The Charmer (24 page)

“Whatever the rest is, let it wait. You have given me enough to swallow for one day.”

“Seeing your mood, I may let it wait forever.” She strolled to a chair and arranged her skirts to sit. “Why didn't you come?”

“Why did you move out of the other house?”

“It was time for me to come back here. I would have explained if you had visited that first night.”

“I could not visit without your requesting it. You know that.”

“I know nothing of the kind.”

“Sophia, you went to Marleigh for a reason. We both knew what it was. We both knew what it may mean about us.”

“I did not know. If I had, I might not have gone.”

“But you did go. And I am right, aren't I? You are Everdon now, of your own choosing. You must marry, and soon.”

She looked to her lap. After a pause, she nodded.

So there it was. Ended. Finished. A sick weight filled his chest.

Her gaze rose and met his directly. She did not even look very sad about it.

That sliced him to his core. He had concluded that she was not in love with him, but he had thought there was more than that calm acceptance suggested.

“Do not blame me for foreseeing the end and avoiding the indignity of learning about it after sneaking in your garden door.”

“And do not blame me for being who I am.”

“I do not blame you. I love who you are. Runaway or duchess, fearful or strong. However, right now I am infuriated by how thoroughly you have disrupted my life.”

“You are speaking of the vote now, and not us.”

“I am speaking of both. I apologize if I cannot match your own noble equanimity.”

“That is not fair. You misinterpret my mood and my feelings, but I do not think that today you will hear anything that I say about that. As to my announcement downstairs, I do not understand how I have disrupted anything for you. You are free to vote against the bill, as you have always wanted to.”

He turned away in exasperation.

Her skirts rustled. She came up behind him. “Oh.”

“Yes. Oh.”

“You never indicated . . .”

“How could I? To have brought up the subject would have left you wondering if I still tried to manage you. Influence you.
Use you.
Nor did you seek discussion or advice. I never imagined that you were deciding not to decide, as you put it. Or that you were contemplating throwing the futures of twelve men to the winds.”

“If it means anything at all, I did not choose this course until I was at Marleigh. Then I just knew what I had to do. It is not right, my controlling those seats. There are few enough votes among the people without my stealing the voices of so many. Please try to understand.”

He turned to see her worried frown. The ducal facade had cracked. She looked earnest and concerned. And absolutely beautiful. His duchess. His Sophia.

“I understand. A damn sight more than I would like to at the moment.”

Tilting her chin up, he kissed her. He intended it to be brief and light, a small gesture of parting. The warmth of her lips captivated him, however, and flowed like a balm through his veins. He lingered, and the melancholy that had suffused him for days pitched high with nostalgia.

He pulled away. “You must excuse me now. I have a speech to give tomorrow, and I need to decide what I will say.”

“Speak against reform, Adrian. Even if you believe otherwise now, it will make no difference. The bill will pass no matter what you do.”

“It is not that simple. My patron's last command was to vote my conscience. It is time to decide what that is.”

He kissed her hand and went to the door.

“Please come and find me. After. I would like to tell you about Marleigh, and what happened there,” she said.

He could not promise that he would. That kiss left him thinking that he dare not.

He opened the door. “There is one thing that I need to know now. Tell me it will not be Stidolph.”

“It will not be Gerald. I would kill myself first.”

He did not return to his chambers. He walked the city, watching the people at their work, not thinking much about anything.

His feet took him through rich neighborhoods and poor ones, along lanes of fine shops and market streets full of smells. He tried to walk off his feelings for Sophia, but that didn't happen. He struggled to weigh his options about the bill, but his thoughts remained scrambled and incoherent.

Somehow, despite the lack of rational argument, he decided what to do. After two hours he turned on his heel and headed back. He did not return to Sophia. Instead he visited another square, seeking out the home of a man who had already faced the choice that he confronted now.

A footman admitted him and accepted his card. “The family is about to sit down to dinner, sir. Perhaps tomorrow afternoon . . .”

A door opened off the hall and a tall man emerged. He saw Adrian and approached.

“Burchard, it is good to see you.”

