The Christmas Throwaway (12 page)

all the time. He had turned twenty five in May, and he had explained how six years was too much of a gap. Not only that, but a police officer didn't take advantage of someone who was a guest in his momma's home. Zach never argued the point, just stole hugs when he could, spent hours talking to Ben, and tonight Ben had given him a simple kiss. It was a start.

It didn't go any further, but he was content to lean back against Ben and watch the fireworks, and if his hand 131

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slipped down to cover Ben's? Well, no one could actually see in the dark.

* * * *

Thanksgiving marked two milestones. The news

came through that their father had been put away for a minimum of twenty-five years, having pled guilty to all charges — manslaughter, as far as his wife went, abuse of minors, and willful child neglect.

Then Rebecca had her first real boyfriend, a young guy from her school, all holey jeans and leather jacket, and Zach did his big brother thing. He was stern and tried to go for intimidating the boy, which worked fairly well as he had bulked up since his life had settled into routine. He very nearly had the physique to match his height. He spent long hours thinking about his dad and what had happened to his mom, wishing he could find just one ounce of affection for either of them. His mom's only redeeming quality was that she had put herself in the way to protect Rebecca. He had gotten to the point where he realized he felt nothing for either parent. That lack of feeling scared him enough to go into counseling. He didn't want to be numb, to miss out on life and love because of what he'd 132

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endured.

Counseling helped. He had sessions on his own,

then some with Rebecca, and even one with Ben holding his hand. He had passed his GED and was determined to make this year
the
year that he was able to apply to colleges.

If anything, his life was perfect, too perfect, and the insecure seventeen-year-old still inside him, the one that would always be inside him, had worries over what his place was in the world.

His second Christmas in Hill Valley was when

everything started to fall into place. Christmas, Zach decided, was a time of memories —other years that people remembered, gifts that were laughed over— and this year he had something to remember. He laughed with Mark over the fugly sweaters, he smiled when he didn't hesitate to fill his plate with food, and he even managed to get close to Daniel's highest score on the PSP.

Rebecca's boyfriend was coming over later, and he had plans for that one, making sure his little sister was safe, but for the moment, he just sat. Ben had actually managed to get Christmas Day free, on the understanding that he was covering almost the entire week from the day after Christmas right through to New Year's, apart from the 133

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twenty-seventh. Zach's birthday.

* * * *

Ben counted down the days between Christmas and

Zach's birthday. They were filled with quite a bit of secret, and then not so secret, kissing, and a whole lot of touching.

At midnight, as Zach turned nineteen, he made his intentions clear, holding Ben in a close embrace on the sofa, not one inch of space between them.

Talking turned to kissing, nothing heavy, just gentle searching kisses; Ben's hands buried in Zach's hair, pulling him until he was half lying on top of him, both hard and heavy against each other. The kissing continued and grew more heated, Ben rocking up against the younger man, and Zach mewled low in his throat at the motion. It took everything he had in him not to touch, restricting himself to kissing, just kissing. Hot, mind-blowing, tongue fucking, sweet tasting kissing, and Ben was so close to coming in his pants just from that and the pressure on his dick.

He knew he really needed to slow down if he was

going to hold onto the moral high ground, be the better man, be the adult. Gently, he eased back, Zach chasing the kiss and almost whimpering at the loss of Ben's mouth and 134

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tongue.

"We need to slow down, Zach." He held Zach's head steady with his hands still twisted in long blond hair.

He saw so much need and want in the blue eyes that his heart twisted with the effort not to just drag his face back down and carry on with the kissing.

"I don't want to slow down," Zach murmured, attempting to connect for another kiss. Ben avoided the searching lips, focusing on tousled, touchable hair, wide eyes, and an expressive mouth. Gently, he pushed at Zach to get up until they both stood in front of the sofa, Ben trying to control his desire for the oh-so-fucking-young man in front of him as he studied him. He considered Zach's height, how he loomed over people, how it was that he now stood taller, and his face seemed less death-row thin and more model lean. How he used his arms and hands to gesture all the time. It was mesmerizing, and as the digital clock showed 12:00, Ben had no strength left in him to resist just having one more taste.

"Happy birthday, Zach," Ben murmured between gentle kisses. He slid his tongue over soft lips, encouraging the kiss to go deeper, searching for the unique taste of the man who pressed close to him. Their tongues tangled in a test for dominance, and Ben filed that away for a later date.

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Zach may well be a virgin to all this, but his instincts hinted that he was potentially just as forceful as he was tall. If only he had the confidence and experience to back it up.

Ben felt Zach's hands over him, around him, moving him to align them, slipping to rest on the zip of his fly, hesitating, waiting for the yes, waiting for the one movement that said this was okay, that this is what Ben wanted.

Ben made a noise low in his throat, a
yes
, a
more
, a
now,
and Zach started to pull at material, his hands desperate to touch.

"I've never…" Zach's voice was tentatively questioning, and Ben knew he had to be the one to set the rhythm.

He pulled back from the kisses, rolling his hips into Zach, moaning as Zach's hand pushed into his boxers and circled him, hesitant at first and then harder as Ben pushed up into the heated circle.

"Move your hand," Ben forced out. "Whatever you like, I'll like." It was the best advice that he could give, and the same that Andy Mackenzie had given him in his senior year at school. Zach listened, beginning a measure of movement that was a pull and a twist at the tip, his fingers sliding through the pre-cum that collected at the tip of Ben's dick, as much as he could in the confines of the 136

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fabric. Ben keened low in his throat and began kissing again, tasting the innocence and the need in Zach.

The kisses were more enthusiasm than technique, a clumsy exchange of lips and tongue and the sliding of rough hands on his dick.

