage.

Katherine decided to wait until Mario and Colleen returned before she dared corral the cats. She knew from past experience that collecting the cats would be relatively easy compared to enticing them into their traveling cage, which they associated with trips to the vet. She bought a large-size dog carrier to squeeze into the back seat. The cats often snuggled up together during naps and sleep time, and Katherine assumed one large carrier would be more agreeable to the picky Siamese than three separate cages.

That was Katherine’s first mistake. The second mistake was the larger carrier’s great weight, once all the cats were in it. It took two people to carry it, and the carrier was difficult to wedge in the back seat.

Katherine placed two of her fluffiest towels on the carrier floor. Scout immediately jumped in, walked around the perimeter, sniffed, then flopped down into a tranquil repose.
Perfect,
she thought. Iris strolled in and plopped down next to Scout.
Amazing
, she reflected. She attempted to quickly close the steel grate door, but it squeaked loudly on its hinges and terrified the sensitive seal-points, who bounded out of the carrier, scurried into the bedroom, and darted under the bed. “Waugh,” Scout scolded. “Yowl,” Iris added.

Lilac strolled out of the kitchen, carrying her bear. She jumped on top of the carrier and dropped the stuffed toy. “Lilac, my little darling,” Katherine said soothingly. The very moment she grasped Lilac, the doorbell buzzed, which caused the frightened feline to break free of Katherine’s grip and rocket into the next room, joining Scout and Iris beneath the bed.

Katherine ran down the hall to open the door. Mario stood outside.

“Hey, Marie,” he teased. “Colleen’s down on the street, double-parked. She says I’m to help you carry your cats.”

“Oh Mario, thank you so much, but first I have to herd my kids into their traveling carrier.”

“Can I help?”

“I’m good. Just stay here for a minute. I’ll coax them into the carrier, and then we can take them downstairs.”

The telephone rang in the kitchen. Racing down the hall, Katherine answered the phone on the third ring.

“Leaving without saying good-bye?” The voice on the other end had a sarcastic tone.

“I can’t talk now, Gary,” Katherine lied. “Can I call you later?”

“Katz, I want to see you before you leave.”

“Not interested.”

“Just hear me out. Moni told me your news.”

“Monica had no right to do that,” Katherine fumed.

“I guess Moni’s loyalties lie with the family, not the job.”

“What do you want?” she asked bitterly.

“Indiana,” he said cynically. “I can see you and the cats staring out a large picture window at cows in the meadow, chewing their cud.”

“Gary, that’s one of your big-time limitations,” she began. “When you fly on business from the East Coast to the West Coast, you never stop and check out the in-between.”

“Maybe I’ll do that someday,” he suggested.

“Not in your lifetime,” she said. “This is good-bye. Have a nice life. And,” she said firmly, “Never—ever—call me again!” She slammed the receiver down so forcibly that the phone fell off the table.

“Everything okay, Marie?” Mario asked earnestly, still standing at the front door.

Katherine took a deep breath and walked into the hallway, “Yes, Mario. I’m sorry you had to hear that. I need to get my cats in the carrier before Colleen gets a parking ticket.” She walked into the bedroom, spouting wonderful compliments about the cats’ good looks. She kneeled down and looked under the bed. She found Iris’s cosmetic brush stash, but no cats.

“Where are you guys?” She went into the living room and was surprised to see three Siamese inside the carrier. Scout and Iris formed two compact bundles, sitting side-by-side and looking up at her with slanted, blue eyes. Lilac was nestled in the corner with her paw on the bear. Katherine didn’t waste any time on a second glance, and hurriedly closed the metal door.

“Good girls,” she cooed, “Okay, Mario. Mission accomplished. If you carry the cats, I’ll get my bag and keys to lock up.”

“Sure, Marie.” He hurried down the hall, leaned down to pick up the carrier, and gazed inside. He made a kissing sound and said, “
Buon giorno
. What beautiful cats.” Iris hissed.

“Did I say something wrong?” he asked.

“Iris is having a bad fur day,” Katherine assured him.

She sadly said good-bye to her apartment and followed Mario down to the street. While Colleen sat behind the wheel, Mario and Katherine tried to push the large carrier through the door and onto the back seat.

“I think it’s stuck,” Katherine said, worriedly. For a moment, she was terrified it wouldn’t fit.

“It has to fit,” Colleen noted. “We brought it here from the pet store.”