“Laclere. My apologies. I know it is an odd hour to call, but . . .”

The viscount waved his explanation silent and turned to the footman. “Mister Burchard will be joining us.”

“I do not want to intrude.”

“Nonsense. We are informal here. Bianca's bad influence, I am often told.” He guided him toward the dining room. “Besides, now that you have finally come, I do not intend to let you get away.”

“I only came for advice, but I would be honored to join you for dinner. And as for women and their influence, I have recently learned that they can exert it so subtly that a man does not even know it is happening.”

Laclere's blue eyes pierced him. “If you take the step that I think you are contemplating, there will be no protecting you. Wellington will see that you spend your career in Parliament on the back benches.”

“I know that.”

“We will talk of it after dinner. Now come and eat. I warn you that Bianca insists that the children dine with us when there are no guests, and you were not expected. You have a good hand with animals, though. Perhaps you can get them to behave.”

The next afternoon Adrian gave the speech of his life, supporting moderate reform. Since he was Wellington's protégé, and since everyone knew that his stand was on principle and would not affect the outcome, it caused a stir. The newspaper scribes did not miss a word.

While he spoke, his gaze swept the gallery. It stopped on a broad pink bonnet plumed with blue feathers. Its owner's green eyes never left him while she listened intently.

When he finished, the third son of the Earl of Dincaster moved his seat to join the dissenting members of his party, treading a short path that effectively ended his political significance.

It might have been a lonely path as well, but nine of Everdon's other M.P.'s rose and joined him.

After the session adjourned that afternoon, he went looking for Sophia Raughley.

chapter
24

A
s Adrian rode his gelding along the river, another horse fell into pace beside him.

Gerald Stidolph smiled over with malicious glee. “A remarkable performance, Burchard. Like a soliloquy in a Greek tragedy.”

“And here I thought it was the most English speech that I have ever given.”

“Douglas told me what transpired yesterday with the duchess. You made a mess of it, didn't you? Wellington would have had your head. Did you decide to fall on your sword instead?”

“The Commons is not debating whether to raise a tariff by three pennies, Stidolph. I decided to do the right thing. I do not expect you to understand that.”

“What I understand is that I will not have to waste my time breaking you as I intended. You have done it for me. I overestimated you.”

“Your estimation of me has always been irrelevant. However, your opinion of Sophia is also off the mark. That is why you will fail.”

“Do not force me to finish the job that you started today. Fifty well-placed pounds and your borough will vote you out. Fifty well-placed words about your true blood and no decent house will receive you. Without the protection of Dincaster or the patronage of Wellington, you are nobody but a half-breed bastard with no family and no fortune. Have anything more to do with Sophia and I will reduce you to the nonentity that you were born to be.” Gerald turned his horse and trotted off.

Adrian rode on to Everdon House where Charles grimaced his regrets that the duchess was not at home.

“Is she truly not here, or is she refusing to receive me?”

“Not here, sir. She has gone to the shops. It is not uncommon for her to do that when she is out of sorts, as you know. She went to the other house and got the artists to accompany her, I believe. They have been living there since we returned here.”

Adrian already knew that. The Ensemble was making free with the love nest. One more decision by the Duchess of Everdon that he didn't much like.

Charles assumed a doleful expression. “She took the grand coach. She had that look in her eyes, sir. I think that this may be a very expensive afternoon.”

“Then I should stop her before she has to mortgage the estate. It will be easier if I walk. Have my horse dealt with.”

It wasn't hard to find her. Everdon's coach stood on Regent Street, already bursting with packages. Adrian imagined the bonnets and gloves and jewelry they contained. The visit to Marleigh had not changed everything. Sophia still buried her strongest emotions beneath a mountain of extravagance.

He discovered her in a tailor's shop, poring over fashion plates with Attila and Jacques. A blond English head bent with the two dark foreign ones. Hawkins had joined the Ensemble.

“These three waistcoats, I think. With gold buttons.”

“You are too generous,
chéri.
Brass would be fine.”

“They will look poor with the design. No, gold it must be.”

