The Chocolate Garden (Dare River Book 2) (38 page)

After the day she’d had, he knew making his case was like trying to win an argument with a rigged jury. “Look at me. Marriage to me won’t be like it was to him. I’d
never
hurt you or try to control you.”

“I know you won’t hurt me, but you keep talking about protecting me. That’s another way of controlling.”

“No, it’s not,” he said quietly.

“How do you know? You’re a man. You don’t know what it’s like.” She walked over to the door, her back to him.

After all this time, they’d reached another wall he’d have to breach. “Don’t talk to me like I’m him.”

She whirled around, her mouth tight. “You think I’m comparing the two of you?”

His hands fisted by his sides. “What else am I supposed to conclude after hearing that?”

“You’re not listening. I’m saying I don’t want to be married—to you or anyone. That may well change, but right now I don’t want to fall back into a role of letting someone take care of me when I can do it myself.”

Her words were like a glacier between them. “So you think you’re going to just lie down and become some doormat again if you become my wife?”

Her gasp had his belly twitching. He’d gone below the belt, and he knew it.

She finally nodded. “Yes, I suppose that’s what I’m saying, and thank you so much for pointing it out.”

The door to the tree house was open before he could blink, and then out she went into the night.

He grabbed the flashlight and jogged after her. “Wait, Tammy. Will you wait?”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” she said, heading to the house, following the beam of light he shone for her.

Part of him wanted to shake her, seeing her run away from him, from them like that. “Will you please stop for a moment?”

With the sheet trailing behind her on the grass, she turned, a pissed-off Aphrodite, ready to call lava forth from the volcanoes in Pompeii.

“What?”

“Listen to me. I don’t want to control you, Tammy. I want you to have your own mind and make your own decisions. You can depend on that.”

She shook her head. “But you’ve already told me that you want to take care of me.”

“That’s not the same thing.”

“It is from where I’m standing. You might be a good man, John Parker, but you’re still too much of a Southern gentleman not to take care of a woman.”

“What’s wrong with me taking care of you and the kids?” he asked in complete exasperation. “I love you!”

“I don’t want to depend on you. I’ve already struggled with how much I do already. I don’t want to start thinking I can’t do without you, can’t live without you. It would be like running into another trap when I’ve only just escaped one.”

He took a few more steps toward her. Clearly her visit to Meade had re-opened all of the wounds he’d thought were healed.

“Needing each other doesn’t take away our choices, Tammy. Love doesn’t work that way.”

“You say that now, but…I just don’t want to remarry yet. Why isn’t that okay? Why can’t we keep things as they’ve been? Haven’t you been happy?”

“You know I’ve been happy. Happier than I’ve ever imagined. But Tammy, the tree house can’t be our private place forever. I want the kids to see us together, to see me holding your head in my lap as they play on the floor before supper.”

“That’s not all there is to marriage, John Parker.”

“That was your old marriage. A marriage between us would be as different as the first time you came apart in my arms.”

Her face scrunched up then, and he thought she was going to cry. “You don’t understand.”

“I’m trying to. I’m right here, sweetheart. I’m listening.”

“And you’ll want children, right?”

He couldn’t lie to her. “I would cherish any children you and I made together in addition to Rory and Annabelle.”

She fitted the sheet more securely around her when it slipped. “I haven’t thought about having any more children, to be honest. You see how much work it is with just Rory and Annabelle.”

“But I’d be there to help, and I’m pretty good at that. Haven’t you seen how much easier it is with two people? Tammy, I’ll be a good father.”

Her hand on his arm was her only concession. “I know you will be, but if marriage is what you want, perhaps we should call things off between us before they get any deeper,” she said, looking at a place over his shoulder so she didn’t have to meet his eyes. “I don’t want to get married now, John Parker, and I can’t promise that will change. It wouldn’t be fair to you to pretend otherwise, especially when you want a family.”

The finality of her words chilled him to the core. “Have I not been different enough from him to help you see our marriage would be different too? That what we have together is different in every way from what you had with Sterling?”

