The Charm Bracelet (23 page)

Kate took Holly by the elbow. As they walked to where Danny was being inspected by the doctor, she filled her in. ‘So we were at the ice rink, Danny and Nick were skating, and then, well, Danny got involved in a bit of horseplay with some of the other boys out there. From what he told me afterwards, they were simulating a Rangers/Islanders hockey game … ’

‘Oh Lord … ’

‘Anyway, so one thing led to another, and things got a bit too rough, and well … ’ Kate pulled aside a curtain that separated a small portion of the triage area from the rest of the ER. ‘He doesn’t look that pretty, but the doctor says he will be fine.’

Holly’s breath caught in her throat as her son was revealed. Lying on an examination table, as a doctor gingerly inspected an arm, Danny looked as if he had been the victim of a dozen two-hundred-pound NHL defenders. The right side of his face was swollen, with black and blue bruises settling in, his lower lip glossed over with what seemed to be an antibiotic cream, and his eye puffy as if he had been punched in the face. The worst thing, though, was his arm, which was now being carefully cleaned and set in a cast.

‘Holy shit!’ she exclaimed as she laid eyes on her boy before throwing a hand over her mouth at her outburst. ‘I mean, holy cow.’

Danny opened the eye that was not swollen and regarded his mother. ‘It’s OK Mom, you can say that; I know what I look like,’ he smiled weakly.

‘How did this happen? Who did this?’

‘We were just playing.’

‘Just playing? This is not just playing! This is grievous bodily harm!’

Danny put a meek hand up. ‘It’s no big deal, Mom, I’ll heal.’

Holly was about to launch into a protective tirade over how this could happen when the doctor spoke up.

‘Ms O’Neill?’

‘What? Yes, I’m sorry, I mean, yes, I’m Holly O’Neill, his mother.’

‘I’m Doctor Chapman,’ the man said, smiling kindly
. ‘And in Danny’s defence, it looks a lot worse than it is, but—’

‘There’s a but?’ Holly said, feeling exhausted.

‘He does have a concussion. Just a mild one.’

‘A concussion.’ She looked down at Danny and ran a hand across his forehead lovingly. ‘I can’t believe this.’

‘I’m OK, Mom.’

Holly sighed. ‘Danny, there’s a reason hockey players wear helmets and protective gear. It’s because of stuff like this, and those guys still end up getting hurt!’ She rubbed her temples. ‘So what’s the prognosis, doctor, what should I do?’

Doctor Chapman was finishing with the cast. ‘Well, we would like to keep him overnight for observation. The bruises on his face and the broken arm, which is only a hairline fracture, those will heal on their own, but we want to make sure his head is OK. We will move him to a room upstairs, and of course, you can stay.’ The handsome doctor smiled kindly.

She nodded. ‘OK, thank you.’ She breathed a sigh of relief and delicately planted a kiss on her son’s hand. ‘Danny, you scared the life out of me, do you know that?’

Kate put an arm around her. ‘I’m sorry about this, I really am. I should have told him to stop.’

‘Never mind that, where was Nick in all of this?’

Danny’s eyes were downcast. ‘It wasn’t Dad’s fault.’

Kate moved her aside. She spoke quietly. ‘It was and it wasn’t. It was Nick’s idea to go skating, but then he got a call
– some emergency with his girlfriend and the baby - and had to leave. He wasn’t there when Danny ran into trouble. He doesn’t even know that it happened.’

Holly was in two minds whether to be annoyed at Nick for leaving early or relieved that she didn’t have another battle to face.
Still, if there was an issue with the baby, she could hardly blame him and she hoped everything was OK. She shook her head at Kate. ‘I suppose it could be worse. I only have to worry about one boy. As the saying goes, if I had a girl, I would have to worry about
all
the world’s boys. I’ll take concussion over that,’ she said wearily, giving her friend a hug.

She knelt back down by Danny’s bed. ‘And you, mister, don’t scare me like this ever again. Don’t you know my heart couldn’t handle it if anything bad happened to you?’

Danny grimaced. ‘I’m sorry, Mom, I’ll think it through next time.’

Hours later, Holly and Danny were settled in a room in another wing of the hospital and Danny was sleeping peacefully, under the doctor’s watch because of the concussion, and due to his own exhaustion and some strong pain medication.

Holly, however, was struggling to get comfortable on the hospital-issued cot next to his bed, and she was having a hard time feeling calm. Too many scary thoughts were going through her mind, and the idea of anything serious happening to Danny terrified her. With a bubble of panic in her chest, she closed her eyes and fitfully tried to sleep, only to toss and turn, remembering all the other situations where she had been worried about the welfare of her child.

