The Christmas Journey (20 page)

She leaned against the building and stared up at the lamp, watching as the glass-enclosed flame flickered in a solo dance of its own.

Was he going to say anything? Or just sit there and stare at her? Time to turn his thoughts in a different direction.

“You know,” she said, staring out at the road to town, “Knotty Pine might look like a backwater, but it’s growing.”

“Is that so?”

She wished he’d quit staring at her so intently. “Yep. Why, just last year Mr. Danvers added three new rooms to the hotel and Mrs. Jefferson opened a dress shop. And two new families have moved into the area since spring.”

“Impressive.” He picked up a penny-sized rock, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger as he continued to watch her.

She wasn’t comfortable with the loud silence hanging between them. “You ever thought of doing something besides lawyering?”

“I always liked working with horses.” He smiled as if he’d just admitted wanting to fly. “Once upon a time I thought I’d like to start a horse ranch. Wanted to raise and train the best cutting horses in the country.”

Interest piqued, she finally turned to face him. “So why didn’t you?”

“Because horse ranching and being a lawyer don’t exactly mix.”

Was there a hint of regret in his words? “So I guess you like lawyering better than raising horses.”

He was silent for a time, seeming to ponder her words. Finally he looked up. “I honestly don’t know.”

He reached for her hand, and she felt her heartbeat kick up a notch as they connected. “Josie, if you’ve been trying to convince me that Knotty Pine has a lot to offer a man, there’s no need. I’m already convinced. In fact—”

“No!” She saw the confusion in his eyes, the pulling back, and it hurt. But she couldn’t let him finish what she sensed he’d been about to say.

“Pardon?” His expression was guarded now and he’d released her hand.

She missed the warmth of his touch. But this was no time to mince words. “I like you, you know that. But you have a kid to take care of now and you’re looking to settle down. Don’t get me wrong, I admire you for doing it, but that’s not what I want from life right now.”

“You still want to see the world.”

At least he’d been paying attention. “Yes.”

His expression was solemn. “I’m afraid the world may disappoint you.”

“That’s a chance I’ll take.” She swiveled around to face him fully. “You need to understand, this is something I have to do.”

“But there’s nothing that says you have to do it alone.”

How could she make him see how she felt without having it sound like she resented her family? “I’ve been looking out for other folks for most of my life. I want to have some time where the only person I have to worry about is me. I know that sounds selfish, but for once I want to experience what it feels like not to be weighed down by other folks’ wants or needs.”

She took a deep breath, forcing herself to say what needed to be said. “If you want someone to settle down with, if you want to find a good mother for Viola, you’ll have to look elsewhere.”

He crossed his arms. “Is that why you keep pushing me at your sister?”

She winced. Had she been so obvious? “I’m not pushing.” Her conscience wouldn’t let her stop at that. “Well, not exactly.”

His only response was a raised brow.

“Besides—” she hated that defensive note that had crept into her voice “—would marrying Cora Beth be such a bad choice?”

“Only in the sense that it wouldn’t be the
right choice
for me. Or your sister, for that matter.”

She stood abruptly, hating that he couldn’t understand, hating that things couldn’t be different.

She stared down at him with clenched fists. “You are the most stubborn, selfish man I have ever met. Can’t you see what a choice like this could mean to Cora Beth and to Viola and to—” She halted, realizing she’d almost said too much.

But judging by the way his expression hardened, it was already too late.

“To who, Josie? To you?” He matched her stance. “Is that what this is all about? Marrying your sister off so you can feel free to go your merry way with a clear conscience? Even if marriage isn’t what she wants?” His eyes narrowed. “Now who’s being stubborn and selfish?”

His words were a slap in the face. How could he say such ugly things? She only wanted what was best for everyone. He didn’t know how much she’d already sacrificed, how much she’d given up.

But she would
not
let him see how much his words had hurt.

She thrust out her chin. “I’ve had enough partying for one day. Please let Cora Beth know I’ve headed to the livery to check on a few things. I’ll see y’all back at the house later tonight.”

He raked a hand through his hair, a look of frustration on his face. “Look, I’m sorry. Sometimes I don’t think before—”

She held up a hand. “No apology needed. I said some things I shouldn’t have, too.”

He moved back a half step, as if he knew she needed room. “You don’t have to leave. I won’t broach the subject again tonight—you have my word.”

Josie shook her head. “I really should check the livery. The buggy’s already been loaded up so I’ll drop off the supplies at the house first. You’ll probably need to help Cora Beth carry the twins home.” That last comment would ensure he stayed put.

As Josie moved away, she found herself trying to stuff her hands in pockets that weren’t there. Was he right in what he’d said? Was she being stubborn and selfish?

No! She was just being true to her dream.

Father, help me to be strong. I know this is the answer to my prayer if I’ll but stand firm
.

Ry watched her leave, giving himself a mental kick for his clumsy handling of the whole situation. Why had he pressed so hard? Her dream of escaping the confines of Knotty Pine was deeply felt and a driving force with her, probably all the more so since she’d had to put it on hold for so long. He’d known that.

