The Change (Unbounded) (38 page)

The muscles in his jaw tightened. “Seems like you’ve learned a good lesson.”

“Maybe.” I wanted to bash in his self-satisfied face. “But keep in mind that not being able to deal with loss is what pushed Laurence over the edge, what made him willing to betray us. Living like that is no way to spend fifty years, much less two thousand. Then again, maybe after my first century, I’ll be like you and bury my emotions so deep nothing will matter except revenge.” I shook my head. “No. I don’t want that. For now, I think I’ll keep on dreaming of finding a man so crazy about me that I’m all he thinks about—even if it ends badly like with Bronson and Stella. I’ll keep hoping for the chance to love someone so much that I feel like dying if he doesn’t love me back. Whatever I do, it doesn’t concern you. If you don’t like it, well, you can just . . .”

I didn’t know what he could do, and anything I said wouldn’t be bad enough. “Forget it.” I stalked away, reaching the sand and kicking off my shoes.

The insane thing was that at that moment I wanted Ritter more than I’d wanted anyone, and I knew he wanted me. But there was nothing I could do about his damaged heart, and for all my brave words, I
was
scared of losing again as I’d lost with Tom.

The sand burned my feet, so in the end I had to put my shoes on again. Ritter caught up to me and we ignored each other as we continued over the beach, but I could sense his emotions roiling under the surface of his mental shield, threatening to burst through.

It really wasn’t fair that I should have to experience Ritter’s emotions as well as my own, even in small glimpses. My attraction to him was strong enough on its own. At least he made no pretense of where he stood. He didn’t want a family. He didn’t want personal attachments. He didn’t want to lose himself in anyone. Given the Unbounded virility, his lack of attachments probably made him a very frustrated man.

For some reason the thought cheered me immensely, and I began to smile.

“What?” Ritter growled. The hint of his emotions vanished as though he’d finally gained control.

“Not a thing. Hey, there’s Chris.” Ahead, I saw my brother at the water’s edge. Kathy and Spencer had rolled up their pants and were playing in the gentle waves. Kathy held her face up to the sun and laughed. Spencer bent over and picked up a shell he’d found on the beach.

Hope shot through me. We would go on. Somehow we would make everything right for the children. For all of us.

Chris saw me and his face showed relief as he jogged across the sand and swept me into his arms. “You made it!”

“I had a little help.” I jerked my head at Ritter.

Chris squeezed me tighter. “What do we do now?”

“We have to go to New York. We have a plane, but no pilot yet. Can you fly us?”

“What about the kids?”

“We’ll have to take them with us.”

“I don’t want them in danger.”

“Of course not. Once we’re in New York, we’ll stash you and the kids at a hotel somewhere.”

“And you?”

My eyes flickered to Ritter standing beside me. “I’m going to do whatever I can to help. I have to, Chris,” I added when he seemed about to protest. “It comes with being who I am now.”

After a slight hesitation, he nodded. “I’ll fly the plane, but I want to know everything that’s going on. Like it or not, I’m in this as well. We have nowhere else to go.”

“After this is over, you can go with us to Oregon and Ava can set you up with new identities. You can disappear wherever you want.”

Chris’s face hardened. “I’m not disappearing anywhere. We’re family and we’re sticking together. All of us. Especially now that Lorrie’s gone. I want to fight the people who did this to my wife, to my children.”

I nodded solemnly, knowing exactly how he felt. “We have to be careful. Revenge can make us careless.”

“It’s not revenge,” Ritter interrupted.

I’d been acutely aware of him during the entire exchange with my brother, but the comment surprised me. I smirked at him. “Then what is it?”

“It’s making sure the deaths have a meaning, that the same thing doesn’t happen to someone else.”

I returned my gaze to Chris, but my words were also for Ritter. “The greatest revenge we will have is to go about our lives, raising our children, and finding happiness wherever we can.”

Tears filled Chris’s eyes, rain against gray clouds. “That may take some doing. I feel all numb inside. Without Lorrie I . . .”

I hugged him again. “I know. I know.” I did know. At least to some extent. Though we’d been somewhat at odds this past week, Tom’s loss left a hole inside my heart. I still couldn’t believe he was dead, and that I’d been the one who killed him.

“We’d better hurry,” Ritter said.

Chris drew away. “I’ll call the kids.” He sprinted to the water where the children had found a few friends and were playing with a ball.

I glanced at Ritter’s face, but he was already turning to go. He cut a striking figure as he crossed the beach, a man full of raw, coiled power. He wasn’t the kind of man to betray anyone, and I felt an unreasonable jealousy of the woman in the blue dress. She’d never had to doubt her lover’s loyalty. I wondered if she would recognize the man he had become.

Back in the car, I held Spencer on my lap in the middle seat while Chris held Kathy on my right. Ritter sat on my left, his gun drawn in readiness. The children’s gazes, and mine, kept sliding toward the weapon. The hard line of his leg touching mine was a constant distraction.

“What about Laurence?” Kathy asked in a small voice. “He saved us, but then he disappeared. We thought he went back to help you. Did he?”

“Yes, he did help me.” It was better this way, thinking of him as someone who protected those I loved instead of trying to murder them.

“Where is he?” Spencer asked.

I put my arms around him. “He didn’t make it.”

“Neither did Mommy,” he said quietly. Kathy gave a little sob and buried her face in her father’s chest.

I tightened my hold on Spencer, thinking of Lorrie. Thinking of my father and Jace. Of Laurence. Tom. So many losses.

Only the beginning. If we didn’t succeed in our meeting with John Halden, all the Renegades and their families would die. There would be no one left to stand against the Emporium.

“E
RIN, WAKE UP
.” A
VA’S VOICE
came to me from far away.

