The Christmas Party (21 page)

‘Me too. When I’m at home every night, night after night, I sometimes long to be out and partying. Then, when I get a chance to go out, all I want is to be at home with Mia.’

‘She obviously means the world to you.’

I nod. ‘Like any mum.’

‘I know you split from her dad, but is he still in your lives?’

‘No. Long gone. He left me not long after Mia was born, so he’s never been around for her.’

‘That must have been hard.’

‘It was terrible at the time. But, if I’m honest, I’m glad it happened that way. Steve was an immature prick. I don’t know what I saw in him now. Even when it was just the two of us, I never knew where he was. He was Jack the lad, there always seemed to be some dodgy deal going on.’

He was domineering too. Always wanted to know where I was, what I was doing. He hated me seeing my friends and, when we went out, liked to choose what I wore. I think that’s another reason why I object to having to pick my clothing so as not to attract Tyler Benson’s attention. I’ve been there before, and this feels every bit as controlling.

‘The cracks were showing before I found out I was expecting. That was the final straw, really.’ I purse my lips. Perhaps the champagne has loosened my tongue, or perhaps Josh Wallace is easy to talk to, I don’t know, but I never normally open up like this. Before I think better of it I continue, ‘Mia wasn’t exactly planned and he just never wanted the responsibility. At least when she was born it was just me and her. I’ve never had to fight him for custody or anything like that. She doesn’t remember him at all. Which, I guess, makes life easier.’

‘He doesn’t help to support her though?’

‘No.’ I shake my head. ‘I’ve never had a penny from him. The day he walked out he stopped paying his share of the mortgage on our house. I’m up to my eyeballs in debt thanks to him. Still, he’s very much out of my life. He lives in Spain now. Or, last I heard, he did. I haven’t had so much as a text from him since he left.’

‘What a tosser.’

I shrug. ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Everything I’ve done, I’ve done by myself.’

‘I can’t imagine how that must feel as a father, never to see your own daughter.’

‘It’s his choice. And it might sound bad, but I don’t want to share her with him. He might be her biological father, but there’s nothing of him in Mia. She’s all mine. Mia’s a really great kid. She’s as bright as a button.’ I reach down to my bag for my phone. ‘I’ve got a photo of her, if you’d like to see it.’ Then I realise what I’m doing. ‘How silly. Why would you?’

‘No, I’d love to see her. I really like kids. Love them. I hoped that I’d have a couple by now, but it never worked out with me and Corrine.’ He smiles sadly. ‘She wasn’t that keen, and besides, I’ve heard it’s quite difficult to make babies if you’re never actually in the same room together, let alone the same bed.’

‘I’ve heard that too.’

‘Travelodges prove to be an excellent contraceptive.’

‘That’s a shame.’

‘One day,’ he says wistfully.

So, even if he is humouring me, I pull out my phone and flick to the stash of photos of Mia. I scoot up next to him so that he can see them better in the low light. My daughter is posing this, that and the other way. In all of them she looks unbearably cute.

‘Wow,’ Josh says, cooing over them as I hoped he would. ‘She’s lovely. A stunner. Like her mum.’

‘Well …’ I’m embarrassed now and I put my phone away. ‘I’m sure that’s enough of that.’

He takes a strand of my hair and twines it gently around his finger. We’re close, so close. Then, before I really know how it happens, our lips meet. A delicious warmth floods through me. It’s so long since I’ve been kissed by a man, especially a man like Josh Wallace, and my head spins.

Then we’re lying full-length on the sofa and I want him. I want him so badly.

Chapter Twenty-four

Kirsten stood up and wrapped the throw tightly around herself. It was time she left the warmth of this little sanctuary and went back out into the cold to find Tyler. And God help him when she did. Before she lost all reason, she should leave Simon.

‘I can’t do this, Si,’ she said sadly. ‘I might have loved you once, but our time has passed.’

‘I don’t believe you. We both know now that we’ve been cheated out of our love by Tyler. How can we simply ignore that? We’ve wasted too much precious time. I want to give you the future you deserve.’ He stood too and took her in his arms. ‘Don’t walk away from me.’

The way he made her feel frightened her. The attraction she’d felt for him as a younger woman was every bit as strong now. He’d been the love of her life and part of her knew that he still was. Whatever she said, there was no denying that.