With one final push, the carrier fit snugly through the door and settled onto the back seat. The cats huddled by the metal door and looked forlornly out the opening. Katherine leaned over and placed a small litter box behind the driver’s seat.

“Say good-bye to New York,” Colleen said.

The cats were unusually quiet.

“Quiet before the storm,” Kath
erine muttered under her breath.

Colleen jumped out of the car and ran around to the passenger side.

“What are you doing?” Katherine said, perplexed.

“Oh, I don’t want to drive.”

Katherine rolled her eyes. She hugged Mario and thanked him before she got into the car. Mario smiled, then winked at Colleen. “See you in a week,” he said, beaming.

“Maybe,” Colleen said mischievously.

“
Ciao
,” he said to the cats.

“Me-yowl,” Lilac belted hungrily.

“Not chow, honey,” Katherine said.

“Oops,” Mario laughed. “
Arrivederci!
”

Katherine placed her GPS on the dash, put the car in gear, and moved into traffic. Within two blocks, all hell broke loose in the carrier. For a large carrier that had previously been—with utmost difficulty—wedged in the back seat, it was now being rocked back and forth by Scout, who was having a complete cat fit. “Waugh,” she screamed, kicking the side of the carrier. Iris yowled. Iris hissed. Lilac began whining. Scout kept on kicking like a kangaroo in some sort of crazed feline tantrum.

“Pull over. Pull over,” Colleen shouted, looking back at the mayhem. “They’re killing each other. I think that GPS lady is making them crazy.”

“Make a left on Baxter Street,” the machine said.

“Where the hell is that?” Katherine asked.

“Baxter Street,” the machine repeated.

“Oh, turn that thing off,” Colleen implored.

“Okay, okay,” Katherine said, trying to turn down the device’s volume with one hand. She crossed three lanes before she could find a spot to double-park. By now, Iris was in a rage and was pummeling Lilac, who was cowering in the corner, whimpering.

The GPS droned on, “Recalculating.”

“I can’t get her to shut up.” Finally, Katherine tapped the off switch. “We’ve got to get Scout out of there,” she said.

“But we don’t have a cage for her,” Colleen said.

“She’ll have to ride outside the cage.”

Katherine got out of the car and ran to the passenger side. She partially climbed in the back seat and struggled to open the carrier’s metal door. She extracted the hysterical Scout and held her to her chest, while Colleen reached around Katherine and shut the metal door. Iris gave out one more hiss before settling down. She immediately began to groom the terrified Lilac. Katherine held Scout close and cooed to her reassuringly. A group of homeless people stood nearby observing the scene. “Nice fruit bat,” one of them said.

“Katz, we better go,” Colleen said. “There’s a traffic cop on the corner writing tickets.”

Katherine set Scout down on top of the carrier and hurriedly shut the car door. Colleen slid back into her seat and Katherine resumed her driving position. She pulled out a piece of paper from her bag. “I’m just going to follow the directions Mark sent me. No more GPS lady.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Scout jumped to the back windowsill and sat like an Egyptian sphinx, staring at the traffic. She cried an incessant string of variations on “waugh” from “whoa” to “mir-waugh” to “ma-waugh” until the car had crossed the toll bridge between New Jersey and Pennsylvania. Then she quieted down and went to sleep. Meanwhile, the other two cats were snuggled in a fur ball, fast asleep. Lilac’s paw was twitching.

“I think the little darlings are asleep,” Katherine whispered.

“Waugh,” Scout protested weakly, and then fell back to sleep.

“My neck hurts from checking,” Colleen complained. “Are we there yet? I’m hungry. I need a spot of tea. Can we stop so I can go to the bat-room?”

“Bathroom,” Katherine chuckled at her friend’s pronunciation.

They drove on for another hour before stopping at a fast food restaurant. Katherine was afraid someone would break into the car and steal the Siamese, so she stayed in the car while Colleen went inside.

“Don’t they need to go to the cat-room?” Colleen asked, returning to the car.

“They’ll scream like banshees when they need to use the litter box, I’m sure,” Katherine said. “But, just in case I’m going to leave this metal door open.”

Iris and Lilac continued sleeping.

“I think the car motion has anesthetized them,” Colleen joked.

Colleen traded seats with Katherine and began driving. They agreed to relieve each other every two hours. The car was getting excellent gas mileage, so they did not have to stop for gas frequently.

Five hours into Pennsylvania, Katherine was behind the wheel. Scout had moved from the rear window ledge to inside the carrier. The three cats formed a tight circle; Scout was snoring intermittently.