I sat up from the two airplane seats I was using as a bed, ashamed that I’d let myself sleep so soundly. What if Kathy or Spencer had needed me? I glanced toward the section of seats where I’d left my niece and nephew sleeping earlier, but they were still curled up like lost puppies, snoring softly.

“They’re okay,” Ava said, seated across from me. Between us was a table, and on it she set a steaming mug. “I’ve been keeping an eye on them.”

“I guess you’re every bit as related to them as I am.”

“Well, a few times removed, and they don’t know me as well as they do you.”

“Looks like that will change.”

Ava nodded. “Chris has asked if he could stay on. He wants to work for us.”

“Us? Oh, you mean you and Dimitri.”

“No, I mean the Renegades in general and our group specifically. We don’t have many trained pilots, especially among our mortal security crew. I know I told you I didn’t want to risk him and his family, but given what they’ve been through, I’m inclined to reconsider. He’d be a good addition.”

“Then you said yes.”

“I said I’d discuss it with the others, you included.”

“And if I disagree?”

“Then I won’t employ him.” Ava gave me a wistful smile. “You are Unbounded and we need you more, though I feel it would be a mistake to turn Chris away. He’s a good man, and we owe them our protection.”

“They could get new identities.”

Her brow creased. “They will have to anyway. I don’t understand. Why is this a problem? I thought you wanted your family near.”

I looked away from the gray eyes that were so much like mine—and like Chris’s. “He shouldn’t have to fight this battle. I don’t want him hurt.”

“None of our men are expendable. We fight for all of them, Unbounded or mortal. You can deny your brother this, but I don’t think it’ll stop him from searching for the Emporium, and you know what will happen once he finds them. If he’s with us, we can train him, protect him, and keep him busy, give him a life of meaning. We have great hopes that at least one of Stella’s relatives will be Unbounded and will add to our group, but a man like Chris, even though he’s not Unbounded, could also make a real difference.”

I sighed and looked out the small window into the darkness. “I know you’re right, but I’m still worried.”

“Then that’s a yes?”

I nodded reluctantly. There was no other choice, not really. “Have you heard anything about my father and Jace?”

“Jace is recovering well. Your father, however, is still very ill. His condition has bumped him up on the heart transplant list, but you must prepare yourself for the worst.”

My throat felt dry. “How’s my mother?”

“I don’t know. Dimitri tells me she rarely leaves your father’s side.”

“Does she know Chris and I escaped?”

Ava smiled. “We never let her know you’d been taken.”

“Good.” Still, a part of me was angry at one more deception. “You said you have great hopes that Stella’s relatives will be Unbounded. Is that because you manipulated their conception like you did mine?”

Ava’s mouth formed a thin, straight line. “Yes. Although we didn’t steal from the Emporium as we did with you.”

I waited for her to tell me Dimitri was really my father, but she didn’t elaborate. “It’s wrong,” I said. “You have no right.”

“Actually, with her great-nephew all we did was to arrange for his parents to meet. They were only second and third generation, meaning one had an Unbounded parent and the other an Unbounded grandparent—both of whom we lost far too soon in conflicts with the Emporium. We had to finagle things quite a bit to throw them together, and it took several years, but they eventually fell in love and married. We’re hoping the gene is strong enough to cause at least one of their four adult children to be Unbounded. The odds are about the same as it is with the offspring of an Unbounded and a mortal union—twenty percent. The two oldest didn’t Change, but the next one is coming up on the right age.”

“I see.” Nothing I could really object to there.

“As for the great-niece we’re watching, Stella became close friends with her mother about the age when she would have Changed had she been Unbounded. In fact, Stella stuck around far too long for my comfort. She even gave her a house, though the woman had some means of her own. She was single, not very attractive or outgoing, and didn’t have any marriage prospects, but she wanted a child, so Stella suggested she have one on her own. After a time, the woman decided to try artificial insemination, and we were able to manipulate the genetic material of an Unbounded in New York who matched the physical and mental aptitude she wanted, with far superior skills.”

“And the possibility of immortality.”

Ava shook her head. “Not immortality, Erin. We are not gods. We are not the Emporium. Regardless, we must take their example and actively try to increase our numbers. We need more Unbounded.”

“Renegades, you mean. Would it be so bad if we just died out?”

She smiled. “You sound like Laurence.”

That shocked me, but I still wanted an answer. “Well?”

“The Emporium wouldn’t die out, would they? Only we would. Or we’d get to the point that only a handful would be born every couple hundred years, but the Emporium would continue on, increasing their numbers, and there would be no one to fight against them.”

She was right. I hated it, but she was right.

To my surprise, she moved to the seat next to me, reaching out to draw me into her arms. Physically, she was only six years my senior, but at that moment I felt she was far closer to the real years she’d lived. My grandmother. My fourth great-grandmother. A tear trickled down my cheek and she brushed it away, running her hands along my cheek and over my ear and through my hair like my mother had done when I was small.

I’ve waited a long time for this.
Her mental touch was gentle, not forceful or demanding. Simply comforting.
I’m sorry it’s been so hard.

I didn’t respond in words but let my feelings of comfort touch her mind. She continued lightly stroking my cheek and smoothing my hair.
There’s so much to teach you about our ability,
she added.
But you are already strong. I can tell. Usually it’s harder for me to communicate by thought with other sensing Unbounded, even this close. Mostly we use scenes or emotions.

We sat that way for a long time until my curiosity forced me to lift my head from her shoulder. “The virus I told you Laurence was working on. Do you think something like that could actually work?”

“It’s always possible. But more stable minds than his have studied the Unbounded gene, and so far nothing has been able to kill it fast enough to make a difference.” She shook her head sadly. “Poor, confused man. That’s really all he was. He didn’t have the experience to begin researching something like that. He spent too much time on other pursuits. We should have seen it, taken him in hand.”