Things had gone wrong with Tyler over the years, but she had loved him. Once. However, she’d never felt that same intensity of passion that she had with Simon. He was right, they’d been soulmates. Maybe, given the chance, they could be once again. But she dared not risk it.

Her mind was racing, still flicking through snapshots of all the good times they’d had together. The times they curled up together on the sofa on rainy Sunday afternoons to read in contented silence. Simon would read one of the classics, she a trashy paperback. Whatever they did they’d been so at ease in each other’s company. He had been the perfect lover too. That was all too easy to call to mind. He’d been tender, strong, caring. It made her shiver inside just to think of it. If she was brutally honest with herself, Tyler had never moved her the way Simon had. But it was so long ago, and they were different people now. And she, for one, had commitments.

‘I’m Tyler’s wife.’ She’d been
his
bride, not the bride she was destined to be. Her voice was unsteady as she spoke. ‘Tyler behaved despicably and told a terrible lie to break us up, but we did let each other go, Simon, and we both have to live with that decision. It’s too late to do anything about it.’ She could hardly bear to see the disappointment, the pain in Simon’s loving eyes. ‘You have to accept that.’

It would make her just as bad as Tyler if she even considered reviving her relationship with Simon. Where would that lead? It would cause pain to everyone concerned and she could never be responsible for that. She’d always believed absolutely in fidelity. She supposed one of them in their marriage should.

‘I feel as if I let you down, Kirsten. Badly. In the worst possible way. I should never have trusted Tyler. I took his word as true and yet he deceived us both.’ His fingers tightened on her arms. ‘Don’t let that stupid mistake blight the future. It’s not too late. We could be happy again, together.’

‘I’m married, Simon. I love someone else.’

‘You don’t,’ he said starkly. ‘I’ve seen the way you look at him, the way he looks at you. Whatever you might have had together is long gone. Even I can see that.’

‘That doesn’t mean I can just leave Tyler and trail along after you after all this time. You’re asking too much of me.’

‘We can take it slowly,’ Simon said. ‘Get to know each other again. Now I’ve seen you, I know you still have feelings for me. Whatever the obstacles, love like ours doesn’t just die.’

‘I’m sorry, Simon. This can’t go any further. We can’t even be friends. It’s too difficult.’ She didn’t think she could be near him and not want to be with him. ‘If you’re going to work for Fossil – and I hope you reconsider that move – then we’re going to bump into each other at these things. We’ll smile and be polite, but that’s as far as it will go.’

‘That’s a shame, Kirsten,’ he said, ‘because from where I’m standing it looks as if you could really do with a friend.’

That nearly had her undone. Simon could always read her like a book. It was so hard to turn away from this. All she wanted to do was reach up and stroke his cheek, to feel his mouth on hers once more, to be protected in his strong embrace. He’d always been so different from Tyler, but how could she be sure of him now? Perhaps ten years at the top of the corporate ladder had changed him too.

She stepped away from him. ‘I must go back to Tyler.’

‘You know where I am, Kirsten.’ He reached into his jacket pocket, pulled out a card and gave it to her.

She gave a hollow laugh. ‘A business card?’

‘It’s the best I can do.’ He pressed it into her palm. ‘We had something that comes around only once in a lifetime. I just didn’t know that then, and I’d give anything to turn back the clock.’

Kirsten sighed shakily.

‘If you ever need me, just call. Night or day. I’ll be waiting. I love you. And I’m a patient man.’

She turned her face to him and kissed his lips. It was meant to be fleeting, a token of their friendship, but he caught her by the waist and held her close. The sensation was almost overwhelming. The feel of his mouth on hers was new and exciting, yet familiar and comforting, all at the same time. Oh, how she’d adored this man. She could feel herself drowning in the sensation, letting herself be drawn into his love. It took a great effort to pull away from him.

When she did, Simon was smiling sadly.

‘That can never happen again.’ She wrapped the throw tighter around her shoulders and prepared to make her escape. If she didn’t do it now, she’d be lost. ‘You’ll find a lovely woman. Someone younger and more beautiful than I am. You’ll have your 2.4 children and you’ll be ecstatically happy.’

‘You think so?’ He gave her a doubtful smile. ‘And what about you, Kirsten? What kind of future do you predict for yourself?’

