The Chocolate Lovers’ Wedding (20 page)

Chantal could hear the sound of her own heart beating in her ears. She was still alive and that was something. The shock hadn’t killed her.

On the other side of the desk, Livia wasn’t her usual smiling, positive self. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said grimly. ‘I would have liked to have given you better news.’

Jacob’s hand slid over hers.
‘Having a faulty cancer gene is literally the luck of the draw.’ Livia went on to explain more about it, but her voice quickly turned into white noise.
Chantal was struggling to take it all in. She couldn’t think straight at all. It was as if there was a disconnect from reality and this was all really happening to someone else. It was like a body blow. After she’d had the lump removed, it had all seemed so positive, so simple. She’d thought that it was all behind her and that the cancer would be gone. Another thing to tick off as one of life’s experiences. Now it seemed as if that wasn’t the case at all.
‘Your mother hasn’t had cancer?’ The question pulled her back to the present.
‘No.’ She shook her head. It was one of the first things they’d asked at the very start. ‘She’s still hale and hearty.’
‘Your grandmother?’
‘I don’t know.’ She’d died young, before Chantal was born, so no one had ever told her. Could it be that this had been lurking in her family history all along? Perhaps she’d have to put in a call to her mother so that she could check it out. But they hadn’t spoken for a long time and, at the moment, her brain wouldn’t process that.
‘I’m concerned that there’s some cancerous tissue in the breast that I couldn’t remove. It can be so minute that it’s like grains of sand, but it’s there and has to come out.’
Her face was wet and she realised that she was crying. Jacob’s face was white as he took a tissue from the box conveniently placed on Livia’s desk and handed it to her. Bad news, it seemed, wasn’t unusual here.
‘But she looks so well,’ Jacob said.
Livia allowed herself a smile. ‘And that’s good news. Chantal is strong. Together we can overcome this.’
‘She’s right,’ Jacob said.
Chantal nodded as it seemed the thing to do.
Then Livia was briskly professional again. ‘There are several options and we can go through them all as many times as you need to. It’s a big decision to make.’
‘What are my options?’ Her voice wavered.
‘We can try chemotherapy first. I’d like to hit it hard. That might be enough to kill it off. It depends how you respond to it. If that doesn’t work, then you can opt to have a mastectomy.’
It was the word every woman feared. Surely the breasts were the core of your femininity. Without one, would she feel less of a woman?
‘Or you can have a mastectomy first and then we can be less aggressive with the chemotherapy.’
Neither of these options seemed to offer a wonderful choice or a miracle cure. Her mouth was dry, her mind reeling.
‘I know it’s a lot to process,’ Livia said. ‘If you opt for a mastectomy, then we can do reconstructive surgery. Sometimes we do it immediately. In other cases, a little way down the line.’
Chemotherapy or mastectomy? What a choice.
Chantal found her voice. ‘What would you do in my situation?’
‘I’d have the mastectomy straight away. No messing about.’
‘Will that give me the best chance of survival?’
‘Yes,’ Livia said, bluntly.
‘Then let’s do it.’
‘OK.’ She made a note on her pad.
‘Then that’s it? Done?’ Jacob asked.
‘Not quite.’ Livia was tight-lipped. ‘The faulty gene doesn’t go away, I’m afraid. In the future, you might also consider electing to have the other breast treated. We can monitor you closely, but there’s always going to be a risk there.’ She slipped off her glasses and fixed Chantal with a steady look. ‘You might even want to have a hysterectomy.’
A hysterectomy? Chantal hadn’t seen that coming, either. She’d left it late in life to have Lana but, somehow, she’d still imagined that she might have a child with Jacob. Wouldn’t he want that? It was something they hadn’t yet discussed, but it looked as if they’d be talking about it sooner rather than later.
‘It’s a big step,’ Livia said. ‘I know that. We don’t have to make the decision right away. Let’s get this sorted first. But they’ll both minimise your risk of developing cancer again.’
Wow, Chantal thought. This was the illness that just kept on giving. ‘If I have this gene, then presumably Lana could have it, too?’
‘Yes, it’s a possibility. She’ll need to be monitored later on in life.’
Oh, her poor child. How could she have handed this ticking time bomb down to her?
‘At least they’ll be aware of it,’ Jacob said. ‘That’s not a bad thing.’
‘I’m also going to request a CT scan, Chantal. I want to be absolutely sure that it hasn’t spread anywhere else.’
Chantal was numb, right down to her core. It felt as if there was a seething, black mass inside her trying to destroy her body. But it wouldn’t. She would fight this thing. And she would triumph. For her daughter’s sake.
‘I want to start as soon as possible,’ Chantal said. ‘I want to live to be an old lady. I want to be here to see my grandchildren.’
‘Good.’ Livia looked relieved. ‘Let’s get this party started.’ Now she was scribbling furiously on her pad. She glanced up and said, ‘If it’s OK with you, we’ll schedule your operation as soon as possible.’
Chantal steeled herself. ‘Absolutely,’ she said and her voice sounded strong.
There was going to be a positive outcome to this. She was absolutely determined. Watch out cancer, she thought, I’m coming to get you.