“Marriage is marriage. You can’t change the structure, John Parker, and that’s what I can’t abide.”

“Marriage isn’t the problem, honey.”

When she lifted her face to look at him, the defeat in her eyes broke his heart. “It was for me, and I don’t plan to make the same mistakes over again. I’d best be going inside.”

The timing of this conversation had totally and unequivocally sucked. “Tammy, as you said, it’s been a difficult day. Let’s not make any final decisions tonight.”

“No, I think it’s only shown us both a hard truth we needed to face.”

Her body was stiff as she walked away from him. He stood there, feeling rooted to the ground by his own powerlessness. He couldn’t fight her shadows for her.

Yet he couldn’t let her bumble her way to the house in the dark alone either, and if she thought that was taking care of her, then that was too damn bad.

“Let me shine the light for you,” he said, catching up to her, realizing his words held a greater meaning.

“Thank you, John Parker,” she managed to say when she reached the back door. “For everything.”

He couldn’t muster a reply as she left him all alone.

Chapter 42

Clayton’s interference in securing Amelia Ann time off from her job turned out to be a blessing. After hearing about Tammy and Mama’s tenuous reconciliation from Rye, she hadn’t been able to get out of bed the next day.

Mama had denied being the leak.

Even worse, Tammy believed her.

She was doomed.

Of course, Rye remained skeptical, thank God, but she’d had to sit and listen while he told her about his decision not to call off the woman he’d hired to date Gunner Nolan. If the leak
was
Mama, Rye had said, well, they’d have their proof, and Tammy would need it after the convincing job Mama had done on her. Not that everyone wasn’t grateful for the way she’d stopped Sterling from hurting Tammy.

Just the thought of it turned Amelia Ann’s blood cold.

What in the world was she going to do?

Of course, Gunner Nolan knew her name. The reporter had insisted she identify herself to him, saying he couldn’t publish anything so scandalous without knowing the name of his source, even if she chose to remain anonymous. If the information had been inaccurate, he would have risked being sued.

Now the hunt was going to continue, and Amelia Ann felt a noose tightening around her neck.

She prayed Gunner wouldn’t divulge her name. Could she warn him about the woman? No, she realized, not without turning Gunner onto Rye. She might as well throw a stick of dynamite into a nitroglycerin plant, and it would be yet another betrayal of her family, worse even than the first.

She had to keep her cool. No one would suspect it was her. If anything, she reasoned, they might come to think the woman Rye had hired had misunderstood Gunner. How long could one woman continue doing such dirty work anyway?

As she stared at the ceiling, every bone aching, one thought raced through her mind again and again.

She had to make amends for what she’d done.

Chapter 43

Every delight Tammy had come to savor at John Parker’s home seemed to dry up like dirt without water. They both did their best to keep things normal between them for Annabelle and Rory the next day, but it didn’t fool her son, who asked her if she was mad at John Parker. Of course, she denied it, but his brow knit up like he didn’t believe her. Her response had been to run off to make dinner.

After kissing the kids goodnight, she headed to her bedroom. He gave her a last look in the hall, as if entreating her to choose a different course, one that didn’t involve shutting her door to him. But she just couldn’t.

What good would it do?

Still, she couldn’t sleep. For hours she stared at the ceiling, wide awake, missing their time in the tree house, wishing they could have had more of it. What was she going to do with all of this newly discovered love and passion inside of her?

There were no answers. There were only a few more days left until Rye and Tory were coming home for a break, and she was hoping to convince the kids to stay at their old house for their visit. A festive party would sweeten the prospect for them, she hoped.

And then Rye had called with the news that the police had finally apprehended Billy Ray Ferry and recovered Rye’s award. Billy Ray had begged them to let him keep it, saying Rye would want him to have it since he was going through such a hard time, just like Rye’s music spoke about. The man clearly had mental issues, but everyone in the family was breathing a little easier now that he was behind bars.