‘One where I’m still Tyler’s wife,’ she said flatly.

She slowly backed away, step by step. At the door of the potting shed she took one last look at him, to imprint this moment in her brain. ‘Goodbye, Simon. Be happy.’

Then she fled back towards the party.

The snow was falling heavily now and the grounds of Wadestone Manor looked spectacular, but that didn’t make up for the sadness in her heart. The pain was actually physical, like stomach cramps, and she wondered how long it would take to leave.

She still loved Simon Conway. God help her. It was even more difficult now that she knew the truth behind their breakup. Tyler had manipulated them both for his own ends. Simon hadn’t left her, he hadn’t stopped loving her. The thought made her feel nauseous.

Why couldn’t Simon have found someone else to love? Stayed away? Remained on the other side of the world? It had been easier then. Now she ran the risk of bumping into him whenever she went to a Fossil Oil function. She ran the risk of having her heart torn apart all over again whenever she saw him. Also Tyler had yet to discover that Simon was to be his boss. She wouldn’t want to be anywhere in the vicinity when he did. Then the shit would hit the fan. Well, perhaps he deserved it after what he’d done.

Kirsten picked her way along the now-snowy path, high heels the most inappropriate footwear. The snowflakes landed on her face, her hair, the dampness ruining her style. It was the least of her worries. How would she stop thinking about Simon? In moments of weakness, would she think of dialling his number? It was better to rip his card to shreds so that it was out of harm’s way. One day, the temptation to call him, to hear his voice, would prove too great and she couldn’t do that. She didn’t dare. Kirsten still clutched it tightly in her hand. No good could possibly come of it.

So she took one last, longing look at the little white card in her palm. Simon Conway. She ran a finger lovingly over his name. Then she tore the card into tiny pieces and threw it into the air, where it mixed with the whirling snow and drifted slowly down to the ground.

Chapter Twenty-five

Tyler knew he had to get back to the party, and fast. Kirsten would be missing him and, knowing her, she’d start to wonder where Melissa had disappeared to as well. The only person he needed to stay away from was Lance, otherwise he might be tempted to lump him one. Even though he was older and, supposedly, wiser. He hoped Melissa would take him home straight away and that would be the last he’d see of either of them.

His fling with Melissa had been fun, and until now she’d been cool. It was probably just as well that they were leaving the country. He could see that it could have ended very badly.

Tyler meant what he’d said to her. He was going to try harder to make his marriage work. Kirsten wasn’t an idiot; she knew when he was trying to pull the wool over her eyes, and he wondered how much longer she’d put up with it. Having gone all-out to snatch her from under the nose of Simon Conway, he hadn’t been the best husband. But Kirsten was the ultimate trophy wife, and he should look after her better. It wouldn’t be good for his CV if she walked out on him. From January, he was going to be like a new man. Swear to God.

As he approached the marquee, the cacophony of noise was mind-blowing. The band had upped the ante and modern hits belted out. Tyler could have done with earplugs. He liked to think he was still young and hip, but watching this lot he realised that he was getting too old for all of this. If he was promoted to chairman in Lance’s place – and who else would there be to fit the bill? – then there’d be no Christmas party next year. He’d send an email round to the staff wishing them Merry Christmas etc., and take the managers across the road from the office for a pint, and that would be the job done. This was a ridiculous extravagance. There was a day when the oil business had been all about the entertainment, but that day was long past. This was the real world now and they had to cut their cloth accordingly. There’d still be the corporate sponsorship, obviously. And he’d never want to miss his annual trips to the Grand Prix. Monaco was his favourite venue. He’d make sure he and Kirsten were booked into one of the best hotels this year. Maybe the Hotel de Paris, or the Hermitage. She’d like that.

Tyler looked around, but he couldn’t see his wife anywhere. He hoped she hadn’t got into one of her sulks and gone home. She was a beautiful woman, if high-maintenance. But then, weren’t they all?

From the corner of his eye, he saw Melissa rejoin Lance, so he swerved away from that side of the marquee. The band stopped playing and a magician took to the stage: The Magnificent Marvo, the large, fancy lettering down the side of his box of tricks proclaimed. Without further ado, the magician called up Karen from Customer Accounts on stage to assist him. The crowd were whooping and hollering.