She was a wild pony, yearning to trade the lush grasslands and security of the herd for a pair of wings. If only she could see those wings came with a price—a view of the world from a lonely distance, being at the mercy of the wind to chart your course, and sometimes, living life in a cage—gilded or otherwise.

Well, if her dream was that important to her, then he’d find a way to give her a taste. A journey of some sort—it would be his Christmas gift to her. But he’d do it in such a way that she would have a safety net. And in the process, maybe help her see how wonderful her life here was by comparison.

He’d just have to figure out a way to do it so she wouldn’t feel as if she were taking charity from him.

“I
want to hire you.”

Jo looked up from her workbench to see Ry standing just inside the livery, his expression unreadable.

Had he said
hire
her? “What’s that?”

“Viola and I will be leaving day after tomorrow.”

She fought back the jolt of denial. It would be so strange not to have him here, not to see him sitting across the table from her at supper or look forward to him wandering in here every morning to lend a hand with whatever chores were on her list.

More importantly, she told herself, was that this spelled the end to her matchmaking scheme.

“We’ll stop at Hawk’s Creek first to visit Sadie and Griff for a few days, then move on to Philadelphia to see my grandfather.”

She had herself back under control. “So what do you want to hire me for?”

“The thing is, I’m not ready to take on sole responsibility for Viola’s care, especially on a long trip. It would be better if I had someone to help watch over her.” His gaze drilled into hers. “Preferably someone Viola’s already comfortable with.”

Jo’s heart thumped painfully against her chest. Was he really offering to take her with them?

“Since I know how much you want to travel, and since Viola is comfortable with you, I thought your joining us might be a good solution for everyone.”

Did he know what a prize he was offering her?

Of course he did. He was doing this as part of his misguided effort to apologize for the words they’d exchanged last night. Not that his reason mattered. This was the opportunity—

Reality crashed back in. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

Because I’m already half in love with you. Because my resolve is not as strong as I thought. Because I’m already close to throwing away my dream to be with you.

“Because I need to run this place, that’s why. There’s no way I could shut it down for that length of time.”

“I’m not suggesting you do. I said I wanted to hire you. I plan to pay enough to cover the cost of hiring someone to watch the place while you’re gone.” He shrugged. “You wouldn’t make much profit off the deal itself, but you’d get a chance to see other parts of the country. And I promise to get you back here in plenty of time to spend Christmas with your family.”

He eyed her thoughtfully. “Unless you don’t care for the idea of playing nanny-companion to Viola.”

“You know I’ve taken a liking to her. She’s like one of my nieces.” Closer in some ways. There was something about the way Viola held part of herself back, the way she didn’t quite fit in with the other kids, that Jo identified with on a gut level.

It was so tempting, but was it the right thing to do? Would having just this little taste make her even more discontent with her lot when she returned to Knotty Pine? Or would it make her work even harder to make it a permanent way of life?

Besides, if Ry escorted her back here for Christmas, it would give her a last chance to throw him and Cora Beth together.

Ry gave her a crooked smile. “Funny, I thought you’d jump at the offer.” Something flickered in his eyes. “If it’s me you’re uncomfortable traveling with, I assure you—”

“No, of course not.” The heat rose in her cheeks. “I mean, Viola will be with us, so of course there’s nothing improper about it. It’s just…”

She rubbed the back of her neck, trying to sort out her thoughts. Surely she could keep her feelings for him in check. After all, with new places to see she’d have other things to occupy her mind. “It’s not just the livery,” she said slowly. “I have responsibilities to my family. I need to talk this over with Cora Beth, make sure she’s okay with taking charge while I’m gone.”

“Perhaps this will let her test the waters a bit. After all, if you do eventually set out on your own, it would be good for both of you to know how everyone will fare.”

Josie mulled that over. “I guess that makes sense.”

“Then you’re willing to take the job?”

Was she? A finger of excitement traced its way up Josie’s spine. She grinned. “Yes, I suppose I am.”

As familiar landmarks came into view, Ry felt the stirring of eagerness and dread he always felt when returning to Hawk’s Creek. It was home. But a home where he felt more guest than resident.

“The house is around this bend and over the next hill,” he said to his companions.

Viola and Josie straightened. They’d arrived at the Tyler depot almost an hour ago. He’d enjoyed pointing out some of the town’s features to Josie, both the commendable and the notorious, as they’d passed through. She’d latched on to every novelty,
every new sight or sound as if she could capture and pin them to a board to re-examine later, like Uncle Grover with his bugs.

Of course, once they’d left Tyler, the scenery hadn’t offered anything different from the countryside around Knotty Pine.

For the past ten minutes, they’d been cutting through Hawk’s Creek property, land that had been painstakingly cleared by his grandfather and further expanded by his father.