Autumn had been so excited to see her daughter again. This time she was staying overnight at her flat and Autumn had made up the spare room. No one had stayed in here, not properly, since Richard left and it made her sad to think that her brother would never get to meet Willow. She was sure they would have really got on well together. One day, when the time was right, she’d tell Willow all about the uncle she’d never know but would have loved.

It consoled her to know that there were still people keen to meet her daughter and this weekend was the time to introduce her to Miles and Flo. Willow couldn’t help but adore them, surely? And vice versa. Miles and Flo were almost as excited as she was.

In a short while, Autumn was going to meet Willow’s train and then they’d head down to meet Miles and Flo at the South Bank to take in some of the entertainment there. This time of year, there was the annual Wonderground, which had a great carnival atmosphere. She thought Willow would love it. And, to be honest, she was still at the stage where she felt she needed to offer Willow a carrot to come down to London to meet up with her.

Wonderground was a colourful event that ran through until September and it was a little bit edgy, a tiny bit dark, which – along with the usual hordes of tourists – attracted some wacky, bohemian characters and downright freaks. There were always a few rides – a carousel that would keep Flo amused and a couple of more white-knuckle things for Willow. There was a variety of music and a food court with offerings from all round the world, which would be fun to sample for lunch.

She wanted to show her daughter so much of her world. Willow had been given a lovely, stable upbringing by Mary and her husband, but it was clear that the girl was itching to spread her wings. She was far too young to lure away to London on a permanent basis and Autumn wouldn’t dream of doing that, but perhaps she could give her a few tasters over the next few years. If Willow enjoyed Wonderground, then maybe they could take in one of the shows next time she visited.

Autumn waited impatiently at the station. The train was twenty minutes late and it was clear from the minute Willow arrived that all was not well. Her daughter’s face was dark and scowling.

‘Hey,’ Autumn said. ‘Good to see you. Have you had a horrible journey?’
Willow shrugged. ‘It was OK.’
She gave her a hug, but the girl remained rigid.
‘Everything all right?’ Autumn studied her pinched little face. It was the epitome of teenage angst.
‘Yeah. I’m fine.’
It was obvious that she was far from fine.
‘We’re due to meet Miles and Flo,’ Autumn said. ‘I thought you’d like that and they’re dying to see you, but I can easily call them and say we’ve popped for a coffee. Would you rather sit and do that so we can have some time by ourselves to chat?’
‘I haven’t got anything to say to you.’
Ah. So it had all gone swimmingly last time and now she was being tested. Well, that was fine too.
‘I’ll call them and let them know we’ll be another half an hour. We’re heading off to the South Bank; there’s lots to do down there. I think you’ll like it.’
Willow didn’t look convinced.
‘In the meantime, there’s a nice café just around the corner that we can go to.’
‘Let’s just go to the South Bank or wherever.’
‘OK. We can do whatever you like today.’
Willow fell into step beside her and Autumn linked her arm. She thought it was promising that Willow didn’t automatically pull away.
She was glad that she hadn’t arranged for Willow to meet her parents this weekend. If Willow was in a difficult mood, it only reinforced the need for her to take this very slowly.
Autumn texted Miles before they got on the Tube. She couldn’t risk warning him of Willow’s mood in case she saw, but it was a shame that he wouldn’t get a good first impression of her. It would, however, give him a foretaste of how Flo was likely to behave in another ten years. She smiled at that.

The South Bank was bustling as always, the atmosphere buzzing. It was one of Autumn’s favourite places in London. A trip down here never failed to lift her spirits. She hoped it would do the same for Willow. And quickly.

There was a steady breeze off the Thames but the day was warm and bright, the temperature climbing surely but steadily. At the entrance to the Wonderground there was a carousel and a number of sideshows featuring curiosities, eccentricities and death-defying acts. A couple of jugglers worked the crowd with an act that was making everyone laugh. The obligatory living statues – Charlie Chaplin, Marilyn Monroe, William Shakespeare, Yoda – stood stock-still along the wall by the river and the food stalls were doing a roaring trade. Willow looked down her nose at them all and Autumn pitied poor Mary trying to keep her child entertained in the countryside.