The kids seemed visibly relieved when she told them about the man’s arrest, and she prayed it would make it easier for them to return to Rye’s home until she could find a rental. Deciding to let the news about the “bad man” settle in for a few days, she kept quiet about her intention to move them.

On the day of her brother’s return, she told the kids about her plan to surprise their aunt and uncle at their old house with a small dinner party. Afterward, she said, they would stay. She made sure not to look at John Parker, who was sitting at the kitchen table with them, his breakfast largely untouched.

“Are you sure it’s safe, Mama?” Annabelle asked her, and Rory stared at her with wide eyes, looking much older than seven.

“Of course, sugar. The police have the bad man in jail now, and Mama would never take you back if there was any danger. Don’t y’all want to surprise Uncle Rye and Aunt Tory and go back home?”

Annabelle lifted her little shoulder in a half-hearted yes. “Mr. McGuiness, are you coming with us?”

Tammy’s eyes locked with his, and her heart trembled, aching for everything to be right between them again. He didn’t say a word, and she realized he was letting her answer.

“I’m sure he can come to the party,” she managed to say through her raw throat.

John Parker broke eye contact first and caressed Annabelle’s hair. “Of course I can. How about I push you in your tree swing when we get back to y’all’s house? You probably missed it, right?”

“Yeah,” Annabelle said and raised her arms to him. When he lifted her daughter and hugged her close, he turned slightly away, but not before Tammy saw him squeeze his eyes shut.

She knew the thought of being parted from the kids pained him. It wouldn’t be the same once they moved out of his house, and they both knew it.

Rory simply stared at her, an accusation in his eyes, before he ran from the room. What in the world was she going to do about that?

She packed up a few of their things, hoping Rye and Tory would help her bring the rest of the kids’ stuff back to the house in the coming days. It would be wonderful to have them around, and their support would ease the transition for the kids. But as she laid her own clothing inside, she had to brush away tears. The thought of leaving John Parker and this magical house was almost unbearable.

Instead of having them all ride together, she took her own car, and John Parker followed in his truck with Bullet and Banjo in the back. It was yet another mark of how things had changed.

When they reached Rye’s place, the kids grew quiet. As the gates to Rye’s property opened and the two guards at the front waved them in, it was like the door to all their fears had opened too.

“Your uncle is just keeping the guards around a little longer to help y’all feel safe here.” She gestured to the land and said, “See, everything is right as rain. Uncle Rye would never come back if it wasn’t safe, and neither would Mama.”

Annabelle made her carry her to the house, and one of the guards opened the door for them. She stopped before heading inside since Rory had suddenly run off, making a beeline for John Parker. When he took his hand, it was like her son was making sure to include him in a way she no longer could.

She made a show of creating a fun atmosphere, hanging streamers from the chandelier in the dining room and helping the kids make
Welcome Home
signs with markers. After a while, John Parker announced he was going to buy some steaks and other fixings for dinner. Rory told Annabelle then that she should go help Mr. McGuiness pick up the food, and even though she’d looked at him with a quizzical expression, she’d hurried off to do his bidding.

When they were alone, her son put his hands on his little hips and stared her down.

“Why are you mad at Mr. McGuiness, Mama?”

She’d feared this moment. How was she supposed to explain her reasoning to a little boy who saw so much but was still so very young?

“Rory, you know how sometimes you get mad at me if I don’t let you play outside longer?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, it’s kind of like that with Mr. McGuiness and me.”

“But Mama, Mr. McGuiness would give you anything you ever wanted. He loves you. He told me so.”

Her breath caught. How had he not told her about this? He’d only said Rory told him about praying with Annabelle that he would be their daddy. “Rory, Mr. McGuiness is a good friend to all of us. Of course he loves me.” Boy, that was hard to squeak out. “He loves everybody in this family.”

His mouth pursed then. “But Mama, he wants to marry you, And he wants to be my daddy.”

Oh, dear heaven. She’d never imagined she was going to break another man’s heart with her decision, but it seemed she was.

“Rory, I was married for a long time to your daddy, and when we came to Dare River, I decided I didn’t want to be married anymore.”