As they topped the rise, the main buildings came into view. The arched ironwork sign at the head of the drive informed the traveler that this was indeed Hawk’s Creek Ranch. Beyond that, the sprawling two-story house shone a gleaming white, and proudly welcomed visitors with a well-maintained front drive and an expansive porch. The bunkhouse, barn and stable were just beyond.

Josie’s reaction was just as he’d expected. Her eyes widened and she leaned forward to get a better look. Viola, however, clutched Daffy and wore a worried expression.

Was something bothering her?

“Do you think they’ll mind if Daffy comes inside?”

Puzzle solved. “Not a bit,” he reassured her. “When I was a kid we had dogs running in and out of the place all the time. What’s one little cat compared to that?”

His answer seemed to appease her.

They’d barely turned into the drive when Sadie rushed out the front door, waving excitedly.

“I thought you’d never get here,” she exclaimed as soon as the buggy stopped. “I was just thinking I’d saddle Dusty and ride out to meet you.”

Ry shook his head as he stepped down from the buggy. “Impatient as always.” He grabbed Viola around the waist and swung her down before offering a hand to Josie.

“Manny will get your bags,” Sadie said. “You just come on inside and make yourselves at home.”

Was that a slip of the tongue? Did his sister truly think of him as a guest or was that more for Josie and Viola’s benefit?

“We have refreshments ready.” Sadie chattered on, taking Viola’s hand. “I hope you like strawberry tarts, because Inez cooked up a fresh batch this morning.”

Viola nodded. “Strawberries are my favorite.”

“Mine, too!” Sadie said that as if it were the most wonderful of coincidences. “That’s another thing we have in common.”

Ry and Josie followed, apparently left to their own devices.

“Your sister is quite…enthusiastic,” Josie commented.

He grinned. “A regular Texas whirlwind.”

Inside, Sadie paused at the foot of the staircase. “I imagine you’ll want to freshen up.” She nodded Ry’s way. “Your room is ready, as always. And since your letter stated that Josie and Viola would share a room, I had the large guest suite prepared.”

She gave them a broad smile. “Ry, if you’ll show them the way, I’ll help Inez with the refreshments.”

He swept an arm toward the staircase. “Ladies, after you.”

He watched Josie eye the elaborately carved banister and the elegant stained glass window at the top of the landing. Then there was the chandelier hanging high above them. Not your usual furnishings for a ranch house. They were all touches his genteelly raised mother had added after she’d moved here.

“So, this is where you grew up,” Josie said thoughtfully.

“In all its glory.” They reached the second floor and he motioned to the right. “Your room is this way.”

It was his turn to play host, to have her sleep under his roof, and it felt good. “This will be your room.” He stood aside to let them enter the guest chamber, noting with approval that a small bed had been brought in from somewhere. It was placed near the roomy bed that anchored the center of the room.

He wanted Josie and Viola to feel comfortable and at home
here. Because, if things went well on this trip, Josie would help him decide whether to call Hawk’s Creek or Philadelphia home.

“Here comes Manny with your bags now.” He took a step back. “My room is three doors down on the opposite side of the hall. Let me know if you need anything.”

Josie wanted to hug herself and twirl around the room. The train ride, her very first, had been exciting. She’d stared out the window, drinking up the quickly passing countryside the way a thirsty horse lapped water. With each passing mile her dream drew closer to reality. At long last she was putting into motion all the plans she and Aunt Pearl had concocted, was fulfilling the promises she’d made to her aunt before she passed.

The town of Tyler had been an eye-opener, as unlike Knotty Pine as a woodshed was from a barn. It was a large, bustling city with lots of buildings and people milling about.

Ry had instructed the driver to take the long route through town and she knew it had been for her benefit. He’d been the perfect tour guide, pointing out people and landmarks, telling her and Viola interesting tidbits, bringing the place vividly alive.

And now this place. She’d visited ranches before but nothing to match Hawk’s Creek. It operated on a scale far grander than anything she’d ever seen.

Even the house was deceptively simple-looking. Everywhere she looked were quiet signs of elegance. This huge room, with its fancy furnishings, its roomy padded window seat and large framed mirror, spoke of a level of comfort she wasn’t used to.

Josie tried to picture Ry growing up here, to see the little boy he’d been—racing down the stairs, climbing that tree outside her window, roaming free across the wide expanse of this place.

The sound of Viola talking to Daffy brought Jo’s attention back to the present. She checked her appearance in the vanity
mirror one last time. No overalls for her on this trip. Cora Beth had outdone herself, producing several new dresses in the two days she had to plan her trip. Jo was more grateful to her sister than she would ever know. Now Ry wouldn’t have to feel embarrassed by her appearance in front of his family and friends.

She held out her hand to Viola. “Ready for some of those strawberry tarts?”

As soon as they stepped into the hall, Ry’s door opened. Was it coincidence or had he been listening for them?

He met them at the head of the stairs. “I hope the accommodations were acceptable, ladies.”

Josie walked by him with a head-high nod. “They’ll do.”

She heard his chuckle as they descended the stairs and the deep bass thrummed inside her with a tingling sensation that was becoming all too familiar.