The tailor nodded with professional agreement. “The lady is right. Only gold will do. And for the frock coats that you have ordered, as well. Now, gentlemen, may I show you some plates for riding coats?”

Adrian strolled up behind them and peered down at the fan of plates that displayed the Ensemble's expanding wardrobes.

Hawkins saw him first. The pup looked guilty as hell at being caught accepting a woman's support. As he should.

“Dressing up your dolls, Duchess?”

They all turned at his voice. Attila looked wounded and Jacques insulted. Sophia pursed her lips.

The artists prudently decided to go inspect the other designs.

Adrian sat beside Sophia.

She returned her attention to the plates. “I did not think that you would come. You did not say that you would.”

“I expect that I will always come if you ask me to.”

She flipped through the colored engravings, and stopped at one. “I can picture you in this, but you would never let me give it to you. You have never taken anything from me.”

“That is not true. I took the most precious things that you had to give. I will always be grateful for your gifts. At least as much as Hawkins will be. What is he doing here?”

“He stays with a sister while in London. She has three children and he can never find the quiet he needs for his poetry. He has moved in for now with Attila and Jacques at the small house.”

“Those sonnets needed more than silence to improve them. So you are giving him a home and today you are buying him new coats.”

“I could hardly leave him out when I stopped by for the others.”

“Does he understand how this works? That you purchase only friendship with these favors?”

“I can see that your mood is not much improved from yesterday.”

“It was until five minutes ago.”

She sighed heavily and threw the plates down. “I want to leave. This doesn't amuse me the way it used to.”

“How unfortunate for our blond friend. To only catch the tail end of your fascination with collecting young men.”

“Now you are getting insulting. Are you going to take me away from here or not?”

He went to the artists and informed them that the duchess was leaving. He collected Sophia and escorted her to the coach. He had to restack some packages, to make room for them both.

“Do not look like that and do not scold. I can afford it. I was astounded to learn how wealthy I am.”

“I would never think of scolding. Since coming to London you have provided employment for countless seamstresses and milliners. The economy of England has grown dependent upon you. I trust that you ordered a dozen new gowns today, as well?”

Her eyes narrowed on the tower of luxuries. “I know what you are thinking. It is cowardly. Another diversion and distraction. Another means of running away.”

“I thought that the reason for going to Marleigh was to put that behind you. What are you running from now?”

She regarded him with stark honesty. “You. Us. From the knowledge that you are all too aware of how pitiful those gifts were that I gave you. I am also running away from seeing the rest of it through. I am afraid.”

Her bluntness stunned him. He had never expected to hear her admit that she had not given as much as he wanted.

Her regret moved him more than a declaration of love. He wanted to soothe her and say that it hadn't mattered. Except it had.

The coach still stood in front of the tailor's shop.

“Where do you want to go?”

“Take me to the park. Show me the black swan that you mentioned the day that Attila and Jacques arrived. I have heard others speak of it.”

“There is no black swan. It is a tale men tell to lure women to a secluded spot.”

“How secluded?”

Her gaze burned into him. The invitation surprised him. It instantly fired the desire that he was still learning how to smother.

“Not that secluded.”

“Then take me to your chambers.”

“Another diversion, Sophia?”

“Yes. I want to run a little longer. Into your arms where I am beautiful and magnificent. I want to hide for a while before I learn if my life will be heaven or hell.”

Memories of their lovemaking filled his mind. His blood craved to agree even though his heart knew he should not. For his own sake, if not for hers.

“Your coach will be recognized.”

“You think my future consort will know about us? I do not care. In fact, if he does not, I will tell him. If I must marry some lord, he will be getting Everdon, not me. Never me.” The determined line of her mouth trembled and her eyes grew moist. “Please. Before the Duchess of Everdon faces the reality that she will create for herself.”

Her sadness and need touched him like it always had. He rapped the coach wall and gave directions. Then he closed the curtains and lifted her into his arms.

Her love cried for release, resenting its confinement. It screamed like a physical thing trapped in a box made of glass. Her spirit reached to free it, but the invisible panes intruded.