‘Anyone who ever said having a child was easy was clearly crazy, or a liar,’ she muttered under her breath, remembering what her mother had said when Holly first told her that she was going to have a baby.

‘You never stop worrying, ever,’ Eileen told her. ‘From when they are just a tiny baby, to the time they become a teenager and then an adult. It never stops. You’ll see.’

Holly swallowed hard and fought back her tears, remembering several moments where this particular sentiment rang true, but then she remembered something else and modified the thought.

Her mother was only half-right. It wasn’t just when they were babies that you started worrying. It was long before that.

Manhattan, February 2001

Holly placed the small white plastic stick on the marble counter of the sink and sat down on the edge of the claw-foot tub that Nick had insisted on having installed just two months before. The behemoth, usually so comforting when filled with warm water and bubbles, now chilled her as she sat on its side. She felt hesitant to touch it, as if it was pulling all of the cold from outside where a
New York February was in full swing.

She swallowed hard and stared at the pregnancy test on the counter. It was the first time that she had ever taken one. And this was the first pregnancy scare that she had ever had.

She was five days late. She was
never
five days late.

Holly knew that while she might be punctuality-challenged in her day-to-day life, her period did not subscribe to that particular personality trait. That was one area of her life where she was like clockwork. Until this month.

The idea of possibly being pregnant was so remarkably new to her, she still couldn’t get her head around the idea.

What was more, she didn’t know exactly what she would do if it happened to be positive.

Another thing that she and Nick hadn’t spoken about.

Sure, their relationship was good. And she enjoyed living with him. Their new apartment was practically palatial compared to her place, which she was subletting now. If they wanted a baby, there would be room.

She always knew that she would want children
someday
. So why on earth, two years into their relationship, had they never talked about this?

Holly didn’t consider herself a shrinking violet, not by any means. And she certainly was in love with Nick. Maybe it was just because the opportunity for that talk never seemed to be there.

Just as their marriage conversation had more or less started, and stopped, that night in Vegas, expectations over where they were going, together, was never directly addressed, or more often than not revolved around what they (Nick) were going to buy, or where they (Nick) were going to live.

Putting her head in her hands, Holly sighed deeply and fought back the tears that were threatening to spill, based on sheer frustration and fear.

‘When did we stop communicating? Did we ever?’ she moaned.

Allowing a few tears to make trails down her cheeks, she looked up at the sink.

Nevertheless, things would change, starting today. No matter what the result, there would have to be more talking about big life events, and not just work.

Holly took a deep breath and stood up. She took two quick steps towards the sink and put both hands on the counter, as if steeling herself for what would come next. She closed her eyes ever so briefly and thought of how her life could change in the next couple of seconds.

Holly shifted her hands ever so slightly, and her charm bracelet dinged on the marble surface. She opened her eyes and looked down at the test.

It was positive.

Hours later, as she lay curled up on the bed she shared with Nick, she heard the front door open. Looking at the clock, she realised that she had been lying there thinking for hours. And in that time, she had come to a decision. But first, she had to tell Nick.

‘Babe?’ he called out. Immediately she could hear something in his voice. There was a jubilant edge to it. Few days passed without some new development or triumph at work. Nick was rarely in a bad mood; never did he come home angry at a boss, or frustrated with some new piece of corporate legislation. He loved what he did. But that might just be the problem. It was a one-track mindset, and it didn’t allow for any other life developments to take place. Nick’s job was the third person in the relationship.

So he might have news today, but this time, she did too.

‘Holly? Are you home? The front door was unlocked and … ’ Nick entered their bedroom and turned on a light. ‘Hey … what are you doing n the dark?’ A touch of concern entered his voice. ‘Are you OK?’

Holly turned to look at him, and it was as though she was seeing him for the first time. She noted his dark hair, and his eyes – two deep oceans of blue that still made her heart thump. His broad shoulders and muscular arms that were so good at holding her. His kind smile. All the things that had attracted her in the first place.

And now, he was the father of her child.

‘Holly? Hey, are you there?’ he said with a smile on his face. He waved a hand as if trying to get her attention.

‘Sorry, just spaced out for a moment. Listen, Nick … I need to talk to you … ’

Nick smiled and crossed the room in four quick steps. He sat on the bed next to her and held her hands. ‘Great, because I have something to say to you too. Today was a huge day, Holly, just huge—’

‘Really, can we just wait a second, I really need to talk to you  … ’

It was as if he hadn’t heard her.

‘You will never believe what happened. I can barely still believe it myself. It’s going to change everything. It’s going to change our lives … ’

‘Well, I have something to say and I’m pretty sure it’s going to change our lives too… ’

It was as if Holly was invisible, or mute. ‘I mean, we thought there was a possibility of this happening, but never did we think in a million years it would happen so fast. I mean, a year and a half! A year and a half in business and now this
 … ’

Holly sighed heavily and clenched Nick’s hands with more force, practically digging her nails into his palm. He didn’t notice.