Autumn found Miles and Flo waiting for them by the carousel. Flo was waving madly and bouncing around happily.
He hugged Autumn in greeting and said, ‘Hey.’
‘This is Miles,’ she said to Willow. ‘And Flo.’
Willow couldn’t have exuded more reluctance if she’d tried.
‘I’m five!’ Flo said.
‘In your dreams, little lady,’ Miles said. ‘Tell Willow how old you really are.’
‘I’m three going on thirty-three,’ Flo obliged.
The scowl stayed in place, the hands firmly wedged in her pockets. Behind Willow’s back, Autumn raised her eyebrows apologetically at Miles. This looked as if it would be a long, difficult day. Still, she was spending time with her daughter and she was happy to give her all the attention that she needed. It was just going to be hard work for Miles and Flo and she’d cut them loose if this continued.
Poor Flo took in Willow’s Goth make-up and black clothes and seemed to regret her initial excitement and, instead, clung to Miles’s legs.
‘Hi, Willow,’ Miles said, amiably. ‘It’s lovely to meet you. We’ve heard so much about you. Haven’t we, Flo?’
Poor Florence looked as if she was about to burst into tears and Autumn was cross that Willow had scared the little girl and didn’t seem to care.
‘I thought we’d go for a coffee,’ Autumn said, biting down her irritation and trying to sound upbeat. ‘Chill out for a bit.’
‘Can I take Flo on the carousel first and then we’ll join you in a little while?’ Miles had obviously appreciated that they needed a little space together.
‘Sure. There’s a bar behind us that’s pretty cool,’ Autumn said. ‘We’ll be there when you’re ready. No rush.’
Miles nodded. ‘Carousel again, Princess?’ he asked Flo.
‘Yes. Carriage,’ she said. ‘Not horsey this time.’
The carousel stopped and Autumn laughed as she watched Miles squeeze himself into the princess carriage and settle Flo on the seat next to him. It looked as if it was killing Willow not to smile too.
‘She’s a lovely little girl,’ Autumn said.
‘Yeah? I was too at that age. But you wouldn’t know,’ Willow retorted.
‘Sorry,’ Autumn apologised. ‘That was thoughtless of me. Mary did show me photographs of you as a child. She said you were adorable.’
Willow grunted. ‘Bet she doesn’t say that now.’
‘Have you two had a row?’
She shrugged. ‘No more than usual.’
‘It’s perfectly normal to think that your parents are idiots when you’re a teenager. But there’ll come a time when you realise she’s only on your case because she loves you.’
‘But she’s not really my mum, is she? And neither are you, so don’t lecture me either.’
Whatever she said today, it was going to be wrong. ‘I understand that your world is changing,’ Autumn offered. ‘I want to try to make it better for you. Not worse.’
As the carousel started and Flo waved at them madly, they moved off towards the bar. It was a fun area in front of the elaborately decorated Spiegeltent, where the nightly shows were held. The seats were made of old cars from fairground waltzers and, at this time of day, it was pleasantly busy whereas, when the shows started later in the evening, the place would be heaving. Autumn ordered them both a cappuccino and a brownie while Willow found somewhere for them to sit.
When she came back with their coffees, she sat next to Willow in the car.
‘This is nice, isn’t it?’ she said, gesturing at their surroundings and resolutely ignoring the stony face of her daughter. ‘We could get tickets for something later on in the year, if there’s anything that takes your fancy. I’ll grab a programme while we’re here. There’s a lot to choose from – comedy, music, freak shows. All kinds of things.’
Willow spun towards her. ‘I don’t want to come and play happy families with you. This is rubbish. You don’t know who I am.’
‘I would like to,’ Autumn said calmly. ‘I want to spend time together getting to know each other.’
‘What if I don’t want to know you?’
‘I’d be devastated,’ she answered honestly. ‘It would be like losing you all over again.’
‘You didn’t seem to mind last time you walked away.’
Autumn leaned forward and gently cupped her daughter’s face in her hands. She looked into her eyes. ‘You can be as horrible as you like, Willow,’ she said softly. ‘I’m not going anywhere. Now that I’ve found you, I promise you with all of my heart that I’ll always be here for you.’
Willow’s lip was trembling.
‘Mary’s been your mum for fourteen years, I get that, and she’s done a fantastic job. Look at you: you’re beautiful, bold and feisty.’
The girl’s eyes filled with tears and she tried to blink them back.
‘But you are my blood, Willow. I’ve loved you since the day you were born and I will love you to my dying day. It’s my biggest delight that I’ve been able to see you again. I hardly dared to believe that day would come. You can’t even begin to imagine how much I feel for you. You are in my heart, my soul and always will be. Whatever happens, that will never change.’
Silent tears rolled down Willow’s face.
‘I know that I have to earn the right to be in your life and I want to do that. You can push me away as much as you like, but I’ll always be here for you. If you’re in a good mood or an evil one, I still love you. I love you more than life itself.’
She took her daughter in her arms and, despite some initial resistance, eventually Willow let herself be held while she sobbed. When the tears subsided, she pulled a tissue from her pocket and dabbed at her daughter’s face.
‘You’ve completely ruined your mascara,’ Autumn said. There were tracks of black down her cheeks. ‘You’ll frighten poor Florence even more now.’
Willow gave a watery laugh and wiped her face.
She saw Miles and Flo picking their way through the increasing crowd. ‘Here are the others. There’s lots to do here. If you’re up for it, we can even risk the Skyride.’ Autumn waved them over to where they were sitting. ‘Shall we start again and have a lovely day together?’
Her daughter nodded and Autumn kissed her cheek tenderly. ‘This is going to take a lot of working out,’ she said. ‘And I’m going to make mistakes and piss you off.’
Willow smiled at that.
‘But I’ll do my very best not to.’ She took Willow’s hand in hers and squeezed it. ‘You can trust me,’ Autumn said. ‘Today and always. I promise you that. I’ll do everything I can to prove it.’
‘OK.’
‘Now,’ Autumn said. ‘Shall we polish off this cake and go and have some fun?’
Willow risked a smile. ‘I’d like that.’