He moved his own hands to find Zach, pulling at

the button fly. Fuck, this boy was certainly in proportion, and Ben touched as gently as he could, trying not to go as fast as he wanted to. It didn't work. They moved at a frantic pace, their only goal to get off as quickly as they could, pushing into hands, kissing and learning and finding each touch that produced sighs, moans, and muttered profanities.

For Ben, it was finding the pulse at Zach's throat, feeling the flutter of it against his tongue, loving the noises Zach made in appreciation.

Ben whispered promises in Zach's ear, pledges of

caring, of being there for Zach, of not letting him fall, and it was to these promises that Zach's orgasm tore through him. Ben's was not far behind, listening to Zach breathing heavily as he kissed the promises into Zach's heart. Ben pulled back, looking directly into Zach's eyes, only a thin sliver of brilliant sapphire around the black. He had no words left, nothing he could say.

He had lost it so quickly, like a virgin on prom

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night, between one heartbeat and the next, his hands tangling in Zach's hair and his words of apology swallowed in kisses.

Ben tried to still his rapid breathing, even as he was still kissing the man in front of him. The taste of him was not enough. He wanted more, but slowly there was a growing calm as real life intruded and the silence of the front room broke through Ben's thoughts.

"You okay?" he asked quickly, wiping a thumb over kiss-wet lips that curved into a smile under his touch. There was an anxiety inside him. What if Zach was freaked out by all of this? What if he was taking advantage? Maybe this should never happen. "Zach?"

"Fuck," Zach said simply, "being nineteen is all kinds of awesome."

They spent a long time on the sofa, just touching and kissing, one a.m. becoming two a.m. and onto three, until finally Zach caught Ben yawning, called him old man, and laughing, pushed him up the stairs. They split at the top to go to their own rooms with a final kiss and a whispered happy birthday, and Zach was finally in his small room, a grin so wide it hurt spread across his face.

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Tonight, today, now, this was possibly the best

birthday he had ever had, and it all boiled down to one thing. Family. Not just Rebecca, not just his family, Ben's family, and this little slice of heaven that was Hill Valley. It might not be real. He could wake up tomorrow on a street corner in the city and the whole year could have all been a dream, but for now he wouldn't even let thoughts of the future drift into his sleep.

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"I don't want his money," Zach snapped, pacing the small family room off the kitchen, the air still scented with Donna's earlier cookie baking session. Mark, who was reviewing the guardianship papers and had pointed out that Zach's mother had left a small inheritance, sighed patiently.

"It isn't his money; it is your mom's money, and she had put it into trust for you and for Rebecca."

"Blood money," Zach muttered darkly, pushing himself up and away from the table. He was determined to just get on with signing the papers making him Rebecca's legal guardian. Mark watched him carefully, and the regard made him feel nervous, edgy.

"Being guardian to your kid sister is going to mean you have to make some hard decisions, Zach. Take this money," he lifted the statement and waved it dramatically,

"for Rebecca's education."

"We'll give it to charity," Zach said instantly, folding his arms across his chest.

"That's the way a boy might think, Zach. You need to put everything to one side and act like a man in this."

Zach knew he looked stunned, felt the shock inside him at the cruel words. He
was
a man. He was nineteen, 140

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twenty in a little over two months, and it had been nearly two years since he had been thrown out of his house. He had been a throwaway, and he had survived, had found somewhere safe for himself and for his sister. They hadn't needed money from anyone. He didn't earn much from the store, but it was enough when neither he or his sister had to pay to stay where they were.

"What the fuck?" he finally managed to push out, balling his hands into fists and taking a step closer to Mark.

The other man stood, and while there was little difference in height, in build the difference was massive. Mark was strong, fit, and Zach felt small against him. Anger was only going to get him so far, and he visibly deflated even as his volunteer lawyer touched him gently on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Zach, that was out of order," Mark offered, and Zach saw him wince as he said it. He shook his head sadly.

"No, Mark, you're…" He didn't finish the sentence, merely picked up the pen and scrawled his signature on each set of papers, the guardianship documents and the trust fund transfer form. He glanced at Mark, who merely nodded in mute approval, and then with no words spoken, he left the room, pausing briefly in the hall, wondering what he should do now.

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Rebecca was cooking with Donna. He could hear

the sounds of laughter and pans rattling, both of them singing along to the various songs on the radio, and he smiled. It was nice to hear Rebecca laugh.

The clock in the hall showed it was nearing three, and the tension in him was building to the point where all he wanted to do was run. He knew Ben had been on late shift this week and that last night had been his final shift before a two-day break. The guy was probably asleep, but Zach needed him, needed something, needed to shout and rail and have someone settle him down.

He grabbed his jacket, the crinkle of the plastic bag inside reassuring, and pushed his feet into worn sneakers.

In seconds, he was out of the front door, his legs taking him as fast as they could to the small house that Ben owned. He vaulted the gate, landing as gracefully as he could on the path, and jogged the short steps to the door, knocking it firmly.

It wasn't long before Ben answered, so he obviously hadn't been in bed at that moment, but clearly he had only just rolled out of it. His hair was mussed, his sweats hung loose on his hips, and his chest was bare. Silently, he moved to one side to let Zach in, and Zach didn't hesitate, brushing past the sleepy man with a muttered, "Hey."

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"You okay?" It was an innocent question, and what Zach wanted to say was that everything was fine, but that he was more than a bit pissed that his lawyer, Ben's best friend, had cornered him into accepting his mom's money.

He wanted Ben to tell him that he was a man, that he had made the right decisions until now. But he couldn't find the words, and realized he had ended up in the hallway of Ben's house with obviously nothing to say.