‘Nick,’ she said sharply.

‘We were bought by Yahoo!’

‘I’m pregnant.’

‘Yahoo! Can you believe … wait,
what
did you say?’ he said, his smile fading. He dropped her hands and placed his palm down, on his legs, as if trying to wipe off whatever she had just exposed him to.

Holly felt her chest tighten as Nick’s eyes grew wider.

More quietly this time she repeated, ‘I’m pregnant.’

Nick sat there for a moment, shaking his head, as if it couldn’t be possible. As if the sheer
biology
wasn’t possible. The silence went on long enough until Holly grasped eagerly for Nick’s hands, shaking them.

‘Say something, please.’

‘I … I don’t know what to say. I hadn’t exactly planned on this … ’

‘Well that makes two of us,’ Holly countered. ‘I’m just as shocked as you are. But … I know what I want to do.’

Suddenly, his eyes bore into hers intently. ‘What?’ he asked hesitantly.

‘I want to keep it,’ she said with a small smile. ‘I want to have the baby.’

Nick was silent, and he pulled his hands away again. Gently this time, as if he thought she wouldn’t notice him recoil. He stood up and walked to the wall where a sliding glass door opened up onto a patio. He put his hands on the glass and placed his forehead against the cool pane. Holly waited for him to speak, all the while feeling as if her heart would pound out of her chest in anticipation.

Finally, she broke the silence. ‘Well?’ she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. ‘What do you think?’

More silence still.

‘Nick, please, I understand. I was freaked out too, I didn’t expect this, didn’t plan on it. But I think we should talk about it.’

Holly hated sounding as if she was pleading. After all, this wasn’t just about her; this was about the both of them. The
three
of them actually.

Nick turned slowly around to face her.

‘What do you want me to say?’ he asked bluntly, with a new edge to his voice.

Holly crossed her legs, Indian-style, on the bed and put her hands in her lap. She had never felt smaller in her life. ‘I guess I want you to say that you love me, and that we’ll figure this out together.’

Nick pursed his lips together. ‘Holly, I don’t want it.’

Holly felt as if she had been slapped, and her breath rushed from her lungs. ‘What did you say?’

This time, Nick’s response was quick. ‘I said I don’t want this.’

Eyes welling up with tears, Holly held out her hands. ‘How can you say that? This is you and me – it’s ours. Our baby. I know it’s scary, and it’s a lot to take in. And I know we’ve never talked about it. But maybe it’ll be a good thing … ’ Holly reached for him, hoping that he would pull her into his arms, tell her he was wrong, that he was just joking, that he wanted their baby.

But he didn’t. If anything, he backed farther away from her.

‘We never talked about it because it’s irrelevant. I don’t want kids.’

Tears fell from her eyes. ‘But you always talked about the future, and being together, and—’

‘Holly,’ he said matter-of-factly. ‘Yes, together, with you. Not together with a baby.’

‘But I want the baby,’ Holly pleaded, crying. ‘How can you be so cruel?’

Nick sighed and walked to where she sat. ‘Babe, I’m not trying to be cruel. This just doesn’t fit in with what I want in my life. In my future.’ Holly froze, she was keenly aware of the switch from ‘our’ future to ‘my’ future. ‘And like I was telling you, Yahoo bought the company today.’

Holly threw up her hands. ‘So what does that mean, that now you have more money?’ she said sharply. ‘Does it mean that you don’t have to work as much? If that’s true, why can’t we have the baby?’

Nick looked her straight in the eye and replied. ‘Because I am moving, to
Silicon Valley. I’m included in the buyout. I was offered a permanent position. And I’m taking it.’

‘
Silicon Valley? But I thought you loved New York? You always said that this is where you wanted to be. And what’s with
you
moving? What about me?’

He shrugged and regarded her with cool eyes. It was as if a switch had been flipped and nothing was the same. As if their relationship had been irrevocably altered in five minutes. Then again, Holly supposed that it had.

‘When I walked in that door just a few minutes ago, I wanted to ask if you would come with me.’

Holly nodded, the gravity of the situation setting in, and the reality of who Nick was unfolding before her eyes. She realised at that moment what was most important to him – it was his work, his money, his career, and it would never be her. Nor would it ever be their baby.

She felt numb.

‘And now?’ she asked, already knowing the answer.

Nick took a deep breath. ‘Look, I already said it, don’t make me say it again. I don’t want a baby.’

‘And if I do?’ she inquired. ‘Does that mean that my invitation to move with you to
Silicon Valley has been rescinded?’

There was barely a pause. ‘I’m sorry,’ he replied.