As she climbed in her passion, she beat against the barrier with her frenzy. The yearning became so painful that she begged for the sensual climax that would obliterate the emotional battle.

He did not give it to her. His mouth stopped its torture and he came up over her.

It was a joining drenched with emotions deep and unspoken. His embrace and movements told of his sadness and anger.

She sensed his resolve that this would be the last time. She could tell that he planned to keep her maddened and aching to the end. She tried to bare her heart so that he could brand it as he wanted to, but fire cannot penetrate glass.

He paused, leaving her tense with unbearable pleasure, one step from the highest peak that she had ever known. He rubbed his face against hers, as if he sought to inhale her essence.

“You will always be in my heart.”

They were the parting words of a man who accepted the end.

He moved again. She clutched him frantically and soared with him, riding their desperate need to a moment of bliss.

For an exquisite instant she believed that there could never be loneliness again. His own beauty and magnificence saturated her. He filled all of her, all of the voids. The power of utter completeness suddenly cracked that glass, and the sweetest peace began dripping into her heart with a slow, cautious rhythm.
Trust. Believe. Give.

She held him and listened and felt, overwhelmed by the fragile fulfillment. Was it real? Would it last after his embrace ended and she was left with herself? The glass had not totally shattered. The old hurts might yet repair the barrier.

He rolled off and gathered her into his arms. She rested her cheek and hand on his chest and listened to his heartbeat, happier and more afraid than she had ever been in her life.

“Thank you for coming to the Commons today,” he said.

“I could not stay away, especially after disrupting your life.”

“Maybe I should thank you for that too.”

“Why did you do it?”

“I realized how much I have permitted my birth to dictate who I am. I have always felt the need to be more English than most, in order to make up for the half of me that is not English at all. It molded me as surely as Everdon molded you. Maybe I thought that if I allied myself with England's great hero and supported the old traditions, no one would notice that I do not fit in.”

“Does England's great hero know?”

“I met with him this morning. He does not like it, but he understands. He did not insult me by spelling out the cost, but of course that relationship cannot continue now. I find that I do not mind very much. I had renounced my independence in making my way more than I had realized. I despised Harvey Douglas, but I was no better. Worse, since I began being a player and not just a pawn.”

“You said once that compromise is essential in government. Couldn't you have justified one more?”

“There are times when compromise is dishonorable. Every man knows when those moments arrive.”

“What will you do now?”

“Maybe I will agree to manage one of those archeological expeditions. Some time away might be good.”

A long time. Far away. From her.

“I made a mess of it, didn't I? I wanted you to be free to do what you thought best.”

“Which is exactly what happened. You did not make a mess of it at all.”

She nestled closer. The matching pulses of their hearts beat out the passing of their final hour together. The expectation of parting soaked their intimacy with heartrending tenderness.

For three days she had put off learning how it would be. His restraint in coming to her had undermined the confidence that she had carried back from Marleigh. But she could not wait any longer.

“Adrian, you have never spoken of marriage to me. I have wondered why.”

“You know why.”

“Because of your birth?”

“It is an insurmountable barrier, but actually, I never contemplated that much where you were concerned.”

“Then why? Did you never even consider it?”

He shifted abruptly, flipping her onto her back and bracing above her so he could look her in the eyes. “Do not imply that it was lack of honor on my part. If you want to run for a while, I will let you. I will even hide you. But not to endure insults afterwards. What if I had spoken of it? What would you have thought?”

“That you wanted to take care of me and protect me.”

“I have never needed marriage to do that.”

“That you loved me and wanted to stay with me.”

“Would you have found my motives so pure? Nothing less than complete selflessness can win your trust, and no man proposing to the Duchess of Everdon can claim that.”

“You sound bitter. You said yesterday that you do not blame me for being who I am, but you do.”

“Who you are is one thing. How it stands between us is another.”

“That is because of me, isn't it? Because of my suspicions. Because of how the past strangled my ability to believe, unless the selflessness was explicit. That is what you really mean.”

He swung away angrily and landed on his back beside her. “Yes, damn it. Are you satisfied now? I do not know why you have forced this. Neither of us has learned anything that we did not already know.”